So today is Halloween. Back in the day, parents sent you on your way, you rang doorbells, toilet papered houses, came home a few hours later and ate candy until you threw up nugget. Then, parents starting escorting their kids door- to- door, feeling that it was safer than sending them out on their own. Now, despite every available statistic proving the belief to be untrue, parents organize Halloween parties because of the perceived dangers of child abductions, poisonings and other 'boogie- man' style shenanigans. Sucks for kids, but that's how it goes these days. In a completely unrelated story, actor Kelsey Grammer (rightfully) caught heat after bringing his 3- month- old daughter to a Halloween party... AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION! In his defense, Kelsey says that he couldn't find a baby- sitter. Sometimes, man, you've just gotta stay home with the kids. Anyway, Halloween has lost some its magic luster and Kelsey Grammer is the personification of a buzz- kill. Today’s question: WHATDID YOUR PARENTS DO WITH YOU THAT YOU WOULD NEVER DREAM OF DOING WITH YOUR OWN CHILDREN?
Dad smoked weed with him when he was 13
Left him home alone with booze available. My parents did the same thing but we just KNEW that that would be our ass
Used to get left in the car while his parents went into the bar and got hammered... and then drive home
Used to get his ass beaten with a belt... me too, on occasion
Parents used to take him to a nude beach
Ride in the bed of a pick up... we used to beg to ride in the bed, and if we were 'good', our wish was granted
Dad showed him how to roll joints at age 10
Put him on a bike and pushed him down a hill... he broke both legs
Dad would chase tornadoes with the kids in the car
Dad would take her to AA meetings AND to Christmas tree farms to steal Christmas trees
Mom would leave her and her two younger siblings alone at home for DAYS while she did drugs
Smoked inside around the kids
Ah, how times have changed. Can you imagine doing any of the above in modern times... with other people being aware of it? You'd have your kids taken away... probably.
OK bitches, let's get our trick- or- treat on!
Until tomorrow, satisfy your sweet tooth and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The big news over the weekend, in case you, somehow, missed it, was Hurricane Sandy. At least 20 were killed in the North- east (as of the time of this blog) while another 67 people were killed in the Caribbean, there was MASSIVE flooding in New York and New Jersey, the power is out to about 6 million customers and Sandy created a blizzard in Virginia and West Virginia, complete with thunder and lightning. Sandy proved to be a very serious deal... in spite of its bitch- like name. Sandy also provided a bit of irony. You see, a movie about Noah's Ark, starring Russell Crowe (as one of the animals?) had to stop production because of concerns about, well, flooding. It should be noted that they built a replica of the Ark for the movie. Just sayin'. Also over the weekend, two Boy Scouts were rescued after spending two unpleasant nights in the elements out in the wilderness. Lucky for them, they lived up to the 'Scout motto, "Be Prepared". That's fine, but are you? All of us, at some time or another, have had the misfortune of having to deal with Mother Nature when she was feeling particularly bitchy and today we wanted your stories: WHEN WAS IT YOU VS. NATURE?
First of all, I'd like to submit my proposal for the folks that name hurricanes. I understand that it's an alphabetical thing and involves alternating between male and female names, but it seems to me that many of the more devastating hurricanes have p*ssy names. Katrina isn't the worst name in the world, and she was a real mother, but 'Sandy' and 'Floyd'? My thought is that hurricanes should be named after celebrities we all recognize as an indication of how bad we project them to be; so 'Sandy' would have been named, oh, I dunno, Charles Bronson or Mike Tyson, while lesser hurricanes or ones that generate very little concern could have names like Hurricane Justin Bieber or Hurricane Nickelback. Annoying, but non- threatening. Just an idea. I think it would help people understand the magnitude of what's approaching. My 2 cents.
SIT AND SPIN
Halloween is around the corner... as in about 7 hours... Jolene brought us the top 11 'devil songs'. Here's the link:
By the way, the 'devil' always mentions that he has "many names", including Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies and... the Lord of the Flies? Flies? Really man? No one is scared of f**king flies. How about the Father of Bees or something? Just sayin'? If you're trying to be spooky or whatever, come up with something that's actually spooky. as always... just sayin'.
