According to a new survey from Living Social, the average American is delusional. Based on their results, one out of three people, or 33%, rated their looks an 8, 9, or 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Another 57% of people gave themselves AT LEAST a 7 on the same scale. That means 90% of Americans believe they are a 7 or higher, hence; my observation that people in this country are delusional. Have you looked around lately? Do you believe that 9 out of every 10 people you meet are 7’s? If so, where do you live because I’d like to live there. Anyway, clearly (fat) Americans are vain, and this same survey sought out the vainest city in America. Not- so- shockingly, Miami ranked #1 (and they pay good money for all of the appropriate parts) and the least vain was Cleveland… which, by default, makes Cleveland one of the most honest cities in our country. I’ve been there and they’re right. Seattle, incidentally, ranked somewhere in the middle of the ‘vanity’ survey. The average person in the Emerald City ranks themselves somewhere between a 6 and a 7, but we pride ourselves on being ‘non- plastic’, but saddled with ‘a lot of ugly men’. In a separate survey, “Allure” magazine discovered that black women are 300% more likely to consider themselves “hot” than any other group, 1 in 5 MEN wish they had a bigger butt (???) and 97% of women wish they weighed less. You’re not alone ladies! A lot of different ingredients go into being hot; your face, body- type, personality and, if you’re a guy, your income. Today we asked you to consider all you have to offer and answer the Men’s Room Survey: WHAT DO YOU RATE YOURSELF ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 AND WHY?
I figure I’m a 5 at best… not super ugly, not particularly good looking, rude, smoke and fart a lot.
As for you:
8… says that he WOULD be a 9, but he’s broke
6… tall. Blonde guy, good manners, a college degree and respectful… so if he’s only a 6, I’m guessing he’s ugly
7… describes herself as ‘plus- size’ (which might entail so much more). But says she has a “great” ass, 42 DD’s and a “nice” face
4… works as a dishwasher at a bar, he’s going bald and is short… I’ll give you a 5… one point for honesty
5… small boobs and no ass
8… great job and nice hair
6… she’s “a little” (meaning a lot) overweight but has big boobs. Are they NICE boobs or just big? There’s a difference
7… clean and athletic
6… cute face, but she’s 4 feet, 11 inches and “chubby”, but has a great personality
8… 120 pound woman with DD’s and a “nice” ass
7… lives with 10 other guys and was voted best looking out of the group… but we don’t know if the votes came from his roommates or women!
Starts with a 10 (6 feet tall and 172 pounds), subtracts 2 for being a drummer vs a guitar player, subtracts another 2 for being broke and then subtracts another 2 for listening to us, making him a 4
2… 19 years old, 6 feet 5 inches, 300 pounds and unemployed
3… broken front tooth and “very” pale
6… would give himself an 8, but he has a small d*ck
4 for looks, but he’s a Marine so he’s a 5
2… 5 feet, 9 inches tall, 400 pounds and still lives with his parents… at age 25
We got about 10 million more calls and e- mails today, so I’m just gonna stop here. I think on average, our listeners ranked themselves around a 6, which is in line with what the survey suggested for Seattle. I still can’t believe that 90% of Americans rate themselves a 7 or higher. Do these people look around? Own a mirror? Worth asking.
OK bitches, I’m out of here!
Until tomorrow, plug your nose and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”