The world didn't end today, so it seems that we'll all have to remember 2012 for something other than the year that civilization perished. There's plenty to remember; the re- election of Obama, the Arab Spring, Dick Clark died, Whitney Houston died and Elmo, it turns out, is a perv. Curiosity, the Mars rover, successfully touched down on the Red Planet, and sky- diver Felix Baumgartner successfully touched down on the Blue Planet after jumping from 24 miles above the Earth, becoming the first person to break the sound barrier during a free fall. We lost Encyclopedia Britannica, but we gained "Gangham Style"... and that kinda tells you everything you need to know about where we're headed. Here on the show, however, we choose to remember 2012 via the folks that have called the show.
Ben has spent the last 12 months marking every memorable phone call that made it to our airwaves since last January and today we shared those calls with you. In other words, we made Ben's efforts worthwhile. He really hates it when we don't. I should mention that most of Ben's efforts (with regard to today's show) were performed under the liquid haze of Men's Room Black. True.
Don't know about you, but for better or worse, 2012 has been a hell of a year. Like any and everyone, we've had our ups and downs, but it's still a pleasure to come to work everyday and laugh. Plan on more of the same for 2013.
So, we're outta here for the day, the week and the year. We'll be back, I don't know. The first Thursday after New Years... maybe that Wednesday? I really don't know. Next year.
Anyway, until next time, bitches, have a great holiday, find some inner peace, do what you doi best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Reality TV... namely the Kardashians, politics and the tsunami of idiocy they inspire, frivolous lawsuits, the comments section of online news articles, the crazy, old bitch who lives behind me, picking up dog poop, Christmas music and having to wear a suit. What do any of these things have in common? Easy, these are the things I'd miss the least should the world end tomorrow... which it won't. As you probably know, in spite of no Mayans ever suggesting that the world will end tomorrow, a bunch of people are suggesting that the Mayans said exactly that, and with that, the pseudo- apocalypse is big business. Well, for argument's sake, let's say the world does come to a screeching halt tomorrow, today we wanted to know: WHAT WILL YOU NOT MISS?
His ex- wife
Dr. Phil... I thought we were done with Dr. Phil, then he shows up on some car commercial
Going to work... hates his job and almost WANTS the world to end, just to avoid another day
Religious extremists... as he sees it, anyone who tries to put their religious "values" on others is an extremists and he will miss none of them
Auto- tune and skinny jeans on "men". It should be noted that there's no such thing as "skinny jeans" for men. They're simply women's jeans repackaged for guys because enough hipsters jumped on the bandwagon. True.
As a pre- op transsexual, he won't miss his ex wives... or his penis... or his testicles
Won't miss people who answer their own questions
If the world ends tomorrow, he won't miss people telling him that the world is ending
His 5 HOUR commute everyday. That's just f**king ridiculous
ESPN's love affair with Tim Tebow
Our show. Thank you for the kind words
His wife, as in his current wife
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Tomorrow is our final show of the year.
Until tomorrow, get on the snake and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Last week we told you how a 13- year- old girl gained support from celebrity TV chefs when she petitioned toy- maker Hasbro to create a 'gender- neutral' Easy- Bake Oven. After meeting with the girl, Hasbro announced on Monday that they will, in fact, make black and silver versions to appeal to both boys and girls. Now, the girl's parents can always brag that their daughter is responsible for the new toy your son is embarrassed to own. Meanwhile, since being posted to You Tube last night, over 3 million people have watched the video of a golden eagle swooping down and snatching a baby in a park. Turns out that the video was a hoax created by 3 Canadian animation students. That's a shame too because the kid in the video would have had a helluva story to tell. And as of this morning, parents of a Tacoma high school student can tell the story about that time their kid managed to have an entire school evacuated because of what was initially reported as a homemade bomb. Turns out it was a firework, but why let the truth get in the way of a juicy headline? Whatever the case, the kid is in trouble and you can bet that his parents will be sharing that story until his dying day. Today we wanted YOU TO FILL- IN- THE- BLANK: my parents always tell the story growing up when ________ happened to me.
