A baseball player by the name of Adam Greenberg has the unfortunate distinction of being the only Major League Baseball player whose career spanned the length of exactly one pitch. At his first at- bat in 2005, Adam prepared for his first pitch... and took a ball to the head that knocked him stupid. He suffered vertigo, vision problems, etc, and as a result of his injuries, his career ended. Now, thanks to the efforts of a documentary film maker, Adam will get at LEAST one more at- bat, courtesy of the Florida Marlins. That's right, Adam gets a do- over. You don't get many second chances, as I'm sure your mother told you a million times throughout your childhood, but this guy will. The only other people I can think of who get a second chance are those unenviable souls who show up on 'Tosh.0' for a web redemption. Of course, for a web redemption on Tosh, you have you f**k up royally in the first place and then have the video evidence of your incompetence posted worldwide. Anyway, no matter who you are, there's something you really wish you could attempt again and that was the basis of today's question: IF YOU HAD A SECOND CHANCE TO DO ONE THING OVER AGAIN, WHAT WOULD IT BE... AND WHAT WENT WRONG THE FIRST TIME?
Went off of a cliff while snowboarding... punctured a lung. Would like the opportunity to snowboard safely
Would not have dated the woman who stabbed in the ribs
Would pick a different place to live... lived in Silverdale (which he didn't like) and moved to Montana (which he likes less)
Wants a 2nd chance to have sex with a certain girl... first time was in a car and his parents caught them. He drove off and totaled his car
Lost his "dream" girl because he got all strung out on Oxy's
Wishes he never joined Facebook
Says that he would treat his current girlfriend better because he treats her like "ass"... which begs the question; why don't you start treating her better?
Would like to go back and change his introduction to the world of internet porn... he was 10 years old and and made the rookie mistake of typing "sex" into a search engine, thus, exposing himself to what he called "scarring material".
Was involved in a robbery and did four years in prison... he doesn't regret robbing anyone, he regrets that h e tried to escape on foot while everyone else involved hopped in a car
Blew two fingers off of his hand when he found a blasting cap at the ripe old age of 5
Alright, the weekend is here and I'm outta here to start enjoying it. Tomorrow is Pain in the Grass... will you be there? We will be. maybe we'll see you.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A new survey has come to the conclusion that Americans are addicted to three specific chain restaurants. You're probably thinking McDonald's or Taco Bell or something like that... and you'd be wrong. No, the three restaurants we're most addicted to are Cracker Barrel (???), Cheesecake Factory and In-N-Out Burger. Now you know. Meanwhile, buzzfeed.com has a list of "22 Surprising Things People Are Addicted To", and it includes things like showering, chewing anything chewable, 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' and Q- tips. We've all got our thing. Personally, I'm addicted to toothpicks, tattoos and Dial soap, while Miles is addicted to horse penis and nuts... as in PEANUTS, you dirty- minded freaks. Some people are addicted to "reality" TV or Gummy Bears or even exercise. Today we wanted to know what it is that you just can't live without: NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL... WHAT ARE YOU SECRETLY ADDICTED TO?
Actually, thanks to Subway's fountain machine, I discovered the liquid heaven known as raspberry ice tea. F**king delicious. I had no idea. Thing is, I hate tea; it tastes like vase water to me, but I hit the Raspberry Ice Tea button by mistake and decided, 'f**k it, I'll just drink it'... and my world of refreshment changed. So now my wife buys me about a gallon and half of the stuff every time she goes to the grocery store, and I drink all of it in about 3 days. I am truly addicted.
As for you:
Klondike Ice Cream bars
Chicken and Biscuit flavored crackers
"Reality" TV... specifically, Storage Wars
He's addicted to cleaning his finger nails
Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips... can't get into the sun Chips. They're not bad, but they're not 'chippy' enough for me
The workout DVD's called "Insanity"... I would know nothing about that
Sugar- free Red Bull
Spitz Sunflower seeds... never enjoyed sunflower seeds; seemed like a lot of eating for very little food
Addicted to Twitter
Can't stop playing Words with Friends on facebook
She always twirls her hair... unlike most hair twirlers, she's aware that she does it and loves it
Chap Stick... the interesting thing is that if you keep using the stuff, your lips dry out, which, of course, makes you use more Chap Stick
Cleaning... claims to be addicted to it Godzilla... he lived in Japan for a while and developed an unhealthy fascination for GZ. Fact: Godzilla translates to 'whale monkey'. Not as scary
Reading... has read over 1000 books
Alcohol- based hand sanitizer
Solitaire... can't stop playing it. Never enjoyed it; reminds me of being lonely!
