We go to the Garden State, New Jersey, where a yearlong investigation, dubbed 'Operation Swill', exposed 29 bars and restaurants, including 13 T.G.I. Fridays, for substituting top shelf booze with the cheap sh*t. In other words, these establishments filled their Grey Goose, Jack Daniels and Bombay's with the cheap crap in the wells... but still charges customers the premium prices... if they were even THAT lucky. At one bar, a mixture of caramel coloring and RUBBING ALCOHOL was sold as scotch! See, you THINK you're drinking the good stuff, but you're drinking a crappy imitation. Speaking of crappy imitations, 23 years ago today, in 1990, the same state of New Jersey proposed a bill that would REQUIRE music venues to notify audiences when an act lip- synchs. Why? It was in response to the Milli- Vanilli lip- synching scandal back in the days when people thought pop stars actually sang music live. Granted, the dudes in Milli- Vanilli didn't even sing the songs in the studio. They were just two pretty faces picked by a record company to represent the music. Lots of people were pissed when they discovered that they were not what they'd thought they were. Happens to all of us; you take a swig of 'water' only to discover it's 7-Up, click on the thumbnail of some 'hottie' on a porn site, only to find out it's a dude dressed like a woman or you take a hit of what you thought was weed, but it was crack. Happened to Miles. Today's question: WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS, AND WHAT DID IT END UP BEING?
Someone offered him a cigarette... it was a cigarette but it had crack sprinkled on it
Thought it was a dairy cow... it was a bull... a very territorial bull that pretty much f**ked him up
Thought she had kidney stones, but no, she was about to give birth! She was 9 month's pregnant and had no idea. In case you were wondering, yes, she is 250 pounds
Ate some tacos at a party BEFORE he found out that they were laced with acid
Was in Iraq... thought it was trash... it was IED
Mom gave him a bowl of ice cream when he was 7... it was sour cream
Thought it was gonna be a one- night- stand... it was just the FIRST time he had sex with his wife of 10 years
Was at a wedding and decided to do a 'whip- it' from a can of whipped- cream... it was a can of Easy- Off oven cleaner. Blacked out and went to the hospital
Good news; you didn't have a stroke. Bad news; you have Bells Palsy
Had a 'tingle' in his scrotum, but didn't worry about it too much... until the doctor pointed out that it's cancer. He's in week 3 of chemo
Thought it was meatloaf... it was cat food
Was at a public pool and decided to swim up to his friend underwater and ripped down his buddy's trunks. It wasn't his buddy... it was a 13- year- old kid
Met a woman online, chatted for a few months and FINALLY set up a meeting. she was a hair- dresser, so he met her there. She had a client at the time, so he was told to wait in the 'massage room'. When she finished up with her client, she gave him a 'full body' massage, complete with a happy ending. They head to the bar, get a few drinks in them, start making out and getting all hot and heavy. Like any red- blooded man, he started sliding his hand up her thigh... and THAT’S when he discovered her penis.
I'll send you into a three- day weekend with that. You're welcome.
Until Tuesday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"