I think we can all agree that if you’re searching for the best and brightest in America, you wouldn’t start with politicians. That being said, it seems that every day, at least one of them still manages to shock us with their profound idiocy. The latest (but certainly not the last) is Texas Governor Rick Perry who, while speaking to a group of college kids in New Hampshire, said he hoped for their vote next November 12th in the Presidential election and that he hoped they’d all be 21- years- old so that they’d be old enough to vote. Well, Rick, since you’re running for President, we figured you should have a general idea of how this whole election thing works… but first, you should know that the election is November 6th, not the 12th, and you only have to be 18 to vote… not 21. Small thing, but you should know. Meanwhile, our current President, commenting on the Iranian students who stormed the British Embassy in Tehran gave the usual (and completely useless) strongly worded response and said that a raid on the “English” embassy would not be tolerated. First of all, it’ll be tolerated because no one is going to do anything, and it wasn’t the “English“ embassy, it was the BRITISH embassy. There’s a difference, and as President, you should know those things. It’s easy to poke fun, but we’ve all been dead- wrong… out loud. We do it every single day of the week… and you let us know! Today’s question: WHAT DID YOU KNOW TO BE A FACT… BUT YOU WERE WRONG?
Didn’t know I was black until a few weeks ago… seems to be a usual sentiment
Thought the girl was a virgin- well, he didn’t THINK it as much as she said she was and he believed her… then he got gonorrhea
Just KNEW that the Ravens would “stomp” THE Seahawks… instead, they went to bed and sh*t in it
Thought Men’s Room Original Red was a joke… for three months. His buddy finally drove him to a store and put a bottle of it in his face
Was confident that you couldn’t get a DUI if you blew under a .08… found out he was wrong. Remember, it’s ‘driving under the INFLUENCE’, not ‘while intoxicated. Important distinction
Thought 40’s came in cans… even bet $100 on it… and lost $100 dollars on it
Knew that Scotland, Ireland and England were all states in the U.K.
Knew that women didn’t fart… made the terrible discovery that they fart and they smell awful
That was pretty much the mildly acceptable answers we heard today. This was one of those shows where the flood gates of insanity opened and lasted all day. Kinda fun, kinda annoying, but it was what it was.
Alright, we’ve got New Originals practice tonight, bitches. Can’t lie to you… well, I CAN, but I’m choosing not to… I f**king love playing, so this is a good thing. Besides, we drink a lot. Loud music and booze! On that note, I hope to see you and not remember it on Friday at the Holiday Hangover Ball!
Let’s talk about the airline industry for a second; it’s a ridiculous industry; federally subsidized… meaning, if you pay taxes, you already help keep them afloat (no pun intended) and yet you’re still charged to utilize the service that you already pay for, and in addition to the inflated ticked prices, they’ve come up with all kinds if ridiculous fees and charges to gouge you just a little bit more. It’s like someone on welfare charging you money to for the ‘honor’ of subsidizing their existence in the first place. Pretty sweet, yea? However, if you’re willing to pay extra money, the airlines will treat you like gold. Case- in- point, first class passengers make up only 8% of international travelers, but they’re responsible for 27% of the revenue. That’s a lot of cash, bitches, and that’s why, should you ever get the opportunity to sit in first class, you can enjoy perks that the folks in coach will never experience. Put it this way, when I fly coach, I get cut off from booze after about 4 drinks; the first time I sat in first class I violated 3 federal laws that I know of and was treated to 17 shots of Jack Daniels… three of them before they even closed the door to the plane. I believe that violates a federal law as well… but I was in first class with a bunch of muckety- mucks, so I was treated like a muckety- muck. Why? They thought I had money. That’s all it takes. Truth is, I’d gotten a FREE upgrade thanks to some crap on my credit card. Whatever… I was treated like a so- called one- percenter. Speaking of one- percenters, they’re not very popular right now as people have JUST figured out that they’re getting away with all manner of seedy crap. Anyway, to add insult to injury, three uber- rich wealth managers (not money managers) just won $254 million dollars in Connecticut’s Powerball jackpot. Yea… suck on that. If you’re lucky, you’ve had an experience where someone thought you were rich and suddenly that whole hidden world of entitlement opened up in front of you… before it snapped shut when they realized you’re broke. WHAT IS THE CLOSEST YOU’VE COME TO LIVING THE 1% LIFESTYLE?
So, if you remember English class, they tell you that a double- negative equals a positive. As far as being treated well in America, being black is a negative (trust me on that) and, outside of the Pacific Northwest, having tattoos is a negative. The assumption is that you’re a violent criminal looking for an excuse. However, in South Florida, if you’re black and have tattoos, you are an instant VIP. My wife and I have been down to South Florida a few times over the last few years and EVERY TIME we go I get treated particularly well. No one knows who I am, no one asks, but there’s an assumption that I make millions as an athlete or rapper or some sh*t. Doesn’t matter where we go, we get special treatment. It’s rather nice, but absolutely ridiculous. It’s a different universe. The odd thing is this; if people believe you’re rich, they give you everything for free. That makes no sense to me, but it’s how it works. What was great for me and my wife is that we barely had any money, but we only paid for about 15% of anything we did. The other great perk is that you can be a destructive a**hole (which I am, by nature) and no one bats an eye. They simply clean up after you and say nothing. Make no mistake, if you are or are believed to be “important” (meaning ‘loaded with cash’) the regular rules and laws do not apply.
Sit and Spin
Jolene stopped by and brought with her the Rolling Stone Top 100 guitar players. We just hit the top 10 but here's link to the full SLIDESHOW
OK, I’ve slacked today, bitches, so I’m outta here.
Until tomorrow, all hell’s breaking loose, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
This is ridiculous: We all remember Columbine; April 20th , 1999, two ‘woe-is-me’ teenagers went on a rampage, killing 12 students and 1 teacher before taking the coward’s exit and committing suicide. It was a tragedy, but somehow it’s become the blueprint for other disenfranchised youth. Case- in- point, police in Puyallup arrested a 14- year- old kid who was (allegedly) planning a Columbine style shooting at Aylen Junior High School. Apparently he even referred to it as “doing a Columbine”. The kid is currently in custody. We’re wondering if, like the two p*ssies behind Columbine, THIS kid is the kid the OTHER kids would assume would be behind something like this. It’s not that you EXPECT someone to do bad things, but sometimes when you get the news, you say, “yea, I could see that guy doing that.” There are just certain people you know you shouldn’t mess with. Cracked.com has an article right now that seems obvious; don’t mess with your IT guy. To really drive the point home, they give 5 true stories of IT guys gone bad. This led us to today’s question: WHO’S THE ONE PERSON THAT YOU JUST KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T GET ON THEIR BAD SIDE?