Everyone is late on occasion. You try not to be, but sometimes you just can't help it. The question is; how late you can be before it's just plain rude? Well, the folks at Timex conducted a survey to see what the acceptable grace period is, depending on what it is you're late to. There's a difference between 5 minute late to a family reunion and 5 minutes late to a job interview. Timex also conducted a survey to find out just how much time the average person spends waiting for things like 'in line' at the store, in traffic or how long you spend waiting for your significant other to get ready. Timex wasn't done... oh no... they also surveyed folks to get a consensus on how long we should wait before handling an awkward situation, i.e., giving a parent a dirty look for a loud baby, or honking at a green light, etc. And speaking of waiting, McDonald's announced that fans of the McRibb will have to wait an additional month for their bi- annual treat and in advance of the release of the iPhone 5, some fan boys and girls waited in line for upwards of 4 days. WHO OR WHAT ARE YOU ALWAYS WAITING FOR, AND WHAT, TO YOU, IS WORTH THE WAIT?
He's waiting for a new NBA team here in Seattle... finally saw anthrax play live after years and years and says it was worth the wait
Always waits for her boyfriend to get home before she'll make dinner... wouldn't matter, but his schedule changes a lot and, frankly, she gets hungry
Waiting for his (busy) son to visit him... his son lives in Texas and keeps NOT coming to Seattle, but dad says it'll be worth it when he finally does bring his ass here
Always waiting for his paycheck because he lives paycheck to paycheck... but the cigarettes that he buys on payday are always worth the wait
His friend is always late
Currently waiting for his disability to come through
Waiting for a $$$ settlement from a motorcycle accident... will get about 30 g's and plans on buying 2 cars; one to drive day to day, the other to drift
TOM GREEN
Tom dropped by today to chat about all things funny and or weird. It's what he and we do. If you missed it, he's on the BJ Shea Morning Experience tomorrow morning. How about them apples?
OK, I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, sack it, crack it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So the Seattle Seahawks 'stunned' the Green Bay Packers last night when quarterback Russell Wilson threw a 24- yard interception as time ran out... but the Seahawks were granted a touchdown anyway, giving the 'Hawks the victory. Thanks to NFL rules, the 'Hawks 'victory' won't be reversed, in spite of the replacement officials getting the call wrong. Coach Pete Carroll made no apologies for his team's fake victory, but why should he? He didn't make the call, the "officials" did. Basically, they blew it, screwed up, missed an opportunity. While the Seahawks so- called victory is a disgrace, it's not a tragedy, by any means. For that we go Ohio, where a nurse accidentally flushed a viable donor- kidney down the toilet. The intended kidney recipient was supposed to receive the kidney (donated by her brother) but the nurse mistook if for medical waste and flushed it... as opposed to placing it in a medical waste bin, as is standard procedure. No word on the patient's condition, but I think we can guess. To say that the nurse blew it is an understatement. In New York, a $500,000 patrol boat sank after a crew member opened a hatch on the ship's hull... while it was in the water. And in Massachusetts, a woman took her cat tot he vet for a routine, flea bath, but due to a mix up, the cat was euthanized instead. Oops. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we fail... and we fail epicly: WHAT WAS YOUR MOST EPIC FAIL?
Was asked to watch his neighbor's "prize- winning" bird when she went out of town... went to feed the bird and it flew out of the cage and just circled the room. After getting tired of chasing it, he went to the bathroom. When he returned, his car had killed the bird
Tuning into our show
Works as a landscaper and accidentally knocked out cable to an entire neighborhood
Was dating two women at the same time and decided that he would break up with the uglier of the two. Sent the break- up text to the hot one and ended up 'stuck' with the ugly one
Tried to jump a 10- foot berm on a mountain bike... what he ended up doing is breaking three ribs
Had sex with a girl, started really liking her and brought her home. His father said something to the effect of "Oh, I see you met your cousin". Awkward
Bought a new convertible and flipped it the first day he had it
Meant to send his girlfriend at the time a "funny penguin video"... accidentally sent her a link to midget porn. she didn't see the humor and they didn't date very long
Challenged Phoenix Jones to a dance- off... turns out that Phoenix can dance is super- hero ass off. Who knew?
