A 40- year- old guy in Kentucky (?) didn't recognize the picture of a guy on his live- in girlfriend's Facebook page, so he demanded to know who it was. He assumed she was having an affair, so he snatched her laptop, smashed it into a wall and then punched her in the face. The guy in the picture, by the way, was Mitt Romney. Turns out the 40- year- old boyfriend was unaware of who Mitt Romney is. In Washington DC, two guys got into a fight outside of a McDonald's. One of them pulled a gun and promptly shot HIMSELF. After being released from the hospital, he did "the Monopoly" and went straight to jail. In Florida, a man was shot and killed by a 62- year- old woman nicknamed the Sea Hag. What did he do to 'earn' a bullet? He was sitting outside of a house drinking beer with friends, and when the lovely and provocative Sea Hag asked him for one he declined... so she shot him. STAND YOUR GROUND! And here in Washington State, the Pacific half in particular, you can count on a daily helping of drive- by shooting, road rage, child porn and hit- and- run's. We excel at that type of thing. Be proud. Crime, tragic or petty, is a guaranteed fact of daily existence, so today we wanted to know: WHAT CRIME WERE YOU MOST RECENTLY A VICTIM OF OR A PART OF?
Broke into a car and stole some iPads and laptops... I don't condone breaking into cars, but I'd also advise against leaving MULTIPLE iPads and laptops in your car
Was shopping for his Christmas dinner... came back from the store and someone had stolen all the food out of the car
Went to jail for shooting people with an Air Soft BB gun... and then walking into a bank to make a withdrawal, forgetting the his 'gun' was visible; go t arrested on his way to Dairy Queen, but was caught by the cops. This particular gentleman was arrested approximately 7 times by age 26, thanks to meth and booze. Clean now
Sold guns in his younger day. Had a moment of clarity when he was selling a sub- machine gun to a thuggy crack dealer and hasn't broken the law since. Said he never considered what people did with those guns after he sold them. What do you think ANYONE does with an ILLEGAL gun?
Someone stole her ID and ran up a bunch of charges
Someone broke into her car... they attempted to steal her CD player, but they couldn't figure out how to do it
Was held- up at gunpoint while taking a leak on the side of the road during a road trip... turns out he and his buddies were peeing in an orchard outside of a gang- affiliated meth lag. What are the f**king chances?
Got stopped and antagonized by the police because someone ELSE threw a trash can but they assumed it was him
Got 2 felonies at age 14... involved breaking into a school, stealing money and master keys
He was the designated driver, took a leak outside and ended up getting tasered by a cop
Sit and Spin
Today Jolene came by with some whack ass song for Sit and Spin, click here to listen
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, shake your ass and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Remember Brandi Chastain? She was the U.S. Women's Soccer player who stripped down to her sports bra after the team won the World Cup in 1999? That was 13 years ago and we're STILL fans. Well, she's doing commentary as part of NBC's oh- so- stellar Olympic coverage. Well, Hop Solo, the face of the current women's team (because she's hot and mouthy... true) went off on Brandi, via Twitter, after Brandi, rightfully, questioned the teams defense. Now they've got beef. Ah, twitter... a place to talk smack without actually having to confront someone. On the other hand, for those who find Chris Brown interesting, you may remember that he and the artist Drake got into some kind of physical brouhaha... and then continued the beef, via twitter. Why? Well, aside from wanting everyone to know their business, they refuse to speak to each other. Hell, when Van Halen abruptly cancelled their current tour, the assumption (meaning, the smart money) was that Eddie and DLR had another falling out. After all, they hadn't talked in 20+ years leading up to it. At least they didn't resort to twitter. Anyway, most of us have a similar situation with SOMEONE, and we wanted to hear your pathetic story today: BECAUSE OF A DISAGREEMENT, LATELY I HAVE A BEEF WITH _____.
His drunk aunt showed up to his sister's graduation party... she fell down the stairs and sued his father (her brother) for $50,000 SUCCESSFULLY!
His sister... she's just a pain in the ass
Won't talk to his brother- in- law because he didn't buy his used Bow- Flex (as he promised) and now he has TWO Bow- Flex's in his garage instead of just one. You can't make this stuff up
Hasn't talked to his step- father in over a year... step- dad didn't approve of his wife
Has a disagreement with a "Bible- Thumper" on his mother's side. She very vocally opposes gay marriage and literally waves the Bible around when she goes on about it. Typical cherry picker. Read the WHOLE book and you'll have to oppose a great many things you take for granted everyday... but that would be too much trouble.
