Later today, weâ€™ll be joined in- studio by light heavyweight UFC fighter, Tito Ortiz.Â Thatâ€™s right, the â€śHuntington Beach Bad Boyâ€ť will be here to talk about his upcoming fight Saturday night with Lilâ€™ Nog, Antonio Nogueira.Â More importantly, he just might punch Thee Ted Smith in his undefeated right shoulder.Â Now, we know Tito is a bad ass, but truth be told, not ONE of us is scared of the guy.Â Hereâ€™s why; weâ€™re just interviewing the guy, not FIGHTING him.Â If we were fighting him, or owed him money, or accidentally grabbed his girlâ€™s ass, weâ€™d be peeing our pants.Â No doubt about it.Â Yea, yea, yea, we know, itâ€™s not the manliest thing in the world to say youâ€™re scared of someone, but some people are just plain scary.Â It could be the bully from high school, the homeless guy who youâ€™re pretty sure is a ticking time- bomb or maybe, just maybe, itâ€™s your neighbor whoâ€™s a little too quiet and digs just a few too many holes in the backyard at nightâ€¦ and fills them with lumpy trash bags.Â IN YOUR LIFETIME, WHO IS THE ONE PERSON YOU WOULD NEVER WANT TO MESS WITH?
His motherâ€¦ former roller derby broad.Â She once put him through a wall
His Vietnam vet Marine father
Richard Simmonsâ€¦ he hugs too much and is way too sweaty foe anyone to be comfortable
His â€śsmall Hawaiianâ€ť dadâ€¦ 5 foot, 6 inches and 175 pounds of 7th degree Kempo black belt action.Â I donâ€™t even know what Kempo is, but I bet it hurts like a mother
Oprah Winfreyâ€¦ too much power.Â She could snap her sweaty sausage fingers and make you disappear
His younger brotherâ€¦ been in 50 fights and is 50 â€“ 0
Zach Galafanakisâ€¦ convinced that the guy is psychotic
His ARMY vet uncle
Vin Dieselâ€¦ if he gets you down, thereâ€™s no telling what he might do.Â Are you suggesting sodomy?
His father, who is both a boxer and ARMY vet
His friendâ€¦ who happens to be a crack head
His old roommateâ€¦ a 3rd degree black belt
His sisterâ€¦ described her as a â€śmean bitchâ€ť.Â Says it all
Suge Knightâ€¦ not necessarily a bad ass, but heâ€™ll have you killed â€śallegedlyâ€ť
I wonâ€™t lie to you, I thought the guy would be a meat head or an idiotâ€¦ he was neither.Â The guy is actually really bright and friendly.Â Then again, like I said at the top, weâ€™re not here to fight the guy.Â Instead of telling you about it, enjoy this video.
Alright bitches, thatâ€™s a wrap.
Until tomorrow, punch Ted in the shoulder and STAY BEAUTIFUL!â€ť