According to a survey, when it comes to humiliation and/ or embarrassment, 57% of people would be embarrasses if they were caught cheating on their taxes... however, there are things that would embarrass more... and I would hope so. 59% of people would be embarrassed if they were caught littering, 65% would be embarrassed if they got a DUI (although, to be fair, while it IS stupid, no one makes BETTER decisions when they're drunk) and 73% of people would be embarrassed if they were caught shoplifting. Then again, it's one thing to be caught stealing beer but something else entirely if you're caught stealing porn or a sex toy. Probably more embarrassing to get busted with a hooker, but which is worse; getting busted with a $1000- an- hour 'escort' or a $20 toothless yahoo on Aurora Avenue? Is it worse that you'd blow tons of cash for some action or that you'd only part with $20, but are willing to get jiggy with a woman who looks like she's worth $20? And is it more humiliating to be caught having sex with a cheap hooker in your car or be caught masturbating alone in your car. Neither is ideal, but which is worse? Some things, while similar, are much embarrassing than others, and today we asked you to embrace your humility and tell us: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN CAUGHT DOING AND WHO CAUGHT YOU?
Cops busted him making out with his girlfriend in the car... not so bad, but it happened yesterday
Cousin walked in on her having sex with that cousin's girlfriend
Girlfriend's parents caught him having sex with her... in his car... it was the first time he'd met them
Uncle caught him doing a gravity bong hit
Keeps getting busted at work for emailing and texting us during work
Was busted for spending counterfeit cash at a strip club
Father busted him jerking it before school... all his father said was "stop jerking it before breakfast"
Took a dump in front of his school when he was in kindergarten... he wasn't being an ass, he was raised by a hippie and that's just what they did
Posted a video of himself to YouTube shooting down a tree... it was then and only then that he discovered that's illegal
Caught sleeping on the job... in Afghanistan... in a sniper tower... while on sniper duty
His ex- girlfriend's mother caught him masturbating... to HER!
Got busted closing the elevator door on a handicapped guy... he was fired from his job in HR!!!
Got caught putting Copenhagen snuff into the Folger's coffee at work... he got away with it 3 times before getting busted
OK bitches, it's Friday and the employees of KISW are having a little shindig tonight and I need to get steppin'.
Have a fantastic weekend, my amigos.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Esquire Magazine just conducted a survey of married men and revealed some very disturbing stats. 34% of men in a "committed" relationship sat they've had at LEAST one other sexual partner since their relationship started, 10% of men don't consider oral sex to be sex and 13% of men say that their favorite type of porn is woman- on- woman. None of those findings are particularly disturbing. According to the Esquire survey, 14% of married men, or about 1- in- 7 married men has had at least of one sexual encounter with another MAN. I'm a little shocked by that, but after hearing about Volunteer Park and reading the 'missed connections' section, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised... but I am. Then again, no matter how well you know someone, you don't know EVERYTHING. Some things you'll take to your grave, other things you just don't think about much, but when you DO share it, no one can believe it's something YOU did. Maybe you were a phone- sex operator, maybe you went on a vision- quest, maybe you used to be a woman... today we wanted to know: WHAT HAVE YOU TRIED, ATTEMPTED OR SAMPLED THAT MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT?
Tried grilled squirrel as a kid and says it was delicious
Head- cheese... says it was neither good nor bad, but describes it as looking like meat but feeling like Jell-O
Had sex with a woman he met when he was 18... found out later that she used to be a guy
He's from the south and no one in his 'southern style' family knows he's been with a black chick... in my experience, it doesn't matter WHAT part of the country you're in, it's oh- so taboo!
While stationed in Korea, he tried Kagogi (dog soup) and prostitutes... says that both were "great". Don't judge, it could have been a dog prostitute or prostitute soup
While he was married he got some oral from his gay friend... blames it on being coked up. OK, look, we had a couple of guys call today say they're straight but have dabbled in the penis and ALL of them blamed alcohol or drugs. Fellas, you know as well as I do that alcohol and drugs don't make penis attractive... a belief that penis is attractive is what makes penis attractive... the alcohol and drugs just lower your inhibitions. Stop blaming the 'fun stuff' and just accept what you like. It's OK, just man up.
Likes trans-sexuals... has gone their 6 times... and no one knows... except 6 individuals
Her husband admitted that he'd been with a dude a few times, so she admitted that she'd been with a woman... he got pissed
He's had hookers... lots and lots of hookers... no one knows
She had sex with another woman but no one knows... says it helped her discover that she's bisexual
Lived with a bunch of tranny's when he lived in Hawaii... hooked up with one of their friends (unknowingly) one night... only kissed, but that's all you need to be skeeved out
When he was in high school he slept with his girlfriend's mother... says he did it because he was horny... that's fine and all, but I've been horny and in no way was that enough to coerce a woman to sleep with me... which I was 'horny' and not 'fulfilled'
Tried pig brains, eyeballs and cheeks (waste not, want not) and says that all were great
Did meth for 3 months and no one knew... how in the f%$k did no one know? One thing about meth seems to be that it's real obvious when you're on it, whether it's your general appearance, your new 'perspective on life', the sudden weight loss or the fact that you're always chewing food that isn't in your mouth.
OK bitches, having one of "those" days. Yea, one of those. Ever eat nails? Me neither, but this would be the day to give it a try. Actually, that would be really stupid, so I'll just have a beer instead.
Bitches, you've been swell. No really, you HAVE been. Well, not YOU, but the rest of you.
Until tomorrow, I wipe my ass with broken glass (quoting 24- 7 Spyz) so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Sports, like religion and politics, is a topic that will inevitably descend into an argument if you don't agree with the person you're talking to. I could tell you a fairly recent story that illustrates this point beautifully, but I'll protect their names of the guilty. However, there is a shining example of this sad truth that comes to us from the fine state of Kentucky. The University of Kentucky and the University of Louisville are playing each other in the Final Four this weekend. This past Monday, police had to break up a fight between two men, one a fan of Kentucky, one a fan of Louisville... at a DIALYSIS CENTER! They got into a DURING dialysis. Then again, we've had stories (thanks to the Shot of the day) of sons beating up their mothers because their mother didn't buy them beer, brothers, both of them grown, getting into a shootout over who gets the last piece of fried chicken and stories of sisters stabbing their brothers over what channel to flip the TV to. Generally speaking, all fights start over something stupid, petty or inconsequential... but that doesn't stop us from fighting. It's how we roll. Today we wanted to know: WHAT IS THE DUMBEST REASON YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT OR CONFLICT?
There were all manner of stories today and ALL of them answered the question perfectly; the reasons for the fights were f**king stupid, but here are a few highlights:
Someone thought he stole the last hamburger... the story ended with someone who was NOT involved in the conflict having their face smashed into a concrete driveway TWICE and eventually getting knocked unconscious by an errant shower curtain pole. You can't make this stuff up. On a side note, the thing that really caught my attention was that this guy put mayonnaise on his burger. I think that's very gross, but it turns out that I'm the only one who thinks so.
Got into a fight when his brother called him Sponge- Bob Square Pants... thems fightin' words! Seriously, there are worse things to be called... at least Sponge Bob is a popular character. You could have been called Barney
Had to take a leak while having sex and the woman got mad and wouldn't continue the sexual tryst. Would she have been happier if he'd peed on her? Freaky
His brother drove by him while he was walking home and didn't offer him a ride... like any sensible individual, he broke his brother's jaw! Well, that'll get you a ride next time!
