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Maybe you heard, maybe you didn't, but a man outside Tampa, Florida went missing this morning. The thing is, everyone kinda knows where he is, but they can't get to him. See, the guy was sleeping in his bedroom when A GINAT SINKHOLE OPENED UNDER HIS BEDROOM and swallowed him up. Seriously. The sinkhole, estimated to be 30 feet across at the surface and 100 FEET ACROSS below the surface, opened under his bedroom while he slept... and that was it. Gone. A lot of people go to bed stressed about what they have to face the following day, or still deep in thought about what happened earlier, but most of us don't worry too much about what's gonna happen to us WHILE we sleep. We lock our doors, turn off the lights and take solace in the idea that the earth won't eat us... and for some of us, that is the wrong assumption. Every- so- often, something weird happens to us or around us while we sleep and all we can do is try to make sense of it when we wake up: I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME I WOKE UP TO ___________.
Discovered a raccoon in her shower... at least it was sanitary
A bear sniffed around her tent for 20 minutes
One of the pet snakes he was watching bit him in the face while he slept
Woke up drowning... had a California King size waterbed... it sprung a leak and by the time he woke up, he was under water
Woke up in his bed... covered with carpenter ants
She woke up right after the car plowed into her bedroom
Woke up to what he thought was an explosion, so he grabbed his gun and went investigating... found nothing. His wife explained that the noise that had woken him up was his own fart. Damn, man. I mean, damn.
Living in a tent on a beach (don't ask) woke up to what they thought were partying kids... it was 400 pound Sea Lion
In college, he woke up with a couple having sex next to him
Woke up when he heard his pet chickens being attacked by raccoons
Was camping with the Boy Scouts when a tree fell next to his tent
Lived a few doors away from an assisted living facility... one morning, a patient entered their home and climbed into bed with 3- year- old sister. Dad, who was naked, wrestled the guy out of the house
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Enjoy your weekend. If, by chance, you'll be at the Emerald City Comic Con, come find me. I'll be there promoting a 2- tear- in- the- making project, The Blue Dart. Myself and Travis Bundy (comic book artist and writer at Creater's Edge Comics) have been working on this thing and it's finally (kind of) ready to launch. It's a scripted podcast featuring the exploits of a very crny and silly super hero we call The Blue Dart. It is silly, it is absurd and we're hoping you like it. I'll have more details later, but if you have any interest, check out www.biggcityonline.com. There's not much info there, but you'll get an idea.
Anyway, I'm out!
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"