You've, no doubt, heard the saying "scared to death", well, scientists have concluded that it IS possible to be scared to death. Essentially, if you really scare the be- Jesus out of someone, you can stun their heart to the point that it stops. Basically, an adrenaline burst that comes from the shock causes you to suffer cardiac arrest and you die. It's only a slim chance (1% for men and 7% for women) but it CAN open. On the other hand, there are those things that you know WILL happen that have you terrified before they actually happen. For example, 131 years ago today, Wyatt Earp and his drunk pal Doc Holliday faced the Clanton Gang in the infamous shootout at the O.K. Corral. Yea, yea, yea, we know, they were bad- asses, but they earned that distinction AFTER the gun fight. Nevertheless, you've gotta think that voluntarily going to a fight to the death would weigh on your mental state. That's life. Today we wanted to hear what happened that scared the f**k out of you: IN YOUR LIFETIME, WHAT'S THE SCARIEST THING YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Kayaking with his 8- year- old daughter when the boat flipped over
When he found out that his then- girlfriend was pregnant (10 years ago)... they're now married and have 2 kids
Some guy tried to mug him LAST NIGHT at the Arboretum... turns out that the gun was a fake
Hit black ice in Colorado and almost killed everyone in the car
As a kid, he hit a car with a snowball... the driver chased him (and his sister) all the way to their front door
Caught his junk in his zipper... I did the same thing about 21 years ago and my days of 'going commando' came to an abrupt end
His scariest moment is a toss up between the time he fell 20 feet from a rope ladder and the time he walked in on his grandparents having sex
Visited a haunted house
During his NAVY days, he got jumped by 5 guys in am alley in Jordan
Flipped his truck END OVER END in the mountains
Was with a woman (having sex) when her ex- husband showed up with a gun
Worked as a nurse and had a dead guy poop on her... he had some weird infection in his poop
I'll leave you with the poop story because that's the kinda guy I am.
Ah... tomorrow night at 8 at the Snoqualmie Casino, yours truly, along with Ryan Castle, STP from the BJ Shea Morning Experience and a collection of actual GOOD musicians, known collectively as the New Originals, will be opening for Queensryche. We are quite psyched and I can truly say we hope you see you there! We might not be good, but we will have fun. JOIN US, bitches.
OK, the weekend is here so I stay we crack that bitch open and start livin'.
Until Tuesday (taking Monday off) do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Pretty much everyone likes sex, but most of us (men) can't guarantee we'll get laid every time we want to. It's why porn exists and masturbation never dies. That being said, the folks at Spotify want to help you out. They commissioned a study to find out what songs are most likely to get people in the mood for sweaty fun. The #1 song for both men and women was "Time of My Life" from the "Dirty Dancing" soundtrack. I find that impossibly difficult to believe, as that song makes me wanna attack puppies, but that was the big winner. It should be noted that the study confirmed something we already know: men are willing to "adjust their musical tastes" to improve their chances of getting some hummina- hummina- meow- meow. No kidding. Meanwhile, the folks at the University of Michigan took the time to figure out the odds of you getting laid just by cuddling on the couch. It's not worth it. You have a 17% chance of hooking up by cuddling. Today we wanted to know: WHAT CAN YOU DO TO GUARENTEE THAT YOU'LL GET SOME ACTION AND WHAT CAN YOU DO TO GUARENTEE THAT YOU WON'T?
Vodka works on his current gal. I'd make sure to always have vodka on hand
Tells girls that he's in a band (which he is) but does not mention that he is the bass player
If the kids are asleep, all is good
Somehow, watching horror movies used to get his (ex) lady in the mood
Tequila... yea, I created a kid that way
Cooking dinner... he's a trained chef, so it works for him
Guys will always express interest in her when she HASN'T shaved her legs
He pretends that he's had a bad day at work and his girl "services" him
Sends her dirty texts all day... by the time he gets home, she's ready
On and on it went. Basically, guys have to get crafty to get laid while women just say they wanna have sex. We knew that, but today confirmed it.
OK bitches, I've gotta hit the road... Jack.
Until tomorrow, pass it to the left and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
According to the Internet Watch Foundation, 88% of homemade porn ends up getting posted online. The rub is that the majority of the time it gets posted WITHOUT the people who made it knowing about it. Apparently, websites known as 'parasites' get info from hacked accounts, stolen phones and, of course, angry exes. So the next time you click the 'amateur' tab on your favorite porn site, that person or people may or may not know about it. Oh, and you know how you have to create a password for virtually EVERYTHING you do online? Well, get creative... don't be lazy... because we have a list of the top 20 most hacked passwords... and all of them are deserving of being hacked. We're talking to YOU 'QWERTY' and '123123' and 'monkey'. And in the Midwest somewhere, an ungrateful 12- year- old girl found out the hard way that parents have the ability to humiliate you at any moment... when you deserve it. They posted stupid pictures of THEMSELVES on her Facebook wall. Naturally, the daughter is mortified. HOW HAS THE INTERNET DONE YOU WRONG?
Had some nude photos of himself go online thanks to a woman he was dating who decided to send them to a website without him knowing
In high school he'd watch porn on his phone... all was good until his parents got a $300 bill. The worst part was explaining why it was so much money
His crazy ex stalked his NEW girlfriend via Facebook
Got his World of Warcraft account hacked... they stole all of his stuff in exchange for virtual gold.