His beef is with his sister- in- law... his wife had surgery on Thursday and sis- in- law was supposed to watch the kids today. Instead, she went to the gym and left the kids with the wife... who just had her chest sawed open a few days ago. Ahhhhhh family!
Has a beef with his buddy who is an "awesome" guitar player but won't perform on a stage
His ex- wife... she keeps taking him to court for child support... his kids are 23- Goddamn- years- old
His ex- wife as well... in this case, he's paying child- support to HER for 2 kids... he has custody of one of them. How the f**k does that work? Washington State... brilliant!
OK bitches, I'm outta here for the day.
Until tomorrow, can I get some remedy and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The opening ceremonies of the Olympics are currently under way... although we'll see them 3 hours later... and that means the 2012 Summer Olympics are officially under way. That's right, all the archery, handball and equestrian events you can handle are coming your way. Essentially, we will watch a bunch of people infinitely more gifted than us compete for their chance to be immortalized on a box of Wheaties. Personally, I'd rather be immortalized on a box of Cap' N Crunch, but then, I kinda don’t do anything. Thing about Olympic coverage now is that there's some long- winded story behind every athlete and the networks feel the need to share. Basically those stories fall into one of two categories; they were naturally gifted and this is their chance to show the world OR no one thought they'd be able to compete and this is their chance to show the world. So, not unlike most of us, some things come easy, some things required a lot of effort, and that leads to today's question: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD FOR AND WHAT CAME NATURALLY?
Learning to use his left hand was a struggle... unfortunately he lost his right hand when he was 42
Like almost everyone else today, math was a struggle, but singing comes easy
Math sucked, but mechanics came easily... which seems kinda strange
Medical training came easy to him, but struggled in high school with foreign language classes... AMEN to that.
Academics in general came easy to him, but he sucks at relationships. Dude, EVERYBODY sucks at relationships
Good at wrestling, a real natural... talking to women and 'kicking game', not so much
Unlike most people today, math came easy but drawing was and is a struggle. Thing is, his passion is to draw. His dream is to draw well.
She found it easy to get knocked up at age 19... finding it difficult to conceive her second child at 24 with her husband
OK bitches, it's Fri- motherf**king- day! Time to go pursue the weekend.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, your 2- year- old kid is diagnosed with leukemia, over the next few years, your kid goes through treatment and BEATS it, making him a cancer survivor. Now imagine how proud your now- 13- year- old son is to be a cancer survivor... so as a badge of honor, he decides to get a rather large dragon... TATTOED ON HIS CHEST! That's exactly what happened in Centralia, and now police there are trying to figure out how a 13- year- old kid could get a tattoo without his parent's permission. Gotta be 18 or older to get a tattoo in Washington... or maybe I should say that you're SUPPOSED to be 18 or older. Anyway, he got his ink on a trip with a family "friend" without mom's knowledge. As to mom's reaction, her quote says it all: "He actually thought I'd be proud." She wasn't and isn't. That's how it goes sometimes, you do something with good intentions and it doesn't work in your favor: WHAT DID NOT GET THE REACTION YOU WERE HOPING FOR?
Told her mother she was gay when she was 16... her mother asked "why"
First time he had sex with his now- ex, she called out her ex's name
Finally landed a date with a woman... turns out she was a lesbian. I don't buy it. I think they went on the date, she hated it and told him she's gay
Likes to troll the internet with racist and homophobic comments to get people all worked up... posted some racist and homophobic stuff earlier today (regarding the police shooting of an unarmed dude in Anaheim)... much to his surprise, the first 10 responses SUPPORTED his "views". He discovered that people are racist, homophobic and hate California
Bought his date roses... she's deathly allergic to roses
Grew a beard for his girl but she hated it... he shaved it off and she didn't notice for 4 days
Buddy got engaged to a woman after only dating her briefly. Jokingly, he asked, "what happened? Did the condom break?" There was a weird silence and the woman wandered off into the bathroom. That's when he discovered that yes, the condom did, indeed, break.
Walked in on the middle of a conversation, and someone was struggling to thing of a word; they said it started with the letter "T", so our guy just yelled "Triceratops" (sp?). His wife gave him a dirty look and said, "No,, 'toxemia. THAT'S how they lost their baby." Awkward
Threw out his roommates "moldy" food in the fridge... it was weed butter!
