Thrill

 


SHOW # 2320 FEBRUARY 10 2016

"Hola,

I won't lie to you. I feel like sh*t today and I'm not entirely sure why. I didn't get too messed up last night nor did I eat anything questionable. Why then, does my stomach and ass feel like they are going to explode. That is the exact feeling I have trickling through my bowels. It's been this way all day is seemingly only getting worse.

Most people would say, "Thrill, you disgusting jackass! WHY are you telling me this?!?" And after admonishing me, they might follow it up with, "Thrill, go take a sh*t, you quivering ignoramus!" (Obviously I don't hang out with kind people), but to that end, I have ridden the toilet more times today than I probably have in the last week. It's been a rough day.

That said, I've been doing the show as though nothing horrible is happening to my innards. What has surprised me is that none of the odd noises erupting from me have made it on air.

That's not always the case.

OK, so enough about my nastiness.

Our entire show is off the rest of the week. We are headed to Vegas. Gonna be a f**king mess!

Until Tuesday (President's Day on Monday), do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (1) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Social :




 

SHOW # 2319 FEBRUARY 9 2016

"Hola,

What's shakin', bitches?

A woman in England bought herself some new red bed sheets over the holidays, finding them festive and "beautiful". After a few days of sleeping on them, family members pointed out that her gray hair had turned PINK on the back of her head. She had no idea. And on the topic of having no idea, 40 'food critics' (I put it in quotes because 'food critic' is, in my opinion, one of the most ridiculous and 'jobs' you can trick people into giving you) gathered for an 'experimental' 5- course meal. A renown chef prepared the meal, including things like avocado soup, spicy meatballs, bacon- wrapped chicken and a coffee custard for dessert. Only ONE of the 40 so- called 'food critics' figured out that every single thing they ate was repurposed McDonald's food. Yep. Food critics.

Happens to people; you're unaware of something until someone else points it out to you; fly was down, something in your teeth, dried booger in your nose, stain on your clothes, missed a spot shaving... today we wanted to know: WHAT DID YOU NOT REALIZE UNTIL SOMEONE POINTED IT OUT?

All kinds of stories of boobs or d*cks hanging out... and all were amusing enough, but the one I remember most involved a woman who had a crush on a guy for years.

When she was 13 or so she had a major crush on this guy. "Finally", as she put it, she was invited to a party that he was. Even luckier, she found her way into a Jacuzzi with him. It's when she stepped out of the Jacuzzi that she was mortified.

The guy she liked pulled her aside and pointed out that her pubes were climbing out of her briefs. Apparently it looked like Buckwheat was wearing a bandana.

I'll let that image sink in.

Yep.

I'm outta here.

Until tomorrow, do what you best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Hospitality_Recreation




 

SHOW # 2318 February 8 2016

"Hola,

Today is the day we do the Random Question Question... we have a bunch of different "news" stories (well, stories that made the news) which make us contemplate all sorts of different things... leaving us with many questions. Those are the questions we ask as the Randoms.

Today however, I'm gonna reflect on the Super Bowl. Not the game... it was what it was. Congrats to Denver. Peyton will always be remembered as "going out on top" as a result of last night's win but, honestly, he didn't do sh*t. Not bashing the guy, just saying that history will treat him well.

Don't remember any of the commercials, really. I DO remember chuckling at one, but I couldn't tell you what it was advertising.

Anyway, I want to talk about Super Bowl food. It's not like ever eat that healthy or worry about it, but I still use the Super Bowl as an excuse to be more gluttonous than usual. Two Men's Room Sausage sandwiches, one meatball sub, a plate of meatballs with mac and cheese and 4 wings, plus copious amounts of chips and various dips... including Ted's sausage dip. His dip is bomb.

I'm outta here, bitches.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Social :
Locations : CongratsDenver




 

SHOW # 2317 FEBRUARY 5 2016

"Hola,

Ever have one of 'those' days? You know how it goes; you get out of bed to start your day and everything just kinda goes off the rails for no good reason. You stub your toe, your shower goes cold just as you've lathered up, you spill coffee on your lap, get splashed by passing traffic, trapped on the elevator with a smelly person, hit your funny bone, bite your tongue, sneeze with food in your mouth... and you haven't even had lunch yet.