Got arrested at age 11 for stealing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figure... never found out which character it was
First time in Confession, he had to do the sign of the cross. He did it once and the priest said, "do it again, louder". What the priest meant was, say the little prayer thing that goes with it, but the caller didn't know that, so he did the sign of the cross HARDER... slapping himself as he did it
Was on one of those drive- thru safaris in San Diego when he was a kid. At some point you could get out of the car and see some animals close up. A guy was there holding a cheetah on a leash. Our caller stepped on it's foot by accident, felt bad about it and kissed the thing on it's nose. How he wasn't mauled, we'll never know.
Instead of telling stories about him, his family prefers to show the video of him being "molested" by a dog
He was in the D.A.R.E. program as a kid... mom took him grocery shopping and he called her out for buying beer
Almost fell off of an Alaskan ferry when he was 2 years old... from that point on, he was on a leash. Keep in mind, this was in the 70's, before they had 'child leashes', so he was on an actual dog leash
In church when he was a kid, he was sitting on the toilet and hadn't mastered the art of the ass- wipe, so when he finished the 'important' part, he yelled for his mother to come and wipe his ass. He yelled for her during a silent prayer
Crapped herself on a sliding board at Toys R Us... she didn't just get sh*t in her hair, she left a brown streak down the center of the slide
Thought he'd grabbed some Binaca breath spray and sprayed it into his mouth... it wasn't Binaca, it was MACE! I'll leave you with that.
Adolph. You might like the name, or maybe it speaks to your German heritage, but you probably won't name your kid Adolph... thanks to Hitler. Then, in 2005, Hurricane Katrina obliterated the Gulf Coast and that name, Katrina, became decidedly unpopular... at least in that part of the country. Well, now 'they're' predicting that the name Sandy is about to take a similar hit. See, there was Hurricane Sandy, which ravaged Staten Island and New York City and then, last Friday, the Connecticut school shooting happened at SANDY Hook Elementary School. 'Experts' (whoever they are) are saying that that's enough for Sandy... already an unpopular name... to bite the dust. And then there's Baltimore TV sports anchor Gerry (with a 'G') Sanduski, who people repeatedly mistook for Jerry (with a 'J') Sanduski... the former Penn State football coach who spent an inordinate amount of time and effort molesting and raping boys. Two years ago, bald, black guy name Stephen Hill (who happened to be a porn star). Awesome. You're, no doubt, familiar with the Titanic and that whole iceberg thing; well, the captain of the world's most famous shipwreck was named (apologies to Ted) Edward Smith. Just sayin'. Today we wanted to know: WHO OR WHAT GAVE YOUR NAME A BAD NAME?
Last name is Duke, and has been hearing jokes about the Duke Lacrosse team for the last few years. We pointed out that his last name is also a euphemism for poop. He already knew that.
Brian Griffin... a name he shares with the beer drinking dog from "Family Guy"
Kramer... like "Cosmo" Kramer from 'Seinfeld'. Got worse when Michael Richards went on his "NIGG*ER!" tirade
Last name is Dyer... growing up, everyone added "rhea" to the end
Goes by Jolly Joe and unbeknownst to him, "Jolly Joe" is ALSO a brand of spray- on condom
His name is Rick James... 'nuff said
Last name is Inman, pronounced "in men". You can do the math on that. Didn't help when he told a teacher that he wanted to grow up to work on ships and the teacher responded, "oh, so you wanna be a seaman". His life sucked in high school
Kyle... South Park ruined him
Her name is Tami Faye... like Tammy Faye Baker
His name is Michael Phelps AND he was on the school swim team. Everyone thinks he got into swimming BECAUSE of the other Phelps.
SIT AND SPIN
If you're like me, you absolutely detest Christmas music. I'm no Grinch... I like Christmas in general, but the music is just the worst. Anyway, Jolene not only brought us Christmas music today, she brought Christmas earworms!!! What's an ear worm? You know when you get a song stuck in your head and you hate it? That's an ear worm, so a Christmas music ear worm is the worst. If you'd like to suffer the audio carnage. (Link coming soon)
I'll leave you with that! You're welcome!