That about sums it up.
Until tomorrow, you've been thunderstruck, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Baseball legend Cal Ripken Jr.'s 74- year- old mother, Vi, was abducted by an armed man Tuesday... but was found safe and sound yesterday morning. No ransom was demanded, she didn't recognize her abductor and no motive has been established, so this story stands firmly in the realm of weird. Meanwhile, a woman named Jenn Gibbons was attempting to become the first person to solo- row the entire 1500 mile perimeter of Lake Michigan. Instead, she became the first person to be RAPED while attempting to solo- row the perimeter of Lake Michigan. Earlier this morning in Kenmore (shout out to Kenmore) a guy was robbed and stabbed ny two masked intruders. One of the intruders was the victim's "best friend". Makes you wonder what this guy's definition of a 'friend' is. And in Rhode Island, some guy got all romantic and hired a plane to to tow his marriage proposal banner. Imagine his horror when the plane crashed. Oh, and a guy in South Africa was surfing when he noticed a great white shark eating the back half of his surfboard. He decided he'd jump in the water and swim for shore while the shark was preoccupied with his board. Today's question: FRIEND OR FAMILY, WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW?
Her husband jumped into a river... of SEWAGE
Bill Murray knocked his friend over in Central Park... I'm pretty sure Bill Murray f**ked my cousin multiple times. She was Miss Universe a few years back and he dated her. Do the math... 1+1 = 69
Got hammered at a wedding and woke up the next day in the wrong hotel
Her fiancé went on his bachelor party in "Vegas" 2 days before their wedding... missed the wedding and was gone for a week before anyone heard from him. Wasn't in Vegas, he was in Mexico, in jail... where he stayed an additional 3 weeks. Also told her that his phone and keys were eaten by an alligator; you know, one of those elusive Mexican alligators you hear about all the time. They never got married, but they stayed together for another year. She was a hit with men everywhere today.
His friend was a cargo pilot in Alaska... one of the planes he was flying burst into flames and had to be crash landed
His buddy OD'd on heroin in Amsterdam and died... as the coroner is zipping up the body bag, he came back to life. SURPRISE!
Her husband went in for a minor surgery (a bump on his head)... his oxygen mask CAUGHT ON FIRE and he had to be rushed to Harbor View
Fell into a German man- hole... which sounds like a euphemism for gay sex in Deutschland
Got stuck in a rainstorm in Florida... a sink hole opened up about a foot away from his car
His roommate knocked up a chick with TWINS the FIRST time he had sex with her... a week later he got ANOTHER girl pregnant on the first "try"
OK bitches, the evening is calling my name and I'm about to answer.
Until tomorrow, let the bodies hit the floor and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
I believe he's scheduled to land around but 6 tonight, but rest assured that President Obama will be in Seattle tonight as part of a fundraising trip. If you happen to be a good friend of Costco co- founder Jim Sinegal OR you have $35,000 to spend on dinner, you can hang with El Presidente. If that seems a little steep, you can just shell out $5000 to go to a reception a little later. Oddly enough, Obama will be talking about the state of the economy... which is silly if you're talking to people who can shell out %5000 to $35,000 for a $40 meal. Might be talking to the wrong people. Are politicians out of motherf**king touch? Nah. Hell, the Wall Street Journal just released a survey that says 78% of Americans plan on driving their current car for at least the next 10 years, with 36% of people saying they were gonna drive their car until it just dies. Why? Everyone surveyed cited the economy as the reason. Today we decided to talk money... or a lack of money. We didn't mean money you owe to some faceless bank, we're talking money you owe to a friend or relative... or the money that a friend or relative owes you. WHAT IS THE MOST MONEY YOU HAVE EITHER BORROWED OR LENT, AND WAS IT EVER PAID BACK?
