So the movie “Tower Heist” came out this weekend and made $25 million, finishing in 2nd place, behind “Puss in Boots”, should you care about such things. The movie was directed by Hollywood mainstay, Brett Ratner. Here’s a little known fact about Ratner (and the story has been confirmed by both Ratner and Olivia Munn), he once masturbated in front of Olivia… while eating shrimp. Now you know. Meanwhile, according to ESPN reporter Erin Andrews (who still thinks she was hired for her talent), she was once on a plane with a network executive and he, like Ratner, decided it was as good a time as any to masturbate… albeit, sans shrimp. The network muckety- muck “vehemently” denies the allegations, of course. Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain has been busy vehemently denying that he made unwanted sexual advances towards the hive of women that have come out of the woodwork to accuse him of being… well, like most guys. Then again, sometimes chicks act like guys, like the time a female co- worker of mine once offered to “service” me with a mouthful of Skittles. This woman is truly one of the ugliest women I’ve ever met in my life… and if you’ve ever stepped foot into this building you realize that that is a big statement. Anyway, today’s question: WHE N HAVE YOU BEEN THE UNWILLING PARTICIPANT IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SEXUAL ADVANCES?
Her roommate’s ex got drunk last week and spent the night groping her
When MySpace wasn’t funny, he used to get messages from a gay guy who kept telling him “you’re fine as f—k, cuz!”… you know, “cuz” is what makes it romantic
At age 18 she was fondled by a man on a plane headed to Spain… she reported the guy to the airline and came to find out that the man in question was Art Garfunkle!
Got kissed by a tranny at a casino
Got hit on by the groom at a wedding… thing is, the wedding was for her current husband’s ex wife!
Was hit on by a really hot woman, which would be cool, but she has herpes
Installed a satellite system in a guy’s house… at the end of the installation he asked the obligatory “is there anything else I can do for you?” The response was, “not unless you take your clothes off.”
He was at a club when an ugly woman with a mustache grabbed his junk… he wasn’t impressed
His former boss’ wife asked him MULTIPLE times to sleep with her
Old man at the bar came up behind her, groped her and mentioned that she had a “great ass”
Got a gig doing “odd jobs” for a wealthy dude… after much hemming and hawing, he offered him $1000 to do a masturbation porn video
Was at a bank wearing a utilikilt… woman in front of him knelt down to “tie her shoe” and that’s when she grabbed his package. Some guys have all the luck!
OK, gonna head home and hang out with the daughter, but before I do, a message to Steelers fans everywhere. I hate your team, but then, you probably hate mine too… that’s the way it should be, but I want to thank you for talking SO much sh*t over the last few months and allowing me to enjoy a sweep of your team more than I normally would. On the other hand, last night’s game was the perfect example of why the rivalry is currently considered the best in sports… two teams that truly hate one another, another close game, and hits that bring me the satisfaction of knowing that the only two teams that play that ‘hard’ are those two teams. Finally, SUCK IT, BITCHES!
Until tomorrow, 4th quarter comebacks and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”