SHOW # 1727 MAY 31 2013

We go to Spain, where a 74- year- old mother was in a car with her 2 adult sons.  They were pulled over for some traffic violation, but the mother worried that the cops would find her sons' drugs... so she grabbed them ALL and swallowed them.  Sure enough, the police didn't discover the drugs... until the mother had a heart attack from the overdose and died.  Despite her efforts, her sons were arrested and she has the distinction of being one of the very few people to NOT be a drug addict yet OD anyway.  Not to be outdone; most people who do NOT have herpes agree that if they WERE to get herpes, they'd hope it's during a ridiculously dirty and passionate night of sweaty sex.  Imagine being the 28- year- old woman from Brooklyn who got herpes after sampling lipstick from MAC Cosmetics.  Apparently, some sore- mouthed harlet had sampled the same lipstick before her.  Ladies, don't sample make- up.  You don't know who was there before you.  It's like sampling a cheeseburger that a bunch of other people had already taken a bit of.  Just sayin'.  Anyway, sometimes we're the not- so- proud recipients of something we never intended to receive... even if it's extra change from a cashier or speeding ticket... even though someone else was driving our car.  WHAT DID YOU GET... QUITE BY ACCIDENT?
His second wife... he'd just gotten a divorce, so he moved in with a bunch of other people... started having sex with one of them... and now they're married
Once had an ice cream cone laced with cocaine... didn't know it until they had to go to the hospital.  Some people have all the luck
Got dosed with acid... the drug, not anything caustic... in the 9th grade.  After he saw his teacher 'melt', he knew something was wrong.  Either that, or his teacher actually melted
Got his 1st job by accident.  He'd been volunteering, but he worked so well, they made a job offer
Stole a joint from his mother's purse and smoked it... turns out, it was laced with PCP
Snorted MDMA because he thought it was coke.  He'd wanted coke to help him come down from his bad 'shroom trip
Ended up at a gay bar... as he put it, "gay men are nicer than girls"
The weekend is here and it is BEAUTIFUL, so let's all get our own personal parties started, bitches. 
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

05/31/2013 5:56PM
SHOW # 1727 MAY 31 2013
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