Went to show her mother some Christmas gifts she'd ordered online... instead, a bunch of her husband's porn popped up
His new house was broken into, the thief got bank info and opened several new accounts. A year and a half later he's STILL dealing with it. Banks
Didn't realize his webcam was on WHILE he was masturbating
Lost his Skype connection just as a girl was stripping for him
Shot a video where it looked like he'd died at his computer. It was just a little funny 'haha' for his friends. Problem was, he forgot to take down the repeating loop before going out of town for a week, so no one could get in contact with him, thus, leading his friends to call the police. Things eventually got cleared up, but it caused a lot of trouble
OK bitches, we've got New Originals practice tonight for our upcoming show this Saturday at Snoqualmie Casino with Queensryche. You should come join the festivities. What else are you doing?
Until tomorrow, suck it from the back and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The fine folks at mental floss provided us a list of "50 Prison Slang Words to Make You Sound Like a Tough Guy". That's right, they offer a list to help you sell 'wolf tickets' without being a 'monkey mouth'. Click the link... or go to prison... to understand what I'm talking about. http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/146693 Meanwhile, actor Chevy Chase continues to be unhappy with everyone and everything on the set of NBC's "Community", and, as usual, he went off on a tirade on- set. That's not really news, as Chevy is a notorious pre- Madonna... but when he dropped the N- bomb, he immediately apologized... although, we're pretty sure it's only because his two black cast- mates were on- set. And then there's Tom Hanks dropping an accidental F- bomb during a live interview on "Good Morning America" last Friday. The good news for Tom Hanks is that he's Tom Hanks, so there's been no fall- out from anyone. It's good to be Tom Hanks. You'd think that he would know that 'fudge', 'frak', and 'fiddlesticks' have been used in place of 'f**k' for years. Sometimes it's the company you're in and sometimes it's that ridiculous thing called 'political correcteness', today we wanted to know: WHEN SPEAKING IN CODE, I NOW USE ______ IN PLACE OF OTHER CHOICE WORDS.
Pulling tubes = bong hits. I thought everyone used that term at some point another
Boss = n- bomb. Says he only used it around his black friend when singing Jay- Z songs that involve the N- bomb.
Holy Ishmael = holy sh*t
Take a walk = smoke a cigarette
"Oh Fudgesickle!" = F*CK!!!
Cheese and Rice = Jesus Christ
Cardio = sex. This was from a woman who often poops while jogging. Just sayin'
Veggies = booze
Knee deeps = black people. His friend visited Atlanta and mentioned that it was "knee deep" in black people
Miley Sinus = cocaine. Seriously people, when coming up with drug slang, stop using references to your nose for coke and stop describing weed with everything that's green. It's so f**king obvious that you might as well just say "coke" or "weed"
Mormon code for an ugly girl is "sweet spirit"... which isn't all that different from everyone else
Campbell's soup = hot women (Mmm, mmm good)
And my favorite from the day: make hot pockets = have sex
SIT AND SPIN
In an effort to life our spirits, Jolene brought us the top 10 songs played at funerals!!! Here's the link:
You'd think that robbing a house occupied by only a 12- year- old girl would be a relatively easy task... and you'd be wrong. In Oklahoma, a guy kicked in the back door of her house, made his way through the home and entered the room where she was hiding in a closet. As soon as he put his hand on the doorknob, the girl fired the family shotgun through the door. Let's just say that at that point, the robbery attempt came to an abrupt end. In England, parents took their son to a restaurant to celebrate his 2nd birthday. Unbeknownst to them, the fruit juice that he was sucking through a straw had been partnered with whiskey. The kid got drunk and the restaurant apologized. And a recent survey was conducted to find out at what age people believe they started making "grown up" decisions. The average age was 28. In addition to the survey, they included a list of 9 signs that you are officially grown up. Truth is, if you live long enough, you're gonna 'grow up', as they say, but that doesn't mean you're not an immature idiot. Most people are a (un) healthy combination of both. Hell, I'm saving for my retirement and my kid's college fund, but then, I still think farts are hilarious. Just how it is. Today's question: WHAT ABOUT YOU IS 'ALL GROWN UP NOW', AND HOW ARE YOU STILL A CHILD?
Lived on his own since 18... still doesn't have savings
His work ethic is grown up... but he enjoys cartoons and Coco- Crispies
Just had his first "official" job interview... still won't do household chores
Pays his bills and had to care for his ailing mother... but LOVES his Nesquik chocolate milk
Father of 2 kids (an 8 year old and a 12 year old) but loves to dress up for Halloween
Has a degree and a job in his chosen field... but loves Bugs Bunny. I do too. Greatest cartoon ever.
