"Two and a Half Men" star Jon Cryer revealed that when Ashton Kutcher was signed as his co-star, he and Kutcher met to test their chemistry. Why? Well, when Ashton was seven years old, Jon was dating (f**king) his future wife. From the outside looking in, that's funny and creepy... but mostly funny, but also, it makes them "Eskimo brothers". Anyway, they figured it out... although Kutcher and Demi separated during his time on the show. Aw well. WHO WERE YOU SURPRIED TO FIND OUT WAS YOUR ESKIMO BROTHER OR SISTER?
Current girlfriend used to date Joba Chamberlain... a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers. He's ugly as sin... all apologies to sin
He and his sister's boyfriend both slept with the same woman. Not sure how that came up or went down, exactly.
Hooked up with a girl at a party. Came downstairs and three dudes yelled "ESKIMO BROTHER!"
His cousin made 'first contact' with his girlfriend
With a former professional hockey player
Was having relations (such a stupid term for it) with his friend's sister. Found at that he was Eskimo brothers with James Franco, who would fly her to various movie sets for sex
He's Eskimo brothers with Thomas Lennon, a.k.a. Lt. Dangle on "Reno 911".
Met a guy who was his Eskimo brother via two different women. We asked him if he'd slept with anyone his Eskimo brother hadn't and he admitted that he just stopped asking.
Slept with the mother of his brother's fiancé Jiggity.
STONE TEMPLE PILOTS
Chester Bennington (formerly of Linkin Park) and Robert DeLeo of Stone Temple pilots dropped by the studio today as they kick off their North American tour tonight in Seattle. And what better way to get them amped up than to talk to us? We've interviewed them both before, but separately. Chester was a part of a different project (not Linkin Park) and Robert was in Army of Anyone. Here's a link (probably) to the interview.
For the first time in 10 years, the Men's Room has added a member of the show. He goes my the name Mike Hawk (say it three- times- fast) and he works mostly in the background, doing a lot of our dirty work. Anyway, last Friday and this past Monday, Thee Ted Smith took some time off and Mike Hawk filled in in the phone-screening room and for 'Ted vs The FCC' duties. He lost, by the way. Ah, so people have been asking who Mike Hawk is, and we addressed that today on the air. That being said, if you have any questions about Mike Hawk, send us an email with subject, 'questions about Mike Hawk'.
On that note, I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
We do a little segment everyday on this show called "Go Fund Yourself" where we try to spread the word for people who find themselves in an unfortunate situation and are reaching out for support. Case- in- point, on Monday, March 30, we shared the story of a baby (Aria) being born four months premature because her parents were in a car accident. A 'friend' of theirs (aptly named Casey FAKER) stole the money from their go fund meaccount... money that was originally raised to help with medical bills... before becoming a fund for baby Aria's funeral. It's a messed up story, but it inspired today's question: WHEN DID SOMEONE DO YOU DIRTY?
Someone backed into his car while it was parked at school and didn't leave a note. That's an annoying thing, but ask yourself honestly if you would have left a note if you knew you could get away with it. Would you keep a duffle bag full of cash if you found it? Would you turn it in? If you're curious, you bet your sweet ASS I'm keeping the cash!
Stayed at a friend's place for a week while he was in between places. Woke up early every morning to clean the cat's litter box. On the last day, he took a sh*t IN the litter box. It was a prank, you see. He'd convinced his friend that the cat wasn't pooping, so on that last day, his friend thought the giant turd was the cat's. And like any good friend, he captured it on video. I applaud that.
Trained a new guy at work to replace another co-worker. Turns out he trained his own replacement. You were done dirty, my man. No doubt about it.
His longtime friend tried to get with his ex wife. They're not friends anymore. Gotta wonder how many times his 'friend' waxed the carrot to his wife while they were married.
Helped a woman pay for gas at a gas station. Felt good about himself until he returned to his car and realized that the woman had stolen the contents of his glove box. Karma owes you a little something. OR you owed karma.
His mother stole his tax return when he was 18. She "helped" him do them and then kept the return... which she'd wired to her account. Reminds me, Mother's Day is coming up.
Her husband cheated on her with four different women. All four women were related in some way to his own best friend, including his best friend's two mistresses, daughter's friend and wife. I don't even know where to begin.
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene joins us every Tuesday for Sit and Spin... and because she can't keep her hands off of us. We're that sexy.
