SHOW # 1411 January 3 2012

Happy New Year and all that.
Being that it is a new year, it's that time of the year when we resolve to do or not do something for the next 12 months in an effort to improve our lives... or improve our image... or just to get other people off of our collective back.  Last year, per Ted's suggestion, I resolved to NOT pee outdoors.  Might soudns simple, but peeing outside is as much a part of me as my tattoos.  It's just something I do.  Nevertheless, I abstained from outdoor urination for 12 months... and I didn't like it.  Miles, meanwhile, resolved to go to the gym at LEAST 4 days a week... and he did it.  Incidentally, in the last 5 years, 57% of people who made resolutions to lose weight succeeded.  Additionally, 36% of people who resolved to quit smoking say they succeeded.  There's nothing wrong with those types of resolutions, but let's face it, they're par for the course.  There was a guy in New York who ate a slice of pizza from every pizzeria in Manhattan last year.  THAT's a resolution!  Some of you are determined to finally end that toxic relationship you've been enduring, and some of you plan on tying the noose and proposing to that special someone.  It's your life and your resolution:  WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO EITHER ACHIEVE OR AVOID THIS YEAR?
Hopes to continue his relationship with his current girlfriend... he says that NOW... let's see what he says NEXT year!
Resolves to stop eating so much food... is the AMOUNT of food or they TYPE of food?  I eat terrible sh*t, but I usually eat once a day.  I'm not healthy, but I'm not fat, so understand the difference
Wants to meet a new girl and stay out of trouble... is it that hard to stay out of trouble?  It is for me, but learn the difference between being in trouble and people being angry at you... not always  the same thing.
Wants to lose weight and save money... well, eat less!
Is determined to get lap- band surgery this year
Wants to do fewer drugs... does that mean fewer of the drugs you already do or a smaller selection of drugs?
Wants to keep his job ALL year... he's been struggling to keep a single job for any reasonable length of time
Wants to attend a few Sounders games
Resolves to avoid jail AND visit a foreign country.  If only there were a foreign country close!
Wants to cut down on his booze consumption but I don't understand why.
In addition to losing weight, he plans on running his first 10k
Wants to quit heroin... the guy has been shooting the smack for 4 years and his life is sh*t... pretty tragic.  Wish him all the luck in the world
Wants to reduce the amount of money he spends on hookers
Resolves to stop living with her sister... who happens to be a DIAGNOSED paranoid schizophrenic.  Apparently her sister is  violent enough that she has to sleep with a knife under her pillow for protection
And finally, we had a guy who resolves to be faithful to his wife this year.  WHAT A GUY!  Thing is, he cheated on her over this recent holiday with BOTH of his sisters- in- law.
Jolene started off the New Year with a novel concept... let's sample some of the bands that have the intention of actually doing something NEW this year!  I won't spoil the surprise; here's the link:
OK bitches, hope you had yourselves a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a colorful Kwanza, a festive Festivus or a fantastic time being all hip and avoiding celebrating anything.
We're glad to be back and we hope you're happy to have us back... but if not, sorry!
OK bitches, time for me to go!
Until tomorrow, don't stare too long and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations : New York

01/03/2012 5:30PM
SHOW # 1411 January 3 2012
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