Finally started to save money, but blows a bunch of $$$ on toys
No longer party's but he still has a curfew (???)
Just started his own company... still laughs at farts
Knew he was grown up when he was awarded full custody of his daughter; therefore hiding all of his porn... still watches WWE
Watches his words now, tries not to curse... but he has the sweet- tooth of a child
OK bitches, I'm outta here. It's the weekend and our very own Ben the Psycho Muppet is getting married tomorrow. Congrats and condolences!
Until next week, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!" ?
So, word has it that OJ Simpson kept the knife he (didn't) use to kill Nichole Brown and Ron Goldman about 20 years ago. Additionally, it seems he now plans to sell the knife to some creepy memorabilia collector for FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. Keep in mind, according to OJ, he didn't do... didn't kill anyone... so it's odd that he'd have the murder weapon, yes? Hell, he even wrote a book called "IF I Did It", detailing how he would have committed the murders if, you know, he'd actually been the killer. Yep. You know who else didn't do anything? Lance Armstrong. Just ask him and he'll explain to you that the overwhelming evidence and testimony of 11 of 13 teammates, Armstrong maintains that he never, ever doped his blood during his professional cycling days. Sure. Anyway, this leads to today's question: IF YOU "DIDN'T" DO IT, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU "DIDN'T" DO?
Currently being blamed for stealing money from his job... not just money, but the whole safe was stolen. He claims that he really didn't have anything to do with it
Got blamed for peeing in his CO's coffee when he was in the Navy
He did not, repeat NOT wreck his parent's car
In spite of shooting fireworks at his brother, he maintains that it was the wind that blew them in his direction
He didn't have sex with his wife's sister... he really didn't... it was her cousin
He didn't knock over the old Packers fan at the Seahawks game... still got banned from the Clink
The most intriguing call of the day/ month/ year was from a guy named Greg. He was on DEATH ROW for FIFTEEN YEARS IN CALIFORNIA from 1985 to 2000. Thanks to DNA evidence, he was exonerated and released. I can't do his story justice, but it was an incredible story
OK bitches, I've gotta roll.
Until tomorrow, wiggle it a little and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Would you spend ANY money on a 20- year- old gallon of barbeque sauce? How about $10,000 on a 20- year- old gallon of barbeque sauce? Well, back in the 90's, McDonald's introduced the McJordan... a burger named after Michael Jordan... which was topped with "McJordan" barbeque sauce. For reasons we can't explain, someone still had a jug of the stuff and they put it up for sale on eBay. For other reasons we can't explain, someone spent $9995 for it. If you think that's stupid (you're not alone) we have a list of the top 10 things the federal government wasted your tax dollars on, including robot squirrels, a study on Gaydar (seriously) and pottery classes for Moroccan residents. You can't make this stuff up. Anyway, anonymous eBay bidders and the feds aren't the only folks to make terrible decisions with $$$. We all have wasted money on something that seemed like a good idea at the time and occasionally, we actually spent money on something that benefitted us. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST WASTE OF MONEY OR YOUR BEST INVESTMENT?
Spent a lot of money on stuff like Pokemon and Magic: The Gathering... initially regretted it, but after selling it on eBay, it's all good
Has spent thousands of dollars on Legos... for himself. No regrets
Says that graduate school was a huge waste of money. I don't doubt it
Best investment was his house and his guns, his worst investment was his ex- wife. I think he should say that his WIFE was a waste of money.... making her an ex was worth it
$7000 for his wife's breast reduction (she went from a 36 TRIPLE D to a 36 D)... not happy about it (for the obvious reason) but bought a bunch of gold for $200 ounce in the 80's... he's up about $20,000 on the gold
Spent $60,000 on his wedding, but is now divorced. On the other hand, he bought a superman comic at a garage sale as a kid for $5... it's worth about $10,000 now, or 1 6th of his wedding
Spent $3500 on Nike's "Back to the Future" tennis shoes... sold them for $5000 later that day
Spent $2000 for pieces to build his own guitar, now he's going into business doing it. Might have to look this guy up
Spent $1700 on a new mountain bike... stolen the next day. He got about 10 miles of riding on it
$10,000 to get married, $15,000 to get divorced
Worst investment was his house because bought when a lot of us did- right before the recession. I got killed on my house too.
OK bitches, I'm outta here. New Originals practice tonight, and if you've ever seen us, you we need the practice. We'll be playing with Queensryche on October 27th at Snoqualmie Casino. Hope to see you there. Should be fun.
