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SHOW # 1369 October 18 2011

“Hola,

Our friends at ‘Cracked’ have done the research and come up with “11 Useful Products Too Embarrassing to Use”.    Fellas… ever screw up your goatee while shaving?  If so, the “Goatee Saver” might be the thing you need, but like Cracked suggests, your pride will probably prevent it from ever happening.  Ladies, ever have to go to the bathroom but the line is longer than you can hold your flow, or you can’t find a bathroom in the first place?  The Women’s P-EZ Travel Urinal lets you pee in your pants without any of that pesky wetness.  Wait, what?  No buyers?  Due to who you are there’s at least one product you HAVE to buy that’s embarrassing because what you buy speaks volumes about what’s going on in your life.  Something as small as Odor- Eaters tell the world that your feet stink.  Bean- O and Gas- X scream “I fart to the point that it hurts!”, while buying Depends shares the secret that you sh*t yourself with alarming regularity.  Vagisil quietly announces that your ‘mossy cottage’ smells like Red Lobster and Rid Shampoo reveals that you have crabs AT THE MOMENT!  No one buys Rid to be preventive, you buy Rid because your b*lls are CURRENTLY itching.  It might be humiliating, but it’s necessary.  Today we wanted to know:  WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING YOU HAVE TO PURCHASE AT THE CHECK- OUT LINE AND WHAT PRODUCT DO YOU HAVE AT HOME THAT YOU HOPE NO ONE ELSE EVER SEES?

Away we go:

It wasn’t for him, but when he was 14 he was sent to the store to buy stool softener for his grandfather… WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU:  “My poops are hurting my butthole”.

Uses women’s shaving cream for his face…WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU:  “My face is as sensitive as a vagina”

She gets embarrassed to check romantic novels out of the library… WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU:  “I’m lonely and I masturbate a lot… to Fabio”

Sex lube and Nair… WHAT IT SAYS:  “Come in through the back door, but let me clear the rain forest between my legs first!”

Once bought a box of condoms and summer sausage at the same time.  Wasn’t thinking about it until he got to the check-out line and got ‘the look’.  WHAT IT SAYS:  “I’m into some really weird sh*t!”

Owns pomegranate scented dish soap… WHAT IT SAYS:  “Never tried a penis I didn’t like”

Buys Enzyte penis enlargement pills… WHAT IT SAYS:  speaks for itself

Vagisil… here’s the thing, he buys it for HIM!  He’s not circumcised and gets yeast infections (excuse me while I vomit).  WHAT IT SAYS:  “It’s not for me, I’m a guy!  Why would I have a yeast infection?”

Rid… when he bought it, he was trying (to no avail) to convince the cashier that it was for his 2 non- existent kids.  WHAT IT SAYS:  “My satchel is infested with living creatures.  I sleep with dirty, dirty whores.”

There was this time she bought chocolate ice cream and menstrual pads.  Neither is bad on its own, but together it says:  “Don’t bother me for a week, I’m not in the f**king mood!”

He had to run to Wal- Mart to buy his wife an enema (which, on a side note, is so incredibly sexy)… WHAT IT SAYS:  “My ass is like a malfunctioning cement mixer”.

Bought a DNA test, but it was for her, NOT to determine who the father of her children is… WHAT IT SAYS:  “I want to determine who the father of my children is!”

He’s 25- years- old and has to buy Depends… not for him, but for his Great Dane who leaves “murder scenes” around the house when she goes into heat… WHAT IT SAYS:  “It’s for me because I can’t control my sphincter”.

Bought an electric turkey carver and a pregnancy test in one stop… WHAT IT SAYS:  “If I’m pregnant, I’m taking care of this myself”

Happened to purchase Monistat and halibut in one trip… the cashier made a comment… WHAT IT SAYS:  “If the Monistat doesn’t work, maybe people will think it’s the halibut”.

Doctor prescribed Aldara for a medical condition he has… the thing is, he doesn’t have anal warts, but Aldara is for anal warts… WHAT IT SAYS… “I have the most disgusting ass you’ve ever seen.”

Went with his father to Lover’s Package (bad idea) to help him select a SEX TOY for HIS MOTHER (worse idea).  Everyone assumed they were a couple, but he made it worse when he said, ‘no, it’s my dad’

SIT AND SPIN
Jolene came in today to share with us the top 10 prog- rock bands… according to Rolling Stone Magazine.  As a prog- rock fan, I was loving it.  Here’s a link to her list:

OK, that’s a wrap.

Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”s


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10/18/2011 1:28PM
SHOW # 1369 October 18 2011
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