So, you're 16- years- old and get caught painting graffiti on a school; what's your punishment? If you're Dennis Baltimore Jr of Long Beach, California, you wear a sandwich board that reads "I'm a juvenile delinquent who should be punished. I have wasted your tax money with dumb acts of vandalism in public schools." He's not alone, of course. A 7th grader in Florida (meaning he's anywhere from 12 to 19- years- old) who is the preverbal "class clown" had to wear a sign reading "Hey, I want to be a class clown. Is that wrong?" That's what it said on the front. The BACK of the sign added, "I'm in the 7th grade and got three F's. Blow your horn if there's something wrong with that." (Beep- beep) And an 8- year- old girl in Chicago had to wear a sign explaining, "I like to steal from others and lie about it", presumably because she likes to steal from others and lie about it. We all did dumb stuff that pissed our parents off when we were kids, so today we wanted to know: WHAT SIGN WOULD YOUR PARENTS HAVE MADE YOU WEAR BASED ON THE TIME YOU PISSED THEM OFF THE MOST?
Got a DUI at 14- years- old in his parents car... what do you put on that sign? "I'm already a drunk"?
Stole $600 from his baby- sitter. If you have $600 in cash, why baby- sit?
Got caught shoplifting matches... his father is a firefighter
At 14, broke into a construction site and drove a 3- ton excavator around... ended up clipping and bridge and rolling the thing into a ditch. He was smart enough to tell NO ONE
His parents would have made him wear a sign that read "I have anger issues!"
The sign: "I like to show my naked arse to old women at garage sales!" Do the math. On the bright side, his father actually found his posterior display funny
His mother found his Playboys back in the day and used them as placemats for dinner that night. I get the point, but that seems insanely unsanitary
Sign: "I got suspended from school for a year because I think getting stoned is more important than going to class"... well, DUH! Wait... what's that. Ah... I mean, that's terrible.
Sign: "I'm a sinning whore!" Not sure you'd want your KID standing on a street corner advertising her 'loose morals'. She's from a "super- Catholic" family, dated a guy for 3 years and eventually lost her virginity to him. Premarital sex = evil.
Sign: "I am horny."... ran up $700 in phone sex bills... again, not a sign you want your KID wearing at an intersection
Sign: "I like to take drugs in an effort to get laid". See, I like to take drugs because they're fun and I try to get laid because that's fun too. Don't need one for the other
Actually had to wear a sign that read "I like to pick fights"... got hit by a car while wearing it. The irony is that he'd picked a fight on a bus and had to walk to school... which is when he was hit.
That's my favorite one from today.
If you were at Elysian Fields Friday night for our 6- pack launch party, thank you, and I'm sure it was great seeing you, but I recall precious little... which, generally speaking, means I had a blast.
OK, I'm outta here, mi amigos.
Until tomorrow, dance, dance, dance and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"