His girlfriend’s fiancé… speaks for itself
The “creepy” guy with the “weird” smile… said the smile was creepy in a way that suggested he wouldn’t just kill you, but rape your corpse and, inevitably, serve your remains as chili at his 4th of July party
Wouldn’t wanna mess with the “creepy” cat lady at his school… why does your school have a “cat lady”?
You don’t want to mess with him because he’s the mall cop and he’ll throw you out! Personally, I hate the mall passionately enough that I would mess with him just to have an excuse to leave!
B.J. Shea… hears him rant on the air and has decided that he never wants to be the focus of his ire
His girlfriend’s father… happens to be former military and all that, but that’s not entirely why. You see, his girlfriend didn’t introduce him to her father until AFTER he got her pregnant… tough to recover from that
Whoever is doing your tattoo
His old roommate… had an anger issue, but he’s also 6 feet, 4 inches, 200 pounds… and a black belt
Used to have a co-worker who was a 300 pound Blood… he’d also spent time in prison for manslaughter… oh, and he knew kung fu
His retired, special forces, police officer uncle… yea, I guess so
Her crazy, short step- mom… on a side note, two adjectives we heard a lot of today were “creepy” and “short”. Hmmmm?
No one should mess with him because he works for the IRS… no doubt… had my first audit last year. I hadn’t done anything wrong, filed everything correctly, but they audited me anyway and it freaked me out. After a few weeks of their crap they, basically, said, “oh… our bad, you were right.” Well, no kidding, but the process is nerve- wracking. Meanwhile, GE didn’t pay any taxes last year on something like $15 billion dollars of profit. You guys might wanna rethink your priorities. Just sayin’
Her crazy friend who once lit another girl’s hair on fire, shot an ex in the arm and burned down another guy’s house. That’s some scary sh*t… but you just KNOW she’s great in the sack.
OK bitches, we’re off next week… and none of us are particularly happy about it… so we will talk to you again on Monday, the 28th.
Until then, eat turkey and do what you do best… STAY BEAUTIFUL!” We all remember Columbine; April 20th , 1999, two ‘woe-is-me’ teenagers went on a rampage, killing 12 students and 1 teacher before taking the coward’s exit and committing suicide. It was a tragedy, but somehow it’s become the blueprint for other disenfranchised youth. Case- in- point, police in Puyallup arrested a 14- year- old kid who was (allegedly) planning a Columbine style shooting at Aylen Junior High School. Apparently he even referred to it as “doing a Columbine”. The kid is currently in custody. We’re wondering if, like the two p*ssies behind Columbine, THIS kid is the kid the OTHER kids would assume would be behind something like this. It’s not that you EXPECT someone to do bad things, but sometimes when you get the news, you say, “yea, I could see that guy doing that.” There are just certain people you know you shouldn’t mess with. Cracked.com has an article right now that seems obvious; don’t mess with your IT guy. To really drive the point home, they give 5 true stories of IT guys gone bad. http://www.cracked.com/article_19528_5-true-stories-that-prove-you-shouldnt-piss-off-it-guy.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage This led us to today’s question: WHO’S THE ONE PERSON THAT YOU JUST KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T GET ON THEIR BAD SIDE?
His girlfriend’s fiancé… speaks for itself
The “creepy” guy with the “weird” smile… said the smile was creepy in a way that suggested he wouldn’t just kill you, but rape your corpse and, inevitably, serve your remains as chili at his 4th of July party
Wouldn’t wanna mess with the “creepy” cat lady at his school… why does your school have a “cat lady”?
You don’t want to mess with him because he’s the mall cop and he’ll throw you out! Personally, I hate the mall passionately enough that I would mess with him just to have an excuse to leave!
B.J. Shea… hears him rant on the air and has decided that he never wants to be the focus of his ire
His girlfriend’s father… happens to be former military and all that, but that’s not entirely why. You see, his girlfriend didn’t introduce him to her father until AFTER he got her pregnant… tough to recover from that
Whoever is doing your tattoo
His old roommate… had an anger issue, but he’s also 6 feet, 4 inches, 200 pounds… and a black belt
Used to have a co-worker who was a 300 pound Blood… he’d also spent time in prison for manslaughter… oh, and he knew kung fu
His retired, special forces, police officer uncle… yea, I guess so
Her crazy, short step- mom… on a side note, two adjectives we heard a lot of today were “creepy” and “short”. Hmmmm?
No one should mess with him because he works for the IRS… no doubt… had my first audit last year. I hadn’t done anything wrong, filed everything correctly, but they audited me anyway and it freaked me out. After a few weeks of their crap they, basically, said, “oh… our bad, you were right.” Well, no kidding, but the process is nerve- wracking. Meanwhile, GE didn’t pay any taxes last year on something like $15 billion dollars of profit. You guys might wanna rethink your priorities. Just sayin’
Her crazy friend who once lit another girl’s hair on fire, shot an ex in the arm and burned down another guy’s house. That’s some scary sh*t… but you just KNOW she’s great in the sack.
OK bitches, we’re off next week… and none of us are particularly happy about it… so we will talk to you again on Monday, the 28th.
Until then, eat turkey and do what you do best… STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
Today marks the 43rd anniversary of the event my father still bitches about to this day; the day NBC outraged football fans by cutting away from the final minutes of the New York Jets- Oakland Raiders game to begin its very special presentation of “Heidi”. “Heidi” is the heart- warming story of a young orphan sent to live with her grump grandfather in the Swiss Alps. When she’s stolen by her cruel aunt, her grump grandfather searches for her. Yea, that kind of storyline is the farthest thing from interesting to a football fan as anything could be, but while NBC was rolling the opening credits, fans east of the Mississippi missed seeing the Raiders come from behind and score 14 points in the final 65 seconds to beat the Jets, 43-32… one of the greatest comebacks in AFL (Not the NFL yet) history, and a lot of football fans ALMOST saw it. It happens sometimes and today we wanted your story: WHAT DID YOU HAVE EVERY INTENTION OF DOING OR SEEING AND WHAT HAPPENED TO PREVENT YOU?
