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A big deal has been made that a Republican has won a Senate seat in the historically Democrat- heavy state of Massachusetts.Ā Personally, we donāt care very much about that kind of thing (as itās Dumb vs. Dumber) but what we did find interesting was that the guy who won, Scott Brown, decided that during his acceptance speech, heād let everyone know that his two daughters were āavailableā.Ā When Scott realized that his 19 year old daughterās boyfriend was ON THE STAGE with him, he quickly corrected himself, saying that only his 21 year old daughter was available.Ā Yea, the next day, she had over 1500 āfriendā requests and 300 inbox messages from men looking to visit her mossy cottage.Ā Good going, Scott, your daughter is now being stalked.Ā Usually, if a parent is going to whore out one of their kids (and I donāt mean in the Kate Gossling kind of way) itās a mother trying to set up her nerdy and socially awkward son, but whatever.Ā Look, we know family is family and you love them in spite of themselves, but be honest; as much as you want them to be happy and find that āspecialā someone, you know that the odds of that fat, lazy, drunken, ugly bastard being with someone are slim at bestā¦ and even though you love them, you donāt hate anyone else enough to wish them a life with that particular family member.Ā Thatās the crux of todayās question:Ā AS FAR AS FAMILY MEMBERS GO, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN OF DATING MY _____________.
Miles says it all the time and itās true; I have a painfully normal and non- dramatic family.Ā Everyone except me is pretty decent, upstanding personā¦ although, there is the one drunk uncle.Ā But hell, even he is married AND an adoptive father.Ā Go figure.Ā If HE can get the OK to adopt a kid, Iāve gotta believe that everyone and anyone else in my family canāt be that bad.Ā Actually, check thatā¦ I have a degenerate cousin who I wouldnāt wish on anyone.Ā Long story short, heās a f**king idiot.
But Iām not alone; seems that a lot of you have a select number of family members who you wouldnāt wish on your worst enemy.Ā Hereās a sample;
His junkie brotherā¦ the guy is a crack head and happens to have herpesā¦ we know he has herpes because he gave the pregnant woman he was dating herpes
Her grandfatherā¦ like the main character in āA Beautiful Mindā, her grandfather was a genius who succumbed to paranoid schizophrenia.Ā Why is it that only smart people get afflicted with those types of diseases but idiots stay stupid forever?
Her 46 year old motherā¦ apparently sheās a hottie, but sheās also a superficial man- eaterā¦ or as we like to call her, a woman
Her mother- in- lawā¦ she was described as a āfake vegetarian typeāĀ (???)
His four- toothed cousin who lives in a trailer park in Louisianaā¦ sounds like a winner to me
No one should date his sisterā¦ sheās described as āhairy everywhereā, she has a kid but refuses to get a job and she gets engaged about once in a month
This guy described his sister as a liar and a thiefā¦ but Iām not sure what the problem is
Doesnāt believe that anyone should sustain the misery of dating his brother, who is 47 years old and going through a mid- life crisis.Ā We can forgive the guy for that, but all you need to know is that this guy calls himself āMan- candyā.Ā āNuff said.
His former step- mother, even though he refused to call her his step mother.Ā According him, sheās 4 feet 9 inches tall AND wide, hadnāt worked in 15 years (and refused to get one) and just sits on the sofa drinking beerā¦ basically, this woman has the life weād all enjoy
His fatherā¦ heās on wife number 6ā¦ yea, Iām sure sheās the one.Ā Why would you marry a SIXTH time?
It was ārefreshingā to hear what people think of their families.Ā Much like yesterday, I felt a hell of a lot better about my own family situation.Ā I think a lot of people got that same affirmation.
OK, Iāve got a f**king tooth ache, so Iām gonna role, bitches.
Until tomorrow, Sheās knocking me out with those American thighs, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!ā