Until tomorrow, touch it but don't grab and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So a guy from Everett is extremely allergic to diary. We're not talking 'drink a glass of eggnog and fart for 48 hours' (like your's truly) we're saying that he has SEVERE allergic reactions if he's in proximity to the dairy protein. To ease his stress, he smoked weed. Problem is, he doesn't have a medical card for weed, so he ended up getting busted for possession. He missed his court date and a warrant was issued for his arrest. At his mother's urging, he turned himself in... and died that night in his cell... after being given dairy. Yep. Meanwhile, Turkey Hill, a dairy company, is recalling 1200 cartons of mint- chocolate chip ice cream because it contains 'undeclared' coconut... so people with allergies are at risk of serious or life- threatening reactions if they eat it. Sunland Inc, a New Mexican food company, has recalled about 400 peanut- related products because of it's link to a salmonella outbreak. And the Consumer Product Safety Commission just seized more than 1000 pirate costumes made in China but headed to Seattle because they contained ELEVEN TIMES the allowable level of lead. Food allergies, food poisoning, hay- fever, gluten, commitment... some of us have bad reactions to these things and today we wanted to hear your story: WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO, OR WHAT HAVE YOU HAD AN ADVERSE REACTION TO?
She says she's allergic to Buffalo Sauce, but oddly enough, she's not allergic to any of the ingredients that make Buffalo sauce
Certain chemicals, but those chemicals are relegated to soap and shampoo... so he's really dirty and gross. No, actually, he has to buy specific (and more expensive) stuff
Allergic to antibiotics... which is kinda ironic
Alcohol... started with wine and now it's progressed to all forms of alcohol. I recommended he start drinking hand- sanitizer and other "Florida cocktails"
She's allergic to soap, peanuts, pollen and dust
Discovered that he's allergic to chocolate after enjoying a big, fat slice of Chocolate Swiss Mousse Cheesecake
After eating almonds for over 20 years, she developed an allergy to them
Shellfish... spent 4 days out of 5 day cruise in a medical center after eating a few small pieces of shrimp
Pumpkin... can't even touch it. Discovered this last year when he was attempting to carve a Jack- O- Lantern... his hands started to get red, get itchy and then about 3 layers of skin peeled off.
Aloe- Vera... blew her nose in one of those 'lotioned' tissues and broke out in every way possible
In Iraq he had to eat a half- cooked goat... got some kinda parasite and now, 4 years later, he still has messed up guts. 4 years later he still hasn't had a solid bowel movement. Now you know
Allergic to Axe body- spray
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene brought us the top 'clapping songs'. If you're not sure what I mean.
The city of Philadelphia is known for many things; the Liberty Bell, terribly vicious sports fans and men who insist on looking like Everlast, circa 1992, and now the city of Brotherly Love can add a new claim to fame. According to the folks at Experian Marketing, Philadelphia residents wear sweat suits more than any other city... for the second year in a row. So, if you go to Philly, it might look like a collection of Olympic athletes competing for the gold in the Fat and Rude Relay. If you've ever been to Philly, this will come as no surprise. Coming to Seattle from the East Coast, one of the first things you notice is the sheer volume of white people who willingly take the bus. It's stunning. On the East Coast, the only white people who take the bus are either recently released from prison or on their way to a methadone clinic. The sad part is that I'm not joking. Should you ever go to a state fair... and it can be in any state... you'll probably notice that you've never been around more people who resemble Larry the Cable Guy... and that applies to men AND women. Scary sh*t. It's not always people who shock you. Wanna see abandoned houses, head to Detroit; men in denim shorts, Tennessee has your back; trash on the streets? Baltimore is the place to go. Hit and run accidents, Washington State is Mecca. Today we wanted you to fill- in- the- blank: I'VE NEVER SEEN MORE ________ IN MY LIFE UNTIL I WENT TO __________.
Protesters... he's from Mississippi and has never seen more people protesting more things than they do here in Seattle
Lives in Virginia and has never been around more people who can't speak English... you should visit Greece sometime
Never been around more Samoan transvestites than when he was in Alaska... good to know
Lesbians... Lilith fair
A diverse fan base... at a Bon Jovi concert
Never seen so many mega- churches until he went to Dallas
Hot, naked women... Burning Man. He was as surprised by this as we were
Black people... Atlanta
Ugg boots... Amsterdam. Why do women love Ugg boots so much? They are the ugliest things ever.
In Ohio, a 16- year- old girl has been charged with murder after she got into a fight with another 16- year- old girl who died from her injuries. A group of adults, including the victim's step- father, stood around the whole time and without intervening. The thing is, the two girls started fighting because the victim started teasing the suspect after the suspect farted. One thing led to another (which is always inevitable) and the situation went from passing gas to murder. There's no shortage of stories that end tragically, in spite of starting with something irrelevant. Murder as the end result of a fart is a fine example of this. We don't think you've killed anyone over flatulence, but we know you've been in a situation that has escalated from something stupid: WHAT IS THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT OR ARGUMENT ABOUT?