Today we reviewed the top 10 shows coming to town that AREN'T Pain in the Grass. And by the 'top' shows, well, we didn't really mean that either. Here's a link to the list:
The other thing Sit and Spin accomplished today was the unexpected arrival of Refer Man. If you heard him, you understand.
My balls itch.
Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!
To the delight of and at the request of no one on this Earth, Randy Quaid and his equally insane wife Evi, recorded and released a sex tape. The inherent flaw in their sex video is that it features THEM. And worse, they do a little bit of everything for your viewing (dis)pleasure, including a particularly disturbing scene where Randy wraps a belt around his wife's neck while she pleasures herself with a vibrator... while he explains that this is how David Carradine died. If that's not distracting enough (and it's not) it should be noted that their dog is in the room and is barking the ENTIRE time. It's frankly, the worse sex tape ever and should NOT be seen. I'm not even offering a link to it because I don't hate you. The video did inspire today's question: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, 'I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT?'
I think I agreed with each and every answer given. Here are a few examples:
His drunk buddy dropped his pants at a party to show everyone the golf ball- sized cyst on his back just above his butt crack. Cysts, by the way, are NEVER awesome to see
Big woman at Wal- Mart wearing her sweatpants inside- out... there was a poop stain on the butt
Discovered mom's "big purple dildo" on her bed. Parents, PLEASE put your sex toys away. I do!
Walked in on his female roommate masturbating to 'Sons of Anarchy'... on HIS leather chair
The 'movie' "2 Girls, One Cup"
Wandered into the locker room at the gym and the first thing he saw was an old man's testicles
Walked into the COMPANY bathroom to discover his co-worker FULLY naked, washing his junk in the sink. If that wasn't bad enough, he also had a silver c*ck ring
A woman got on the bus TODAY with a FRESH poop stain on the back of her skirt. Everyone on the bus opened their windows because the poop was THAT fresh
Caught her cousin pooping in the front yard. He was gonna leave it, but she made him dig a hole and dispose of it. WTF?!?
Works at a mental hospital and walked in on a guy masturbating in the common area... to the movie 'Frozen'... I've seen the movie about 1000 times and there is NOTHING that should lead one to masturbate. Nothing... not a single thing
Yea, it was that kind of day... full of visuals that, in retrospect, aren't that awesome to entertain. Today's question was one that reminds us here on the show to remember that sometimes you'll regret what you ask. Sure, we laughed a lot, but that was always followed with a gag reflex that threatened to call our guts out of our mouths. OK, now that I'm thoroughly disgusted, it's time to say adios... adios.
Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Certainly you've heard by now that Harrison Ford crash- landed his plane on a golf course after suffering engine failure. He suffered a fractured pelvis, a broken ankle and cuts to his forehead, but he's expected to make a full recovery. Well, his wife, Calista Flockhart, has, according to 'sources', forbidden him from flying anymore. Again, it was engine trouble, not anything he did, but when you're dealing with a significant other, logic, rationale, and common sense are usually the last things to come into play. So now, like so many of us before him, Harrison will either give up his years- long hobby to keep his wife quiet OR he'll continue to enjoy his hobby and have to put up with the nagging. It's how it goes. So with that in mind, we wanted to know: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING OR WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK?
Here are some of the answers to that question:
After 2 years of dating, she stopped shaving her arms... not her arm pits, mind you, just her arms. I don't know that I've dated anyone who has NEEDED to shave their arms. The image in my head is horrible. How hairy were this woman's arms?!?
Wanted him to stop smoking weed and cigarettes and to stop driving fast cars. In return, she gave up nothing. Sounds about right
Can't get his fiancé into WWE... not sure how it's a problem but he really wants her to enjoy it
Sex... woman called in and she would like to have sex twice a day, everyday. As much as we'd all like to think we could hang, we probably couldn't, HOWEVER, we could probably (happily) give it once a day at least. The guy she's with, according to her, has sex with her once a week at BEST... and that's if she "begs"
He's given up online porn to "save" his marriage. It's f**king porn, man. She shouldn't be THAT insecure. There's a reason that porn is and continues to be the biggest money making entertainment industry
I have a hard time believing this, but he says he had to give up masturbating. Yea, f**k that. Masturbation is your right, bitches! You want someone to stop masturbating, f**k them as often as they self satisfy. Otherwise, what's the problem? Clearly, I'm a fan of porn and masturbation! I really am.