Loaned $500 to a friend in Germany... then the guy died
Between 3 people, he loaned out $9000 within 10 days... surprisingly, only one guy still owes him any money
Borrowed $7800 from his uncle to take his mother and father on a guided elk hunting trip in New Mexico... at a rate of $100 a month, he's been paying his uncle back and only owes $100. When he first called, he said he borrowed $780,000 for that hunting trip. After about 5 minutes of questioning him on how and why a hunting trip could possibly cost that much, he realized he'd over- stated the amount
In the form of money and guns, he's loaned about $3000 to friends... has seen NONE of it returned
Owed a family member $300 and paid them back... in a strange twist, that same family member now owes him $5200 and has NOT paid him back
Her mother lent a family "friend" $100,000 (a bad, bad idea) to buy a house in Florida and "get her act together"... the house is now worth $35,000 and the "friend" hasn't paid back a dime
Lent $2500 to his girlfriend's mother to go to the Philippines for a funeral... she returned home and didn't pay him back. Naturally, he was getting a little irritated, a lot more irritated when she went to the casino. As it happens, she won $14,000 and paid him $5000 back
Loaned some broad $500... never saw her again
Sent $1200 to a woman for a plane ticket... can't say whether or not she bought a plane ticket, but if she did, it wasn't to see HIM
Lent his girlfriend $340... never saw her again
Mom stole her $30,000 inheritance that was supposed to be for her college tuition... instead, mom bought a new Audi
SIT AND SPIN
So, you bought Poison's "Open Up and Say Ahhh" and thought you were pretty cool? You weren't. Poison sucked then, they suck now and a certain record store in Chicago will let you know what other poor musical decisions you made with their list of albums and artist to never buy back. Jolene has the list here:
Alright bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, me love you long time, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The big news today, as it has been all weekend, revolves around James Holmes and the mass shooting at the movie theatre in Colorado. As you probably know, he shot about 70 people, killing 12 of them, including a 6- year- old girl. He made his first court appearance earlier today and the news media is erect with excitement that they have a story like this to run with. They're already preparing packages that deal with gun control, safety at movie theatres and whether movies and video games motivate people to violence. It's already started and they couldn't be happier than to have a tragedy to exploit. Truly shameful, but that's how they roll. Also in the news are the sanctions taken against Penn State for their role in the 14 year cover- up of child rape ON CAMPUS at the hands of Jerry Sandusky. Also, in case you didn't hear, Chris Wedes, a.k.a., JP Patches, died yesterday at the age of 84. He was a Seattle fixture for 50 years and now he's gone. Then there's some weirdness about Michael Jackson's mother, Sage Stallone, Katie Holmes, etc, etc. Today's question: WHAT STORY ARE YOU FOLLOWING AND WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON IT?
JP Patches... wasn't 'following' him because there was nothing to follow, but after his death, he's now doing a lot of research on him, etc
The upcoming Olympics
The New Orleans Saints' 'bounty' scandal
Mitt Romney's tax returns... or more accurately, his LACK of a tax return. The irony of Mitt's refusal to show his returns is that his father was actually the FIRST to show his tax returns as a Presidential hopeful. Guess the apple CAN fall far from the tree
Vatican watching money on behalf of the Mob
The kid who went "missing" from his mother's car in Bellevue
The Anaheim Police Shooting... the shooting was bad enough (unarmed person) but the police response to the public response was worse
George Zimmerman/ Trayvon Martin... funny thing about Zimmerman is that everyone is wondering if or accusing him of being a racist. Who cares? He's a Goddman murderer. When did that take a backseat?
The "God" particle (the Higgs Boson)... I'm a super- nerd myself, so I'm all over this story too.
The "Batman" shooting... wants to learn more about the guys who gave their lives to shield their girlfriends
Ichiro possibly being traded to the Yankees... he was, in fact, traded to the Yankees
A stabbing in Shelton that didn't make the news... he's pissed because it's not in the news, so, we're guessing it's personal
Linday Lohan... just her life in general... she's her favorite train wreck
The company 'Planet Resources'... the company that wants to mine asteroids for precious metals and the like
EMERALD DOWNS
So we had Men's Room Day down at Emerald Downs yesterday and I wanna say about a thousand people showed up. Literally. It was a blast. If you were there, you know the deal... drinking, conversation and general debauchery. It's amazing to me the number of families that show up. Lots and lots of kids listen to our show with their parent's blessing. Cool.
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Still recovering from yesterday.
Until tomorrow, shake it but don't break it, baby and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
72- year- old Fred Williard, probably best known as a dog- show announcer in the movie "Best in Show", was arrested for, what authorities are calling 'a lewd act' in an adult movie theatre. In other words, he was busted for masturbating in a porn theatre. Apparently, uniformed officers were conducting a routine investigation of the theatre and caught Willard doing exactly what people do in a porn theatre. Even though there should be an assumption that people watching porn are ALSO pleasuring themselves, it's still a crime... and was Willard was arrested. Same thing happened to Paul Reubens, a.k.a., Pee- Wee Herman, all those years ago... although he STILL denies it. I would find it much stranger if you went to a porn theatre and DIDN'T jerk it, but that's just me. Anyway, the truth is, people masturbate, people have sex (explains this whole human population thing), people pick their nose and people scratch their ass, but in spite of these universal behaviors, most of us agree we'd like to do these things in private. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. Today we wanted to know: WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT DOING?