A hot chick was "helping him" pee at a party; basically, she stood behind him and began rubbing his man- satchel while he peed... as a result of amorous massage, he farted on her arm
Went to Australia and found himself in a threesome... instead of having sex, he passed out and peed himself
OK, the computer is getting a little weird and uncooperative, so I'm gonna split.
Until tomorrow, do- do- do dang and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Green Day's Billy Joe Armstrong had a meltdown on stage last Friday and now he's in treatment for substance abuse. Unfortunately, the 'substance' in question is NOT eyeliner. *The beer Natural Ice was heavily involved in two seperate- yet- equally violent crimes, and in neither case was anyone actually drinking it. *A man faked a brain injury so a woman would change his soiled diaper... again. Yes, again. *A man in New Zealand had to go to the hospital to get the eel he shoved up his butt extracted from that very rectum. *A one- armed, one- legged, wheelchair- bound man, armed with an ink pen was shot dead by police in Houston because the police felt 'threatened'. In other news, the cops in Houston are easily threatened. These are just some of the stories that caught our collective eye over the weekend and we did what we could to talk about each and every one of them. Today was the Monday Random Question.
That's pretty much all I've got... unless you wanted to have a lengthy discussion about how awesome it was to watch the Ravens beat the Patriots (for once) during regular season. Fantastic.
About 10:30 this morning in downtown Seattle, a security guard from the Mayflower Hotel (home of Oliver's Bar, where one of my favorite bartenders, Patrick, works) was shot in the hand after chasing down a masked gunman who'd robbed a nearby jewelry store. The tussle that led to the shooting happened near the federal courthouse... which happens to be my exact path on my walk to work every morning. In fact, my wife called me to make sure I hadn't (or had???) been shot. I wasn't, but I did wander through the scene and see the aftermath first- hand. Not what I was expecting to see this morning. Not the first 'extreme' situation I've unknowingly walked into and it probably won't be the last. Everyone I know has unexpectedly found themselves a witness to something insane, and that is the basis of today's question: WHEN DID YOU INADVERTANTLY WITNESS THE 'S' HITTING THE FAN?
We got about a million stories today, so here is just a small sample of what we heard:
Saw two guys get shot at the Denny's in Parkland LAST NIGHT! He'd been watching 'Robot Chicken' with a friend when they looked up and saw the shooting
In the early 90's, he worked as a painter at the Warner Brother's lot in L.A. Witnessed Clint Eastwood melt into a rage because someone took his parking spot. According to the caller, Clint went on a tirade against the two WHITE guys who'd parked in his spot and managed to call them (the white guys) the N- bomb no less than a dozen times. ??? What a prick.
Saw a guy on a motorcyclist get hit by a fire truck... it was exactly like you pictured it; abrupt and messy
She was in Cairo, Egypt when the Egyptians decided to join the "Arab Spring". Riots broke out, cars on fire, etc. She and her entourage were encouraged to leave.
He was installing a roof on a home when the husband who owned the house came home and discovered that his wife was cheating on him. The husband didn't walk in the wife... that would be too easy. Instead, the plumber admonished the husband for flushing his condoms down the toilet. The husband didn't use condoms. Awkward.
saw a guy get shot in high school
In an odd story, a woman explained that she saw her friend get stabbed in the neck without actually seeing her friend get stabbed in the neck. She saw her friend in a fight and then noticed the pool of blood forming around his neck
He was at the 1989 world Series sitting in the upper deck when the earthquake hit
He was a guard at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta when the bomb went off about 50 yards away
SERJ TANKIAN
You know him as the lead singer of System of a Down... and so do we, but he joined in studio today. He has a show tonight at Showbox Market and he dropped by to NOT really talk about that. We talk politics, religion, whatever... the dude is too cool. Too cool.
