There were so many great stories today…we kicked things off with a great story about a man…and a bottle!!!! On Friday in India, doctors had to surgically remove a LIQUOR BOTTLE from a man's rectum . . . that he'd inserted up there to win a $20 bet. OW! The things we do for money!!!! It was described as a quarter bottle, meaning it's either a small, narrow wine bottle . . . or one of those short, WIDE, hobo liquor bottles. I’m picturing one of those Red Stribe Bottles…although I doubt when he showed up to the ER, the doctor yelled “Horay Beer!”
The next story is more serious…because after all, a bottle up the “recti” is a laughing matter! Have you heard about the 6 year old girl from Georgia that was acting a fool in class to the point that she was handcuffed by cops? Police in Georgia defended their decision yesterday to handcuff and arrest a 6-year-old elementary student after the school called to report a juvenile had assaulted a principal and was damaging school property. According to their report, when the officer arrived, he observed kindergartner Salecia Johnson on the floor of the principal's office screaming and crying. According to the police report, Johnson's combative behavior included throwing furniture, including a small shelf, which struck the principal on the leg. The child was also observed "biting the doorknob of the office and jumping on the paper shredder." That part right there is the part that cracked me up. People don’t understand why cops were called? C’mon dum dum’s…this chick was gnawing on a DOOR KNOB!!!!! A f***ing DOOR KNOB. Need we say more? That’s crazy. I’m 6’3” and over 200 lbs…and if I see a 6 year old trying to eat a door knob, you bet your ass that I’m keeping distance. 6 years old? Wow. Proof that even at the age of 6, B.L.D. (Bitches Love Drama).
When Alabama won the college football national championship in January, they got a Waterford crystal football trophy worth about $30,000. The university put it on display in their football offices, out in the open on a little podium. That's where it was on Saturday, when the father of a current player on the team went to look at it. He tripped over a rug, knocked it on the floor, and it SMASHED into pieces. Please tell me someone yelled FUMBLE when this happened. The player's name wasn't released by the school….which is probably a good call!
Based on this story…finish this sentence…”I can’t believe my parent did _____.” Here are the texts we got:
My father Blew up his little red wagon as a child, with a pupe bomb.
I was 18 yrs old and working graveyard over the summer. And my mom woke me up at 9 am to get high and watch gay porn with her. I moved out that day!
I can't believe my mom has been married to my "step" dad about 2.5 years and I was never invited haven't met him or even seen a picture of the guy!!! And she moved to London
My mom and dad had sex at 7 in the morning when i had my best friend over and they knew about it
My dad decided to fill my car with condoms for my first date. When she put down the viser three fell down onto her lap. Glad she found it funny.
My uncle, cousin and I came home to my uncle's after the movies and caught my dad banging some random fat chick on the living room floor. I still throw up just thinking about it.
I can't believe my uncle asked me, in front of my dad and grandfather, if I am eating that, referring to my girlfriend of the time Bing
I cant believ my dad shot me in the butt with a shotgun 2 make a point that loaded guns shud nevr b aimed @ a person! Im ok.
Met my dad after 30 years he was drunk and asked my wife to have sex with him
So BJ shared this morning that he confuses his wife and his daughter’s pet names…which led to us talking about pet names. We asked what everyone’s pet names are…and here are the texts we got:
My daddy's used to call me fuzzbucket. He has no idea where he came up with that but that's what he called me for many years.
My nickname is m u t t my brother's name is jeff they always called us mutt and Jeff.
My ex and I had cheese fetish so we called eachother cheesecake and cheesenip.
My wife's name for me is stainy rears and mine for her is crusty fronts...usually just stainy and crusty...:) Matt and Bobbi from Ana
I call my man booger or boog =] xoxo rock girl Amanda. He is probably listening haha oops!
My buddy calls his wife honeybear and just for laughs because of it I call my gf honeybucket because we think pet names are ridiculous
we call our daughter chicken , or chicken butt
My uncles from Boston call me banana head.
I call my chick "squishy". Because she always complains about those few extra pounds
Today's video blog features BJ confused by the stuff that amuses the Rev.