Scheduled a nice dinner for his first anniversary, but instead of eating dinner eat ate the ground when his dirt bike went over a cliff
Wanted to Godsmack at Pain in the Grass a few years ago but his sister got married that day… her marriage is already over
Won tickets to Pain in the Grass but had to leave early because his drunk girlfriend started puking on the hill
Had tickets to Crue Fest in 2008, including backstage passes and all that… ended up at a George Michael concert… the girl he went with owes him 25 of the Kama Sutra positions for that
She had the chance to meet Kurt Cobain before Nevermind came out, but she didn’t bother because she didn’t know who he was
Got tickets to go to Maui with his wife… already dropped $5000 on the trip but his kid was born 3 months early… by the way, he was supposed to leave at 5 o’clock today
Was supposed be the best man at his brother’s wedding but after snapping the femur in his right leg and breaking his left leg in TWENTY- SEVEN PLACES (!!!), he missed the chance… moral of the story; don’t go four wheeling before a wedding
Had the opportunity to have a 3- way with his wife and her best friend, but he couldn’t afford a hotel room for his wife’s birthday. Who gives a rat’s pink ass? Make it happen!
Had a trip planned to Mexico… unfortunately it coincided with the air travel ban due to swine flu
Folding laundry… easier to let it sit in piles
OK, it’s time for us to perform our annual holiday special, “The Real First Thanksgiving”, a piece of radio theater written by our very own Thee Ted Smith. Today’s performance was our 8th, and today, unlike any previous performance, it was caught on video. (Should be edited up tomorrow)
Until tomorrow, gobble- gobble and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
We’ve got the results of a new survey from 1000 U.S. and British online dating site members to figure out the top lies both genders tell… and it’s exactly what you’d expect; men lie about their height and their income because chicks like tall dudes who are loaded and women lie about their age and weight because dudes like young women who aren’t fat. That’s pretty much the formula that has kept Playboy in business for decades. For most of us in the world, the idea that people lie in the pursuit of nookie ranks up there with the news that the Sun sets in the west and that water is wet… but the Department of “Justice” is preparing to make it a FEDERAL CRIME to lie about your weight or anything else on online dating sites like Match.com or even Facebook. To be fair, the DOJ isn’t specifically targeting online dating profiles or social networking sites, but they did very intentionally INCLUDE them. They just have nothing better to do. Keep in mind, this is the same DOJ that’s been selling guns directly to Mexican drug cartels, who then used those weapons to murder some of the DOJ’s own agents and then lied about it to the general public… and THAT’S perfectly legal. Lying online to get laid, FEDERAL CRIME. Your government at work for you! Anyway, before the feds start locking you up for doing what everybody does in the pursuit of sex, we wanted to know: WHAT IS THE BIGGEST STEAMING PILE OF CRAP YOU’VE EVER TOLD SOMEONE OR THAT SOMEONE HAS TOLD YOU?
Talked his way out of a drug test earlier today
Discovered a woman online whose profile said she was 28- years- old… and she WAS… the profile said she was 5 feet, 2 inches tall… and she WAS… her profile said she was 130 POUNDS… and she WAS 130 pounds… more than she said
At age 15 he was told that he would go to Hell for watching porn… if that’s true, we’ll all have a lot of company
Biggest lie they’ve ever told was that we have the best radio show in Seattle… keep lying!
Once dated a 24- year- old, single dude for a few months… oh wait, he was a 34- year- old, married father of 3… his wife told her
Knows a guy who claimed he killed bin Laden
In an effort to attend a car show, she told her boss that she had to spend the weekend in jail… it worked. How untrustworthy do you have to look to tell your boss you have to spend a weekend in jail and they believe you, no questions asked? I think I could probably pull it off. I kinda look like a criminal
She lies and says she DOESN’T listen to our show because the broads where she lives are very uptight. One of them even told her that she “caught” her 11- year- old listening to us
Has told many women that he works for DreamWorks on the production team… when that doesn’t work, he tells them he’s a part of a gold mining company operating out of Brazil
Pretended to be deaf to avoid getting his ass kicked by 4 Samoans
She said “I’m coming”… she wasn’t… guy probably didn’t care anyway
His boss wanted him to date her daughter… she was fat and awful. Told him that if he DIDN’T have sex with her, she would call the cops and accuse him of trying to raped her
OK bitches, have some work-y things to do so I must say peace and hair grease… which would be more appropriate if I had hair… so peace and scalp wax!
Until tomorrow, there’s no taste to the crow you feed me and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
Imagine you find out that you have one year left to live… you have a spouse and children… what do you do? Well, if you’re 42- year- old Jackie DeVita of Venice, Florida, you have your younger sister take your place… quite literally. Her younger sister not only moved in to help care for three kids but, in a seeming effort to insure future visits to a therapist, she also married Jackie’s husband and even wears Jackie’s wedding ring. Oh, and she works at Richard’s (the husband) dental office. This all happened 3 years ago, but because of the unspoken creepiness of it all, the “couple” only recently started sharing their story… although one could argue that they should have kept it to themselves. Anyway, it got us thinking; if we were to die (which is inevitable) but had to select someone to take our place, who would it be? Keep in mind, they’re not just making sweet, sweet love to your significant other (should you have one) but taking over your job, your home responsibilities, your hobbies, attending family functions or dealing with family drama. Basically, this person would be the new (and possibly improved) you, and depending on the life you lead, someone could be very lucky or very unlucky. Today you got to decide who will be the new you: YOU’RE GONNA DIE (BITCH!), WHO TAKES OVER YOUR LIFE AND WHY DID YOU PICK THEM?
I have no idea who I would have take over my life. Not sure anyone would want to. On the other hand, my wife would be DELIGHTED if Morris Chestnut (seriously) or Tim McGraw would take over for me. I think she’d be more than happy for them to take over whether I’m dead or not!
As for you:
Oddly enough, this guy’s brother IS married to his ex- wife… says he’s over it now, but it was “awkward” at the first Christmas because, you know, he’s raising his kids too. I’ll bet Christmas WAS a bit awkward. He’s remarried now and has a new set of kids
Says he’s have his older brother take over his life because he’s “a good guy”
Says his life sucks so he’d have ME take over his life… thank you for the kind sentiment
He’d pick his buddy Tyler because Tyler is smart, outgoing and, most importantly, Tyler owns a ’92 300 ZX
Her mother, even though her life “sucks”, but she wants to make sure that her daughter is OK
Picked Ted to replace him as “one final prank to pull” on his family
Her sister Brandy… why Brandy? Primarily so Brandy can HAVE A JOB
His friend Ryan… Ryan survived leukemia but one of the side effects was that he can’t have children… he picked Ryan so he could have children… thanks?