Ok bitches, if you go to the Sounders game tomorrow, maybe I'll see you there. If not, have a good weekend anyway.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So Lindsay Lohan has a remarkable history of bad driving, having been in several fender- benders over the last few months. In one case she had to do a little (and I mean "little") jail time. Picking up the torch of insanely bad driving is 'actress' Amanda Bynes. Like Lindsay, she's taken the last few months, well, weeks really, to be at fault in several fender- benders herself. She had her license suspended, but that didn't prevent her from getting behind the wheel (allegedly smoking pot at the time) and driving herself into ANOTHER crash. While she was admonished, she wasn't really punished, and this provoked Lindsay to voice her opinion that Amanda wasn't facing a stiff enough penalty. She wants Amanda to do some jail- time like she did. Her opinions were made public yesterday... and then later that day, Lindsay crashed her car into a pedestrian in New York... and fled the scene. A message to both of these overrated pop- tarts; stop driving. You don't do it very well. On the topic of not doing something very well, the NFL is hurtling toward week 3 with the replacement "officials". I've been watching football for 35 years, my brother is an actual NFL official and I can say with absolute certainty that I've never seen such atrocious officiating in my life. I know I'm not alone in that sentiment; fans, players, coaches and owners all agree that the replacement 'officials' are dreadful. Hey, we can't all be good at everything. A lot of times we don't wanna admit to ourselves that we suck, but that's one of the beauties of other people; they'll let you know. WHAT WOULD SOMEONE ELSE SAY YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT?
He can't spell... or, he kant spel
His wife tells him that he's a terrible driver... is there a scenario where a spouse actually thinks their significant other drives well?
Wife says he doesn’t express himself very well. We heard this same sentiment about a million times, so let me break it down; men communicate their feelings exceptionally well; we don't wanna talk about it because you can't help. We're not looking for sympathy, we want a resolution. Why is that so difficult to understand?
Doesn't return phone calls... I don't either, but then, I always tell people not to call me
According to his girlfriend, he has trouble listening to people, and by people, she means her.
Everyone knows he'll be late... he knows it, but when asked, he agreed that part of the reason he continues to be late is because no one has any expectation of him showing up on time
She's a terrible liar... that's probably a good thing. Actually, I'm just saying that. Lying is a fundamental part of communication.
Everyone says that she doesn't get sarcasm
He can't dance... he thought he was OK, but everyone has told him different
She doesn't stand up for herself
Ok bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A man from the Central Pacific Island of Kiribati was adrift in the ocean for 106 days! His- brother- in- law died of dehydration about 6 weeks into the ordeal, and he spent the next two- and- a- half alone on a 15- foot wooden boat wondering if he'd die. He didn't. What does he credit for saving his life? A 6- foot shark. Seriously. This guy swears that the shark "led" him to the fishing vessel that eventually plucked him from the water. Meanwhile, in Cleveland, a guy got a flat tire and pulled over to change it. Another driver saw him and parked behind him to help him fix it. The crazy part is that the guy with the flat figured out that this same Good Samaritan had helped him 8 years earlier when he'd gotten a fish hook stuck in his hand. And earlier this year in England, a dog was home alone when it started choking... and that's why it dialed 911 (999) and saved itself. Seriously. Sometimes, rescue or assistance comes from surprising places. That is the point of today's non- question: IN A MILLION YEARS, I NEVER THOUGHT _________ WOULD HELP ME?
For me, the answer is male- pattern baldness. Like anyone, I wasn't delighted to start losing my hair (especially when you have dreads) but eventually I accepted my fate and just shaved my head. At that moment, women decided that they wanted to touch my head and chat me up. Best thing that ever happened. Yeaaaaa.
As for you:
Drugs, heroin in particular... now that he's recovering, he's been able to help others
Time- Life books... when he was in prison, he used a Time- Life book to block a shank!
Weed... it helps his headaches. Helps mine too, my man.
Alcohol... helped her quit smoking. (???) Locked herself in her room for 3 days and drank. If she wanted a cigarette, she'd do a shot. Somehow, she did not become an alcoholic, but she did quit smoking
Quitting weed... smoked for 15 years and stopped about 2 years ago. Says it cleared his head and he's gotten motivated enough to get a "great" job. Alien to me, but it worked for him.