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene joined us today and shared with us what the top 10 artists at Woodstock were paid to play, well, Woodstock. To give you an idea of how much less money artists used to make, just know that the top paid act, Jimi Hendrix, made $18,000. That's it. Consider that some hack like Kanye West charges about $100,000 just to show up anywhere. Paris Hilton makes more than that to DJ at a party. Paris Hilton. WTF has happened?
Ah, so if you're interested in the full list, here's a link to Jolene's blog:
OK, I'm off! Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Man, oh man it's been a looooooong time since I've posted the Big Brown Blog. I've gotten many- an- email over the last year or so asking me why the Big Brown Blog wasn't being done anymore and I've finally decided to answer that question; I've been lazy. Seriously. That's it. No reason beyond me just being the worthless piece of sh*t that I am.
Well, the blog is back, but don't think that I'm no longer a worthless piece of sh*t.
So, since we last spoke, plenty of interesting things have happened here, but I probably won't share most of that. However, there is this one thing you might find interesting: on January 26th of this year, the Men's Room officially became a syndicated radio show. Yep. Our ridiculousness has expanded to WCMF in Rochester, New York. Not sure how or why it happened, but it did, and we're pretty stoked. Here's the thing, when I was a youngster (ages 4 to 13) I lived in Rochester and WCMF was the station I listened to AND it was the station that piqued my interest in radio in the FIRST place. So, for me personally, expanding the show to Rochester on that particular station is pretty f**king cool.
Are there any downsides to this expansion? Not really. I just have to make sure I stop using the names of the people there who I grew to hate. It's like anything else; when you know someone WON'T hear what you're saying about them, it's game on, but now I have to make sure not to use their names. Or make sure that I DO!
As a result of the syndication, we've hired another member to the Men's Room. It's a guy named Mike, who interned with us a while back, but did a bang up job, so when our work load increased, we knew damn well that none of US wanted to do it (back to the lazy thing), so we hired Mike, and he does all the leg work that allows us to sound good in Rochester... as well as putting together questions for 'Big Dummy' and a few other things.
It's been a busy and crazy year for the show, but all of it very positive.
Anyway, the Big Brown Blog is back. Yes, dreams really do come true... and this is not an example of that.
Alright bitches, I'll be back tomorrow. Until then, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today is the first day of "Weed Week!" What, you ask, is "Weed Week!"? In a nutshell, "Weed Week!", is the week where we, The Men's Room, allow one of us to get completely baked to the be- Jesus and then do the show. The catch is, we ask you to guess which one of us is the stoned one. Yea, it seems to work out better for us than you, but, well, sorry. Feel free to get high too.
So today is Monday, day one of our 'green' shows. As always (and by 'always', I mean the last time we did this... about 6 months ago) we put names in a hat. Whoever's name was drawn was today's stoner. Basic stuff.
While Ted received the most votes as the show member who seemed high, it was actually me today who was very, very stoned during the show. To be fair, I received the second most votes. However, to put into perspective how high I was, I forgot to post the blog... so when you see this, know that it's now Tuesday Morning... no longer Monday evening.
Maybe there is something to that whole forgetful thing.
Keep checking back all week for updates and links to any article we read during Weed Week
Welcome to Day 2 of "Weed Week!"
Sometimes, when you really, really have to go to the bathroom and you find yourself at the mercy of a public bathroom, few things prove to be more frustrating... or gut crippling... than a door that requires a punch- code to be unlocked. Happened to a guy early Sunday morning at the Francis Marion Hotel in downtown Charleston, South Carolina. He had to poop and he had to poop badly. Anyway, he repeatedly tried to get the code right, but he couldn't do it in time... so he pulled down his pants and pooped on the floor JUST outside of the bathroom. He was arrested and the police report states that "a large quantity of fecal matter" was observed. For his part, the pooper was genuinely remorseful, saying that he didn't mean to do it, he couldn't hold it (long enough to give the keypad another try) and that he'd clean it up. He spent the night in jail... and all he wanted to do was poop. He got SO close.
On a much more serious note, Frazier Cross, that's the former KKK p*ssy who opened fire at two separate Kansas City- area Jewish Center, murdering three people because he hates Jews, blah, blah, blah... well, none of the three people he murdered were Jewish. Small detail, but we know just eats Frazier up. Hard to be a martyr when you screw up. Today's question: WHAT DID YOU ALMOST ACHIEVE, BUT JUST DIDN'T?
