Weâve all heard about or seen the video of David Hasselhoff rolling around on the floor in an ill- fated effort to enjoy a hamburger.Â Itâs not that âthe Hoffâ was any worse than any other drunken fool, itâs that his teenage daughter was the person video taping him.Â That part didnât sit well with the general public.Â Now we have Dennis Hopperâs soon- to- be- ex- wife Victoria filing for custody of their 6 year old daughter Galen, claiming that Dennis smokes the âDevilâs lettuceâ in front of her.Â Maybe itâs true, maybe itâs not, but it should be noted that Dennis smokes MEDICAL marijuana, prescribed to him because heâs battling prostate cancer.Â Iâm willing to guess that Dennis may have enjoyed the benefits of cannabis long before developing prostate cancer, but who knows?Â (wink- wink)Â Now, I donât have kids and kids rarely visit my house and thereâs a really good reason for that; my home is not what youâd call âchild friendlyâ.Â Child safe, maybe, child friendly, absolutely not.Â Sex toys, drugs and the related paraphernalia, porn, itâs all there and within easy reach.Â Come to think of it, so is my booze.Â Today, we wanted you to assume that kids will be staying at your home.Â Whatâs under your bed?Â Whatâs in the shoe box on the top shelf of your closet?Â Whatâs wrapped up in aluminum foil and hidden in the back of the freezer.Â These are the things we want to know:Â A 10 AND AN 8 YEAR OLD WILL BE STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE FOR A WEEK; WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOUR HOME KID FRIENDLY?
Honestly, Iâd just rent a hotel room for a week.Â Itâs not that I couldnât hide some of my contraband, itâs that thereâs no way Iâd remember every different place Iâve stashed my stashes.Â If kids are good for anything, itâs finding sh*t you donât want found.
As expected, there was a bit of a foreseen trend in what it is you all feel the need to hide in the event that children pay you a visit.
Would hide her boyfriendâs pornâŚ magazines and a massive collection of DVDâs.Â Theyâre all downstairs in their living room.Â Incidentally, all of his porn is ass pornâŚ if you care.
SteroidsâŚ couldnât have the kiddies getting all junked up âroids.
This guy would have sworn his home was child friendly, but after his puppy found his pepper spray and chewed through it, causing the kind of problems youâd expect.
Heâd have to clean up his internetâs âhistoryâ.
His girlfriendâs night stand has the âtoysâ of the sexual kind, while his night stand has the paraphernalia.
Would hide his guns, knives and porn.
Hide his guns and weed.
Would hide his liquor and his Medieval weaponsâŚ why do you have Medieval weapons?
This guy has a 3 year old who recently found his and his wifeâs extensive sex toy collection.
Would have to hide his roommates, who prefer to walk around in their bra and panties.Â Whatâs the problem?
He would hide his vintage guitar collection; not to protect the kids but to protect the guitars.
She didnât realize it, but her cell phone was something she should have hidden from her kid.Â It wouldnât have really mattered, but the kid found the âimagesâ on her phone.Â Not good.
Well, the good news is, most of us have the same thoughts when it comes to what weâd hide from the kiddies; sex toys, drugs, weapons and booze.Â No surprises there, but thatâs good.Â Since people have been overwhelmingly (and sometimes disturbingly) honest with us all these years, we were a little concerned about some of the answers we might here, but alas, youâre just a bunch of over sexed degeneratesâŚ and that brings us comfort.Â Hope it brings you comfort too.
Iâm outta here.Â Itâs Tuesday, so Iâve gotta run and host my little trivia deal.
Until tomorrow, no, I donât have a gun so STAY BEAUTIFULâ.