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SHOW # 970 January 26 2010

“Hola here come the kidolas,

We’ve all heard about or seen the video of David Hasselhoff rolling around on the floor in an ill- fated effort to enjoy a hamburger.  It’s not that ‘the Hoff’ was any worse than any other drunken fool, it’s that his teenage daughter was the person video taping him.  That part didn’t sit well with the general public.  Now we have Dennis Hopper’s soon- to- be- ex- wife Victoria filing for custody of their 6 year old daughter Galen, claiming that Dennis smokes the “Devil’s lettuce” in front of her.  Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but it should be noted that Dennis smokes MEDICAL marijuana, prescribed to him because he’s battling prostate cancer.  I’m willing to guess that Dennis may have enjoyed the benefits of cannabis long before developing prostate cancer, but who knows?  (wink- wink)  Now, I don’t have kids and kids rarely visit my house and there’s a really good reason for that; my home is not what you’d call “child friendly”.  Child safe, maybe, child friendly, absolutely not.  Sex toys, drugs and the related paraphernalia, porn, it’s all there and within easy reach.  Come to think of it, so is my booze.  Today, we wanted you to assume that kids will be staying at your home.  What’s under your bed?  What’s in the shoe box on the top shelf of your closet?  What’s wrapped up in aluminum foil and hidden in the back of the freezer.  These are the things we want to know:  A 10 AND AN 8 YEAR OLD WILL BE STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE FOR A WEEK; WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOUR HOME KID FRIENDLY?

Honestly, I’d just rent a hotel room for a week.  It’s not that I couldn’t hide some of my contraband, it’s that there’s no way I’d remember every different place I’ve stashed my stashes.  If kids are good for anything, it’s finding sh*t you don’t want found.

As expected, there was a bit of a foreseen trend in what it is you all feel the need to hide in the event that children pay you a visit.

Would hide her boyfriend’s porn… magazines and a massive collection of DVD’s.  They’re all downstairs in their living room.  Incidentally, all of his porn is ass porn… if you care.

Steroids… couldn’t have the kiddies getting all junked up ‘roids.

This guy would have sworn his home was child friendly, but after his puppy found his pepper spray and chewed through it, causing the kind of problems you’d expect.

He’d have to clean up his internet’s ‘history’.

His girlfriend’s night stand has the ‘toys’ of the sexual kind, while his night stand has the paraphernalia.

Would hide his guns, knives and porn.

Hide his guns and weed.

Would hide his liquor and his Medieval weapons… why do you have Medieval weapons?

This guy has a 3 year old who recently found his and his wife’s extensive sex toy collection.

Would have to hide his roommates, who prefer to walk around in their bra and panties.  What’s the problem?

He would hide his vintage guitar collection; not to protect the kids but to protect the guitars.

She didn’t realize it, but her cell phone was something she should have hidden from her kid.  It wouldn’t have really mattered, but the kid found the “images” on her phone.  Not good.

Well, the good news is, most of us have the same thoughts when it comes to what we’d hide from the kiddies; sex toys, drugs, weapons and booze.  No surprises there, but that’s good.  Since people have been overwhelmingly (and sometimes disturbingly) honest with us all these years, we were a little concerned about some of the answers we might here, but alas, you’re just a bunch of over sexed degenerates… and that brings us comfort.  Hope it brings you comfort too.

I’m outta here.  It’s Tuesday, so I’ve gotta run and host my little trivia deal.

Until tomorrow, no, I don’t have a gun so STAY BEAUTIFUL”.


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01/26/2010 2:35PM
SHOW # 970 January 26 2010
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03/17/2010 9:15PM
James Cushman
James Cushman... Useful and interesting post. Was looking for some info Thursday and came across your blog. Need to think about it....
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