When he was in jail, he got into a fight over Crocodile Dundee II... I can't help but think to myself that the kind of guy who would fight over Crocodile Dundee II is the kind of guy who ends up in jail
Eugene will be in Seattle for the next three days with a variety of comedy and comedy- related shows. If you watch "Bob's Burgers" on FOX, you're familiar with Eugene's work. Anyway, he came by the studio today and traded a few laughs. I would recommend you check him out while he's here. Funny stuff. Trust me.
OK, I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Identity theft is all the rage these days, and technology makes it increasingly easier to do, but still, you'd think it might be a a BIT of challenge to steal Paul Allen's ID. You'd THINK that... and you'd be wrong. Authorities in Pittsburgh just nabbed an AWOL soldier who, with one simple call to Citibank, managed to get a debit card linked to Allen's bank account. Not very sophisticated, but the guy got to a BILLIONAIRE. Technology also provides distractions to the point of being very dangerous. We've all heard about the dangers of texting and driving, but how about texting and WALKING? Take Bonnie Miller of Michigan, a woman who walked off of a pier while texting. She was walking with her husband and 15- year- old son, but instead of enjoying 'family time', she was face- down on her phone... and then she was floating in a lake. Congratulations. A guy in Tennessee broke into a house and stole, among other things, an 8- year- olds iPad. Thing is, the kid had a tracking app on his iPad, so he led police to the thief in about 40 minutes. Another round of congratulations and accolades! And according to divorce attorneys, about 80% of couples filing for divorce were using Facebook to cheat on their spouses. I could go on and on, as their no shortage of stories of technology ruining a person's day or life, but today we wanted your story: WHEN HAS TECHNOLOGY DONE YOU WRONG?
He just deleted 6 years of work from the main work computer... it was an accident. Is he in trouble? He was gonna find out 40 minutes after the phone call. Hope everything works out for you, bud
Had 3 relationships broken up by Facebook at the same time... he thinks it's about facebook, I think it's about having 3 relationships at the same time
Got a new phone, his girlfriend had the GPS thing on it, but it misfired (yea, sure it did) and she thought he was somewhere else. She never believed him, but they're still together. No offense, but that's a "hit the road" moment for me
Got duped into believing the legend of the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus... which was created by a teacher to prove that people will believe anything on the internet
His navigation always sends him the wrong way... case-in-point, his GPS sent him onto trolley tracks in downtown San Diego... when a trolley was coming
The history button on Google Chrome has let his girlfriend see his porn history
Failed an English class when his laptop died and erased his English final essay... teacher didn't believe him
Any picture he takes on his phone goes straight to Google +... thing is, unbeknownst to him, while he was showering, his girlfriend was laying on the bed spread- eagle taking pictures of herself. Yea, they all posted on his Google + page... viewed by his friends, his family, her friends and her super devout, Mormon family who were none to pleased. They even threatened HIM, unaware that SHE took the pictures
SIT AND SPIN
Once in a great while Jolene comes in with some new music for Sit and Spin, today was that day. Check it out here.
Kentucky Wildcats center Anthony Davis has a lot to be proud of. As a freshman, he'd led his team to the NCAA's Final Four in New Orleans and won the Oscar Robertson Trophy (annually presented to the player of the year), the first player from Kentucky to do so. As a result of his notable accomplishments, Davis has been getting a lot of face- time... and that is unfortunate because he has an extremely distracting unibrow. It's like a mustache on his forehead. It's so prominent that his accomplishments on the court are taking a back seat to the 'accomplishment' on his forehead. Nevertheless, someone needs to tell him about it. Granted, he's gonna be a millionaire soon, so he'll still get plenty of chicks, but if you're NOT made of money, we have the list of the Top 10 Appearance Turnoffs for Women. The unibrow is inexplicably absent, but there's a good chance that you're doing something wrong anyway. We also have a list of the Top 10 Hygiene Turnoffs... not as they relate to dating, but in general. Think about the co-worker with the perpetually bad berate, or the guy who always smells like a dirty armpit... if you don't know which co-worker that is, YOU'RE the one. It's bad enough to have to deal with these people, but there's no nice way to tell them either. Then again, you really can't tell the hot chick that she's hot without having to visit HR... even though she goes through great pains, time and energy to make sure you notice. Today we wanted to know: WHAT WOULD YOU LOVE TO TELL SOMEONE, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T?
I'm pretty good at telling people whatever I feel compelled to let them know. Don't mistake that for being a d*ck... I use tact (believe it or not) but I'm a firm believer in being upfront IF it's warranted... not just to be an a**hole... although I'm sure many people would disagree with that.
As for you fine folks:
Would love to tell his Filipino co-worker that she has a fantastic body... his fiancé, however, is unaware of his feelings on that subject
Just wants the ability to tell women with mustaches that they have mustaches
Moles... not the little moles that everyone has, but the big, meaty moles that distract
Would like to explain to his father that Fox News (like every "news" channel) is just a corporate mouth- piece to the highest bidder. Oddly enough, I met a Fox News producer a little while ago at an airport... he even said that if the audience were aware of how little respect the network has for their collective intelligence, they'd be offended enough to stop watching. I imagine that's true of many, many news operations
Used to date a beautiful woman who was terrible in the sack... danced around the subject with her but never just told her directly
Wants someone in the family to give his "lazy cousin" some tough love for mooching off of the family... seems that smoking weed and sitting on the sofa is not how you should go through life
Wants to tell his co- worker with the perpetually hard nipples that they are distracting an stunningly unattractive
Wants to tell his wife that her sister is really hot but, you know, it explains itself
Wants to tell a close friend of hers that NO ONE in their circle of friends can stand his girlfriend... in fact, she's described as the 'c- bomb'... the only reason no one says anything is because he hasn't had a girlfriend in 7 years
Would like to tell anyone with abnormally long nose hairs that they have abnormally long nose hairs
She wants to tell her boyfriend to clean his bathroom because it smells like pee... seems fair enough
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Need to lotion the back! New tat. For those of you who keep troubling me for a picture of the new work, here's the deal; it's not done yet, so what I will do is, when it's completed I'll post the picture(s). This was phase two. The final session is scheduled for Sunday the 23rd of April. I will post a picture then. Now you know.
Until tomorrow, keep your eyes on the prize and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
By now you've heard the story of Trayvon Martin, the 17- year- old Florida high school student who was shot and killed by 28- year- old George Zimmerman not the dude from Men's Warehouse... that's George ZIMMER). In spite of being shot in cold blood, zimmerman hasn't been charged with anything. Trayvon (as the name suggests) was black and Zimmerman (as the name suggests, is not). That explains the lack of charges. It's the American way. That's not news, it's just ridiculous that things still swing that way. Zimmerman, of course, says he fired his gun in self defense... and why not, Trayvon was armed... with a bag of Skittles. Naturally, all manner or racial tensions have flared up, but then Geraldo Rivera offered his opinion and united everyone... not because he said something profound that spoke to our inner unity, it's that he tweeted something so Goddamn ridiculous that even the bitterest of enemies agreed that Geraldo is f**king idiot. According to Geraldo, Trayvon's HOODIE is as responsible for his death as Zimmerman. See, Geraldo doesn't believe that Latino and Black 'youngters' should wear hoodies unless it's raining. It happened to BE raining the night Trayvon was killed. Just sayin'. Besides, do you know anyone who doesn't own a hoodie? Let's move along. On St. Patrick's Day, a group of firemen participated in parade... dressed as women. No big deal, but during the parade an actual fire broke out and the firemen sprang into action... in their dresses. Makes for a great You Tube video. Oh, and 30% of grown men admit that they let their mother pick their clothes. Their MOTHER! Oy vay... anyway, this leads to today's question: WHEN WERE YOU WEARING THE WRONG THING AT THE WRONG TIME?