So that he could have the man- cave he’s always wanted, Miles would take over this guy’s life
She’s not sure who’d take over her life, she just wants her husband to find a “younger model”… yea, so does her husband
Tommy Lee because (1) he’s a fellow drummer, (2) they both like to party and (3) they both have a huge d**k… I’m guessing that one of those three is a lie
SIT AND SPIN
It’s Movember, that month we all look like child molesters in an effort to bring awareness to prostate cancer. Thing is, Jolene enjoys a man with a mustache… not us, but other guys… so in honor of mustaches, Jolene brought us the top mustache music. OK, there’s no such thing as ‘mustache music’, music performed by people with sweet mustaches. Check it out here.
OK bitches, I’m outta here.
Until tomorrow, eat your veggies and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
If you’re like me, you had no idea who Kendall Jenner was… and when I found out, I realized that my brain was doing me the favor of not wasting space. Thanks to a bit of very unimportant news, that’s all changed and now I know that Kendall Jenner is the 16- year- old step- sister of the Kardashian sisters. We’re sure that, like everyone else in her family, she’s “worked” hard for each and everything she has… and THAT’S why on her 16th birthday this past Saturday she got a $90,000 Range Rover… just what every terrible driver with no responsibilities needs. Congrats! On the other hand, this past Saturday was ALSO the Marine Corps Ball in Richmond, Virginia. A woman by the name (and rank) of Corporal Kelsey de Santis decided to aim for the stars, literally, by asking Justin Timberlake to be her date. It was a ridiculous request, but that’s why everyone was shocked when Justin showed up. Then there’s Bothell’s own Michael Henrichson, who has been asking Billy Idol to play his birthday for a few years now… and as you’d expect, never heard back… until THIS year, when Billy posted a video directly to Michael saying he couldn’t do it. Not quite the answer he was hoping for but he got a personal response nevertheless. Brings us to t0day’s question: WHAT HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED AND DO YOU THINK YOU’LL EVER GET IT?
She wants a gaming console… doesn’t sound like the most lofty goal, but she insist that it won’t happen- don’t know why
A home on the Oregon coast… doesn’t think he’ll get it because he spends too much money in strip clubs
Would like to introduce major bands on stage… “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Metallica!!!!”, you know, that kind of thing
Says he would like a girlfriend who “is not a nagging bitch”… good luck
Wants to just own a house…nothing fancy, just wants a garage… believes it’ll happen
Would like to see pot legalized… so many benefits to legalizing weed but we’re stuck in a cycle of opinion, not a cycle of facts, so don’t count on it. Besides, the price has stayed about the same for decades, the quality has gotten better and it’s easier to get than cigarettes… why involve the Feds who will undoubtedly f**k up all three of those things?
Has always wanted a 1966 Shelby Cobra… has absolutely no faith that it’ll happen. THAT’s the spirit!
Wants to fly in an F-18 fighter jet… he’s ridden in an F-16 jet, but wants to upgrade to the F- 18
Has the dream of one day solving a Rubik’s Cube… the thing has been out for 30 years or so and he’s never done it. Don’t feel bad (or feel worse, maybe) neither have I. In all those years, all I’ve done is solve one side and it wasn’t even the side I was working on
Wants a recording studio in his home… me too, man!
He always wanted to join the military, so he did… and then he was sent home because of bad vision… he didn’t see it coming. YYYEEEEAAAAAA!!!
Would like to run with the bulls in Pomplona, Spain
Wants to be an extra in a movie… specifically he would like to be riding a horse (???)
Wants to run the Boston Marathon and can actually run 26.2 miles… all at one time
SEAHAWKS/ RAVENS
So I go to the game yesterday and the Ravens sh*t the bed in a big way. Guess it happens and I’m sure the team will come up with some punk- ass excuse (I’m not big on excuses) for their blunder, but all in all, the fans were generally decent. Took my lumps, but as a real fan, who cares? So today, we opened the phones to ‘Hawks fans to give us grief and wouldn’t you know it, the most vocal guy was a Steelers fan! Go figure. Anyway, aside from watching my team play like, well, the Seahawks (I kid… kind of) everyone at the stadium was pretty cool and it wasn’t a bad day. Why? Normally, I’d drop into a state of depression, BUT, aside from being a day that the Ravens decided to not play… yesterday was my daughter’s FIRST birthday! Unreal how it touches you… and if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll kill you.
Today, of course, is Veteran’s Day, a day for us to reflect on the sacrifices that our veteran’s have made, seemingly, so the rest of us can piss and moan about inconsequential crap every day. For actual veterans, today is a bitter- sweet occasion, but with troops still engaged in conflicts overseas, its significance has hit home with all of us who’ve never answered “the call”. So, if you do see a veteran, this is the day to say “thanks”… maybe buy them a beer. Most veterans are very humble lot, so when you say ‘thank you’, they say some crap like “just doing my job”. Yea, listen, it’s not like your job is to say “hi, welcome to Wal- Mart”, so thank you. Now, veterans aren’t the only people you should thank. There are people in your life to whom you owe a debt of gratitude but never got around to thanking them… because you’re an ingrate. Ever had a one- night- stand and it happened to be the best sex of your life? Thank them. You know how Jack- in- the- Box serves their full menu all day, so you can have a cheeseburger for breakfast or French toast for dinner? Thanks, Jack. Lindsay Lohan’s ugly mug and pasty, freckly body will disgrace the pages of Playboy early next year… but someone will airbrush her photos before the public lays eyes on them, and for that, we say thank you. Who do you wanna thank? WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO THANK AND FOR WHAT?
All of the guests on the Jerry Springer Show and the Tea Partiers for making his life seem normal and happy
Elyssian Fields for their selection of beer including ours
Weed
Our show for the laughs… on behalf of all us, it’s our pleasure
Would like to thank his ex for being his ex and not his current
Her 5th grade teacher for NOT telling her parents that she caught her smoking
Wants to thank Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt for bringing breasts and vaginas to the masses
While he hates his ex- wife, he has to thank her for two “great” kids
Wants to thank me personally for introducing him to tequila
His drug dealer for the “top notch” contraband
Would like to thank the PBS for “Frontline” and choosing to provide actual “news” and not the watered down crap we get from ‘news’ organizations
Children’s Hospital for saving her nephew’s life
The surgeon who repaired his junk… we don’t the injury and we didn’t ask
You know what… I could on and on and on as, thankfully, everyone had someone to thank, some silly, some heart- felt. Interesting show today and a good way to go into the weekend. Speaking of which, I’m outta here.