Caught having sex in the back seat of a car at age 16... cops rolled up and knocked on the steamy windows. She was having sex with the son of the local Lutheran minister
Was caught watching 'American Idol'... truly embarrassing for a grown man
Busted by his mother AND his 2 sisters jerking it in a hotel bathroom
Busted by the cops peeing in a water bottle on the side of the road
Lost a bet in high school and had to streak naked down the hall... put a bag on his head and took off running, right up until he crashed into and knocked over his sister
Grandfather walked in on him 'punching the clown' while watching internet porn... the worst part is, his grandfather was bringing him a birthday gift
Just this morning he thought he was on an empty street, so he broke into a rousing rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody"... heard laughing and realized that "two cute Asian girls" were walking behind him
Just to be funny, he put on his wife of 23 years' panties and called her into the laundry room... as expected, his wife laughed, but only because the panties he was wearing belonged to his 16- year- old daughter
His grandfather found his homemade sex tape and made him put it on
Was getting some 'mouth service' from his girlfriend while driving... cops flashed their lights and he swerved into the ditch
Came home after date night with her husband of 20+ years. Feeling a little "sassy", she said something to the effect of "you're not acting like a man who wants his d**k in my mouth later"... her 17- year- old daughter immediately informed her that she could hear her. Awkward
Was at a store with her brother... being kids, she decided to sneak up behind him and stick her finger in his butt... wasn't her brother
I think that last one was my favorite. We expected plenty of sex and masturbation stories, but there's something very funny to me about inserting a finger into the rectum of someone you don't know by accident.
Alright bitches, I'm out!
Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Last Tuesday, a guy named Val Patterson died of throat cancer in Salt Lake City. He'd been sick for awhile, so he wrote his own obituary before he died... as opposed to after. Anyway, here are a few things he shared; that money that went missing from the Motor View Drive Inn Motelback in 1971? Yea, he stole it. Oh, and that job he had as an electrical engineer based on his PhD from the University of Utah? Well, he didn't actually earn the PhD because he dropped out of college after 3 years. It was sent to him because of a clerical error... but thanks for the job! That's alright though, in 1993, a guy by the name of Robert Wilson was on his deathbed and admitted that his world- famous picture of the Loch Ness monster was a fake. The photograph had been (and still is, sadly) THE iconic photo of the supposed creature. It was a fake and he said nothing about it for 60+ years. Kinda funny. Ah, so today we wanted to give you the chance to clear your conscious and come clean BEFORE you die: WHAT WOULD YOU FINALLY COP TO WHEN YOU REACH THE AFTERLIFE?
I have SO many things. Nothing recently that I can think of, but between the ages of about 8 to 30, I have a whole laundry list of deceitful, stupid and absolutely terrible things I'll need to 'fess up to. Then again, after checking the statute of limitations, I confessed to kidnapping someone. Granted, I was drunk on 2 bottles of tequila, but it's a felony nonetheless. Actually, that's probably the worst thing I've done. Sh*t, I hope so.
As for you:
Robbed a church
It was HER "raunchy- ass fart" in Senior English class, not poor Cullen who was blamed!
Got a $500,000 home loan with no down payment on falsified paycheck stubs
Currently a truck driver... doesn't have and has never has his CDL
She did porn in college
She slept with her sister's husband last year... said her sister listens to our show "sometimes". We'll find out if she was listening today
Was in the Coast Guard in the 1980's and shot several drug smugglers. Added that if ANYONE believes that the 'war on drugs' is anything other than a PR stunt, you're crazy.
Over 30 years ago, he pushed his buddy's arm in such a way that the guy's hand ended up slapping the teacher's ass... his buddy got suspended and ended up graduating a year late
Wanted to let Joseph know that it was HIM who peed all over that new 24- pack of toilet paper
He's one of several people who robbed a 7-11 of 40 cases of beer, 80 cartons of cigarettes and $5000 worth of Lottery tickets
OK bitches, that about sums it up. Before I go I should point out that there's now a twitter feed under my name out there, but IT'S NOT ME. I'm not on twitter, so there's some dude posing as me on twitter. As I understand it, he launched it today. I'm not saying don't follow the guy, just letting you know it ain't me. Carry on.
