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The new biography on Steve Jobs comes out today and if youāre like me, you canāt wait to NOT get your hands on it.Ā Nevertheless, there are a few interesting revelations, like the story of his biological father.Ā See, Jobs was adopted but he used to go to a restaurant that his biological father managed.Ā Thing is, he didnāt know the manager was the Darth Vader to his Luke, the Thulsa Doom to his Conan, the Mufassa to his Simbaā¦ thatās my James Earl James tribute.Ā When he found out that the manager was his father, did Jobs try to forge a relationship?Ā Nah, he decided that he, as he put it, ādidnāt trust himā.Ā Take Madonna; sheās one of 8 siblings and, obviously, sheās the most successful of them all, having made a fortune doingā¦ I honestly donāt know how she did it, but she did.Ā Itās not like she came from nothing; her family owns a vineyard (Ciccone Vineyards, if you care) and the whole family has something to do with it, including her older brother Anthonyā¦ at least until about a year and a half ago.Ā Anthony came upon some unspecified āhard timesā and got the boot.Ā Since then, heās been living homeless under a bridge while his sister pretends to be British.Ā And then thereās a family in Lewiston, Maine; an 80- year- old member of the family died recently, so the rest of the family went through the process of going through his personal affects.Ā Imagine their surprise when they found the remains of his girlfriend in a storage unit.Ā Did I mention that the āgirlfriendā disappeared in 1983?Ā Did I mention that he didnāt rent the storage unit until 1992?Ā Creepy?Ā Yes.Ā Our question:Ā WHAT SECRET DID YOUR FAMILY KEEP FROM YOU?
At age 13, he found out that his ācousinā is actually his sisterā¦ why wouldnāt someone share that with you?
Didnāt find out who his real father was until he was in his 30āsā¦ itās not like he was adopted, itās that his mother lied about who it was.Ā Why?Ā She was collecting child support for 18 years from a guy who she fooled into believing that he owed her money.Ā Ladies, seriouslyā¦ cut that sh*t out!Ā Bad enough you suckered a guy into giving you money you didnāt deserve, but you lied to your own f**king kid too?Ā Pathetic
On his death bed, his grandfather confessed to being the getaway driver in a SERIES of bank robberiesā¦ illegal but pretty cool
Found out his uncle is gayā¦ doesnāt everyone have a gay uncle?
His father won a Tom Cruise look- alike contest and won a modeling contract while in the Air Force
Didnāt know he was adopted until he was 16- years- old
Just found out he has 3 sisters and his father is still aliveā¦ how does that happen?
His grandfather died and found out he was gayā¦ the mother told everyone.Ā They were married for 50 years
Found out he was the result of an affairā¦ not a one night stand, an affair.Ā As a result, heās never met his father and his mother is a but slutty
His great uncle was a high level Naziā¦ yours too?!?
Found out his father was married when he knocked- up his motherā¦ the problem was, he wasnāt married to his mother
Call of the day:Ā she was born with both sets of genitalia and didnāt get the gender- establishing surgery until she was 5ā¦ she just found out recently.Ā Her boyfriend didnāt know, so we had her tell him while she was still on the phone with us.Ā He took it well, but he didnāt strike us as the brightest bulb on the chandelier of life.Ā He actually seemed a little confused.Ā Poor guy
Alright bitches, the Ravens are on MNF tonight, so Iāve gotsta go!
Until tomorrow, shine your gold and STAY BEAUTIFUL!ā