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While the personal life of Tiger Woods means absolutely nothing to me, itâs impossible to escape hearing about it. It all started Thanksgiving weekend when Tigerâs wife caught wind of an alleged affair between him and some random Vegas jet- setter. The wife, as you well know, introduced the windshield of Tigerâs SUV to the destructive powers of a golf club. Since then, 8 more women have come out of the woodwork claiming that they, too, have had romantic relations with the worldâs wealthiest athlete. Thatâs a new diamond ring for every finger on Tigerâs wifeâs hand except one. We call that the âKobe Bryant equationâ. We donât know this for sure, but weâre assuming that Tiger had told his wife that the first woman mentioned as his âplay thingâ was the ONLY one. On the other hand, thatâs usually the same answer the average drunk driver tells the police after getting pulled over. You know how it goes; âIâve had only one drink, officerââŚ thinking that if you donât mention the other 8, maybe the cops will let you go; they wonât. At least Miles will always admit to having two shots. Thatâs not quite accurate, but itâs more than one. Ask any guy between the ages of 18 and 22 how many women theyâve been with and whatever they answer, subtract 5. Ask a woman over the age of 30 how many guys sheâs been with and add 5. Ask her her weight and add 15. Ask her age and add 7. When it comes to personal statistics, we all lie about some slots more than others: WHEN IT COMES TO LITTLE WHITE LIES, WHICH NUMBER IN YOUR PERSONAL STATISTICS DO YOU LIE ABOUT MOST OFTEN?
If Iâm gonna lie about any stats, its how many drinks Iâve had. The truth is, I donât keep count, but I know my limitâŚ and then surpass it. Itâs like speeding; you know how fast youâre supposed to drive, but chances are, youâve go over that limit. Same with me.
How much money he makes in tips (to avoid getting bent over the IRS) and lies that his current wife is his firstâŚ sheâs his second
His height and weightâŚ and the number of women heâs been with
Lies about how tall he isâŚ heâs 5 feet 5 and says heâs 5 feet 8âŚ and doesnât expect anyone to notice
Height AND weightâŚ and this is from a guy
Number of women heâs been withâŚ gives a lower number
Used to lie about her age; she was 26 for years, but now she lies about her weight
Lies about how much money he makes
How much money heâs won or lost gambling at casinos
The score of his golf game
Lies about his number of arrests
Lies about finishing high school
His wife is doing porn to supplement their incomeâŚ and no one knows it
âThe check is in the mailâ
Playboy is the only âpornâ he looks at
How much tobacco they consume
And the lie that any of us will tellâŚ any answer to a childâs question
Lies about her religion
Everybody lies at one time or anotherâŚ and if anyone tells you that they donât lie, theyâre lying
Alright, I have a f**king toothache. I know I need to go to the dentist, but I usually wait until itâs an emergency situation. Hopefully I can blow it off for a few more weeks. Weâll see. This has been messing with me for about two weeks, and for whatever reason, I still havenât gotten it checked out. Just me being me.
OK, time to go home and âease the painâ in my own, homeopathic way.
Until tomorrow, brush after every meal and STAY BEAUTIFUL!â