Until tomorrow, move and grove with nothing to prove and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant physically assaulted his mother... to the point that he ripped her bra off. (???) We don't know what started the fight or why it got to that point, but it did... and it's kinda weird. Who tears off their mother's bra? Dez Bryant, that's who. Meanwhile, Michael Lohan, father of Linsay, is gonna be a new father soon, but before you say congratulations, you should know that at the time of conception (when he was f**king baby's mama) he had a restraining order against him... filed by the woman he was screwing! Can you smell the class? Breathe it in. And in Idaho, a woman was attacked in her home last Thursday and ALMOST raped, but her gun went off during the struggle and the would- be rapist fled. Then, two days later on Saturday, ANOTHER guy broke into the house and tried to rape her. She held this guy at gunpoint until authorities arrived. That's when they found out that without her knowledge or consent, her husband had posted an ad on Craigslist encouraging men to rape his wife. This wasn't covered in the news story, but we're gonna assume that she's filed for divorce. These kinds of things brought us today's question: WHAT WAS THE MOMENT YOU SAID TO YOURSELF, 'SOMETHING HAS GOT TO CHANGE'?
Got hooked on heroin and pills, but cleaned up about 2 months ago when her boyfriend/ supplier went to jail
Was in a long term relationship until he finally realized she was a bitch... called it off when he couldn't take it anymore
After being in a band for about 20 years, he decided that maybe it's time to get a "real" job
Moved out of his mother's house when she refused to end her addiction to pills... never been back
Was 270 pounds and made the decision to lose weight... currently 175 pounds
Swore off vodka as of THIS morning
Knew he had to change his ways when his girlfriend, his babysitter and his ex wife all announced that they are pregnant... in the same week
Knew she should get divorced when her husband's girlfriend showed up at their house in the middle of the night
When his liver blew up he thought maybe he should give up booze
Had a heart attack only 6 months ago... after a 12 month bender
SIT AND SPIN
We decided to do something different for sit and Spin today and actually listened to new music. Kiss, Hell Yea, The darkness and a smattering of others gave us a sneak peek of their latest offerings. Here's a link to it:
OK butches, I'm outta here.
Great news everyone... according to a survey from Trojan Condoms, you're going to have sex 31 times more this year than you did last year; and, naturally, they'd know. The bad news is, you won't enjoy it as much. Again, how could they NOT know this? I blame it on "50 Shades of Gray", a.k.a., "What Soccer Moms REALLY Like when They Aren't Pretending to Be Bitches". Am I wrong? Meanwhile, a guy named Chrostopher Anderson is the author of a new Mick Jagger biography, where he claims that Mick and his big head have bedded about 4000 people. Emphisis on 'people', as not all of his sexual conquest have been women. And it seems that little Justin Bieber is looking to join the 4- digit club himself. Apparently, he and his current action, Selen Gomez, are having relationship trouble and, according to a so- called source, it's because little Justin is coming to the realization that as an 18- year- old millionaire mega- star, he can tap pretty much any woman he wants... and he wants to. That might be the first thing he's done that I can applaud. Oh, and fairly hot U.S. Women's Soccer goalie Hope Solo recently admitted that during the 2008 Olympics, she dragged some random 'celebrity' back to her room and offered him up a slice. She won't say who it was, and we don't care. That's what makes it 'legendary'. That leads to today's question: WHAT'S THE STORY OTHERS TELL ABOUT YOU THAT HAS BECOME SEXUAL LEGEND, AND IS IT TRUE?
His friend tells the story of the time he brought home a woman "of larger carriage" and when they had sex, the entire house shook and he left the bedroom with a limp... the worst part is that the rotund woman was the girlfriend of one of his roommates... she'd just gotten into town and lived with them for the next SIX MONTHS (true)
Hooked up with a woman in the military who had guns in her bed because she had that fetish... she also had a ferret that climbed in bed and nuzzled his man- satchel. (true) He also slept with a woman who was the daughter of a Klansman (True)
Once had a three- way with two lesbians (false)
Everyone thinks he sleeps with the models he photographs (false... but it shouldn't be)
Was once filmed (unknowingly) having sex with a pumpkin (True... and unfortunate)
Had sex with a midget stripper (true)
The story that is told is that he had sex with "an insanely fat chick" (true) for 8 hours (maybe)
Rumor has it that he outlasted a woman in bed (false)
There were more stories but we weren't sure there was a point being made beyond the fact that they had sex... period. That's good, we're happy for you, but we weren't just asking IF you had sex, we were looking for that story that we may or may not believe. Oh well, still enjoyed the sex stories.