Well, if you're a sports and you wear your team's colors in a city that is not the home of your team... on game day... you will have an interesting time. Rocked my Ravens jersey the last 2 times the Ravens came to (and lost in) Seattle and both occasions brought colorful comments, the occasional threat plenty of grief. However, I don't care.
As for you:
Was followed by a cop to a gas station because they had their hood up on their hoodie... 'they' are a 57 year old white woman
His buddy visited a cousin in jail... he was wearing a t-shirt that read "I put out"
Thought he was going to a costume party... he wasn't... was dressed in a toga, but was treated like the man all night, so all's well that ends well
Very unintentionally went to a multi- band Christian rock concert back in his small hometown... he was wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt that read "American by Birth, Anti=Christ by Choice". Believe it or not, he said everyone was pretty cool about it
Went to visit a friend's mother in rehab... he was wearing a Rainer Beer shirt... got lots of dirty looks. To be fair, he didn't know they were going to a rehab clinic as he'd been told they were going to a hospital
At his senior prom he DIDN'T wear a condom... his daughter is 13 now!
When he was 13, his sister dressed him up in a dress... the picture JUST hit Facebook... he's 29 years old now
Had the wrong color cap and gown at his high school graduation
As a 15 year old, he and his friends decided that the wanted to buy beer. Instead of just putting on a pair of sunglasses and hoping for the best, he went to a craft store and created an entire old man motif... facial hair, prosthetic nose, the whole 9... he got the beer, but he matched the description of a killer on the loose
Ok then, I'm on my way to the Sounders game so I'm outta here! Out, I say! OUT!
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The Houston Press recently ran a pretty interesting article titled "15 American Foods That Are as Weird to Foreigner as Poisonous Blowfish is to Us". As the title suggests, they cover 15 fairly routine foods here in the States that make foreigners a little uncomfortable. Biscuits and gravy, peanut butter, pepper shakers on the table, mayonnaise and a host of other things we find perfectly reasonable are, seemingly, not perfectly reasonable outside of these borders. Then again, if you've been paying attention to international non- news, you've heard about the concern in New Zealand that the country could run out of marmite this year. What is marmite? Marmite is a spread made of yeast extract... and having tried it before, I can tell you that it's about as good as it sounds... which, from my perspective, is not at all. I'm sure it's delicious, but my American palate isn't suited for it. Food isn't the only thing that can be a shock to the system. When we first moved here 7 years ago, we saw something we'd NEVER seen on the East Coast; I'm talking, of course, about white people on a bus. Put it this way; 9 years ago I saw a UFO in the Bahamas (true) and that was LESS shocking than seeing white people on a bus. Laugh if you want, but I'm being serious. Anyway, this all leads to today's question: I HAVE TO ADMIT, i WAS TAKEN ABACK THE FIRST TIME I SAW _____________.
Away we go:
First time he saw two horses mating... first of all, that indicates that he's seen it more than once... second of all, do you ever get used to that sort of thing... and finally, would you WANT to get used to that?
Drove his brother to L.A. and was blown away when he saw LIQUOR IN A GROCERY STORE... it really is a beautiful sight and we, here in Washington, will see this same beautiful sight as of June 1st. BOOYAH!!!
Sawa black guy on a hockey team... in Alaska! How about just a black guy in Alaska?!? I went to Anchorage a few years ago and the only other black guy I saw my reflection... and even my reflection seemed surprised to see me
Plymouth Rock... glorified throughout our school years, turns out that the landing point of the Pilgrims (drunks) is teeny- tiny, uninspiring piss- ant rock. Did not realize this. Heard the same thing about the Mona Lisa. Apparently it's a small little picture of an epically ugly broad
Had a 30- hour layover at the Tokyo airport and saw a beer vending machine, a necktie vending machine and a sex- toy vending machine
Was shocked to discover that all the members of AlterBridge (minus Miles Kennedy) were in Creed... yea, they don't want you to know that
Bumpits... bumpits are (and I just found this out myself) little, plastic arches that women put in their hair to add 'volume'... you know, so that guys take them seriously and don't look at them as sex objects
Was moving to Arkansas (which takes me aback) and on the highway in Alabama he saw his 'adopt-a-highway' sign... it read "this highway adopted by the KKK". Normally I don't condone littering, but I'd defecate all over that highway... not being mean (of course not) just want to give those fine gentlemen something to do
I'll leave you with the image of me squatting over a highway adopted by the Klan. You're welcome!
Until tomorrow, find a crook and kiss them and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell feigned ignorance about how the NFL actually works and suspended New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Peyton for a year for his involvement in Bounty- Gate. Bounty- Gate would be the revelation that defensive players for the Saints could earn a little extra scratch per game by "taking out" or getting huge hits against opposing players. In other words, players could earn extra money by doing their job. Ben put it best; you can pay them millions of dollars to smash other people, but you can't pay them $20 to do the same thing. Oh well. This is one of those deals where Goodell has to play stupid and make an example because the truth is that EVERY team does the same thing... the Saints just got caught. Whether you agree with the terms of the suspension or not, all of us know someone we'd like to 'suspend' for a year. Could be your significant other, your boss, your neighbor, whoever. Today's question: IN YOUR PERSONAL CIRCLE, WHO WOULD YOU SUSPEND FOR A YEAR AND WHY?
Here's a sample of some of the day's answers:
Would suspend his friend from all geek- related activities for a year... or until he gets a girlfriend... whichever comes first
Wants to suspend his friend who is always talks about being 'depressed' (attention whore), has no job yet finds a way to smoke weed all the time
Wants to suspend the new guitar player in his metal band ("Inside the Gates")... not because he's not a good player, but because his name is BRIAN ADAMS!!! Not very metal
His wife... so he could have fun for a year
His co-worker who pisses and moans about everything, including, but not limited to, the smell of warm potatoes (???), people who type too loud, people who whisper, etc. She's worked there 30 years
Would suspend his buddy Moosejaw (yes, Moosejaw) who is a "grown- ass man" but talks "way too much" about dinosaurs and Legos. WTF???
Wants to suspend his very good friend who proposed to a girl two years ago, she said yes, and then cancelled the wedding 2 weeks before the big day. He stayed with her and proposed again... and she said yes again and cancelled THAT wedding the day before. He's still with her. Then he found a text conversation between her and a co- worker that read something to the effect of "I love you and want to be with you". He's still with her. This guy is the definition of a 'f**king idiot'
Wants to suspend her friend who introduced her to her current boyfriend... you'd think she'd be gracious, but it seems that her friend also shared a bunch of secrets with the boyfriend
His father... dude is 60 years old and works 14 hours a day, 6 days a week and never takes time off... just wants his father to relax. I don't know the guy, but I'm assuming that he has a wife at home that he doesn't like dealing with and going to work IS his relaxation. Just saying'.
