Last Tuesday, a guy named Val Patterson died of throat cancer in Salt Lake City. He'd been sick for awhile, so he wrote his own obituary before he died... as opposed to after. Anyway, here are a few things he shared; that money that went missing from the Motor View Drive Inn Motelback in 1971? Yea, he stole it. Oh, and that job he had as an electrical engineer based on his PhD from the University of Utah? Well, he didn't actually earn the PhD because he dropped out of college after 3 years. It was sent to him because of a clerical error... but thanks for the job! That's alright though, in 1993, a guy by the name of Robert Wilson was on his deathbed and admitted that his world- famous picture of the Loch Ness monster was a fake. The photograph had been (and still is, sadly) THE iconic photo of the supposed creature. It was a fake and he said nothing about it for 60+ years. Kinda funny. Ah, so today we wanted to give you the chance to clear your conscious and come clean BEFORE you die: WHAT WOULD YOU FINALLY COP TO WHEN YOU REACH THE AFTERLIFE?
I have SO many things. Nothing recently that I can think of, but between the ages of about 8 to 30, I have a whole laundry list of deceitful, stupid and absolutely terrible things I'll need to 'fess up to. Then again, after checking the statute of limitations, I confessed to kidnapping someone. Granted, I was drunk on 2 bottles of tequila, but it's a felony nonetheless. Actually, that's probably the worst thing I've done. Sh*t, I hope so.
As for you:
Robbed a church
It was HER "raunchy- ass fart" in Senior English class, not poor Cullen who was blamed!
Got a $500,000 home loan with no down payment on falsified paycheck stubs
Currently a truck driver... doesn't have and has never has his CDL
She did porn in college
She slept with her sister's husband last year... said her sister listens to our show "sometimes". We'll find out if she was listening today
Was in the Coast Guard in the 1980's and shot several drug smugglers. Added that if ANYONE believes that the 'war on drugs' is anything other than a PR stunt, you're crazy.
Over 30 years ago, he pushed his buddy's arm in such a way that the guy's hand ended up slapping the teacher's ass... his buddy got suspended and ended up graduating a year late
Wanted to let Joseph know that it was HIM who peed all over that new 24- pack of toilet paper
He's one of several people who robbed a 7-11 of 40 cases of beer, 80 cartons of cigarettes and $5000 worth of Lottery tickets
OK bitches, that about sums it up. Before I go I should point out that there's now a twitter feed under my name out there, but IT'S NOT ME. I'm not on twitter, so there's some dude posing as me on twitter. As I understand it, he launched it today. I'm not saying don't follow the guy, just letting you know it ain't me. Carry on.
Until tomorrow, move and grove with nothing to prove and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"