Well, stop feeling sorry for yourself, Maggot... happens to all of us.

You COULD be this guy in Melbourne, Australia. He lost his wife. Five days later he has a memorial service at his home. Plenty of mourners came by to give their respects, but after the last one left, a surprise guest showed up... his wife.

You'd think that her husband would be ELATED to see her, but it was pretty awkward because he'd paid two hit men to kill her.

You can see how sh*t got weird, right?

Well, he inspired today's question: WHEN WERE YOU HOPING FOR A BETTER REACTION?
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Locations : Melbourne
People : Maggot




 

SHOW # 2315 FEBRUARY 3 2016

"Hola,

A woman in New Jersey recently found a living, 3- inch lizard in her bag of organic spinach. I felt HORRIBLE for the lizard... spinach is disgusting. Anyway, she found it, and instead of freaking out and suing (as we LOOOOOVE to do in this country) she gave the lizard (named Green Fruit Loop... seriously) to her daughter and now Green Fruit Loop is the mascot of the kindergarten class.

That led to today's question: HETHER YOU MENAT TO OR NOT, WHAT DID YOU BITE INTO?

Look, I'm just gonna cut to the quick on this one; the most vile thing we heard today involved a guy who "didn't back down". So much so, that when he was challenged to eat a piece of corn out of HIS OWN TURD, he obliged.

That is all.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Social :
Locations : New Jersey




 

SHOW # 2314 FEBRUARY 2 2016

"Hola,

Everyone's familiar with Bradley Cooper and, if you're familiar with our feelings toward him, you know that we hate the guy. It's nothing personal and he's never done anything to us, but he's the kind of guy that makes the REST of us guys look bad. He's good looking, incredibly successful, won an Oscar, can speak fluent French AND he dates super models. Well, he dated super models up until recently. He broke up with "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model Irina Shayk... because she didn't get along with his mother. Wouldn't be a big deal except that Bradly Cooper LIVES with his mother. Not only does he CURRENTLY live with her, but he's ALWAYS lived with her. He's 41- years- old. Yea, suddenly us guys don't look so bad. I can't fathom living with my parents, but Bradley, well, he's different. We know that everyone's living situation is different so today we asked: WHAT SHOCKED YOU ABOUT THE WAY SOMEONE ELSE LIVED?

We heard plenty of stories of hoarders and bad roommates, but the overwhelming 'shocking' thing that resonated with most people were the folks that collect cats.

It seems to be (almost) universally accepted that any individual who owns more than three cats (ONE CAT) is probably nuttier than a squirrel turd. I don't why that is (I do) but there's something about people who choose to own multitudes of these things that just rings crazy.

I used to have a cat. I didn't want the cat. I inherited the cat after a break- up (which makes no sense) and me and this son- of- a- bitch enjoyed six years together... six good years... yea, I learned to love the carnivorous ninja... but the idea of owning more than one is absolutely f**king crazy.

OK bitches, I'm outta here.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments




 

SHOW # 2313 FEBRUARY 1 2016

"Hola,

Today is the day of the Random Question Question. And the very first question we asked was "What Did Your Parents Hope You'd Be When You Grew Up"?

As it worked out, the woman we asked (Jenn, I think) said that her parents didn't care what she did for a living as long as it wasn't the thing she had her heart set on; singing and dancing... as in doing Broadway musicals and such. She even went to New York to pursue her dream. I truly respect that drive, but I really, really, REALLY f**king hate musicals. We let her know.

We like music, we like acting, but they should remain apart in two separate worlds with regard to musicals. Sure, the Rocky theme is cool and gets you pumped up. but at no point does Rocky start singing, "gonna FLY noooooowwwww!" Because that would be stupid. So it is with musicals.

In spite of the piss and vinegar we spewed her way, we also provided the opportunity to regale us with song. She sang something from "Wicked" and, honestly, sounded talented enough.

What shocked us was that Mike Hawk actually KNEW THE SONG! Turns out that Mike is a fan of musicals. Who knew? Turns out there a lot fans of musicals out there... and they aggressively defend their horrible choice of entertainment.