His emergency brake... like most people, he never used the thing, but one day he started spinning on black ice; pulled the e- brake and avoided hitting any other cars
The military... he was getting into drugs after college
The federal government... generally speaking, the feds are a hapless collection of criminals, ideologues and fools... and they are, but as this guy has fallen on hard times, the feds (meaning US, the tax payer) are helping him get through it.
SIT AND SPIN
As she does every Tuesday, Jolene joined us for another installment of Sit and Spin. Today we all felt old together as we celebrated the 20th anniversary of the release of the movie 'Singles'. Well, we didn't really celebrate the movie as much as we did the movie's bad- ass soundtrack. Here's a link:
OK bitches, gotta go do some stuff.
Until tomorrow, granite for your hooter and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today is Monday so we asked our Monday Random Question. The way it works is simple; we find about a million stories over the weekend that we find worthy of talking about, but instead of narrowing them down to one 'question of the day', we create a series of questions based on all the different stories.
Liberal, consecutive, religious, atheist, male or female; one thing pretty much everyone in this country can agree on is that you can sue just about anyone for anyTHING. Say I break into your house (and I fully plan on doing precisely that... you've been warned), trip over a floorboard and break my leg. I'm suing YOU for negligence. This is America, bitch, and it's up to make your home more burglar- friendly. Hell, in 1999, a 27- year- old man in Florida was determined to fulfill his lifelong dream of swimming with killer whales. What did he do? He broke into Sea World and hopped into a tank with a killer whale. The killer whale happened to be Tillicum (noted killer) and Tillicum did what we know Tillicum to do... he killed the bastard. The guy's parents SUCCESSFULLY sued Sea World because the folks at Sea World never displayed signs that there's a reason a killer whale is called a KILLER whale. They're not whales, so only one of the two words is true. More recently, a woman in Canada (even the Canucks get sue- happy) launched a lawsuit against Roger's Wireless (think Verizon or Sprint) because her cell phone records were bundled into the same bill as their home phone... and that's how her husband discovered that she was cheating on him. He left her and now she's suing the phone company because it is (in her mind) the company's fault that she got busted. Yep. Look, if you get pulled over for speeding, don't blame the car's manufacturer for building a fast vehicle. If you get busted for shoplifting, don't blame the product for being irresistible... except for today: IF YOU COULD, WHO OR WHAT WOULD YOU BLAME FOR SOMETHING THAT IS ENTIRELY YOUR OWN FAULT?
Blames us for getting him fired. You see, he called into the show about 3 years ago to let us know that while his girlfriend doesn't like weed, he smokes it regularly; even show up to work high. His bosses heard him and fired him the next day. Yea, sorry dude.
The NFL... big guy already, but always gains weight during football season
Credit cards... their fault that he's in debt
His dentist... sure, he doesn't brush regularly or floss all that much, but the dentist is the one who keeps removing teeth
Blames his ex- girlfriend for his D.U.I.; sure, he did all the drinking AND the driving, but he really DID ask his ex for a ride home and she wouldn't do it. Bitch
Blames her surgeon for her bad hips... yes, she was born with bad hips, but the doctor keeps messing with them, and replacing dying joints with titanium
Vegas... countless infractions
When he was 9- years- old, he blamed his cousin for ruining his father's match collection. Father banned the cousin from the house. He's 24- years- old now and he still hasn't confessed
Blames porn for raising his expectations, thus; difficulty accepting reality
Us (again)... turning him onto tequila... gives him acid reflux
Blames his 'overweight' mother for addiction to butter... used to eat just butter... even used to hide it in the closet in his room so he could eat it at night. That seems f**king crazy to me.
OK bitches, the weekend is here. New Originals play tomorrow night at Louie G's in Fife as part of Dream Fest. A bunch of bands playing, including us. Hope to see you there. It's an outdoor deal and tomorrow is supposed to be sweet on the weather- tip.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
We all know that the Alaskan Way Viaduct is slated for demolition and replaced by a tunnel. That, of course, requires a big dig and according to pest control experts, that dig will displace "scores" of rats and cockroaches... the two most popular creatures on earth. Where will these "scores" of rats and roaches go? More than likely, they will take up residence in nearby buildings. That's something to look forward to. Meanwhile, in Lakewood, a woman was attacked by the biggest f**king wasp I've ever seen in my life. You see, it's some exotic wasp that's attracted to smoke from wild fires (???) and with the recent rash of fires here in the state, experts warn that these guant- ass wasps will become a more common sight. Here's the thing; to kill the bastard, the woman's husband had to chop the things head off. Yes, they tried to smash it, but, apparently, these wasps don't go out quite that easy. Good to know. And in our nation's capital, an 83- year- old woman was attacked by a 35 pound beaver with rabies. Seriously. She fought the thing for 20 minutes before she was able to escape. Funny, but scary. All of us have had a run- in with some kind of tiny wildlife and today we wanted your story: WHEN DID YOU COME FACE- TO- FACE WITH A VARMINT?