He and his ex- wife got into an argument over an egg sandwich... he wanted a SCRAMBLED egg sandwich but he got a FRIED egg sandwich
Toilet paper... his aunt would use an entire roll every time she took a dump. Makes you wonder how much sh*t this woman expels at one time
Had his life threatened over $200... not just his life, but his family's too
Ex found a hair from a Halloween wig that SHE bought AND wore... assumed that he cheated on her
Knocked on a door looking for a friend... wrong house... ended up in a fight
He CONSIDERED buying a Harley and his wife freaked out
He was out of work for a few weeks, finally got back to work and now his wife is pissed because she has to clean
She and her husband got into an argument that ended up involving about 30 people. The argument? What is the correct spelling of 'turd'. It was 'turd' vs 'terd'
I'll leave you with that. By the way, I think 'turd' is spelled 'turd'.
Until tomorrow, eat your eggs and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
32- year- old Florida native Edward Archibald made national news recently when he entered a competition to win a free python from a local pet store. Basically, whoever could eat the most roaches and worms won the snake... and Ed was the big winner after eating "dozens" of roaches and worms. We'd congratulate him but before he could claim his slithery prize, he died... after eating dozens of roaches and worms. Then there's Felix Baumgartner, the Red Bull skydiver who, today, was gonna jump out of a balloon 23 miles above the Earth. His plan was to freefall for 22 of the 23 miles in an effort to break the sound barrier. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your perspective, due to weather conditions, the jump/ fall had to be cancelled today. Most of us have no plans to freefall 22 miles or eat roaches and worms, but it doesn't mean we haven't attempted something incredibly stupid just to be able to brag about it later. That's what we wanted to talk about today: WHAT GENIUS IDEA DID YOU TRY AND WHO WERE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS?
Tried to impress his cousin by performing a hands- free front- flip... broke his arm instead
Jumped out of a tree... from 25 feet... broke his arm
Tried to get backstage at a Sevendust show... got busted 3 times but thanks to her perseverance (and, presumably, her breasts) she finally made it back there
Used to climb the radio towers on top of Queen Anne
Jumped off of a roof using a plastic grocery bag as a parachute... it worked exactly as well as you'd imagine
Ate a 5 pound can of caramel for $3
Did a double flip off of a bridge into the water... problem was, he hit the water face- first and knocked out all of his teeth
Decided to mess with a beehive... after getting stung in the face multiple times, he agrees that it's rarely a good idea to mess with a beehive
Decided to pick a fight with some dude to impress a girl... the other guy punched him once and broke his jaw in 3 places
Took acid AND ex at Woodstock '99... he's not saying he had a bad trip, but he sat on top of a Porta- John "Indian style" screaming "I can see you!"... for 6 hours
Decided to cook a "gourmet" meal for a date... set off the fire alarm and the fire department showed up. Other than that, he sais the date went very well
Tried to hurdle a parking sign in downtown Seattle and ended up splitting his TESTICLES open
Entered a wet t- shirt contest to impress a bar owner... she lost
SIT AND SPIN
Ever wonder what the 10 greatest Southern rock songs of all time are? No? Well, we have the answer anyway!
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, hell or hajellulah so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Google Street View launched in 2007 in a handful of cities. Now, 5 years later, the search engine's mapping technology allows users to explore Antarctica, the Kennedy Space Center or their old (or current) neighborhood. As has been well- documented, the cameras of Google Street View have ALSO captured unexpected images like naked people bathing on their front porch, people passed out drunk on park benches, people falling off of their bikes and my personal favorite, a woman giving birth on a SIDEWALK! Hell, about 2 weeks ago, one Street View image went viral; it features some 'hood rat in Detroit standing in his front yard aiming a gun at the very Google van taking the pictures. Turns out that there was a homicide investigation at the same address. Anyway, it's these candid shots that make Street View so awesome. People do weird things, disgusting things, silly things, bizarre and violent things... and thanks to Street View, we all get to see some of it. We don't know what you or your neighbors do in your slice of paradise, but today we wanted to know: IF GOOGLE STREET VIEW WERE TO VISIT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD AT THE WRONG TIME, WHAT MIGHT THEY SEE?