OK bitches, have some work related stuff to do.
Until tomorrow, lick it, stick it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, Slash... yea, THAT Slash, joined us in studio today to talk about how incredibly awesome we are, and something about a show he's playing tonight at Showbox SoDo. Here's a guy who has been voted one the single greatest guitar players of all time by MULTIPLE sources on multiple lists, has played with all manner of legends in music and, obviously, played in one of the most iconic rock bands of all time... but really, what Slash may best be remembered for is his top hat. As we discussed yesterday, other than Abe Lincoln and Mr. Peanut, not a lot of people can wear a top- had AND be taken seriously. Then there's Mike Tyson, a guy who dominated heavy weight boxing for years, but is universally recognized because of his face tattoo. John Lennon and Ozzy, among other things, are known for their round shades, baseball great Randy Johnson is quickly recognized for his sweet, sweet mullet, .a.k.a., the Kentucky Waterfall. Everyone is kinda known for something, whether it's your leather jacket, a certain tattoo, your hair, whatever, today we wanted to know: WHAT IS YOUR TRADEMARK OR SIGNARATURE "THING"?
It should be noted that Slash is really f**king cool. Not everyone who joins us for an interview is, but Slash definitely is. Here's a guy with 25 years of hard- living rock and roll (meaning LEGITIMATE rock and roll) behind him, and he's very humble and down- to- earth. Oddly enough, in spite of our question paying homage to his top- hat, he wasn't wearing a top- hat today... but I was.
One of the things that follows Slash around is, obviously, the legacy of Guns and Roses and that odd man known as Axl Rose. We didn't bother to ask him about Axl because everybody does, but he offered a few stories about him on his own. Won't go into too much, but all you need to know is that, according to Slash, is that if Axl had an issue or a complaint, he would ALWAYS air it out on stage. Kinda funny... if you didn't have to deal with the guy.
Anyway, it was cool. Miles and I are monstrous fans of Slash and Guns and Roses from back in the day. Miles pointed out to Slash that for guys like us (ages 42 and 43) 'Appetite for Destruction' was our album, our moment when we realized that rock didn't HAVE to suck. That particular album and band defined a generation of rockers and I think this kinda took Slash off- guard... but you could see, well, WE could see, that that truth meant something to him.
OK bitches, the weekend is upon us and I say we get crack- a- lackin'!
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The fact that Mel Gibson is a violent, anti- Semetic lunatic is not shocking to anyone. About twice a year you can count on Melly- Mel to overreact to something trivial. To be perfectly honest, his non-sensical tirades are infinitely more entertaining than any movie he's done since 'Mad Max at Thunder dome'. Yea, I loved that movie. Anyway, earlier this month, Mel's step- mother requested a restraining order against him because she, like pretty much everyone else that seems to know him personally, is scared to death of him after he threatened her following a family argument. Anyone surprised? Didn't think so. Anyone surprised that Alec Baldwin had a 'dream' that he beat his ex- wife, Kim Basinger to death with a baseball bat? Probably not. By the way, I suspect his 'dream' is more akin to 'fantasizing', but I digress. Alec also adds that he wanted to kill TMZ boss Harvey Levin after TMZ released the infamous "you're a rude, ungrateful little pig" voice mail he left his daughter. He said, quote, "I wanted to stick a knife in him and gut him and kill him. I wanted him to die breathing his last breath looking into my eyes." Warm AND fuzzy. We're just guess that at some point in your life, someone has had the same or very similar thoughts about you... for whatever reason. We don't mean someone was mad at you and simply spouted some empty violent threat in your direction... we're talking about the time you thought you were in mortal danger because someone wanted to end your existence. WHO ARE YOU CONVINCED WANTED TO OR WOULD LIKE TO KILL YOU?