Went camping and woke up to a mountain lion... not cool
His friend jumped out of a moving car to get away from a spider
Had bats in her apartment in Michigan... wouldn't have been too bad, but they were always drunk and high, so it seemed a lot worse
He's a mechanic... popped the hood on a mini van and was face to face with a rat
Her dog brought a rat home... the rat was stil alive, so she put it in a box (???)... Currently unsure of the rat's where- abouts
Her husband found a possum in their 9- year- old daughter's bedroom... he shot the thing between the (narrow, beedy, creepy) eyes in the house
Had a spider climb INTO her ear... had to go to the hospital to get it out. She pointed out that she could feel it and HEAR it. Apparently you can even hear its joints move. Not cool, man.
Ran into a camel spider in a Porta- John. Coincidentally, I'm pretty sure I'd sh*t myself, so a Porta- John would be the ideal place to run into a camel spider
At age 10 he found a cocoon; like any little kid, he assumed it was home to a future butterfly, so he grabbed it and put it in his room. The next morning, he woke up to about 150 baby praying mantis'. Good times
On a side note, we had a quick discussion about bats and it made me wonder; are bats the only animals that have a fancy name for their turds? Guano? Why isn't it just 'sh*t', like every other animal? Just curious. And, when Bat Man takes a dump, is it guano in his toilet?
I'll leave you with that profound question.
Until tomorrow, it's your nightmare, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today we stumbled upon some monumentally unimportant information, but it's that kind of thing that really piques our interest. We're simple folk. Today we had "Three Pointless Abilities People Love to Brag About"... and I'm guilty of two of them. We also had "10 Tricks that Give You Power Over Your Body"... things like getting rid of pins and needles, how to suppress your urge to go to the bathroom and how to get rid of brain-freeze. And, finally, we uncovered an article that reveals how the 'big brains' at MIT have solved that age- old puzzle of how to get catsup out of a glass bottle. So busy with this investigation, they, seemingly, missed that revolution known as the plastic squeeze bottle. Anyway, all of us have a useless talent or ability that, given the chance, we'll share with the world. Today we asked you to share that talent with us. Whether you know card tricks, can burp on command, untie any knot presented to you or you can lick your elbows, we wanted to know: WHAT USELESS ABILITY HAVE YOU MASTERED... AND WHEN HAVE YOU WHIPPED IT OUT?
She can crush beer and soda cans between her shoulder blades... this begs the question; how did she discover this ability?
He can break dance... used to be part of a breaking "crew", but now, at 27 years of age and 205 pounds of person, he only does it when he's drunk. Oddly enough, I've never been able to break dance, but I'll do it when I'm drunk too.
Although we found out later in the conversation that she can tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue, she chose to FIRST tell us that she can pick her nose with her tongue. Explains that it comes in handt when snowboarding
Unlike me, she can untie any knot
Can wiggle both ears at the same time or one at a time... helps that he's half dog
Can mop "like a son- of- a- bitch"... who doesn't wanna mop like a "son- of- a- bitch"?
Not sure if I believe this, but he claims that he can tie a cigarette, then untie it and smoke it without ripping or tearing it
Can do most "food challenges", including drinking a gallon of milk in an hour and (I've never heard of this one) eat 2 bananas and chug a Sprite (???)
Can write simultaneously with both hands.. I think DaVinci was known for that. Well, DaVinci is known for a lot of things, but ALSO that
Alright bitches, time for some New Originals practice! I'm feeling it tonight. Gonna beat my bass like it's personal.
