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SHOW # 1373 October 24 2011

“Hola,

The new biography on Steve Jobs comes out today and if you’re like me, you can’t wait to NOT get your hands on it.  Nevertheless, there are a few interesting revelations, like the story of his biological father.  See, Jobs was adopted but he used to go to a restaurant that his biological father managed.  Thing is, he didn’t know the manager was the Darth Vader to his Luke, the Thulsa Doom to his Conan, the Mufassa to his Simba… that’s my James Earl James tribute.  When he found out that the manager was his father, did Jobs try to forge a relationship?  Nah, he decided that he, as he put it, “didn’t trust him”.  Take Madonna; she’s one of 8 siblings and, obviously, she’s the most successful of them all, having made a fortune doing… I honestly don’t know how she did it, but she did.  It’s not like she came from nothing; her family owns a vineyard (Ciccone Vineyards, if you care) and the whole family has something to do with it, including her older brother Anthony… at least until about a year and a half ago.  Anthony came upon some unspecified ‘hard times’ and got the boot.  Since then, he’s been living homeless under a bridge while his sister pretends to be British.  And then there’s a family in Lewiston, Maine; an 80- year- old member of the family died recently, so the rest of the family went through the process of going through his personal affects.  Imagine their surprise when they found the remains of his girlfriend in a storage unit.  Did I mention that the ‘girlfriend’ disappeared in 1983?  Did I mention that he didn’t rent the storage unit until 1992?  Creepy?  Yes.  Our question:  WHAT SECRET DID YOUR FAMILY KEEP FROM YOU?

At age 13, he found out that his “cousin” is actually his sister… why wouldn’t someone share that with you?

Didn’t find out who his real father was until he was in his 30’s… it’s not like he was adopted, it’s that his mother lied about who it was.  Why?  She was collecting child support for 18 years from a guy who she fooled into believing that he owed her money.  Ladies, seriously… cut that sh*t out!  Bad enough you suckered a guy into giving you money you didn’t deserve, but you lied to your own f**king kid too?  Pathetic

On his death bed, his grandfather confessed to being the getaway driver in a SERIES of bank robberies… illegal but pretty cool

Found out his uncle is gay… doesn’t everyone have a gay uncle?

His father won a Tom Cruise look- alike contest and won a modeling contract while in the Air Force

Didn’t know he was adopted until he was 16- years- old

Just found out he has 3 sisters and his father is still alive… how does that happen?

His grandfather died and found out he was gay… the mother told everyone.  They were married for 50 years

Found out he was the result of an affair… not a one night stand, an affair.  As a result, he’s never met his father and his mother is a but slutty

His great uncle was a high level Nazi… yours too?!?

Found out his father was married when he knocked- up his mother… the problem was, he wasn’t married to his mother

Call of the day:  she was born with both sets of genitalia and didn’t get the gender- establishing surgery until she was 5… she just found out recently.  Her boyfriend didn’t know, so we had her tell him while she was still on the phone with us.  He took it well, but he didn’t strike us as the brightest bulb on the chandelier of life.  He actually seemed a little confused.  Poor guy

Alright bitches, the Ravens are on MNF tonight, so I’ve gotsta go!

Until tomorrow, shine your gold and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”


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10/24/2011 1:38PM
SHOW # 1373 October 24 2011
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