His friends playing the game 'You Honk, We Drink'
Him crawling on the street in his underwear... on his way TO the bar. You're doing it wrong
All of the feral cats and stray dogs that mill around the neighborhood, plus all of the burned out car. Apparently he lives in a post- Apocalyptic wasteland from the future
His "hairy" neighbor smoking cigarettes outside naked
Him, like me, peeing outside
The infinite number of neighbors with their cars up on blocks
The cops raiding any number of meth labs
He was actually caught watering his garden with a mimosa in his hand... problem is, based on the angle of the picture, it looks like he's peeing while drinking
People would see the portable stripper pole he has in his car port... don't ask
Having sex on his back porch
Someone, anyone, peeing on his house... lucky guy
All of the hookers on the street... live on Aurora?
Lives in the University District so there are all types of odd happenings
He and his wife having sex outside
His roommate in his Speedo. Apparently he does this all time
Shaving her legs on the front porch, using a garden hose... can I just say SEX- SAY!
OK bitches, the weekend is here and I need to prepare for (well, a bunch of sh*t( but namely, the Sounders game Sunday. Scarves up, voices at full throat.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
If you're in or have been in a relationship, you know that arguments happen, things are said and, in some cases, the fight escalates to the point that things go terribly, terribly wrong. Case- in- point, on Valentine's Day 2011, a guy in England got into an argument with his girlfriend. We don't know what the argument was about, but it ended with her BITING OFF HIS TESTICLES!!! Thanks to emergency surgery, doctors were able to reattach his man- satchel, but, as you'd imagine, he broke up with the woman. Here's where we say 'what the f**k is WRONG with you?!?' They bump into each other about a year later and he TOOK HER BACK! He started dating the woman who bit OFF his flesh- grapes. Not- so- surprisingly, things didn't work out the second time either... but he should have known that!!! There's a saying; 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again'. Yea, well, sometimes, DON'T. Take Patrick Lynn of Florida; two years ago he broke into a horse farm and had delicious sex with a horse. He was caught on camera (just what everyone wanted to see) and served 2 years in prison. He got out recently... and broke into the SAME farm and had sex with a horse AGAIN! He was caught again. Dude, just stop already. These folks inspired today's question: I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON WHEN ___________ HAPPENED!
Took his woman back AFTER she cheated on him... but BEFORE she cheated on him... again
Keeps trying to date chicks who are in relationships... you're doing it wrong, genius
The first time he went commercial fishing he almost died... the second time he went commercial fishing he almost died... he's going on his third trip soon. Stay tuned for the outcome
His girlfriend claimed that all of her exes were crazy... that's when he discovered that SHE was crazy
Keeps meeting guys at bars... is discovering that they're all alcoholics... having met my wife at a bar, I think she would agree
Busted his lip on a trampoline... hopped right back on and broke his arm
Should have learned that his girlfriend was a whore the SECOND time she had a kid that WASN'T his... should have ACTUALLY learned that lesson the FIRST time she had a kid that wasn't his
So Kim (of Soundgarden fame... if you didn't know) called in today to talk about their upcoming album, King Animal. He's one of those guys who is just naturally cooler than you are. I like him, but that kind of thing will make you mad. But then he mentioned that he listens to our show and, frankly, that made my f**king day.
I'm gonna leave on a high note.
Until tomorrow, hands all over and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Tonight is the night; two well- financed liars with a hidden agenda will go toe- to- toe in a televised event that is sure to insult your intelligence, make your blood boil and provide absolutely no insight into either man's true intentions. That's right, tonight is the Presidential 'debate', where Mitt Romney and Barack Obama provide all manner of double- talk, subterfuge and misinformation under the guise of a 'debate'. Let's fast-forward to the inevitable future; tomorrow morning, every "nerws" outlest across the country will discuss the results of the so- called "fact checkers" and they'll let us know that both guys are completely full of sh*t... but then, you know that already... we hope. Anyway, we decided that we would conduct our own debate today. This is how it worked; we provided the topic per caller; they told us what side of the fence they stood on and the debate began. It's the GREAT MEN'S ROOM DEBATE... BUT NOT ALL THAT GREAT!
Here are some of the very, very important topics we covered:
Texas BBQ vs Carolina BBQ vs Kansas City BBQ
NFL vs College football
Pooping vs Sex
Length vs Girth (she chose girth, by the way, so celebrate or commiserate accordingly)
Twilight vs Hunger games vs 50 shades of Gray
Condom or no condom
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese vs Velveta Shells and Cheese
Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam or Nirvana
Sex, Drugs or Rock and Roll
Chicken wings or nachos
Boobs or butt
Intelligent brunette or dumb blonde
Family Guy, south Park or Family Guy
Crunchy Peanut butter vs Creamy Peanut butter
Was any of this important? Well, f**k no, BUT, unlike the farce you may or may not experience tonight, everyone was honest.
OK bitches, I'm outta here so that I can watch anything OTHER than the Presidential debates.