To the veterans a very honest thank you. Without you there is no us. Period.
OK bitches, enjoy the weekend at any cost.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
It’s no secret that, with a few exceptions, the average politician is one of two things, a bald- face liar or bone- chillingly stupid. Sometimes’ they’re both. Last night, Texas Governor and Republican Presidential hopeful Rick Perry was in Minnesota with a handful of other dolts for one those pointless debates. At one point Perry said that if he were President he would eliminate three federal agencies; Commerce, Education and, I quote; “what’s the third one there? Let’s see. The third agency of the government I would do away with- the Education, the Commerce. And let’s see… I can’t… The third one, I can’t… oops.” That’s his ACTUAL quote. It’s not that people don’t get tongue- tied, but it’s hard to convince people of your conviction for something you yourself don’t know. Just sayin’. On the bright side, I wouldn’t believe a word out of his mouth even if he’d said what he ‘meant’. Taking it all in stride, however, Perry plans on going on Letterman and the Daily Show to do a little damage control. Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher has never done anything to convince the world at large that he’s an intellectual heavyweight (although he’s nowhere near as stupid as he acts), but when he tweeted that he can’t believe that Joe Paterno was fired by Penn State. He even added that he thought it was in bad taste. The twitter backlash was also his education about WHY Joe “Pa” lost his job. One of his ‘followers’ responded, “F—k you! He covered up child rape you sick ,geriatric f—k!” Ashton responded, “had no idea. Thought it was a football thing.” Now Ashton has pledged to stop tweeting until ‘his people’ could properly manage his feed. (???) Once again- damage control. Today’s question: WHEN’S THE ONE TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU COULD HAVE USED DAMAGE CONTROL?
Normally I take this opportunity to repeat some of the answers we heard today, but based on the nature of the question, the answers were way too long and involved for me to even attempt… so I won’t.
Well, now a few hours have passed since I typed the above paragraph, si I’ve gots ta run, bithces!
Until tomorrow, say happy birthday to the Marine Corps and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
For the first time ever, there was a simultaneous, nationwide Emergency Alert System, or EAS test. It was coordinated by FEMA, Homeland Security, the FCC, the National Weather Service and NOAA. Although the EAS has been around for 15 years or so, this is the first time it’s been tested across the country. As you’d expect from anything coordinated on a federal level, the test failed across large swaths of America. Sounds bad, but it might not really matter. Consider the fact that on 9/11/2001 when the country was quite literally under attack, no one bothered to issue an EAS, leaving us to wonder what, exactly, needs to happen for an EAS test to be issued? We work in the industry and couldn’t tell you. Let’s assume that one day an EAS test is actually fired off because the sh*t has, indeed, hit the fan. What then? Ever been minding your own business when the unexpected happened and you had to spring into action? If so, you can answer today’s question: WHAT IS THE BIGGEST EMERGENCY YOU’VE VER HAD TO DEAL WITH AND HOW DID YOU RESPOND?
I really don’t know that I’ve had to deal with an emergency. Am I lame or lucky? However, now I have a kid and inevitably I will have to respond to SOMETHING that will freak me the hell out.
Away we go:
Saved his brother from choking when he performed the Heimlich maneuver… sounds pretty routine until you consider the fact that his brother is 6’4” and 240 pounds. Not so easy!
Day 6 as a life guard in Oregon, he helped rescue a kid who fell off of a slide and busted his head open on concrete. Kids; they do the darndest things!
His son was born 3 months early and was on life support 5 times by the time he was 5- years- old… that’s a lot of emergencies
As a mall cop he deals with missing children and fights on a regular basis, which is all the reason I need to never want to be a mall cop
Worked as a firefighter for three years and once found two children in a house that completely engulfed in flames. That is some truly heroic sh*t
Found himself in a tornado when he was 6- years- old
Got into a car accident with his father… car flipped a few times and landed upside- down. His dad broke his neck and had to have CPR… saved his father’s life
Works as a tree- cutter, a log smashed into a co- workers leg and they had to carry the guy a few miles out of the forest
At a family reunion, some guy slit his wife’s throat… what kind of Goddamn family are you from, my man?
Like everyone, he worked at a circus as a fire- spinner… during one routine he found himself tangled upside- down in chains and caught himself on fire. Everyone watched him burn until he requested a little water
His daughter was drugged and raped by a stranger when she was 15
I’ll leave you on that high note. Today was mildly depressing, but then, when you ask about emergencies you should expect nothing less. Ever been a part of a ‘good’ emergency?
OK, New Originals are meeting tonight to prepare for the Hangover Ball. We’re playing, but to be quite honest with you , we have no idea WHAT the hell we’re playing yet, so we thought maybe it might be good to nail that down.
Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
For the first time ever, there was a simultaneous, nationwide Emergency Alert System, or EAS test. It was coordinated by FEMA, Homeland Security, the FCC, the National Weather Service and NOAA. Although the EAS has been around for 15 years or so, this is the first time it’s been tested across the country. As you’d expect from anything coordinated on a federal level, the test failed across large swaths of America. Sounds bad, but it might not really matter. Consider the fact that on 9/11/2001 when the country was quite literally under attack, no one bothered to issue an EAS, leaving us to wonder what, exactly, needs to happen for an EAS test to be issued? We work in the industry and couldn’t tell you. Let’s assume that one day an EAS test is actually fired off because the sh*t has, indeed, hit the fan. What then? Ever been minding your own business when the unexpected happened and you had to spring into action? If so, you can answer today’s question: WHAT IS THE BIGGEST EMERGENCY YOU’VE VER HAD TO DEAL WITH AND HOW DID YOU RESPOND?
I really don’t know that I’ve had to deal with an emergency. Am I lame or lucky? However, now I have a kid and inevitably I will have to respond to SOMETHING that will freak me the hell out.
Away we go:
Saved his brother from choking when he performed the Heimlich maneuver… sounds pretty routine until you consider the fact that his brother is 6’4” and 240 pounds. Not so easy!
Day 6 as a life guard in Oregon, he helped rescue a kid who fell off of a slide and busted his head open on concrete. Kids; they do the darndest things!