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene contributed to "Weed Week!" by bringing us the 'top 10 stoner songs of all time'. Here's the link:
I agreed with some of the list, most of it, really, but with the caveat that I don't know how I'd rankthem, but they're (almost) all good songs to listen to when you're stoned.
Aw crap, did it again! Maybe it's because of "Weed Week!" , but I forgot to post this blog yesterday as well!"
Wednesday our head chef, Thee Ted Smith brought us a list of the 25 best stoner foods. No matter if you agree or dissagree, you will be hungrey by the end of this list.
There's a guy named Heath, and Heath joined an online dating service a few months ago. The long- and- short of his "dilemma" is this; he met a "beautiful" woman who, in his words, was "prefect"... she was hot AND has a good personality, but there's one thing he admits he just can't move past; she's missing a thumb. This really bugs Heath. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but in the pursuit of nookie, I've ignored smells, sounds, hair in unexpected places, terrifying moles and lazy eyes. Sometimes you just wanna get laid and it doesn't matter what that might entail. On that note, the folks at Reddit came up with this
Sometimes, when you're super- horny and you find that CAN scratch that itch, well, you tolerate some things that you'd normally find to be a deal- breaker. WHAT'S THE HARDEST THING YOU'VE HAD TO IGNORE IN THE PURSUIT OF SEX?
Went to a girl's house; she'd left a monster turd in the toilet
Beautiful woman, but she had an under- developed right hand
On a camping trip, his friend walked in, but the girl didn't notice, so he kept going
She had an extended tailbone, which is 'nice- speak for a f**king TAIL!
The girl he was with wanted her boyfriend to watch so he could learn 'good oral technique'. Says a lot
She endured a hairy- shouldered man with a small penis
Dealt with a "seriously cross- eyed" woman. I can't lie, and maybe I'll sound shallow and cruel, but I would laugh my ass off.
Had sex with his girlfriend in the car... while his friends were pounding on the windows wanting a ride
Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of hair... none of it on his head
She had a large and hairy mole just above her tailbone. He actually lost his erection... and he was in the process of losing his virginity!
She would hold her breath until she passed out. First time she did it, it freaked him out because he didn't know if she was dead or not
Beautiful girl "inside and out", as he put it... but she had a severe speech impediment and he couldn't deal
The girl he dated for awhile LAUGHED when she climaxed... that's what she told him, anyway
Actress Julianne Hough caused an uproar last year when she went to a Halloween party in blackface. She was actually dressed as a character from the Netflix show "Orange is the New Black", but that brought her no reprieve. Robert Downey Junior donned blackface for his character in the movie 'Tropic Thunder' and no one cared. No one cared when Billy Crystal routinely donned blackface during his SNL days when he parodied Sammy Davis Junior. Shawn and Marlon Wayans wore whiteface for their stunningly terrible movie "White Chicks". Well now, Nick Cannon, whipped husband of Mariah Carey, has a new album coming out called "White People Party Music", and to promote it, he's created a character named Connor Smallnut... which is just Nick in whiteface. As you might imagine, some people have a problem with this. And then there's former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. It's no secret that he's no fan of our current President... just part of the typical partisan whining sh*t, but in a diatribe last night about Obama's mishandling of Afghanistan, Rummy stated that "a trained ape" could have done a better job. He had no racial intent, but you know it unfolded anyway. It's easy to offend people these days. Hell, people, as best I can tell, LOVE to be offended. It's the new thing. Anyway, we're sure you've offended someone, but we're wondering if you meant to. LAST TIME YOU OFFENDED SOMEONE, WAS IT INTENTIONAL OR NOT?
Works in pest control; a client asked how he managed to situate himself in a certain part of the house. He responded with, "because I'm skinny." The homeowner was fat and took it wrong.
Told his girlfriend she had National Geographic boobs. That's never a compliment
Asked a dude with one leg what his handicap was... he was talking about golf
Told a Jewish joke to a woman who'd just married a Jewish guy
Waiting for a car to back out of a parking space. Accidentally hit his horn, the other driver thought he was being a d*ck and things got wee bit dicey
Bought a Chihuahua but hadn't registered the dog yet, so he made the joke that the dog was an illegal alien... the Hispanic woman he was talking to didn't think it was funny
A woman asked if he would get something for him; he said, "you have legs". She didn't. She leg. Just one.