Would ban his buddy Jon for inviting him to a co-ed baby- shower... come on, man! Guys don't enjoy baby showers. We don't. We never have. We never will. Is this really news?
OK bitches, time for me to go. For those of you who keep coming to trivia, thanks and what's up!
Until tomorrow, don't force my hand when my eyes are wide open and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
According to a study by Indiana University, as many as 5% of women have experienced an orgasm... which is about the same percentage of women who have experienced an orgasm with me. About 10% of women said they hadn't quite gotten THAT far, but that they'd had experienced some level of sexual pleasure... which, again, mirrors the number of women who have experienced at least SOME sexual pleasure with me. In case you're wondering (and I know you are) ab exercises, rope climbing, yoga and bicycling are the most likely to make a woman tingle in her nether regions. Guys aren't so lucky. No, if we're gonna experience something similar, we have to actively pursue it. On that note, 1 out of 4 men have masturbated while driving and about a third of us have done it at work. That would include a store manager who pinned down a female co-worker and did it on her chest. She successfully sued for $95 million dollars!!! There's also a guy named William Black, who fondled himself to completion in the toy aisle of a Wal- Mart. Even worse, he wiped his hands 'clean' on a toy light saber... irony or coincidence? And who could forget Paul Reubens, a.k.a., Pee Wee Herman, getting arrested for molesting himself in an adult movie theatre? He STILL denies athe allegations, arguing recently in Playboy, that he's RIGHT handed and the police report says he was using his LEFT hand... also known as 'the stranger'. Whateva! Today, whether it was intentional, expected, unintentional or unexpected: WHAT IS THE MOST UNUSUAL OR UNEXPECTED PLACE YOU'VE ACHIEVED THE 'BIG O'?
Away we go:
In his seat, under a blanket on an airplane... he's about "60% sure" that the old woman next to him didn't know... meaning there's a 40% chance that she DID know
Had sex on the side of a fairly busy road during rush hour... wasn't in a car, but literally on the side of the road
In the air- intake of an F-18... probably don't need to explain this part, but not during a flight... it was on an aircraft carrier
6 months ago on a date with a hottie in a dress, he 'dared' her to sit on his lap at a movie theatre... things worked out well for him
He used to rub one out every Sunday in the church bathroom back when his step- mother would force him to go... if she only knew
He works as a truck driver, so he just does it on the road while driving... can't blame the guy
With "help", he achieved the 'big- O' on the Sky-tram at Disneyland
As a hunter, he's done it in a deer stand... you'd have to think that would chase the deer away... or make them stare
She unexpectedly reached 'genital nirvana' while riding a horse... we're assuming she means 'horseback riding' in the sense of a saddle and everything, not, well, you know
Had his FIRST EVER O at age 13 while lifting weights... hasn't has a similar experience since, but I've gotta think it motivated him to stay in shape
Enjoyed a sweet release on a school bus... he was a STUDENT at the time, not the driver... which makes me feel a little better
Was clearing brush with his father... the idling chainsaw resting against his leg got him where he wanted to be without even knowing that he wanted to be there
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene shared, via Rolling Stone Magazine, the Top 10 Concert Movies of All Time... time... time. Here's the link:
I think #2 should be #1 and #1 should be #11, but see what you think.
A recent study came to the conclusion that most men already know to be true; we do better handling jokes about our mothers than we do handling jokes about our manhood. That's right; if you wanna provoke a guy, 'yo mama' jokes only go so far, but if you insult our junk, well, that's a fight waiting to happen. In fact, penis talk is at the route of a rift between Mick Jagger and Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Keep in mind, these two have been working together for 50 years and like ANY relationship that lasts 5 decades there's bound to be highs and lows, but it wasn't until 2 years ago, when he released his autobiography and wrote, "Mick has a tiny todger (British slang for 'd*ck). I know he's got an enormous set of balls, but it doesn't quite fill the gap." As you'd imagine, Mick was not happy with the revelation. That's how it goes. Inevitably, there are things you can't joke about with certain people. Ever crack a joke about the Special Olympics to someone with retarded kids? Me neither, but I don't think it's a good idea. That's the nature of today's question: IN YOUR CLOSE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY, WHAT TOPIC IS OFF- LIMITS?
Let's start with one of the more complex answers we got today; the taboo subject is the family. You can't talk about the family around the family. WTF, you may ask? Here's the breakdown; the guy's mother and father got married. At their wedding, his father's father and his mother's moth met, fell in love and decided to get married themselves. Then, his mother and father got divorced, but mom re-married... she married his uncle... his father's brother... her former brother- in- law. So now his uncle is his step- father, his cousin became his brother, but his grandparents stayed his grandparents and his biological parents technically became step- siblings. You do the math.
Don't joke about his sister... she died 5 years ago on his 16th birthday... she died of an epileptic seizure and choked on her tongue that she'd bitten in half. Who in the hell would joke about that?
His great grandfather had an affair with a secretary back in the day... she later committed suicide
Can't joke about the Dallas Cowboys around his family... he said "it's self explanatory". I'm not so sure about that, so I'll wager a guess; they're fans of the team and they're suffering through the Romo years, also known as 'December self- destruction'
Can't bring up his first step- father... he and his sister hated him, but his other siblings "worshipped the ground he walked on"... thing is, he killed himself, so now it's completely off- limits
He's 32- years- old and he and the rest of his family STILL don't know what dad does for a living
His cousin is gay, the family is Catholic... it can't be discussed. Really? Has the family heard about the clergy lately? Are they aware of what's going on? Hypocrites
You can't bring up incest with his friend... you see, his friend slept with his half- sister... he didn't know it until he was at his dad's birthday party, saw her there and she asked him, "how do you know my dad?" Awkward, yea?
So, on this show, we pretty much make fun of any and everything we can think of. It's all in good humor and while everyone is insulted equally, these are the people who complain the most... the people who believe they are "off limits":
- Gypsies... there's not a lot of the Roma but it seems that each and everyone has called to complain when poked fun of. Just joking. Relax.
- The Jewish community... more than any other ethnic group, the Jewish community has cried foul more than any other. Miles' wife AND kids are Jewish, as is my father- in- law. Just joking. Relax.
- The religious right... do what Jesus would do and reserve judgment. Just joking. Relax.
- The gay community seems to have the best sense of humor, but there was this one guy who e-mailed me personally and went on a long tirade about 'equal rights'. I asked him how it was so 'equal' when you only come to the defense of that which effects YOU? That would be 'special' rights. And again, just joking. Relax.
That about covers it.
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, lick it, stick it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, the day that everyone pretends they're Irish as an excuse to drink... which is ridiculous because I pretty much drink all the time and don't have a drop of Irish in me. I just like booze a lot, but the stereotype, of course, is that all Irish folks are belligerent drunks. Then again, all blonde women are stupid, all Latina women are fiery, all black people are violent and unemployed, all white people are rich cowards, all Asians are super- smart and subservient, all Italians are meat heads, all Mexicans are illegal and all women are crazy. By the way, that last one was a statement, not a stereotype. So yea, we've covered stereotypes to death on this show and even have a game (Black, White, Mexi or Jew) dedicated to it all, and, usually, people offer up their frustrations of being stereotyped, but today we wanted the opposite; we wanted to know: WHAT STEREOTYPE DO YOU ACTUALLY LIVE UP TO?