Until tomorrow, why have you forsaken me and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Odds of getting struck by lightning: 1 in 576,000
Odds of failing a grade in school: 1 in 20
Odds of being attacked by a shark: 1 in 11.5 million (although my father makes the argument that those odds drop to 0% if you stay out of the water)
Odds of being attacked by a bear: 1 in 1.9 million
Odds of hitting a hole- in- one: 1 in 5000... 1 in 2 million if you're me
Odds of being in a car accident: 1 in 67
Odds of all passengers on a flight turning off their phones when ordered to do so: 1 in 100 QUADRILLION. That's a 1 with 17 zeroes after it.
STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, WHAT MAKES YOU THE ONE?
He has 4 kids, been married for 7 years AND he's happy... yea, you read that right
His mother got pregnant with him while she was on the pill... he also learned to walk before he could crawl. Somewhat cool, somewhat creepy
One of five people on Earth to be diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that effects the throat and stomach. He's now one of thirty people on Earth with it.
Has hit a hole- in- one AND bowled several perfect games
Caught a rare auto- immune disease... was the first person in the state to get it
Swears that he can't burp on purpose or by accident (???) Is that possible? Would his head explode in a bubbly cloud if he guzzled a Coke?
Was born on Friday the 13th... was raised on Elm Street. Points out that they are not a fan of horror movies
His cerebellum (the part of the brain at the back of your head that controls motor skills, etc) started getting eaten away... doctors had to remove 90% of it
He's a redhead... they make up only 2% of the population
He got chicken pox... THREE TIMES
Bitten by a lion when she was 19
We also discussed shark orgies, whale parties and giant metal butt- spiders. You had to be there.
SIT NAD SPIN
Today Jolene came by with a list of the top 10 bass lines in rock music. Here's the link so you can scream at your computer "WHY WASN'T ______ ON THAT STUPID LIST?!!!!"
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, welcome to the jungle and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
48 days of dry weather here in the Seattle metropolitan area, but thanks to some early morning drizzle, we learned today that we won’t be tying or breaking the record of 51 days of straight. Playboy chief Hugh Hefner declined Courtney Stoddin's offer to pose naked in his magazine. We thank him for sparing us that. Courtney's not the first 'celebrity' to turned down by Playboy; Kate Gosslin, Kelly Osbourne, Brittney Spears and a 75- year- old Shirley McClain have all politely been told 'no'. Joy Behar, the loud redhead from 'The View' predicted that 7- year- old 'Honey Boo- Boo' will grow up to be a 400 pound woman. She's right. On that note, Oreo's is introducing cookies with a candy- corn flavored center. Yep. Drunken rock stars on planes... who claim they weren't drunk. These are just some of the stories we perused this weekend, leaving us with so many questions... and we attempted to ask all of them via our RANDOM QUESTION.
A new survey revealed that the Gateway Arch in St. Louis is the LEAST impressive U.S. landmark. The Alamo finished second, while Mount Rushmore got an honorable mention. My brother went to France, visited the Louvre Museum and laid eyes upon the world- renown and legendary Mona Lisa. He wasn't impressed. He pointed out that it's tiny and, frankly, it's a painting of an ugly woman. The latest Batman movie generated a titanic amount buzz and was adored by critics. Ben the Psycho Muppet went to see it and gave a review of, "meh". Other examples of disappointment include things like FINALLY landing a date with that person you've been pining over for the last 6 months and it turns out that they're an idiot or an a**hole or they don't believe in premarital sex. We wanted to know what disappointed you: WHY WAS IT DISAPPOINTING?
Pot brownies... just didn't have the effect he was hoping for
Dinner at the Space Needle... said it was overpriced and bland. To be fair, the Needle has FINALLY addressed this sentiment with a new chef, etc and has gotten great reviews, but for DECADES, every person that ate there said it was lame. It only took about 47 years, but they've improved the food and the experience
The girl's boobs... looked great IN the bra, not so great OUT of the bra
Waited a month to sleep with his "hot" girlfriend... the big day finally came and he was appalled at her naughty- bits. Compared her to Chewbacca
Disappointed when he lost his virginity... says the woman was "unclean". Yea, but can beggars be choosers?