Until tomorrow, shake your money maker and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Not sure what to make of this story; is Taylor Swift a sweet girl, a complete idiot or subtly malicious? You decide. See, there was an online contest in Boston promising the winner an on- campus performance by the grammy- winning singer. Internet pranksters voted for the Horace Mann School for the Deaf... because all of the students are deaf, see? Well, Taylor heard about this and decided to give concert tickets to each student. Did I point out that they're DEAF? Meanwhile, in Chicago, a small plane pilot loaded up his girlfriend and gave her an arial tour of the Windy City. Seemed quite romantic... until he told her that all of the controls were dead and they were gonna crash. The good news is, he was joking. He was setting her up for a marriage proposal. She said 'yes', but we think it might be because she was trapped in a plane with a lunatic. And in Michigan, a high school girl named Whitney Kropp was picked as her school's Homecoming Queen, but she soon found out it was a prank by some school bullies. Once the story got out, the community rallied around her, donated a dress, shoes and a trip to a spa. All of these particular pranks have a happy ending, but not all pranks do. Today we wanted to know: WHAT WAS THE PRANK AND HOW DID IT END?
Put a dead pig in a box and gave it to his English teacher before he graduated... couldn't walk with his class at graduation. Oddly enough, I tried to avoid walking with my class because I hated everybody and that's not where you get your diploma, so, from my point of view, it was a meaningless exercise... still feel that way. My parents felt differently and I walked with my class
Put frozen fish in the shower drains of his college dorms
Put Ex-Lax in his bosses coffee... they were repairing a bridge and there were no Porta- Potty's around
On a football trip, he and his friends filled a toilet in ice and then all FOURTEEN of them took a dump on top of it... took 12 hours for all the ice (and poop) to go away
Pooped in a bag and put it under a friend's bed
Used to put Paas Easter Egg Dye in people’s shower heads
Used to work at a movie theater, and at the end of the night they had to gather up all of the unsold popcorn and get rid of it... they filled a guy's convertible with it. Not the worst problem to have. Movie popcorn is delicious
Bought 15 alarm clocks from the dollar store (for $15, I'm guessing) and placed them all over his friend's apartment and set them off every 30 minutes starting at midnight
Released 3 greased pigs in the hallways of his high school... the pigs were labeled #1, #2 and #4. People spent a lot of time looking for #3
SIT AND SPIN
The CD turned 30- years- old yesterday (and no one bought it a card) so to celebrate the death of analog recording and the debut of clipped audio, we all submitted the first CD's we ever purchased and/ or were given. Somewhat embarrassing, somewhat nostalgic, but mostly embarrassing. Check it out for yourself:
MEN'S ROOM RED SHIRTS
Do you have a Men's Room Red shirt? No? Neither do any of us, but you know who does? Ben's Polish Uncle. Seriously. He was in town a little while ago and was adorned with a glorious Men's Room Red T- Shirt. Thing is, we have some pictures of him and in none of them is he in Seattle; he's rocking the shirt in Gdnask Poland... spreading some barley joy. You'll notice that the man NEVER changes his expression in any of the pictures, and that's what makes him awesome.
A one- armed, one- legged man in a wheelchair armed with an ink pen is gunned down by police in Houston. Share chores, get a divorce. Like eggs? If you do, we now know something about you. Jack white plays at Radio City Music Hall in New York City and walks off- stage 45 minutes early because he's a spoiled douche. Beef... it's what's for dinner in America... and we like it that way. Your blonde wife just might be a whore. Then again, if you're a guy with brunette hair, you just might be a whore too. The Who guitarist Pete Townsend isn't gay... but if he was, he admits that he'd wanna sample the man- tastic loins of Mick Jagger. I'm not gay either, but if I were, Mick Jagger would NOT be the guy I'd wanna be with. These are some of the stories that caught our attention this past weekend. so many stories, so many questions. Today was the Monday Men's Room Random Question: you called us, we asked you a random question based on one of our random stories.
As is the case most Mondays, it's a little difficult to really explain what we asked and the answers we got in return... so I won't bother. One amazing discovery we made today was based on 'the most comprehensive international study of the human penis ever'... seriously. Why would make that up? anyway, seems that stereotypes are true; out of 117 countries, ranked on penis size, American came in 97th place. We're not packing much heat in our collective pants. Meanwhile, countries like the Sudan, the Congo, Ecuador, Venezuela, and other 'warm' places were 1 - 10. Although, Iceland made the cut too. Go figure. As far as the (few) countries that ranked less endowed than us (and there weren't many) all of them except one were in Asia. Like I said, stereotypes sometimes prove to be true.
I'll leave you with that nugget of important information.
Bitches, it's been swell.
Until tomorrow, hit me with it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"