She's Irish and loves potatoes and whiskey... she also has freckles and burns easy
Part French Creole... loves to cook "flavorful" food... also part Scottish and wears kilts
Self- admitted redneck and lives up to all available stereotypes and is proud of it... as he should be
Tested with a 162 IQ... has worn glasses all of his life and has no common sense
A lot of people think she's a lesbian because she trains dogs
Asian women... cooks, cleans and drives like sh*t
Black dude... he's loud, obnoxious, dates white chicks, used to deal drugs and has a big d*ck... or so he says
Mexican... has an 85 pound pitbuill, tattoos and owns a Jeep
Big lips, big d*ck, bad credit and always late... black dude
Has a small d*ck but drives a big truck
He's short and has short man's disease
Self- proclaimed "Pisano" from Jersey... wears gold chains, pinky ring and jogging suits
And we learned today, that in spite of Jeetz's red headedness, you can, in fact, see his nipples. He'll show you upon request... at 10 cents a nipple. Spend your money wisely.
I'll leave you with that. You're welcome.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Magazines have been doing it for years, Gallup has an entire business centered around it and, with the internet, virtually EVERYONE does it. We're talking about conducting surveys. You name a scenario and it's been covered, or it will be soon enough. Today, we decided to conduct a single- serving survey... in other words, we have a laundry list of questions and we asked you one random question when you called. Basically, you called us, we asked you one question and you gave us your answer. It was that simple. Today was our Men's Room Random Question.
Unfortunately, I don't remember all of the questions, but here a few:
WHAT CARTOON CHARACTER WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH?
WOULD YOU RATHER BE IN A CAGE MATCH WITH AN ANGRY MIKE TYSON IN HIS PRIME, MUHAMMAD ALI OR BRUCE LEE?
YOU'RE IN THE WATER; WOULD YOU RATHER SEE AN ALLIGATOR OR A SHARK?
YOU HAVE TO LICK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: A SUBWAY POLE, THE WATER DISH AT A DOG KENNEL OR THE TOP OF YOUR BATHROOM TRASH CAN?
HOW MANY DATES IS IT COOL TO GO BEFORE HAVING SEX?
WOULD YOU GIVE UP HALF OF YOUR PINKY IN RETURN FOR HALF- PRICE DRINKS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
WHAT BODY PART WOULD YOU PIERCE OTHER THAN YOUR EARS?
HOW OLD IS TOO OLD TO DO A BEER BONG?
There were a ton more, but quite honestly, I forgot what they were. I had the best of intentions too. The plan was to write them down as we went through the show, but I forgot to do that because, inevitably, we all answered whatever question was being asked. See what happens when I pay attention to the show? Gotta stop doing that.
Keep in mind, we didn't ask any of these questions because it's important (something we try to avoid) we asked because, for us, the most interesting thing isn't the answer itself, it's the reasoning behind the answer. Or in some cases, the lack thereof.
Either way, fun show.
Alright bitches, time for me to head to the great beyond known as my home.
After 244 years, Encyclopedia Britannica will stop production of its, well, encyclopedias. They usually print a new set every two years, but 2010's 32-volume set will be its last. It finally occurred to them that people don't really use books for information anymore when they can just Google, Bing or Wikipedia anything they want to know. Hell, you don't really need a book for ANYTHING anymore, thanks to e- books, Kendles and Nooks. You don't even need to go to the store to buy a Kendle or a nook when you can just order them through Amazon or eBay. And it's not like you need a home computer to order things online because any smart phone has internet access, and you don't even need the keyboard on your phone because you can just ask Siri to do whatever you need to do FOR you. This brings us to today's question: WHAT DO YOU HOLD ONTO THAT YOU KNOW IS OBSOLETE?
His 8- bit Nintendo system and the 20 games that go with it
Keeps his VCR and cassette tapes and yes, he has a VCR and a cassette player
Loves his Sega genesis and would play it all the time if he just an RCA cable to hook it up
Has 4 film cameras... I have one... that I don't use... bought a digital camera and use the lenses from the film camera... well, I used to... now I just take pictures with my iPhone... lame
Has a set of Encyclopedia Britannica's from 1923... gotta wonder what cutting- edge information they were covering back then
Has a rotary phone... which means he still has a land line too... you know, if you have to dial 911 on a rotary phone, by the time you get through, it's already too late
Has Windows '95
His marriage... stays married for their kid's sake... because they don't know that their kid will figure it out and hate life
An 8mm film projector and several 8mm movies to go with it
Alright, I've gotta split, bitches. Gotta unload a monster dump first. I've pretty much done all of today's show holding it in and it's time to 'release the dogs of war' so to speak. No, no... you're welcome!
Until tomorrow, until tomorrow, the Viking warrior awaits, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Online dating is all the rage these days as, essentially, it allows you to have sex with butt loads of people in a relatively short amount of time. Like we've explained on this show, dating is exactly that; regular sex with someone who you don't hate. It's only slightly above a booty call and a little below a 'relationship', thus, online dating has exploded since 2000. Unfortunately, the OTHER thing that has exploded since 2000 is syphilis. Since 2000, syphilis cases are up 1000%!!! Oh, and Chlamydia is up 66% over the same period. 'Experts' link the spike in STD's to the spike in online dating and, believe it or not, it's OLDER folks who are at fault. Seems that that older people who are divorced or widowed don't think about, and therefore don't take precautions for, STD's. No one WANTS an STD, but it has to be the most fun you can have to earn an affliction. On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there's PTSD (post- traumatic stress disorder), which is routinely dismissed by the powers- that- be, but has returned to the national spotlight after a U.S. Army soldier when on an unprovoked massacre of 16 Afghan civilians this past Sunday. While Congress and others feign ignorance about the whole thing, the latest reports say about 40% of soldiers who have seen multiple deployments might be suffering from PTSD. And then there's cancer; why not exploit a 7- year- old kid with cancer. There's someone out there who wants to do exactly that. Their currently pitching a reality show that follows a 7- year- old kid with leukemia who is waiting for a bone- marrow transplant. That's where we are. So today's question: WHAT'S YOUR MEDICAL PROBLEM/ EXCUSE?
Well, today was an UPBEAT day... but what can you expect when you ask a question like this?
Sleep apnea... lots of people suffer from this, although, the person sharing your bed suffers more! The thing is, too be diagnosed, you have to go through a sleep study where they hook a bunch of wires to your head, stare at you and then ask you to just relax and be natural.
Like a lot of soldiers, he suffers from PTSD. Oddly enough, the people who voted to send the soldiers to war are pretending that they've never heard of it before
He was told he had herpes... believed it for 12 years until his doctor had a "my bad" moment... was a misdiagnosis. How many chicks did you lose as a result?
