Congratulations to this year's winner of the 85th Annual Scripps National Spelling Bee. The 14- year- old won $40,000 for correctly spelling 'guetapens', a French word meaning something to the effect of 'ambush' or 'trap'. It's really no surprise that she won, as her name is SNIGHA NANDIPATI... and she's had to spell THAT her entire life. Anyway, Snigha now has a childhood accomplishment to brag about. On that note, 18- year- old eric Arty at Manhattan Theatre Lab High School in New York City has something to really, really brag about. He just won a $500 bet with 4 friends for being the first, and presumably the only, one of them to make out with their hot- ass 26- year- old global studies teacher. The kiss was caught on tape and he collected. Meanwhile, the teacher, Julie Warning, has been 'reassigned'. Personally, I never won a spelling bee or made out with a teacher, and the ONE award I did win in my school days, which was for a historical research paper, I completely plagiarized from another student. Actually, the only impressive accomplishments I have from my school days was missing 120 days of my junior year and being expelled from high school 4 times. It's not the stuff that makes a role- model, but it's no less impressive. That leads to today's question: WHAT WAS YOUR MOST IMPRESSIVE ACCOMPLISHMENT AS A YOUTH? AND WHAT WERE YOU REALLY KNOWN FOR?
Won the Bank of America award for Home Ec... what the hell do you win for that?
Was the state champion in wrestling
Only went to school for two months his senior year and still graduated
Made a silver ring; it won a competition and ended up at S.A.M. Precious!
Wrangled 29 wolves into cages... WTF???
Ran the Baltimore Marathon in 3 hours... I lived in Baltimore for 23 years and never we had a marathon
Was a "nobody" in high school... then he hooked up with the senior prom queen, then he was 'somebody'
He was known as the kid who had a headache and popped a Viagra (by accident) instead of aspirin... had to call out from work because his boner wasn't going anywhere
In 4th grade he won a Frisbee throwing contest... threw it 210 feet... no one else got it past 75 feet
Played semi- pro basketball in Europe at age 17... now he's a long shoremen
Won the punt, pass and kick contest at age 9... 'say punt, pass, kick three times fast and see what dirty word you say
OK bitches, off to the BJ Shea Comedy Riot.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"