The Sphinx in Egypt... says the Pyramids were awesome, but the Sphinx was kinda lame. I find that hard to believe, meaning I'd probably be disappointed too
Skydiving... says it starts with an adrenaline rush and then becomes anti- climatic. While that is true, that's EXACTLY how you want skydiving to go
Mount Rushmore... it's not that it's so terribly unimpressive, I think it's more about the fact that it's so f**king far out of the way that it better be REALLY impressive to be worth the trip
The Sistine Chapel... points out that (1) the ceiling has been repainted, so you're not really looking at Michelangelo’s work and (2) you're not allowed to talk while you're there
Religion
OK bitches, I plan on riding off into that sunset known as Friday motherf**king night!
Have a good weekend and do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!
By now, everyone knows that Kristin Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with the director of "Snow White and the Huntsman", and for the people who care... meaning teenage girls... the question was whether or not they'd reconcile. Well, no. Seems that Robert's two overbearing older sisters threatened to "kill" him if he took Kristin back. No second chance for Kristin. Former Bengals/ Patriots/ Dolphins wide receiver Chad Johnson is hoping for a second chance with his estranged wife... a gold- digger by the name of Evelyn Lozado... in spite of having (allegedly) head- butting her a few weeks ago. In addition to some syrupy romantic overtures posted to Twitter, Chad also got Evelyn’s face tattooed on his leg. Terrible idea for anyone who isn't dead or a child of yours, but your ESTRANGED wife? Come on, Chad. Hell, with the Democratic National Convention officially underway, President Obama, like Chad Johnson and Kristen Stewart, is ALSO looking for a second chance. Second chances; sometimes they work to your benefit, sometimes they don't. WHO OR WHAT DID YOU GIVE A SECOND CHANCE... AND HOW DID IT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
Gave our show a second chance. Confesses to 'hating' us when he first heard us (like soooo many before him) but gave us another chance and now he 'loves' us (unlike soooo many before him)
She gave tequila a second chance... lost her wallet, a shoes, half of her skirt (???), and her lesbian virginity... but she galso got a new job, so she's undecided about tequila
"Failed" in the sack with some broad he was crazy about... they bump into each other a few years later, he gets another chance and "knocked it out of the park", as he put it. Clearly, the girl he liked just puts out
Her boyfriend cheated on her... now he's her husband of 19 years
Gave his wife a second chance... this IN SPITE of the fact a dude sent him a picture of her performing 'oral services' on another guy THREE DAYS before their wedding. Dude. Come on.
OK bitches, I'm outta here to go watch football!
Until tomorrow, get the lead out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today we're talking names, as in nicknames and pet names which, oddly enough, seldom refers to pets. No, pet names are the names we create for our significant others or our kids or whoever. Pet names are so prevelant that only one- in- five people, 20%, actually call their partner by their actual name. 80% of us call our significant other something like 'sugar lips' or 'honey bunny' rather than, say, Diane. On that note, we have the top 10 pet names that couples use but that women hate the most. Most people prefer to keep their nicknames and pet names private, but we asked you to tell us anyway: OTHER THAN YOUR REAL NAMES, WHAT IS THE COOLEST OR WORST NICKNAME YOU'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH?
Mother calls her 'monkey butt'... not sure why, but it leads me to believe that she's hairy all over EXCEPT her butt, like a monkey. Probably wrong about that
Last name is Carr, so everyone used to call him 'automobile'
Boyfriend calls her 'Moose'... not because she's fat, but because she had a great 'rack'
"Doogie"... as in 'Howser' because he gambled (and lost) on a fart
"Jizz"... because it was similar to his last name. There are worse ways to earn the nickname 'jizz'
His real name is Patrick Stewart... everyone called him Picard
Red Bull... redhead with a short fuse
"Sugar Hooker"... does it matter why anyone calls her Sugar Hooker?
Slim Jim... lost 114 pounds... and his name is Jim
Dr. Giggles... laughs like a hyena
Speedometer... his initials are MPH
Gimpy... one leg is shorter than the other
SIT AND SPIN
We're 44 days without rain here in the Seattle metropolitan area (which is f**king awesome) so Jolene presented us with not just the top 10 songs about rain, but also brought three "bonus" tracks. Here's the link:
OK bitches, I'm off to eat leftover pulled pork. Yeaaaaa.
Until tomorrow, check it twice and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
