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Last month, a cop in Newark pulled over a drunk driver, but instead of giving him a ticket, he told him to get out of his truck, get sober and retrieve his truck later. Sounds like the cop was giving the guy a break, but no, the cop had OTHER things in mind, namely, stealing the truck, driving across town and ramming it into the car of his estranged wife. In California, a 69-year-old woman was arrested after she attempted to cut off her husband’s penis with a pair of scissors. He suffered some injuries, but his twig remains connected to his berries. ALSO in California, a woman found out that her EX- husband… a man she is NOT married to… was dating a woman, so she poured boiling water on him while he slept. When he jumped out of bed in pain, she had a baseball bat at the ready and proceeded to beat him in the head with it. And then there’s the 45- year- old man in Florida who STILL lives with his mother; how did he show his appreciation for her hospitality? He smashed over the head with a bottle of eggnog, beat her in the face, used a stun gun on her and then finished the assault by beating her with an oxygen tank… all for no particular reason. This brings us to today’s question: WHEN DID A LOVED ONE SURPRISE YOU WITH HOSTILITY OR VIOLENCE?
His girlfriend (wrongly) thought he was cheating, so she broke his nose with a metal bar
His girlfriend (also wrongly) believed he was cheating, so she poured gasoline on his d*ck and aimed a gun at him TWICE… then called the cops and accused him of beating her. He got three months in jail for the trouble
His father beat up a guy in a road rage incident… now THAT’S road rage
His grandmother had a reputation for stabbing men who ‘disrespected’ her… her nickname was Battle Axe. Oddly enough, MOST women’s nicknames are “Battle Axe”
When he was 10- years- old, he saw his grandmother beat up a drunk neighbor
Girlfriend found a picture of some chick on his phone… she came into the bathroom and punched him the face WHILE he was pooping. I don’t care how mad you are, if a man is pooping, let him finish
Sister stabbed him in the temple with a pencil… next time she wants to use the phone, let her use the phone, man.
His aunt Rosie dealt with some bullies for him… with a baseball bat
Wife woke him up with a gun to his head… a loaded gun. She didn’t know it was loaded, said she just wanted to scare him. It worked. He filed for divorce 6 weeks later. A woman he DIDN’T know accidentally sent him a ‘thank you’ text
Back in the day (as they say) his father apparently killed some bikers in Colorado
His ex- wife once jumped out of a car that was travelling 60 mph… this was on the way home after she’d tried to kill herself. Thing is, they weren’t married at that time, but he married her anyway… that’s why he shouldn’t have been too terribly surprised that she later stabbed him and chased him around the house with a meat cleaver
Alright bitches, I gotta go!
Until tomorrow, rock it, sock it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”