Some guy ratted him out, then got beat up real bad and in the end, the guy threatened to kill him
Used to mess with a kid down the street... kid went ballistic eventually
Slept with a guy's mom... the guy was a dude he met in jail... not a good idea
His ex- wife... when she was his CURRENT wife, she tried to kill him by running him off the road while he was riding his motorcycle, slashing at his throat with a sword and bashing him in the back of the head with a cast iron skillet
Got in a fight with a woman who threatened to kill her... 2 weeks later, the woman attempted to make good on the threat, forcing our caller to kill the other woman in self- defense
A guy in Georgia actually took out a contract on him
I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, suck it from the back and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So tomorrow is Independence Day and aside from blowing off a few fingers, eating hot dogs and hamburgers and drinking microbrews, we'll (supposedly) be celebrating all things America... or 'Merka. Well, wouldn't you know it, the most American of American men laid down this morning for a dirt nap. We're talking about Andy Griffith, who died this morning at age 86... ruining the holiday for his family. There's also John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, etc... but then, America has changed, and now such luminaries as Kim Kardashian, Snooki and Charlie Sheen have become the representation of what this country pursues. If you're like me, that disgusts you, but it's true... at least, in MY opinion. Today we wanted to know your take: GOOD OR BAD, WHO, TO YOU, BEST REPRESENTS AMERICA?
Natives
Toby Keith
Ted Nugent
Audy Murphy
MC Hammer
George W.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Howard Stern
Bruce Springsteen
Archie Bunker
Johnny Cash
Chris Farley
There were more, but the answers were all over the place. What we found interesting was how the answers reflected the wide cross section of people. Some people think Johnny Cash and Toby Keith represented America, where some of us would argue that Ice- T and Public Enemy are a little more accurate, but it's all a matter of where you're from, what you dealt with, how you see things, etc.
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene joined us today for another installment of Sit and Spin, and she brought us 10 of the top 15 songs that involve whistling. Yes, whistling. Here's a link:
Alright bitches, we're outta here for the holiday. Enjoy the 4th... don't blow your fingers off.
Until we meet again, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
In a new survey, 70% of women believe that other women should stop wearing bikinis by age 39. I'd argue that your WEIGHT and APPEARANCE have more to do with it... based on the evidence provided to me via bikini pictures of Stephanie Seymour and Snooki, but 7 out of 10 women believe AGE should be the determining factor on whether or not you rock the two- piece. In a separate and completely unrelated survey, the folks at Pfizer sought to find out the average age at which we achieve the typical milestones; when we have our first kiss, financial independence from parents (yes, there really IS such a thing), when you start 'feeling' your age, etc. And if you happen to be a woman who has the misplaced desire to marry Tom Cruise, you should know that you will file for divorce from him at age 33. Katie Holmes is the latest, with Nicole Kidman and Mimi Rodgers blazing the trail before her. Guess there theta goes south at that age. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but somehow it works in this context. Anyway, there are certain things we do, start doing, stop doing or prepare to do or stop doing by a certain age, so today we asked you to fill- in- the- blank: BY AGE __________ YOU SHOULD EITHER START OR STOP DOING __________.
If you choose not to go to college, you should be self- sufficient following high school
By 21, no more baggy, saggy pants... people have a real problem with the saggy jeans. Personally, it's no different than any other 'current' fashion... my thing is, fashion is the pursuit of mediocrity; a way of telling people that you have no original thoughts. The fashion industry counts on that to survive. Think Uggs, Lucky Brand, Air Jordan’s, etc.
He just turned 30 and his friends are telling him that he's too old to smoke weed now... I'm guessing that his friends have all given up on enjoying life. Not saying you need weed to enjoy life, but, in my experience, the people who say things like that are the people who are already miserable with their life and want you to be miserable too. I think we call these people 'women'
30... stop going to clubs
Believes that yoga pants are for people under the age of 16 or over the age of 30... like bikinis, I believe that yoga pants are for people who can pull off yoga pants without looking like melted candles
Believes that by age 22 you should start watching the news... I agree, but I also think that the 'news', local news in particular (in ANY city) could do a better job providing more information and less fluffy bullsh*t
19- year- old believes you should stop being a douche after high school... we explained that high school is douche- lite and the "real" world (as it is inappropriately called) is filled with more douche bags than you can imagine
Her son didn't stop sucking his thumb until he was 7
At age 30, you should stop blasting the bass on your stereo... or at least listen to good music
We asked about tighy- whities- at what age do you stop wearing those things. Miles made a strong point... at the age you are willing to show your underwear to other people (meaning, you become sexually active), you should stop wearing tighty- whities. I happened to agree with that sentiment, but man, oh man, there are some strong opinions about tighty whities. I'll leave it at that.
Until tomorrow, touch my money maker and STAY BEAUTIFUL."