Has a blood clot condition brought on be her use of birth control pills... she also has a 6- year- old son brought on by her NON- use of birth control
Got in a car wreck and has had a headache for 20 years... got bad enough that he attempted suicide 8 years ago
Has stage- 3 heart failure... I'm not a doctor (although I played one on TV) but how does that work? 'Failure' is a strong word
Has epilepsy and the accompanying seizures that go with it... no strobe lights
Has recurring kidney stones... drinks lemonade constantly. Apparently the acid in the lemons helps dissolve the stones
Has dyslexia and ADD... or is it DAD...DDA?
Has Hodgkin's lymphoma
He's manic depressive AND has anger issues... the question is, are you more depressed about being angry or are you angry about being depressed. Worth asking.
Has ulcerative colitis... don't know what it is but it prevents him from drinking, however, he's got his green card a s a result
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene joined us today for yet another installment of Sit and Spin. Today we covered the Top 10 Best Guitar Riff Intros? I'm not asking you if that's what we did, that's how the list was titled. Here's a link to it:
OK bitches, you've been swell. Gotta go.
Until tomorrow, don't eat the yellow and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Remember Coolio? I'll give you s second. Yep, THAT guy. He was arrested in Vegas last week. What did he do? It's more about what he DIDN'T do, namely show up in court to address a bunch of minor traffic violations from 2 years ago. He was taken to, and has since posted bail from, the Clark County Detention City. Oddly enough, the Clark County Detention Center is the same facility where Coolio's son is CURRENTLY being held. He was arrested last November for armed robbery and a few other choice felonies. Like father, like son... not the crimes, but the lock- up. Meanwhile, Oprah Winfrey's (desperate for people to watch her network) interview with Whiney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina aired last night, and to the shock of exactly ZERO people, BK announced that she, like her mother, wanted to pursue a career in showbiz. Why not? Her whacked- out mother and whacked- out father adjusted SO well to the spotlight. In addition to her ill- advised pursuit of the limelight, BK also plans to change her name to Kristina Houston. She feels that both 'Bobbi' and 'Brown' have negative connotations... unlike 'Whitney Houston'. (???) Oh, and she may or may not go into rehab to combat her own drug addictions. Allegedly, one of the mother/ daughter moments they shared was doing drugs together. Ahhhhhh family! Coolio and Bobbi Kristina inspired today's question: WHAT BAD TRAIT OR HABIT DID YOU PICK- UP FROM YOUR PARENTS?
I'd like to extend my gratitude to my father for my male pattern baldness. Awesome! I also have his appetite, which simply allows me (and him) to recognize that ALL vegetables taste like the drippings from the rectum of an animal dying in the desert after being soaked in the feces of another animal dying in the desert. That's about the NICEST way I can think to describe the taste of vegetables. Actually, I don't hate ALL vegetables, but everytime I reveal the vegetables I'm willing to eat, (onions, peepers, etc) I'm told that they're not "real" vegetables. Can't win. My award winning disposition, however, I get from my mother. That and my beard.
As for you:
he gets his high blood pressure and high cholesterol from his parents... in spite of how grumpy and quick- tempered I am, I have amazingly low blood pressure. Go figure
Gets his workoholicism (which, I know, is not a word) from his father, and gets his need for organization from his mother... he even says "no vacations, no clutter!"... sounds fun
Has no patience and he attributes that both his mother and father.... said it used to drive him crazy as a kid, but now, as the parent of 4 kids, he has no patience
Loves trashy TV... grew up watching People's Court and the like when he was a kid and has kept the tradition alive
Like his mother, he doesn't smile much... people always think he and/ or his mother are angry
Gets his addictive personality from his dad... oddly enough, the 'addiction' is weed. Didn't know you could be addicted to weed
Like his father, he gives long- winded answers to any question asked
Blames his clumsiness on his father
Says he's stubborn like both parents
Gets his man- boobs from his "fat- ass" father... thing is, he's thin and still gets man- boobs
She was adopted and has a really bad temper... later met her biological father and found it where she got it from
Picked up cheating on his wife from his father, instead of picking up fidelity from his mother... just sayin'
He once went to jail WITH his mother
PODCAST:
OK bitches, so we recorded a podcast and Ben has TRIED to post it. Now, before you start inundating Ben with the angry e-mails, all you need to know is that there is something screwy with the server. Not his fault, just one of those technical glitches that has come to define the 21st Century. On that note, as soon as the server thing is taken care of, the podcast will be up and available.
OK bitches, that's a wrap for Monday. Not a bad Monday, if I don't say so myself... which is a stupid thing to say being that you HAVE to say it to make the statement.
Until tomorrow, shake it, don't break it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, we found out yesterday that the Washington State Supreme Court upheld the Court of Appeals earlier decision to reverse then- Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels' ban on handguns in Seattle parks... even if you had a concealed weapons permit. Thing about a gun is, it's an obvious weapon, and therefore, a pretty effective deterrent. But, as we're finding out lately, pretty much ANYTHING can be used as a weapon. Case- in- point, a 48- year- old man from Forest Grove, Oregon was arrested after he assaulted a Jack- in- the- Box employee with a Breakfast jack Sandwich. All you need to know is, when the man asks for curly fires, give him some motherf$#king CURLY FRIES!
Meanwhile, in Muncy, Pennsylvania, an 11- year-old boy faces possible charges after hitting his own mother in the face... with a Pop Tart. Who would disrespect a sugary breakfast treat in such a way? Kids these days!
And then there's the 90- year- old woman from Hampshire, England who was the victim of a hit- and- run. She said she felt like she was hit by a truck... she was hit by a Rascal mobility scooter; top speed, 4 miles per hour... or to a 90- year- old, breakneck speed. Yep. That brings us to today's question: WHAT'S THE MOST UNLIKELY THING THAT YOU'VE EVER BEEN HIT WITH?
I recall years ago seeing my bosses wife get hit in the face with a latex, pocket- pu**y. Damndest thing I've ever seen and one of the funniest. The bosses wife (and the boss) did not find it so funny. Trust me, it was hilarious.
As for you:
Got busted for knocking someone out with an orange
Got his with a paternity suit... thing is, he's sterile, hence, it was the most unlikely thing for him to be hit with
Got hit with a pound of glitter... he was walking through capital Hill during Pride, so I'm not sure that getting hit with glitter is all that unlikely
Took a shot glass to the temple... that's what you get when you flick a cigarette into someone's eye
He's been hit with a curling iron, a hair dryer, toaster and silverware... all compliments of the same woman... He was also hit by a Toyota Tercell, compliments of the SAME woman
Hit in the back of the head with a 12- inch dildo
Knows a woman who got hit in the face with a frozen squirrel (WTF???)... she suffered a broken cheek- bone and a fractured eye socket
Had a watermelon smashed over his head
Riding his motorcycle at about 70 miles per hour when he collided with a crow... things didn't work out so well for the crow
Has been hit with an X- Box controller, a Slinky, a dumbbell and a rubber chicken
Someone threw a knife directly into his foot... that 'someone' was him
A Budweiser Clydesdale once sneezed in her face and she was covered with horse snot
Finally, like everyone else in the world, he was hit with homemade napalm... don't make napalm at home
OK bitches, it's the weekend. make the most of it.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Pat Robertson, the evangelical lunatic behind the "700 Club" has a lot of off- the- wall, misguided and downright INSANE things over the years, like comparing what the Nazi's did to the Jews druing WW II to what Democrats are doing to Christians in America, or that Christians should consider dropping a nuke (albeit, a "small nuke") on the U.S. State Department or the God that God might wipe Disney World from the Earth via a meteor (although technically it would have to be a meteorITE) because of the so-called "gay days" at the park. That's just the tip of Robertson's freak iceberg. I used to feel extremely confident that whatever came out of Pat's mouth, I'd shake my head in disgust and remind myself that he's just pandering to the same group of fools who already follow his illogical version of connect- the- dots. Then, lo- and- behold he goes and says that marijuana should be legalized and regulated like alcohol because the fed's idiotic 'war on drugs' is a multi- billion dollar failure. He also says that no one should be thrown in prison for marijuana possession. I hate to admit it, but I couldn't have said it better myself. Based on EVERYTHING I've EVER heard Pat Robertson say, I've gotta think that fans of the "700 Club" are as stunned as I am. But whatever... I like what he's saying and even agree wit his reasoning. Today's question: IF YOU KNEW ME, YOU MIGHT BE SHOCKED TO LEARN MY THOUGHTS ABOUT ______________.
