Thee Ted Smith


SHOW # 1393 November 11 2011


You know all those relatives you DON’T wanna see?  Thanks to Thanksgiving, you probably just saw them… or maybe you don’t wanna see them AGAIN after just seeing them.  Perhaps Thanksgiving dinner sucked or you’re one of those unfortunate souls who had to work… or you’re a Lions, Dolphins or 49er’s fan.  Maybe Thanksgiving is fine but you were sucked into Black Friday.  Like most years, THIS year’s Black Friday reminds us that the true sentiment of the holiday season is as alive as wooly mammoths and dodo birds.  Let’s see… people were stabbed, shot, pepper- sprayed and beaten over such important items as an X-Box, big- screen TVs and my personal favorite, a $2 waffle iron.  In West Virginia, a 61- year- old guy collapsed and died in the aisle of a Target… but that didn’t stop the other customers from simply stepping over him in their pursuit of a good bargain.  Happy holidays indeed!  On the other hand, maybe you had a GREAT holiday weekend and, if so, we didn’t want to talk to you today.  We wanted to hear from people from people like the guy who tried to enjoy a movie over the weekend, only to be choked out by another movie- go-er when his cell phone wouldn’t stop ringing.  Turn off your cell phone, dummy.  WHAT OR WHO ENDED UP BEING THE WORST PART OF YOUR THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY?

We took off all of last week… flew to the East Coast to visit 3,726 different family members and friends in Washington DC, Baltimore, Pennsyl- Tucky (Towanda, PA) and Philadelphia , before flying back on Saturday.  I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very glad to be back.  We went to the airport Friday night immediately after work only to find out that our flight was delayed by an hour and a half.  Normally I’d go to the bar, throw a few back and call it even.  However, when travelling with a child, that sh*t doesn’t fly.  We had a layover in New York City, got on our connecting flight and that sat there for about another hour because (first) they couldn’t close one of the overhead bins, so they finally removed the door altogether and rearranged everyone’s carry- ons and (second) couldn’t get the f**king COCKPIT door closed… so we sat around waiting for them to solve that issue.  Finally took off and landed in DC at 7 or 8 in the morning.

After a few days in the Nation’s Capital, we drove to Baltimore.  Forgot what traffic is like in that part of the country but I remember why I don’t miss it.  After a few days in Baltimore we flew from Baltimore to Philadelphia, so that we could catch a ‘puddle- jumper’ up to Elmira, New York so we could do the 40 minute drive to Towanda (the afore- mentioned Pennsyl- Tucky).  Well, the flight outta Baltimore was delayed for over an hour because the radar at the Philly airport was down.  They finally got that fixed, so we took off.  It’s only a 33 minute flight, but when we went in to land, the plane suddenly rockets upward and we start circling the airport.  WTF?  Turns out, there was a dog on the runway so we couldn’t land.  I disagree with that assessment, but it’s what happened.

The plane finally lands on a dog- free runway, but now we’re getting real close to the point that we’ll miss our connecting flight.  First of all, the Philly airport is huge, second, we landed in Gate A… our connecting flight was at Gate F.  Gate F isn’t even connected to the main airport, so we had to wait on a shuttle to get us there, blah, blah, blah.  We made it.  We got on the little, itty- bitty plane and headed for the desolation that is Elmira, New York.

To say the flight was bumpy would be a bit of an understatement.  I don’t get nervous to fly, but I DO get nervous to crash, and everything about this flight suggested it would be our last.  Again, this wasn’t a very long flight, but it was terrible.  My wife was already feeling nauseated and on the brink of spewing, so when the plane started (and never stopped ) bouncing around, it only got worse.  I felt some sense of relief when we came in to land… only for the plane, like the one from in Philly, to suddenly jet back up.  That’s when the pilot came on over the intercom and explained that she (yes, she) had to abort the attempt because we probably would have crashed because of the turbulence.  While I appreciated the honesty, I noticed the one flight attendant had his eyes closed and was talking under his breath.  The mothef**ker was PRAYING.  That did nothing to alleviate anyone’s fear.  At least fake it, man!  Needless to say, we landed in one piece.  Our luggage, however, didn’t make the trip with us.  According to the folks at the airport, out suitcases were on their way to Phoenix… then Chicago… before joining us in Elmira.  About 12 hours after we landed, our luggage showed up.

We had a nice flight back to Seattle on Saturday, however.

So, now we’re back in lovely Seattle, back on the air and we couldn’t be happier.  We’re some of the few people that can honestly say, we feel ‘right’ when we’re at work.  Go figure.

Hope you bitches had a good Thanksgiving!

I’m outta here.

Until tomorrow, turn off your ringer and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

Tags :  
Locations : BaltimoreChicagoEast CoastElmiraNew YorkNew York CityPhiladelphiaPhoenixSeattleWashington DcWest Virginia

11/28/2011 5:31PM
SHOW # 1393 November 11 2011
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