SHOW 1861 JANUARY 17 2014
You got to the emergency room with a light bulb hopelessly lodged in your rectum; you tell the doctor you inadvertently sat on a lamp. No one believes you. You're a teenager lying naked in bed with your girlfriend when her father catches you; you tell him you were just sleeping. No one believes you. If you're naked in a car in a Target parking lot with TWO open jars of Vasoline, the cops who find you don't believe that you were just "changing your clothes"... even if you ARE New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow. Look, even the most honest people will try to sell you complete B.S. if the truth is humiliating, hurtful or incarcerate-y. WHAT'S THE STOY YOU TOLD, DID ANYONE BELIEVE YOU AND WHAT'S THE REAL STORY?
What I figured out during the course of today's show is why I got busted for everything as a kid; I didn't grow up with a pet. Seriously. I never put it together until today. Seems that many a person, as a kid, could break, burn, steal, or stain ANYTHING in their house and get away with it by simply blaming the animal. My brother and I had no such luck. If we were responsible, we got our come- uppins quickly. As it is, my kids have the luxury of having a dog that they can blame for any myriad of things... leading me to wonder how many times I've been duped already. Although, to be fair, the dog is not nearly responsible for as many silent farts as I would have you believe.
All I've got today, bitches.
It's a three day weekend, so enjoy it and drink as much as you'd like for Sunday's game... because you have an extra day to recover.
Until Tuesday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!