SHOW # 1522 JUNE 21 2012

In the last 12 months, tattoo removal has gone up 32%.  Why?  Well, 40% of those who've had ink removed, say they did it to get a job, 18% got a tattoo removed because it was their ex's name (NEVER tattoo a person's name who you are in a relationship) and other reasons included a change in their beliefs and some people got it removed because they just didn't like it anymore.  Stop getting tattoos to look good or rebellious or whatever.  If tattoos don't call to you, don't do it.  It's the best advice I can give you.  That being said, in effort to look 'good', college- aged girls continue to visit tanning beds at a high rate, in spite of the well- publicized cancer risks.  Well, they were asked why they continue to tan, and instead of just admitting that they want to look good, they came up with a bunch of other reasons like, "everything causes cancer these days" and "crossing the street is dangerous too".  Figures that a tan- hound would also find it difficult to cross a street.  At any rate, they DO look lovely when they're done tanning, so who cares?  You'd just think at least ONE of them would say "I like how I look".  I always assumed that's why they went.  Still though, their effort to look good pales in comparison to the latest 'trend' among brides- to- be, who are using FEEDING TUBES to shed weight quickly.  Diet and exercise are a thing of the past, of course, when you can just shove a tube down your throat, lose some weight and look good for a series of pictures.  Brilliant!  Then again, there's a list of dog breeds that men can adopt to attract women.  Not only is there a list of these breeds, there are men out there who adopt these dogs specifically to attract women.  Is that pathetic?  F**king- A right it is, but when it comes to trying to get laid, men will do almost anything.  There are even classes guys can take to get a rudimentary understanding of foreign languages just so they can impress women with their bi- lingualism.  I don't know if that's a word.  Anyway, these classes don't actually teach you a language, they simply teach you phrases that you can repeat and sound smart later.  "Hola, me llamo es hapistoso kobesa pinoche."  Today's question:  WHAT'S THE MOST EXTREME THING YOU'VE DONE TO LOOK GOOD OR IMPRESS OTHERS?
Fell into the 'Fast and Furious' lifestyle... bought a Honda, added $8000 worth of paint, rims, sound system, etc.  Now he drives a KIA
Cut his 3- foot long hair to impress some chick who preferred guys with buzz- a date with her and discovered why she liked short- haired dudes- she was an Aryan Nazi broad.  Never dated her again
Started working with a personal trainer to look good for his fiancé'... he lost 70 pounds.  The cool thing is, his fiancé joined him and lost 30 pounds herself
Got a septum ring in an effort to pick up a co- worker... it worked
Got a surgery to stop sweating... she pitted all the time, which prevented her from wearing "tight shirts that show off the curves"... she really wanted to show off her boobs, and now she can
Spent his entire paycheck on a first date... sounds stupid, but it worked because they're married now.  Actually, he dumped his paycheck and was broke for 2 weeks.  She didn't understand why he wouldn't call back, so he picked her up and ran out of gas while driving her back; then he had to admit that he spent ALL of his money trying to impress her.  She called him a dumbass, but gave him gas money, made him a loan and eventually married him.
Shaved his entire body for a girl
Entered an MMA after only 2 weeks of training to impress a girl... he lost a decision.  Still fights and is now 4-2
Entered a wet t-shirt contest to impress a guy... she lost to "a fat girl".  Don't worry about it, the guy was still impressed
Got a $9000 boob job
Used to use a safety pin to separate each eyelash so they'd look "perfect"... as you'd expect, she wore an eye patch for a week after poking her eyeball with the pin
OK bitches, I'm outta here like Vladimir.  I've never met anyone named Vladimir.  Is there another name that rhymes with 'outta here'?  Guinevere, but I'm not a chick.  Just askin'.
Until tomorrow, pass it to the left and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

06/21/2012 5:32PM
SHOW # 1522 JUNE 21 2012
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