His son was born 3 months early and was on life support 5 times by the time he was 5- years- old… that’s a lot of emergencies
As a mall cop he deals with missing children and fights on a regular basis, which is all the reason I need to never want to be a mall cop
Worked as a firefighter for three years and once found two children in a house that completely engulfed in flames. That is some truly heroic sh*t
Found himself in a tornado when he was 6- years- old
Got into a car accident with his father… car flipped a few times and landed upside- down. His dad broke his neck and had to have CPR… saved his father’s life
Works as a tree- cutter, a log smashed into a co- workers leg and they had to carry the guy a few miles out of the forest
At a family reunion, some guy slit his wife’s throat… what kind of Goddamn family are you from, my man?
Like everyone, he worked at a circus as a fire- spinner… during one routine he found himself tangled upside- down in chains and caught himself on fire. Everyone watched him burn until he requested a little water
His daughter was drugged and raped by a stranger when she was 15
I’ll leave you on that high note. Today was mildly depressing, but then, when you ask about emergencies you should expect nothing less. Ever been a part of a ‘good’ emergency?
OK, New Originals are meeting tonight to prepare for the Hangover Ball. We’re playing, but to be quite honest with you , we have no idea WHAT the hell we’re playing yet, so we thought maybe it might be good to nail that down.
Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
A man by the name of Thomas Klein, a professor at the University of Heidelberg in Germany, recently completed a study that, deep- down, we already knew; everyone already knows. He studied 2000 people between the ages of 16 and 60 and came to the conclusion that that people who suddenly start dieting while in a relationship are preparing to break up with their “other half”. That’s not a guarantee, but the gist of it is this; happy couples don’t worry about getting fatter and uglier because there’s less pressure to be attractive… you’ve attracted the person you want to be with and if you’re happy together, you’re less concerned about each other’s looks. Picture your grandparents to get an idea. In other words, your wife’s or husband’s sudden need to get into shape has nothing to do with making them more attractive to YOU. Shocking. If you’re a fan of sitcoms, there’s one of two ways to determine if your favorite show has entered its final season; (1) the main character or characters suddenly have a baby or adopts a little kid. This particular formula has spelled doom for countless sitcoms over the last 50 years. Ah, the other way to know a sitcom is in its death- throws is if actor Ted McGinnley gets a regular role. Just know that your show has entered its final season. Today we’re talking omens, defined as ‘something that foretells the future’… or as we call it, “a red flag”. IN HINDSIGHT, WHAT SHOULD HAVE CLUED YOU IN THAT THE END WAS NEAR?
His girlfriend decided she wanted a car instead of sharing his truck… he bought her a car and she left him 2 days later
Asked her boyfriend if he could live without her if he had more money and he answered “yes” (on a quick side note, most men would HAVE more money without their significant other). Anyway, a week later he got a better job and he broke up with her.
Saw the handwriting on the wall when Clay Bennett bought the Sonics
Knew it was over when his ex stopped having sex with him… yea, but that still takes time to figure out… as in, how long did you go sex free before you realized that SHE wasn’t going sex free
He knew the “Man Show” was over when Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope took over as hosts
Knew things were coming to an end when her boyfriend laid down an ultimatum… I don’t care WHO you are, if you get an ultimatum, get the hell out
She kept getting home later and later until she finally just confessed that she was sleeping around
He started shopping for new clothes, got a new haircut and he started locking his phone in the car at night… yea, that’s a lot of red flags
She wanted fake boobs, he bought them for her and she dumped him… gentleman, if your woman wants new boobs and it wasn’t your idea, let her pay for them, that way, when she dumps you, you don’t lose the money
Her ex always brought up how many other women wanted him… yea, right
Kept giving his “artist” girlfriend a ride to her “artist” friend’s house so they do “art”… in other words, he was dropping his girlfriend off at the door of her booty call
She decided to go back to school without discussing with him
SIT AND SPIN
So Led Zeppelin IV came out on this day 40 years ago and to honor it, Jolene treated us to the top 10 bands that rip or have ripped off Led Zeppelin. Check it outhere:
A man by the name of Thomas Klein, a professor at the University of Heidelberg in Germany, recently completed a study that, deep- down, we already knew; everyone already knows. He studied 2000 people between the ages of 16 and 60 and came to the conclusion that that people who suddenly start dieting while in a relationship are preparing to break up with their “other half”. That’s not a guarantee, but the gist of it is this; happy couples don’t worry about getting fatter and uglier because there’s less pressure to be attractive… you’ve attracted the person you want to be with and if you’re happy together, you’re less concerned about each other’s looks. Picture your grandparents to get an idea. In other words, your wife’s or husband’s sudden need to get into shape has nothing to do with making them more attractive to YOU. Shocking. If you’re a fan of sitcoms, there’s one of two ways to determine if your favorite show has entered its final season; (1) the main character or characters suddenly have a baby or adopts a little kid. This particular formula has spelled doom for countless sitcoms over the last 50 years. Ah, the other way to know a sitcom is in its death- throws is if actor Ted McGinnley gets a regular role. Just know that your show has entered its final season. Today we’re talking omens, defined as ‘something that foretells the future’… or as we call it, “a red flag”. IN HINDSIGHT, WHAT SHOULD HAVE CLUED YOU IN THAT THE END WAS NEAR?
His girlfriend decided she wanted a car instead of sharing his truck… he bought her a car and she left him 2 days later
Asked her boyfriend if he could live without her if he had more money and he answered “yes” (on a quick side note, most men would HAVE more money without their significant other). Anyway, a week later he got a better job and he broke up with her.