Some old dude wanted to fight him because his ears are gauged
SIT AND SPIN
As we do every Tuesday, we invited Jolene in for another episode of Sit and Spin. On today's episode we covered the seven surprising musicians who sang in commercials. I was particularly surprised by Paul Stanley, but that's just me. Here's a link:
OK bitches, sh*t to do so I'm outtie.
Until tomorrow, snuff the rooster and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A guy in England lost his mother and attempted to mourn her death... which is par for the course... but he just couldn't do it. It's not because he didn't love his mother, it's because his (bitch) wife wouldn't stop singing "Ding- Dong, the Witch is Dead" . Seriously. As you might imagine, things didn't end well between that couple. In a nutshell, he freaked out and locked her in a shed, she escaped and confronted him, he grabbed her boobs and started twisting them (???) and he was arrested. Initially it seems hard to imagine that someone (the wife) could be so insensitive... and then I read that Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church died this morning and I broke into song... to the tune of the Curtis Mayfield classic, "Freddie's Dead". It happens sometimes; you celebrate someone else's misfortune. And that is today's question: WHEN DID YOU TAKE JOY SOMEONE ELSE'S MISFORTUNE?
Broke up with an abusive boyfriend after 4 years... the day she broke it off, he also found out that he's lost his job, all three of his snowmobiles 'broke', his car stopped working AND his truck broke down
Dated a guy for three years, he cheated on her but they worked it out... three years later he left her and married the woman he'd cheated with... they just got into a bad car accident
Ex- wife got herpes from the guy she'd left him for. I think that would make anyone happy
He's happy every time UFC fighter Josh Koshcheck gets his ass kicked
When the "jerk" he worked for in the army got court- marshaled
Was delighted to find out that his ex just had a really ugly baby
Saw a blind guy run into a stop sign and fall over
Loves watching his friends deal with their kids' temper tantrums, unexpected bodily functions, etc.
Recommended a friend to a jog... that friend stole from the company, then had sex with someone else's girlfriend. The pleasure came when he rolled his truck 10 times
Her ex got "fat, ugly and old looking"
Her rude and obnoxious neighbor just got evicted
Took joy in the fact that her sister got too fat to fit into her wedding dress... before the wedding
Anyone who has a job or has EVER had a job... whether you loved or hated it... knows that customers/ clients, have a way of ruining your day. Maybe they mean to, maybe they don't, but it happens... and it happens frequently. If you're lucky, you're job doesn't require you to deal with the public directly, but if you're not- so- lucky, there is, inevitably, a list of things you can count on day- to- day that will drive you nuts. With that in mind, we have a list of '8 Things We Do That Servers Hate' and a list of '7 Ways to Annoy a Flight Attendant'. We picked these because these jobs are all about dealing with the public. Whatever your job is, we wanted to know: WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR JOB, WHAT CAN YOU GUARENTEE CUSTOMERS WILL DO TO PISS YOU OFF?
Cook: When people don't stick to the menu
Pharmacist: when people wait until the last minute to call in a prescription
Cop: people who put their hands up instantly and say "I didn't do it!" I would think as a cop you'd just kinda hate everyone.
Works at a call center: can't stand people who ask "why is there a late charge?"
Mailman: every day he's asked, "what's in the package?" If they know, they're a criminal.
Barista: being asked, "how big is the 16 ounce?" WTF?!? 16 fluid ounces is 16 fluid ounces. Always. You can tell when they call it '16 ounces'.
Hockey ref: people complain about every call he makes. Comes with the territory. No one ever believes that their team could possibly be guilty of an infraction. Must be a conspiracy! Come on.
Drives a recycling truck: hates people who won't just put their recycling IN the can provided
Lots more answers, but it really turned into a bitch- fest... which is fine, but I'm looking for some levity here.
SIT AND SPIN
Yea, I'm getting (have gotten?) old, but when Jolene told us that she was bringing is Baby metal, I assumed she meant that Rock-a-by-Baby stuff that's all the rage; songs from Metallica, Tool, Megadeth, etc. played on a xylophone or whatever. I was wrong. Turns out that Baby Metal is an actual f**king band. It's a three- piece chic band from Japan. Had no idea. Here's a link: