SHOW # 1471 APRIL 2 2012

To the shock of absolutely no one, two- thirds of women say they've used their cleavage to get advantages.  The other way to look at this is, ONE- third of women have small b(.)(.)bs.  So, how have ladies used their 'dirty pillows' to their advantage?  Let us count the ways; get out of tickets, impress someone on a first date, jump in line, get free drinks and to help their career.  Like I said, no one is shocked that women use their b(.)(.)bs for special treatment.  B(.)(.)bs are like currency:  have enough and a lot of problems go away.  Think about it; rich folks and celebrities don't live within the same legal system as the rest of us.  Vince Neil and Brandi have both killed someone with their cars, but because they're Vince Neil and Brandi, they got a slap on the wrist while the rest of us would be in prison.  Lindsay Lohan can violate her probation 20 times a week and, again, while WE'D be in jail, she gets to make a million dollars posing for Playboy... which is really gross.  We know how it works.  It's the American way.  Nevertheless, while most of us don't have a 'get out of jail free' card or the ultimate hook up, we all 'know a guy' or have a connection that helps us in a pinch.  WHAT STRINGS CAN YOU PULL TO GET WHAT YOU WANT OR TO AVOID WHAT YOU DON'T?
For the most part, the stories today involved being in the military and getting the discounts that come with it or the times that people avoided getting speeding tickets.  The thing about dealing with the cops is that speeding tickets, in my mind, are the least of your problems.  I mean, I've never gotten pulled over for speeding when I WASN'T speeding.  On the other hand, if I were popped for drugs, THAT'S when I'd like a cop to cut me some slack.  Just me?
I don't really have many connections or anything, but certain friends seem to think I'm a connection because of my job.  Make no mistake, we get plenty of cool perks working at KISW, but we don't have any actual pull over bands or concert venues, etc.  WE might get hooked up, but it's not like we can call Nikki Sixx and make things happen.  On the other hand, Pain in the Grass and Holiday Hangover Ball, maybe we can help.  Maybe.  That's about it though.
So, last Monday, Thee Ted Smith came in and was sick as f**k.  He came in because we've always said that we don't believe anyone who says they're sick on a Monday or a Friday... the whole 3- day weekend thing.  Anyway, he missed the next two days because he REALLY WAS sick.  So I wake up today and I'm sick as a dog (assuming the dog is sick), puking, joints hurting, skin on fire, the whole nine.  I wanted to call off today, but no, Ted dragged his sick ass in and so I did the same.  I bring this up because I wanted to kill Ted today for making it in last week.  So here I am.  I hate puking, and that has been the main evidence of my sickness.  Two things I've discovered about puking; (1) it's impossible to do quietly and (2) nothing comes up the same color it goes down.
I'll leave you with that.
Bitches, you've been a fine group... most of you, anyway!
Until tomorrow, lick it but don't bite and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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People : Lindsay LohanNikki SixxTed SmithVince Neil

04/02/2012 5:32PM
SHOW # 1471 APRIL 2 2012
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