Baseball legend Cal Ripken Jr.'s 74- year- old mother, Vi, was abducted by an armed man Tuesday... but was found safe and sound yesterday morning. No ransom was demanded, she didn't recognize her abductor and no motive has been established, so this story stands firmly in the realm of weird. Meanwhile, a woman named Jenn Gibbons was attempting to become the first person to solo- row the entire 1500 mile perimeter of Lake Michigan. Instead, she became the first person to be RAPED while attempting to solo- row the perimeter of Lake Michigan. Earlier this morning in Kenmore (shout out to Kenmore) a guy was robbed and stabbed ny two masked intruders. One of the intruders was the victim's "best friend". Makes you wonder what this guy's definition of a 'friend' is. And in Rhode Island, some guy got all romantic and hired a plane to to tow his marriage proposal banner. Imagine his horror when the plane crashed. Oh, and a guy in South Africa was surfing when he noticed a great white shark eating the back half of his surfboard. He decided he'd jump in the water and swim for shore while the shark was preoccupied with his board. Today's question: FRIEND OR FAMILY, WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW?
Her husband jumped into a river... of SEWAGE
Bill Murray knocked his friend over in Central Park... I'm pretty sure Bill Murray f**ked my cousin multiple times. She was Miss Universe a few years back and he dated her. Do the math... 1+1 = 69
Got hammered at a wedding and woke up the next day in the wrong hotel
Her fiancé went on his bachelor party in "Vegas" 2 days before their wedding... missed the wedding and was gone for a week before anyone heard from him. Wasn't in Vegas, he was in Mexico, in jail... where he stayed an additional 3 weeks. Also told her that his phone and keys were eaten by an alligator; you know, one of those elusive Mexican alligators you hear about all the time. They never got married, but they stayed together for another year. She was a hit with men everywhere today.
His friend was a cargo pilot in Alaska... one of the planes he was flying burst into flames and had to be crash landed
His buddy OD'd on heroin in Amsterdam and died... as the coroner is zipping up the body bag, he came back to life. SURPRISE!
Her husband went in for a minor surgery (a bump on his head)... his oxygen mask CAUGHT ON FIRE and he had to be rushed to Harbor View
Fell into a German man- hole... which sounds like a euphemism for gay sex in Deutschland
Got stuck in a rainstorm in Florida... a sink hole opened up about a foot away from his car
His roommate knocked up a chick with TWINS the FIRST time he had sex with her... a week later he got ANOTHER girl pregnant on the first "try"
OK bitches, the evening is calling my name and I'm about to answer.
Until tomorrow, let the bodies hit the floor and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"