The top secret recipe for Coca- Cola is kept locked in a steel vault in Atlanta and is guarded 24 hours a day.Â Â In fact, at any given time, only two Coke employees are even aware of the recipe.Â Â Thatâs all about to change now that the fine folks atÂ www.thisamericanlife.org just published the ingredients to their âsuper- secretâ ingredient, codenamed âMerchandise Xâ.Â Â We read this supposed âsecretâ recipe and to perfectly honest, itâs pretty anticlimactic.Â Â On the other hand, people have been trying to figure out whatâs in KFCâs 11 original herbs and spices for years, and we may have just uncovered that âsecretâ too.Â Colonel sanders isnât the only fried chicken guru with a secret recipe; the incomparableÂ FlavaÂ FlavÂ (whose name Spell- check doesnât recognize, booooyy!) has opened his OWN fried chicken restaurant in that hot- bed of soul food, Clinton, Iowa.Â Â Like the colonel,Â FlavÂ has his own secret recipe that he believes âeveryone will loveâ.Â Â Food isnât the only world of secrets, of course.Â Â Iraqi defectorÂ RafisÂ AhmedÂ Alwanal- Janabi, better known by his codename, âCurveballâ, just admitted that he made up stories of Iraqâs possession of biological weapons and enriched uranium.Â Â See, he didnât likeÂ SadamÂ Hussein and Bush was itching for an excuse to invade, so he told the powers- that- be what they wanted to hear and the rest is history.Â Â In spite of 4,439 American soldiers killed, over 32,000 wounded and $748,000,000,000 (thatâs 748 BILLION, bitches) spent SO FAR, âCurveballâ says he has no regrets.Â Â Just makes you warm and fuzzy inside, doesnât it?Â Â This all leads to todayâs question:Â Â WHAT SECRET DO YOU WISH YOU HADNâT FOUND OUT?
Wishes heâd never seen our pictures onlineâŚ canât blame him
Discovered the process of making gelatin and their life changed forever
Wishes that he never found out that his ex- girlfriend once had sex in a Wal- Mart bathroom
DiscoveredÂ Â that the girl he had sex with is dating a 12th degree black beltâŚ got an ass whipping
Digging through his motherâs closet to find weed (???) and came across her TRUNK full of sex toys and naked Polaroid's
His âlate- bloomerâ friend gives way too many details about his sexual conquests
The âplot twistâ in âThe Villageâ ruined the movie for himâŚ and everyone else who saw the movie
Finding out that his âidolsâ in baseball were hopped up on steroidsâŚ he was happily ignorant of their juicer ways
Found out that his father had ANOTHER kid outside of his marriage
Wished he hadnât found out that his brother is a pedophile
Found out that certain âall whiteâ chicken nuggets are actually lips, beaks and feetâŚ but they taste delicious
His brother slept with his first âtrue loveâ
Made the awesome discovery that her mother slept with her ex boyfriendâŚ if it makes you feel any better, your mother was FANTASTIC!Â Â I kidâŚ she was awful
Her husband had sex with her younger sisterâŚ chivalry is dead?Â Â I think not
Found out his step- dad was bi- sexualâŚ it would be no big deal, but he sets up liaisons in Thailand, Guadalajara, etc.
Discovered that his parents were swingersâŚ after he caught his mother giving it to one his fatherâs âcoolâ friends
Doesnât want to know that his sister- in- law is cheating
Found out his father was dealing cocaineâŚ his father happened to be dealing to his girlfriendâŚ his girlfriend paid for the coke with sexâŚ AWKWARD
My favorite story of the day was the guy who discovered that his mother had a porn career in the 60âs.Â Itâs not that she told him about it, he discovered a video tape of her when he was 11.Â Â His best friendâs father owned it.Â Â It should be pointed out that his best friendâs father is very close to his motherâŚ and likes to see her nakedâŚ while his penis is in his hand.Â Â Just sayinâ.
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene came in today for another rousing edition of Sit and Spin.Â Â Instead of going through a list or counting down the top 10 this, that or the other, Jolene brought in a collection of crap that has been sitting on her desk.Â Â As theÂ KISWÂ music director, Jolene has the âhonorâ of receiving all the new music that comes our way.Â Â Itâs not always awesome and today was an example.
OK bitches, itâs trivia night, so IâveÂ gottaÂ run and convince people that Iâm not a complete idiot.
Until tomorrow, donât stand under a tree in a lightning storm and STAY BEAUTIFUL!â