SHOW # 1698 APRIL 12 2013

A guy on a fishing trip with two buddies spotted a beaver on the side of the road and decided that he wanted to snap a picture of it.  He grabbed his camera aqnd approached.  What's the worse thing that could happen?  The beaver could kill you... that's what!  The beaver bit the guy on the thigh, severed a main artery and the guy bled to death.  Here in Seattle, a guy on an escalator fell onto his back.  When he reached the bottom, his shirt got caught in the escalator and he was strangled to death.  People on a carnival Cruise in the Caribbean spent three days adrift at sea eating onion sandwiches while sitting next to giant piles of human feces.  Take a picture of a beaver, ride an escalator, go on a cruise... today we wanted to know:  WHAT WAS A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE THAN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN?
Got his jaw wired shut, but lost his job as a result... didn't have the money to get the wiring removed, so he got drunk and removed them himself with pliers
His divorce took 3 years to finalize... and cost him $25,000 just to have to spend more money in the form of alimony
A prostate biopsy... it involves a large steel 'tool' being inserted into your rectum and it feels about as delightful as you'd imagine.  Even worse, 12 samples had to be taken.  On the "bright side", doctors found the cancer
He'd just wanted to fart, but he played Roker Poker and ended up sh*tting himself.  He had to drive 45 minutes home, pants less.  Pulls into the parking lot of his apartment complex and is greeted by his landlord.  Like I said, he just wanted to fart
Camping on a mountain when a thunderstorm rolls in... everyone takes cover except the 'fat idiot' in his group- who is promptly struck by lightning.  He and his other buddies had to carry the guy all the way back down the mountain
Had an open lung biopsy... it took 17 days worth of surgeries... he needs a double- lung transplant
Attempted anal with his girlfriend and ended up ripping his foreskin (!!!)... the shock and blood loss led a heart murmur and had to be de- fibbed at the hospital.  Dude just wanted anal
Her honeymoon... an ovarian cyst burst because they kept having sex
Woke up during eye surgery... DURING it!!!
OK bitches, the weekend is here!  If you're at the Sounders game tomorrow, I might see you.  If you go to the BJ Shea Comedy Riot on Sunday, might see you there too.  Then again, I might not.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations : CaribbeanSeattle

04/12/2013 5:15PM
SHOW # 1698 APRIL 12 2013
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