The Alzheimerâs Society just issued a statement suggesting that if youâre lucky enough to live to the age of 75, you should be tested for dementia.Â If, by chance, you believe that the words youâre currently reading are from a birthday card, you should get tested TODAY.Â The American Cancer Society suggests that ALL men should start getting an annual (and anal) prostate cancer check- up by age 50â¦ age 40 if youâre at high risk.Â Now, over in England, children at the ripe old age of 11 are being required to figure to take a survey to figure out whether or not theyâre gay. Click here for the storyÂ Thatâs right, theyâre asking fifth graders to determine whether theyâd rather watch âProject Runwayâ or the UFC.Â Naturally, some people have a problem with this.Â Speaking of tests, last Thursday on the show, we took a 10 question citizenship test and discovered that while weâre citizens, we probably shouldnât be.Â But thatâs OK, everyone on the road has passed their driving testâ¦ yet thereâs little evidence of it on the road.Â And of course, there are all manner of jobs out there that require a drug test, or a background check or a lie- detector test, etc.Â Seems like everything requires a test these days except, unfortunately, the things that most of us believe should require a test.Â Thatâs our question:Â WHAT TEST SHOULD BE ADMINISTERED, WHO SHOULD TAKE IT AND WHY?
Tea Partiersâ¦ general American history and tests of political philosophy.Â The âpolitical philosophyâ test wouldnât be to test THEIR philosophy, it would test to see if they know the difference between democracy, communism, socialism, Marxism, etc
Gamersâ¦ daily hygiene test; if you donât pass, you canât play
Politiciansâ¦ lie- detector tests.Â Whatâs the point?Â Personally, I think we should run congress like jury duty
Genetic tests for future parentsâ¦ they already do it
Believes that EVERYONE should be tested for mental illnessâ¦ donât you think weâd ALL be labeled mentally ill given enough tests?
Body- fat tests for anyone buying a bikini or Speedo
Age 55, everyone should be required to retake the driving test
Telemarketers should be tested on English dictionâ¦ I donât usually care about that kind of thing, but if YOU call ME to try to sell me whatever garbage youâre pushing, then yea, learn how to communicate
A ghetto testâ¦ everyone likes to tell you that theyâre from the streets and grew up âhood and all the rest of that dumb sh*t, but now there would be a test to determine how âhood you really are
The interpretation testâ¦ this is brilliant; itâs a test youâd take as you enter a relationship to determine if you know what your significant other ACTUALLY means when they talk.Â For example; âDo I look fat?âÂ What theyâre REALLY saying is, âcompliment meâ.Â If you ask whatâs wrong and the response is ânothingâ, what theyâre REALLY saying is âIâm mad at youâ.
An I.Q. for politiciansâ¦ again, whatâs the point?
Drug tests for anyone receiving welfareâ¦ absolutely!Â How is it that you may have to take a drug test to EARN money, but weâll just f**king HAND it to you and you can get as high as you want?Â How has no politician put this simple equation together?
Silver spoon testâ¦ if you havenât had a job by age 20, youâll be forced into manual labor for 6 months
Random drug tests in high schoolâ¦ leave the kids alone.Â Thatâs up to the parents to police that kind of thing.Â We all survived our school days, I donât think the kids today are need all the coddling.Â Theyâll surviveâ¦ just like WE did.
OK bitches, time for me to head to the great beyondâ¦ I mean HOME, not the afterlife.
Until tomorrow, touch but donât taste and STAY BEAUTIFUL!â