SHOW # 1793 SEPTEMBER 19 2013
There's a time in everyone's life when we're pretty sure we've hit rock bottom or we just think we're pathetic in general. Take Jon Gosselin, ex- husband of the soulless Kate and father of the 8 kids they whored out for money. Now that their 15 minutes are over and they have to make an honest living, Jon got the one job made available to him; he waits tables in Beckersville, Pennsylvania at a place called the Black Dog. This is the same guy who single- handedly made Ed Hardy's clothing line uncool... according to Ed Hardy! To be fair, Jon Gosselin has always seemed pathetic, so no surprises here. However, a random woman who asked syndicated columnist 'Dear Prudence' IS surprised how desperate she's become. In a nutshell, she divorced her husband of 6 years a few months ago and is now suffering from acute loneliness. Says she cries after pleasuring herself because it reminds her that she's lonely. Even more disturbing, she now shaves only one leg so when she lays in bed at night, it feels like there's a man next to her. ??? Seriously. Leads to today's question: I CAN LAUGH AT IT NOW, BUT IT WAS PRETTY PATHETIC THE TIME I DID ____________.
Was ashamed of being part of the 'robotics team' in high school... and we understood why. Still smarter than any of us, though.
Got drunk and locked the keys of the designated driver in the running car... cops had to come and slim jim the car... then he puked on the cop
Got drunk and had a flaming shot (of Everclear, if it matters)... misjudged where his mouth was located on his face and ended up dumping liquid fire over his head. Lost half of his hair and burned his eyelids
Woke up after a night of drinking covered in barbeque sauce... discovered a puppy (that wasn't his) in his closet... ALSO covered in barbecue sauce
When he was about 7, he thought there was a marble stuck in the can of spray paint, so he punctured the can and blasted while paint all over his face
Built a zip line from a tree house... crashed into the tree at the other end. Cracked his sternum, but didn't go to the hospital because, frankly, his penis was fine
Broke her ankle dancing... alone
OK bitches, I'm headed to greener pastures... which is entirely untrue. I'm just done with the Big Brown Blog
Until tomorrow, up your irons and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"