This past Wednesday, a cop in Texas pulled over a driver for routine traffic violation. No big deal. He wrote him a ticket and handed it to the driver. That's when the MONKEY in the backseat of the car lunged at him and bit the officer. It goes without saying, but the officer was not prepared to be attacked by a monkey in a car. Meanwhile, in New Zealand, a burglar broke into a house and came face- to- face with the owner... who had just killed himself. The guy had hanged himself and was swinging in from the ceiling. The would- be burglar freaked out and called the cops. And then there was a situation in England where a man dressed as a penis was rescued from a fight on the street by a woman dressed as a vagina. Sometimes you unexpectedly see something you just didn't expect to see. I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF BED IF I'D HAVE KNOWN I'D SEE __________ THAT DAY?
Walked into an elevator where two men were having sex. Do you really have enough time to have sex on an elevator? Can you finish THAT quick? Just wondering
Was delivering pizza to a retirement home and was greeted by two "fat, old naked" people. He had to stand there while the naked guy got money to pay for his dinner. He's not sure how long the whole experience lasted, but it lasted too long.
Would have stayed in bed if he knew he'd see his (then) girlfriend's dog get hit and killed by a car
Used to move furniture out of the homes of the recently deceased. Well, one time, the body of the 'recently deceased' was still in the house
His 76- year- old female neighbor came to his front door asking if he'd seen her cat. Thing is, she was naked at the time.
Found a homemade sex tape and popped it in. After about a full 60 seconds, he realized that he was watching his mother have sex with a dude and another woman. Good times!
Saw a guy get hit by a train at the crossing
Saw a homeless guy get hit in the face... with anal beads... that had been pulled from the garbage. Personally, I'd WANT to see that. Too funny
His brother's "fat" girlfriend tried to get in the shower with him when he was 17
While working at a doctor's office, a guy in a trench coat walked in WHILE masturbating and asked what time it was
Stepped in human poop in her nice shoes. The poop was in front of the toilet in a bathroom. Stepping in any kind of poop sucks, but human poop, for whatever reason, is the worst
OK bitches, the weekend is upon us, and I'm ready to get it started. Have a good one, amigos.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"