People would be surprised to find out how 'racist" he is toward certain co-workers... didn't specify if it was EVERYONE else or just a certain ilk, so I'm just gonna guess that he hates Lithuanians... terrible people. I kid... never met one
The people he hates most are Filipino, and that would surprise anyone who knows him because he's Filipino... and PROUD OF IT!!!
He's Republican AND an atheist... his Republican 'friends' question 'how' he can be both... I'd think it's rather simple; he doesn't believe in a higher power AND he supports most of the Republican ideals * presto *
On the other end of the spectrum, she's a member of the NRA and is a "DEVOUT" Democrat
People would be surprised to find out he loves the WNBA... I don't even know him and I'm SURPRISED
People would be surprised that she's a phone sex operator... we talked to her and, frankly, we weren't surprised at all
Certified diesel mechanic, likes muscle cars and trucks... but he LOVES minivans... yes, you read that right
He's a 'hardcore' Christian but he supports gay marriage... the funny thing his, his lack of judgment and his unwillingness to pass judgment is EXACTLY hardcore Christian
He's gay... he's told some people but they don't believe him. Who would lie about being gay in the current social climate? Unless you're fighting the advances of a woman you find TERRIBLY unattractive
OK bitches, it's Friday Eve and I'm gonna celebrate accordingly... which is pretend it's Friday and then regret it tomorrow. It's what we do.
Until tomorrow, brush after every meal and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
To the surprise of absolutely no one, former number one pick and 4- time NFL MVP quarterback, Peyton Manning was released by the Indianapolis Colts today after 14 years there. Not only did the man play for one team for 14 years, he played in EVERY game during those 14 years until he was forced to sit out all of last season. That is what you call consistency. In that same span of time, I've been homeless, worked at three restaurants, got a divorce, worked at five different radio stations, gotten married, had a kid and moved across the country. In fact, the longest anyone on this show has held a job at a single radio station has been on THIS show at THIS station. Earlier this year, a couple in Britain celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary. Not only have they tolerated each other for 75 years, they haven't spent a day apart since World War II. Yea, I know that speaks to their profound love for each other, but I just find it creepy. Anyway, today we're talking about streaks, whether they're good or bad. Maybe you've been married to the same person for 20 years or maybe you've been married 20 times. Maybe you've never missed a day of work or maybe you've never worked a full day. PROUD OR NOT, WHAT'S YOUR MOST NOTABLE PERSONAL STREAK?
Used heroin for 6 years straight but has been clean now for 5 months... keep it up, man. Besides, apparently some bad H has found its way into Seattle in the last few weeks and people are dropping dead
He's currently 29- years- old, spent 9 years in the army and has never used a Porta- Potty... amazing and enviable
Once masturbated NINE times in one day... says he still has the scar to prove it. If it's all the same to you, I'll just take your word for it
Had sex 10 times in ONE DAY with the same woman... we're just going to assume she was a WILLING participant
Went 4 and a half months without masturbating because of boot camp
Went 3 years without getting a haircut... says people started calling him Jesus
Has listened to our show every day since our first show in Seattle on the Buzz... I believe our first show was 2/5/05, and were on the Buzz until November of '05. Then we were here on KISW and today marks show #1453. That's dedication... or neurosis
He's 38 years old and has never smoked a cigarette or done an illegal drug... JUST LIKE ME!
Was in law enforcement school for 17 weeks and smoked weed in his car before class every day of it
Went 32 days in a row with at LEAST 2 alcoholic beverages... I WAY past that point, my man
Has gone 4 years without cheating on his woman... he's been with her for 4 years and she's been the only woman he hasn't cheated on
Once went 3 months without sex or self- pleasure, just to see how long he could go... that is the worst idea I've ever heard
She went 8 months without sex because her husband was deployed... there needs to be MORE military wives willing to not have sex while their husbands are deployed
Hasn't had sex since Christmas of 2009... he's not bragging. Was actually pretty down about it
There's 'soda', there's 'pop' and there's 'soda pop'. There's also 'hella', and 'very'. What you say and how you speak is usually the result of where you live or where you grew up. A linguistics researcher from Ohio State, using Twitter (a sign of a true researcher) determined what areas of the country are more likely to use certain terms in place of others. He really only asked about 'hella' and 'pop' (remember, Twitter only allows 140 characters or less for his 'research') but there are plenty of colloquialisms out there. If a guy from the northeast asks you if you want a slice of pie, he's more likely talking about pizza than he is a dessert. If someone from rural America talks about a wet spicket, he's not insulting illegal immigrants, he's talking about their faucet, and if someone from the deep south asks about a po- boy, they're not concerned poor black children living in poverty, they're asking if you want a sub, and not an actual submarine, but a grinder... you know, a SANDWICH. And on the east coast, a half- rack is a one- breasted woman while here in Seattle it's a 12- pack of beer. Today we wanted to know what kind of balderdash you loggerheaded moldwarps spew forth that make sense to nigh: WHAT WORD OR PHRASE DO YOU USE OR USED TO USE THAT NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO?
Here are some of the words you use that bring you weird looks:
Uses the word 'thong' in place of 'flip- flops'
In Wisconsin, a 'bubbler' is a water fountain... everywhere else, a 'bubbler' is a bong
He's from California where the word 'splody' refers to ejaculation... he in the Pacific Northwest, 'spody' refers to alcoholic punch... he didn't know this, so when a group of guys he'd met asked him if he wanted to go to a 'spody' party, he immediately declined. When he was asked again a few weeks later he considered moving back to California
In Canada, a 'Chesterfield' refers to a sofa, so when he said 'have a seat on the chesterfield', he was met with strange looks
She's from Scranton, PA (so, so sorry) and gets weird looks when she talks about eating 'wimpies'... 'wimpies' equal 'Sloppy Joes'
His wife is from Indiana and she calls cantaloupe 'musk melon'... oddly enough, I use both 'cantaloupe' and 'musk melon' to refer to (.)(.)'s
Loves to use the word 'mondo', as in 'mondo burrito'
Grandparents use to refer to the 'fridge as 'an ice box'
My favorite term of the day: mouth- hug'... do the math
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene joined us today for Sit and Spin and brought us one of the more interesting ones we've done in a while. It involved 5 songs that have popular meanings that, in fact, are completely wrong. Here's the link:
OK bitches, trivia night for me so I'm outty, as they say. I don't know who 'they' are but some people say 'outty'.
