Say you're a 29- year- old guy being looked for by the cops for a probation violation. You know the police are looking for you so you hide in the attic of your house. Your girlfriend even covers for you, telling the cops you're not home. The cops believe her and all is well... until your 2- year- old lets the cops know that you're hiding upstairs. That's what just happened to a guy in Florida and now he's in jail. That's what kids do... kids... but what about adults? Here's a little insight; according to a new survey, if you get busted by someone as you attempt to join the Mile High Club, 8% of people say they would report it to a flight attendant. Subsequently, 6% of people would complain if they saw a woman breastfeeding on a plane. Essentially, these people are tattletales. For the record, I'm more inclined to complain if I think you're hot and you DON'T show a little flesh. Anyway, there are as many adult tattletales as there are child tattletales. Just think about the people you work with... there's at least one. If you have the misfortune of being part of a condo or homeowners association, just know that approximately 50% of your cohorts are tattletales... ready to dime you out if your curtains aren't white or if you have a political bumper sticker on your car, etc. Or maybe you're a neighbor of Ted's. Today we wanted to know: AS AN ADULT, WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU RATTED SOMEONE OUT OR SOMEONE RATTED YOU OUT?
I think the last time I got ratted out by someone was at work at a radio station in Baltimore. The culprit was a guy who was, quite literally, late EVERY day. Never ratted the guy out, but I finally got fed up with his sh*t (I'd been working everyday for 23 months in a row... no lie) and this little c*cksucker was taking a vacation... that added to my workload. Anyway, I confronted HIM about, he started crying (crying... this was an adult male) and called my boss to tell him that I'd made him cry. I got in trouble and the cying man went on vacation for a week.
His friend's mother discovered traces of the Bolivian Marching Powder around the house, so his buddy promptly blamed him for it. Wasn't allowed back at the house until he apologized, in spite of the fact that it wasn't his
Called into work sick but went drinking at a dock in Edmunds instead. As luck would have it, a car crashed into the water that day, so news crews showed up, etc. He ended up on TV and was ratted out by a co- worker who saw him
Was told by a friend of his wife's that his wife was cheating on him
Ratted out his ex- wife for sleeping with married men... wasn't entirely being spiteful; she has custody of of their two teenage daughters and he doesn't want them dealing with it
Did 2 years in the joint for selling coke and drugs to an UNDERCOVER cop... you're doing it wrong
Ratted out by a coworker for smoking weed on the job
His father told his wife that he was cheating on her HIS wife... in other words, dad told daughter- in- law that he was cheating on her mother- in- law
Worked with a guy who kept stealing merchandise from the store they worked at. Wouldn't have said anything, but HE kept getting the blame, so he finally dimed out the real culprit
Ratted out a fellow soldier for using a racial slur... the soldier who used the racial slur was a black guy who said 'nigger'. The guy lost a rank as a result
Found a co- workers crack pipe in the bathroom. Thing is, it was in a bag with the woman's NAME ON IT!
Got ratted out for underage drinking at college and lost part of a scholarship. NEWS ALERT TO COLLEGE OFFICIALS: college kids drink... been that way for years. You're welcome!
SIT AND SPIN
So Van Halen released their latest, David Lee Roth fronted single, "Tattoo". As best we can tell, no one likes it. I won't lie, I like it. I don't love it (the verse sucks, but I like the pre- chorus) but there are songs from Van Halen that I love a lot more. We ALL have songs from Van Halen we love more, so today, all of us on the Men's Room and Jolene came up with our three favorite Van Halen songs of all time... time... time! Check it out and debate amongst yourselves.
Trivia night, so I gots ta go and trick people into believing I'm really smart!
Until tomorrow, brush my loaf, finger my coaster and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"