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Imagine you find out that you have one year left to live… you have a spouse and children… what do you do? Well, if you’re 42- year- old Jackie DeVita of Venice, Florida, you have your younger sister take your place… quite literally. Her younger sister not only moved in to help care for three kids but, in a seeming effort to insure future visits to a therapist, she also married Jackie’s husband and even wears Jackie’s wedding ring. Oh, and she works at Richard’s (the husband) dental office. This all happened 3 years ago, but because of the unspoken creepiness of it all, the “couple” only recently started sharing their story… although one could argue that they should have kept it to themselves. Anyway, it got us thinking; if we were to die (which is inevitable) but had to select someone to take our place, who would it be? Keep in mind, they’re not just making sweet, sweet love to your significant other (should you have one) but taking over your job, your home responsibilities, your hobbies, attending family functions or dealing with family drama. Basically, this person would be the new (and possibly improved) you, and depending on the life you lead, someone could be very lucky or very unlucky. Today you got to decide who will be the new you: YOU’RE GONNA DIE (BITCH!), WHO TAKES OVER YOUR LIFE AND WHY DID YOU PICK THEM?
I have no idea who I would have take over my life. Not sure anyone would want to. On the other hand, my wife would be DELIGHTED if Morris Chestnut (seriously) or Tim McGraw would take over for me. I think she’d be more than happy for them to take over whether I’m dead or not!
As for you:
Oddly enough, this guy’s brother IS married to his ex- wife… says he’s over it now, but it was “awkward” at the first Christmas because, you know, he’s raising his kids too. I’ll bet Christmas WAS a bit awkward. He’s remarried now and has a new set of kids
Says he’s have his older brother take over his life because he’s “a good guy”
Says his life sucks so he’d have ME take over his life… thank you for the kind sentiment
He’d pick his buddy Tyler because Tyler is smart, outgoing and, most importantly, Tyler owns a ’92 300 ZX
Her mother, even though her life “sucks”, but she wants to make sure that her daughter is OK
Picked Ted to replace him as “one final prank to pull” on his family
Her sister Brandy… why Brandy? Primarily so Brandy can HAVE A JOB
His friend Ryan… Ryan survived leukemia but one of the side effects was that he can’t have children… he picked Ryan so he could have children… thanks?
So that he could have the man- cave he’s always wanted, Miles would take over this guy’s life
She’s not sure who’d take over her life, she just wants her husband to find a “younger model”… yea, so does her husband
Tommy Lee because (1) he’s a fellow drummer, (2) they both like to party and (3) they both have a huge d**k… I’m guessing that one of those three is a lie
SIT AND SPIN
It’s Movember, that month we all look like child molesters in an effort to bring awareness to prostate cancer. Thing is, Jolene enjoys a man with a mustache… not us, but other guys… so in honor of mustaches, Jolene brought us the top mustache music. OK, there’s no such thing as ‘mustache music’, music performed by people with sweet mustaches. Check it out here.
OK bitches, I’m outta here.
Until tomorrow, eat your veggies and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”