Saw the handwriting on the wall when Clay Bennett bought the Sonics
Knew it was over when his ex stopped having sex with him… yea, but that still takes time to figure out… as in, how long did you go sex free before you realized that SHE wasn’t going sex free
He knew the “Man Show” was over when Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope took over as hosts
Knew things were coming to an end when her boyfriend laid down an ultimatum… I don’t care WHO you are, if you get an ultimatum, get the hell out
She kept getting home later and later until she finally just confessed that she was sleeping around
He started shopping for new clothes, got a new haircut and he started locking his phone in the car at night… yea, that’s a lot of red flags
She wanted fake boobs, he bought them for her and she dumped him… gentleman, if your woman wants new boobs and it wasn’t your idea, let her pay for them, that way, when she dumps you, you don’t lose the money
Her ex always brought up how many other women wanted him… yea, right
Kept giving his “artist” girlfriend a ride to her “artist” friend’s house so they do “art”… in other words, he was dropping his girlfriend off at the door of her booty call
She decided to go back to school without discussing with him
SIT AND SPIN
So Led Zeppelin IV came out on this day 40 years ago and to honor it, Jolene treated us to the top 10 bands that rip or have ripped off Led Zeppelin. Check it outhere:
So the movie “Tower Heist” came out this weekend and made $25 million, finishing in 2nd place, behind “Puss in Boots”, should you care about such things. The movie was directed by Hollywood mainstay, Brett Ratner. Here’s a little known fact about Ratner (and the story has been confirmed by both Ratner and Olivia Munn), he once masturbated in front of Olivia… while eating shrimp. Now you know. Meanwhile, according to ESPN reporter Erin Andrews (who still thinks she was hired for her talent), she was once on a plane with a network executive and he, like Ratner, decided it was as good a time as any to masturbate… albeit, sans shrimp. The network muckety- muck “vehemently” denies the allegations, of course. Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain has been busy vehemently denying that he made unwanted sexual advances towards the hive of women that have come out of the woodwork to accuse him of being… well, like most guys. Then again, sometimes chicks act like guys, like the time a female co- worker of mine once offered to “service” me with a mouthful of Skittles. This woman is truly one of the ugliest women I’ve ever met in my life… and if you’ve ever stepped foot into this building you realize that that is a big statement. Anyway, today’s question: WHE N HAVE YOU BEEN THE UNWILLING PARTICIPANT IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SEXUAL ADVANCES?
Her roommate’s ex got drunk last week and spent the night groping her
When MySpace wasn’t funny, he used to get messages from a gay guy who kept telling him “you’re fine as f—k, cuz!”… you know, “cuz” is what makes it romantic
At age 18 she was fondled by a man on a plane headed to Spain… she reported the guy to the airline and came to find out that the man in question was Art Garfunkle!
Got kissed by a tranny at a casino
Got hit on by the groom at a wedding… thing is, the wedding was for her current husband’s ex wife!
Was hit on by a really hot woman, which would be cool, but she has herpes
Installed a satellite system in a guy’s house… at the end of the installation he asked the obligatory “is there anything else I can do for you?” The response was, “not unless you take your clothes off.”
He was at a club when an ugly woman with a mustache grabbed his junk… he wasn’t impressed
His former boss’ wife asked him MULTIPLE times to sleep with her
Old man at the bar came up behind her, groped her and mentioned that she had a “great ass”
Got a gig doing “odd jobs” for a wealthy dude… after much hemming and hawing, he offered him $1000 to do a masturbation porn video
Was at a bank wearing a utilikilt… woman in front of him knelt down to “tie her shoe” and that’s when she grabbed his package. Some guys have all the luck!
OK, gonna head home and hang out with the daughter, but before I do, a message to Steelers fans everywhere. I hate your team, but then, you probably hate mine too… that’s the way it should be, but I want to thank you for talking SO much sh*t over the last few months and allowing me to enjoy a sweep of your team more than I normally would. On the other hand, last night’s game was the perfect example of why the rivalry is currently considered the best in sports… two teams that truly hate one another, another close game, and hits that bring me the satisfaction of knowing that the only two teams that play that ‘hard’ are those two teams. Finally, SUCK IT, BITCHES!
Until tomorrow, 4th quarter comebacks and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
www.Slate.com has an article called ‘A Brief History of Abbreviations That Are Already Taken’. Essentially, it’s an article that explains the confusion some people have when referring to or reading about different organizations. Most recently, Republican Presidential candidate Herman “999” Cain has been accused of sexually harassing three different women while he was head of the NRA. See, he was never the head of the National Rifle Association, but the National RESTAURANT Association. Earlier this week in New Yorker Magazine there was an article about NATO threatening action against Universal Pictures. Sounds a bit extreme until you realize that the NATO in question isn’t the North Atlantic Treaty Organization but the National Association of Theater Owners. That makes a lot more sense. Then there’s British actor Mark Chapman. In 1985 he earned the right to play John Lennon in the biopic “John and Yoko: A Love Story”, but he lost the gig because the guy who shot and killed John Lennon in real life was named… Mark Chapman. What are the odds? And who could forget earlier this year when Fort Wayne, Indiana decided NOT to name their new government building after, arguably, their finest mayor ever, Mr. Harry Baals… pronounced “hairy balls”. This brings us to today’s question: WHAT ABOUT YOUR NAME HAS BEEN UNFORTUNATE OR THE SUBJECT OF RIDICULE?
Here’s what we heard today:
His initials are A.S.S.
His name is Raw Lou
Last name Cocker
His initials are B.M.
He’s 23 and his name is Keith Richards
Last name is ‘Coon’
Name is John- Paul and everyone assumes he was named after the Pope
Went to school with a Harry Barber and a Candy Mann
Barry A. Bone
Bo Gasman
Ben Dunn
Last name is Duschl… as in a douche with an L at the end
Last name is Butkey
His brother’s name is Dick Pack
His last name is Mustard
Her name is Tammy Faye
Last name WAS Dickhoff… has changed it to simply Hoff
On a field trip years ago they met a logger named Dick Rasch
His name is Mathew Bate… oh so close
Her name is Sharon Hoel… that’s my favorite name today. Gotta wonder if she’s ever been involved in a 3-way?
OK bitches, it’s Friday so I’m gonna pack it in and head to the great beyond. Actually, that sounds like I’m gonna kill myself… that is not the case.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”
Everyone’s favorite Canadian band, Nickelback, will be performing at the half-time at the Detroit Lions’ Thanksgiving Day game against the Packers. Everyone says they hate Nickelback, but the band has sold 50 MILLION albums, so obviously, a lot of people are lying about their distaste for the mighty ‘Back. Those liars are not in the city of Detroit. Angry Lions’ fans have created a petition to urge officials to choose a different band for the half- time performance. We’ll see what happens. Speaking of sounds that people don’t like, most of us agree that nails on a chalkboard, a fork scraping across a plate and squeaking Styrofoam are very annoying sounds… and researchers in Germany just figured out why these noises are universally panned. Has something to do with their frequency (2000 to 4000 Hertz, if you care), how our brains amplify those frequencies, how our brain then interprets these frequencies and how we physically react to them. Long story short, we’re preprogrammed to not like them. Anyway, there’s someone out there saying to themselves, “I like Nickelback and those sounds don’t bother me”… well, good for you, you’re the type of person we wanted to talk to today: WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE HATE THAT YOU KIND OF LIKE?
