SHOW # 1507 MAY 31 2012

It's never a big surprise when a professional athlete retires from their respective sport.  After all, it's bound to happen sooner or later.  In cases where the athlete in question is past their prime, they'll often sign a one- day contract with the team they're most closely associated so they can 'officially' retire as a member of that team.  Goofy, but it's what people do.  In the world of NFL football, Jerry Rice and Joe Montana signed one day contracts with the San Francisco 49ers and Emmitt Smith signed with the Dallas Cowboys and, as of yesterday, Kordell Stewart announced that he has officially retired a Pittsburgh Steeler.  The odd thing about Kordell is that HE HASN'T PLAYED FOOTBALL IN 7 YEARS!  Can you really retire from something you haven't done in 7 years?  I guess you can.  There are a lot of things I haven't done in a long time, but it didn't occur to me that I haven't officially announced my retirement from those activities.  For example, I've officially retired from drinking tequila out of plastic bottles.  haven't done it in about 20 years, but today I'm announcing my retirement from it.  I'm also announcing my retirement from sleeping on sidewalks or stuffing quarters in my nose in exchange for a pint of beer.  True.  Anyway, this leads to today's question:  EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A WHILE, WHAT WOULD YOU OFFICIALLY LIKE TO RETIRE FROM?
Meth... good call
Being the 'party girl and college whore'... which is a shame
Officially retired from drinking Yukon Jack (good idea) and playing guitar (not a good idea)
Drunken Facebooking... too many apologies
After 20 years of not skiing, he's officially announcing his retirement from, well, skiing
He's retired from getting arrested... now he's a cop.  Go figure
After gaining 100 pounds, he's retired from paintball... I think it's because he's an easy target
Retired from selling weed 7 years ago, after selling for 20 years... he still smokes
She's retired from dating... she's still single and will presumably stay that way
Malt liquor... well, not ALL malt liquor, just the 40 oz bottles
Thanksgiving at grandma's... says the food sucks and the company is getting lame.  On that note, I've retired from Christmas with the family.  My immediate family is fine, but I'm done buying plane tickets to fly 3000 for it.  Too much trouble and too much $$$.
OK, I've got some ass business brewing and must excuse myself.  Yea, it's like THAT, itches.
Until tomorrow, wipe front to back and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

Tags :  
People : Emmitt SmithJerry RiceJoe MontanaKordell Stewart

05/31/2012 5:45PM
SHOW # 1507 MAY 31 2012
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