You know what I hate most about walking my dog? It's the fear that a porcupine will drop from the sky and onto my head. That's exactly what happened to a woman in Brazil. She was walking her dog when a porcupine fell off a lamp post and onto her head... leaving 200 quills embedded in her scalp. You know what I hate about grabbing stuff out of the car in my own driveway? It's that fear that some fool is gonna lose control of his car, hit a power pole and pin me between the bumper of his wreckage and my car. Happened yesterday to a guy in south Seattle. And do you know what I hate about riding a bike? It's the fear that I'll get embedded in the windshield of the car that hit me.. and the driver won't notice until they get home. Happened on Saturday to a guy in Wisconsin. Clearly, these things happen, albeit, not very often. I REALLY WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS WHEN __________ HAPPENED?
His dog got sprayed by a skunk and then came running into the house and jumped in his lap while he was watching tv
A butterfly peed in his eye while he was riding his bike... he crashed
She was waiting for the bus when she saw two cops Taser a perp
Watched a guy argue with his girlfriend, get fed up and jump in front of a moving car
Served in Iraq and was dropping a deuce in a Port- O- John when a mortar went off nearby.. literally scaring the sh*t out of him
Got t- boned by a drunk driver... the drunk driver had an interlock device on his car. Note; interlocks don't do sh*t
Her husband was minding his own business barbequing when her brother 'accidentally' shot him in the leg with a 9 mm. They're still paying the medical bills
Worked for the power company and had to dig a 3- foot hole and go into it head- first. Everything was going accordingly until a 120- pound Black Lab mounted him from behind and "had it's way" with him for quite "awhile".
His co-worker tried to 'dislodge' the dog, but it tried to bite him when he did. Eventually, the co-worker returned with a shovel, but the whole situation lasted about 3 minutes... or 21 dog- minutes.
SIT AND SPIN
You may have heard, but the Seahawks beat the highly overrated 49ers this past Sunday to earn their second trip to the Super Bowl. Anyway, Jolene brought us the top 10 'victory' songs.
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Plenty to do, bitches.
Until tomorrow, slap yo pappy and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"