So here’s the list of today’s submissions, see how many of these things you actually like:
Sweet pickles… no
Dane Cook… no
Pickled pig’s feet… HELLLLLL no
Black licorice… no
Potted meat… maybe
Fat girls… wellllll
Insane Clown Posse… no
Sardines (in oil)… maybe, but the breath thing
Talk radio and horror movies… yes and yes
Seltzer water… no
Busch Beer… I’ll never turn down a free beer
Irish Pickle Back… what is Irish Pickle Back… its Jameson and pickle juice… and that gets a NO
The Seattle weather… sometimes
Mayo on his corn on the cob… NO
Marilyn Manson, the band, not the guy… no
Squid jerky… never tried it and have no intention to
Women with small boobs… yep, I just like boobs; they be anywhere from (.)(.) to (.)(.)
Peanut butter and mayo sandwiches… no
LeBron James… no
Rush hour traffic… no
So there are 5 out of 21 things on this list that I either like or can tolerate. How about you?
Maybe you’re a Sounders fan, maybe you’re not, but we are, and tonight, the Sounders play their second of two games against Real Salt Lake for the chance to continue in the playoffs. Here’s the problem; the way this works is the teams play two games against each other and the team that scores the most goals collectively moves on. The Sounders gave up 3 goals this past Saturday… or in laymen’s terms, they gave up a s***- ton of goals, making the odds of them moving on very, very slim. It’s not that it CAN’T happen it’s just that it probably won’t. We’re sure that this sentiment is not lost on the players… and we’re hoping that everyone’s general lack of faith lights a fire under their shock- green asses. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? Everyone thinks you’ll fail, you take exception, you live a real life movie montage to prepare to prove everyone wrong, then the moment comes for you to show the world that that they were wrong about you… and you fall on your face, just like everyone said you would in the first place… or maybe you proved them wrong. It’s your story and today we asked you to share: WHAT DID NO ONE THINK YOU’D BE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH… AND DID YOU PROVE THEM RIGHT OR WRONG?
For me it’s easy; I’m not in jail, I’m not dead and I have a job… and a home… and I’m fully aware of my child… and live with my child. That pretty much sums it up.
As for you:
Always wanted to work at a funeral home (???), everyone said it was just a “phase” and that she wouldn’t do it… she has a job at a mortuary and is currently getting licensed to be an embalmer. All of that and she, somehow, seemed very sexy
Parents were convinced that he’d go to prison because he was such a douche bag in his youth… they were sort of right; he’s worked in the prison system for 25 years
He weighed 305 pounds and made it into the army… he’s still active, which is a very ironic term for a 305 pound man
No one thought he could quit smoking… he smoked a pack a day for 15 years (or about 109,500 cigarettes) but now he hasn’t had a refreshing, tasty smoke in 7 years
No one, including her, thought her boobs would ever go from (.)(.) to (.)(.), but they did. She’s DDD cup, or as I like to say, her boobs are 3-D
He didn’t believe that we, the Men’s Room, could do a decent show… says we proved him wrong, which begs the question, what show is he listening to?
As a sophomore no one thought he could beat out a senior on the varsity soccer team… he did… then he got mono and missed half the season
No one thought he’d get out of jail… he was supposed to do 20 years but got out after 2 and a half years
Everyone thought he’d get someone pregnant before he graduated high school… he didn’t. We,, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
No one thought she’d graduate from high school without getting pregnant (see a pattern here?) but like the guy above, she made it out of high school without a kid
No one thought she’d live to see 21 years old… her family even had a secret pool regarding her death… she’s 32 now
Knew a guy for “2 months and 26 days” and got married (at age 22)… naturally, NO ONE thought it would last… they’ve been married for 19 years
OK, I’m outta here… mostly because I’m running late and Ben will kill me if I don’t get this done. Ben is a scary killer, bitches, make no mistake.
A couple in Honolulu stole two five- dollar sandwiches from a Safeway and had their 3- year- old daughter taken away by the state. They paid for $50 worth of groceries, but forgot to ring up the sandwiches. They were stopped by security, at which point they admitted their mistake and offered to pay, but the cops were called, they were arrested and their kid was taken away. In retrospect, the state now admits that they may have overreacted, but in these modern times, seems that everything is a threat to kids. There’s a woman in New York City who caught flack when people found out that her 10- year- old son takes the subway to school. Their point is that it’s dangerous, but it’s not nearly as dangerous as they think it is. Hell, when I was going to school in Baltimore, there were no yellow school busses, you got on a regular city bus with the crack heads and weirdo's and went to school. But times have changed. That leads to today’s question: WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS DO BACK IN THE DAY THAT IF THEY DID IT NOW YOU’D HAVE BEEN TAKEN AWAY?
Spanking his naked ass… these days you’d probably get pulled up for abuse AND child porn
Walked alone to and from school
Mother was a bartender, so after school he’d walk to the bar and do his homework there… unlikely to fly these days
Mother used to spank him with a belt… I remember those days, and not fondly
Her father would drink and drive with her in the car… he’d make her throw the empty cans out of the window to get rid of the evidence. Drunk driving AND littering
Mother bought him smokes at age 9, let him smoke pot at age 10, and for his 16th birthday she threw him a keg party
Parents left him in a crib at a hotel while they had dinner… they weren’t with some responsibility; they took the phone off the hook so that the person working the hotel switchboard could “listen” should he need anything. After a few minutes of screaming and crying, the switchboard operator figured that there might be something amiss (yes, I wrote ‘amiss’) so she found his parents in the restaurant and instead of telling them to go up to their room, she had them listen to the phone (???). Eventually they went upstairs to check on him where they discovered he’d broken the crib and was hanging upside down from the side rail
Used to rub whiskey on his gums when he was teething… other than being a waste of perfectly good whiskey, is that so wrong
Got his ass whipped with a homemade paddle… ah, those were the days
Used to climb ladders, use power tools, climb through rafters, etc when he’d help his dad with projects
Dad threw him in the pool when he was little to teach him how to swim… it works when you’re done panicking
Got liquor in his stocking when he was a kid
SIT AND SPIN
Maybe you were around for the ‘70s, maybe not, either way Jolene treated us to the 10 worst songs of the 1970’s. Usually there’s room for argument with these types of lists, but I have to say, I think they got this one right. If you missed the segment, well, you’re lucky.