I'm outta here, bitches. Have yourselves a wonderful evening.

Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments




 

SHOW # 2312 JANUARY 29 2016

"Hola,
 
According to a new survey from Career Builder, the three most common excuses for showing up late to work are:  bad traffic, sleeping through the alarm and bad weather.  All of those are perfectly believable... but that doesn't make them true... maybe because they ARE so believable. 
 
 Then there are reasons that are SO Goddamned ridiculous that they just might be true.  Career Builder also has a list of the "weirdest" excuses, and it included the following gems:  'I set my hair on fire', 'my pet lizard needed emergency surgery... and died', 'I had to finish "My Name Is Earl" and my personal favorite, 'a Vaseline truck tipped over and cars are sliding everywhere'.   All of those are so f**king stupid that I desperately hope they're true. 
 
In New York City there's a guy who convinced his girl friend that he'd been robbed while he was out shoveling snow.   she believed him.  So did her father... and they both had nothing but glowing things to say about him to the local news stations and newspapers.   Imagine their surprise when they found out that he'd spent his time with a $40 hooker before getting in a fist fight. 
 
Sometimes you're lying, sometimes you're not, today we wanted to know:  WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO YOU?
 
There were plenty of answers today, but there was one guy who, working as a military  interpreter in the Philippines, accidentally stumbled into an exorcism.  Said that it was as weird as you'd expect an exorcism to be.   Part of the process involved biting off a chicken's head and letting it run around with blood spurting from it's neck.
 
Another guy called to let us know that HIS parents were the exact opposite of most.  They ACTUALLY took the family dog to a farm when they were kids.  The thing is, they told the kids that the dog DIED!  Only later did his mother confess that the dog DIDN'T die.   Who does that?
 
OK bitches, time to ride off into the weekend.  Enjoy yours. 
 
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments


 

SHOW # 2311 JANUARY 28 2016

"Hola,
 
Today is the day we play Big Dummy, do No Sh*t Sherlock and a few other assorted things.  My point is that today is the toughest day for me to blog... so forgive me if it sucks.  Or don't.  Totally up to you. 
 
The hi- light of today (for us) was a visit by Uli, of Uli's Famous Sausage.  Sure, he's a cool guy and all that, but more importantly, he brought us sausage!  He's the mastermind behind the new Men's Room Original Sausage.  If you didn't hear our announcement earlier this week, Uli teamed up with us and created a (f**king delicious) sausage.  Seriously, it's DELCIOUS and you should eat the holy hell out of it.   We ate a SH*T TON of it during a commercial break.
 
OK, gotta run.
 
Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments




 

SHOW # 2310 JANUARY 27th 2016

"Hola,
 
We've said it many times on this show, but we can't understand why anyone would ever WANT to be a cop.  In spite of what you hear on the news, MOST cops are decent people trying to do the right thing... and that's why the idea of being a cop is ridiculous.  Seems like the majority of their interactions are with drunk people, stoned people, stupid people, naked people or a combination of all of the above.
 
In Florida, police had to chase a pants-less woman into the woods after she jumped out of a pick- up truck.  In Minnesota, cops thought they'd spotted a drunk driver, based on them swerving all over the place.  He wasn't drunk, he was reading a book.  In Tacoma, a guy was running from the cops and decided to steal one of their cars to get away.   The problem was that the cop was still in the car, so the would- be suspect ended up sitting on his lap.  And in Wisconsin, the police were called after a concerned citizen called about a squirrel that was running in circles.   Seriously.  It's annoying enough that, as a cop, you have to respond to a call about a squirrel, but the worst part of the story is that responding officer ended up running over the squirrel.  Yep.
 
We asked WHY WAS A COP TALKING TO YOU?
 
I've had many run- ins with cops over my years on earth, but, as I've gotten older, my interactions are considerably fewer and far between.   I've been chased, beaten and arrested by the cops... all in my younger days.  My 2 most recent interactions involved jaywalking.   Times... they change.
 
I'm outta here, bitches.   Sick as a mothef**ker.
 
Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Social :
Locations : FloridaMinnesotaWisconsin




 


Recent Blog Posts
Categories
Archives