SHOW # 1838 DECEMBER 03 2013

When it comes to getting high or drunk, most of us take advantage of the plethora of drugs and alcohol offerings already in rotation... whether they're legal or not.  Thanks to Big Pharma, you can get stoned on perfectly LEGAL drugs that simply mimic their illegal counterparts.  It's low and shady, but it's genius.  And hell, when it comes to booze, pick your poison; beer, wine, whiskey, tequila, vodka, gin, rum... it's your choice.  However, in spite of the cornucopia of narcotics available, people, namely teenagers, are (seemingly) always looking for alternatives.  Some huff paint, sniff glue, smoke tea and/ or banana peels, guzzle cough medicine or mouthwash, or, more recently, get all hopped up on bath salts.  Earlier this year we read about the "epidemic" of teens guzzling HAND SANITIZER in an effort to distort their personal reality, and now, it seems they've turned their attention to COOKING wine.  One bottle of cooking wine is equivalent to about 4 beers... and about 500% of your daily sodium requirement.  See, in spite of cooking wine being, well, wine, almost nowhere will card anyone who buys it.  Kids got hip to this truth and it's been game- on.  The thing is, nothing these kids are doing is anything new, so today we wanted to know:  WHAT DUMB WAY DID YOU TRY TO CATCH A BUZZ?
Drank vanilla extract
Took a bunch of Dramamine (motion sickness pills)... 45 of them to be (almost) exact.  He did trip, like he was told he would, but he also spent two days in the hospital
Tried to smoke ferns... actually, he DID smoke ferns successfully... and got a severe headache as a result.  Don't smoke ferns
Tried smoking over- the- counter pills after smoking pain pills for years
Would stand straight up and hold his breath as long as possible... kinda like walking into a room after I've farted
Ate a few tablespoons of nutmeg... described it as smoking cheap Mexican weed while having a theatre
Tried smoking chewing tobacco... the effect is similar to chewing smoking tobacco; bad
Smoked a newspaper when he was 12- years- old.  Might be the worst kind of smoke to breathe in
Took X and then drank a BOTTLE of Robatusin... definitely got high
Tried to smoke BEER from a bong... ended up sucking all of the foam directly into his lungs
Attempted to brew plum wine while serving in Afghanistan... tried 
After learning that the scrotum is porous and absorbent, he decided to soak his privates in a cup full of 151 to see fi he could get drunk that way.  It didn't work
After running out of weed, he and his friends decided to smoke catnip.  Wish I could say that I never did the same thing
Mixed poppy seeds with water and lemon juice in the hope of having an opiate high... managed to get a little buzz
ESPN's own, and Kent's own, Kenny Mayne stopped by today to chat.  He is a funny, funny man.  Truly.
OK bitches, I'm outta here, bitches.  It's been real.
Until tomorrow, eat your meat and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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12/03/2013 5:20PM
SHOW # 1838 DECEMBER 03 2013
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