The Seahawks made fans happy and made a wise decision when they re-signed running back Marshawn Lynch to a 4- year, $31 million dollar contract over trhe weekend. $18 million of it is guaranteed. While the money is (really, really, REALLY f**king) nice, we know that Marshawn is equally happy (OK, probably not) about the idea of getting free Skittles for the rest of his football- playing life. The man likes Skittles... a LOT. Imagine if we were all rewarded for our loyalty to a service or practice. Ted would have all the Miller Lite he could drink, Miles would be forever regular with free Metamucil, Ben would be forever constipated with free cheese and I'd be dead in two years for all the free Marlboro Reds. Then again, those might not be the products we'd choose. It's more likely that Ted would select a lifetime membership to the Bunny Ranch, Miles would choose free Triple X burgers, Ben would stick with cheese and I'd pick free tattoos... or maybe free bass repair. Today we wanted to know: IF YOU COULD PICK ONE PRODUCT OR SERVICE TO GET FOR FREE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Free acupuncture... says it helps with his chronic bad knees and bad back... but not his inability to wear underwear under his kilt
Tillamook Beef Jerky... never had it, but I love me some jerky
Hunting tags and licenses... already spent $300 this year
Pepsi... no Coke, no RC, no Jones, just Pepsi
Free glass- blowing... says glass- blowing is his favorite hobby... actor Ron Glass LOVES the idea
Wants Nike products for life... points out that Nike also owns Converse, Hurely and Cole Haan
She wants free health care
Wants free Top Pot donuts
Lifetime Verizon services
Concert tickets to any rock show put on by KISW
Free health care for his kids for life... sounds really noble, until he points out that he's just pissed that he's already spent $10,000 on braces
Wants computer upgrades from Fry's... specifically video cards so he can stay on the "cutting edge"... I'm not savvy enough to know
OK bitches, gots ta go!
You've been swell. Until tomorrow, kiss a crook and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So Shinedown will be performing a very intimate, super- private, all acoustic performance tonight at a top- secret location. Before they do, they'll be dropping by the studio for a quick chat. It's cool for us because, believe it or not, Shinedown was our first- ever interview at KISW. That was back in 2005 and, at the time, the band had a different line-up, drugs were still their friends, they were still broke and they were promoting their 2nd album, "Us and Them", with the hopes that people would buy the damn thing. Well, people did and they've gone on to enjoy success. We take it as a matter of personal pride that these guys, two albums and LOTS- O- CASH LATER, have stayed loyal to us for always being cool with them. It's pretty basic, but we've had a good relationship for almost 7 years and we're happy for the guys. So, that leads us to today's question: WHO OR WHAT WERE YOU A FAN OF FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND/ OR WHAT BANDWAGON DID YOU JUMP ON LATER?
Away we go:
He's been a fan of the Saints fo- eva! Even when they were the 'Aints. That's dedication
Adele... has liked her for years... in other news, Adele has been around for years. True
Fell in love with the Smashing Pumpkins during the 'Gish' years (when they were good) but only recently discovered Mudvayne. Right there with ya, man. Been enjoying their singles for years, finally downloaded a few albums about 6 months ago and they F**KING ROCK! Might be late to the party, but I dig these guys
Us, the Men's Room... heard us back when we were on the Buzz and followed us to KISW... gracias!
Followed Tiger Woods when Tiger was still in high school, all through his amateur career and into his professional debut when he started tearing it up... GOLF... not tearing up the ladies
Never liked Taco Bell... then he started smoking weed and discovered TB's magical properties
Been a Sounders fan since their NAPL days
Red Bull... always a fan, long before it became popular
Sevendust since 1997
I could go on, but I won't because I need to head to the Shinedown show! Yea!
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
We planned to talk to Andrew W.K. today, who you might remember as the man behind the 2001 album "I Get Wet" and the song "It's Time to Party". If you don't remember him from that, there's a good chance you don't remember him at all. Just sayin'. Anyway, he was coming by today to talk about his upcoming show at the Showbox this Sunday, where he'll be performing "I Get Wet" in its entirety. Anyway, the question we had was, ten years later, is Andrew W. K. still partying. Based on his Twitter feeds, Hell yea, he's still partying. We respect that kind of thing. Most people, it seems, have a period in their life where they're crazy (meaning; 'fun') and then, whether it be having children, getting married, landing a decent job, getting arrested or having your stomach pumped one too many times, they ease up on the partying and content themselves with a lifetime of mediocrity. Some people call it 'growing up', others call it 'giving up', but whatever you call it, it seems to be the path that most people (most) follow. Then again, maybe you never partied and then as an adult you decided to dabble in all things that are sold with the so- called 'sin tax'. Maybe you used to pay your bills on time... up until you lost your job, or you used to take your kids out every weekend... up until the divorce was finalized and you lost custody. Today we wanted to know: WHAT DID YOU USED TO DO THAT YOU DON'T DO ANY MORE... AND WHY DID YOU STOP DOING IT?
No more cocaine... as best we can tell, the primary reason why she stopped is because her first husband (who is now dead) used to deal coke and she got it for free... now she has to pay for it and it isn't worth it
Used to work out, but claims he stopped because he can't remember where his gym is... even though he was there two weeks ago
Used to drink (a SH*T TON) but quit (mostly) after his liver and other organs started failing. Had a relapse about 2 weeks ago and had to go to the hospital where doctors drained 12 LITERS of fluid from his body. STOP DRINKING
Back in the day he raced go- karts but now he's too fat to fit into one
He used to NOT smoke weed... started suffering a case of the 'baby- mama- drama' and needed to find something to relax; discovered weed and hasn't looked back.
Used to have sex with human beings, but three years ago he just stopped... BY CHOICE. The reason? He hates intimacy; doesn't like the cuddling, the conversation, etc, so he just masturbates. I don't get it either.
Did meth for 3 years... says he tried it in an effort to lose weight (???), but it didn't help him lose weight and didn't get him high, so he just quit
Used to punch the clown A LOT up until he got married... so why did he stop?
Used to bartend and "party like a rock star" until he had 2 kids with a waitress... now he works for the city and coaches Little League
She used to wear 'sexually suggestive' clothing... got old and 'things began to sag'. On behalf of men everywhere, we appreciate you accepting that cold, hard truth
Used to streak at party's but got into a naked fight
Spent 5 months participating in armed robberies (supporting a heroin habit)... mostly knocked over small stores, although he did take down a bank once... got caught and spent 10 years in prison
Became a hooker in her 30's when her coke- dealing husband and she had a baby. He decided they needed TAXABLE income so he quit dealing, but she still loved the Bolivian Marching Powder so she started hooking... for the next 10 YEARS... finally stopped when, on one of her many visits to the 'big house', she bumped into her kid's step- mother who was ALSO in jail
ANDREW W.K.
Like I said above, Andrew W.K. stopped by and, quite honestly, he's been my favorite guest so far. Insanely honest (which is about 12% of all guests) and f**king funny. Truly a great guy. Hope to have him back.
Hey, before I say adios, need to thank Jack and Machala, and they know why!
To the rest of you, have a fine evening, a great night, a good night's sleep and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