OK bitches, until tomorrow, rock the f**k out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
It's cold outside and a lot of us have pets. Well, a survey conducted inexplicably by Morton Salt (???) suggests that 25% of dog owners will let the dog go to the bathroom IN the house when it gets cold outside. The survey didn't specify HOW cold it had to be before 'Fluffy' was given the green light to crap on the floor, but we're guessing that these pet owners are less concerned about Fluffy being chilly than just using the cold as an excuse to be super- lazy. Speaking of lazy, if you're like me, mornings are the worst. Ask me nothing. I know I’m not alone. The average person hits snooze for 14 minutes after their alarm goes off... then it takes an additional 36 minutes to really feel awake. In other words, it takes most of us about an hour to feel awake after waking up. Rise and shine, my ass. That's probably why mornings are more about 'routine' than 'production'. It's the perfect time to not get around to that thing you don't feel like doing. Maybe mornings are your excuse, maybe it's the weather or maybe, just maybe you admit that you're just plain lazy. WHAT DO YOU PUT OFF JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY?
Laundry... this got the most votes today, but there were different methods of laziness; some people just don't wash their clothes, some won't fold them, some just won't do their socks and others just buy new clothes
Fix his car... there's all manner of things wrong with his car and he won't get to any of them
Shaving... says that when he gets close to ZZ- Top status, he'll trim up, but that's it
Going to the store... doesn't stock up on anything
Never buys toilet paper... just uses McDonald's napkins instead. Says he goes to McDonald's about once a week and grabs a handful of napkins. After his call, we got a text from a lady who admits that she used fast-food napkins too... something we didn't wanna know... but unlike the caller, she's not loyal to Mickey D's; she'll wipe her ass with a napkin from anywhere. Sexy!!!
She just puts the garbage outside of the door and waits for her husband to take it out
He's always lazy with yard work... not too uncommon, but he owns a landscape company
He slacks when it comes to taking his kids to see Santa at the Mall. Here's the thing, he has two sons- a 7 and a 3- year- old. Every year, his wife hands him cash and sends him to the mall with the kids so that they can see St. Nick... and every year, our dear caller drops the kids off at the sister- in- laws house and then goes to the bar and drinks alone... using the money his wife gave him to pay for drinks. He's gotten away with it every year (for the last 7, anyway) including just recently. Father of the Year? Probably not, but I couldn't stop laughing.
Cutting his toenails... just doesn't get around to it
Still hasn't set his clocks back an hour for the very stupid Daylight's- Savings- Time. Daylight's- Savings- Time was six f**king weeks ago!
OK bitches, the weekend is here. Tomorrow night at the Central in Pioneer Square, the Drunk- in- Charge (Ryan Castle) and I will be performing with Super Jelly (Kyyle from Superfeckta, along with Frank and Andy from Jellyneck) at the 11th Annual All- Star Porn Jam. Starts around 8 and we will be there drinking until we have to play. Then we'll play and return to drinking... because that's how we are. At any rate, join us. Should be a good time and it raises some $$$ for a good cause; PAWS and Northwest Harvest. Yea, sorry, porn has nothing to do with it other than the name.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
To the surprise of absolutely no one in Washington State, the city of Bellevue has more cougars... as in, older, horny ladies seeking younger men... than any other city in the state. Like I said, no one should be surprised. Bellevue is well known for its cougar population and, frankly, that's why young, single guys in Lucky jeans bother to visit Bellevue. If you're hungry, you go where the food is. Bellevue is where Demi Moore would be at home, or Madonna. Of course, men are always on the prowl for some sweet, young thing too. Some guys, like Doug Hutchison, go the unfortunate extreme and marry an underage gold- digger. 46- year- old actor David Cross married 29- year- old Amber Tamblyn (well done, dude), Harrison Ford is 22 years older than the skeletal Calista Flockheart, Michael Douglas has 25 years on Catherine Zeta- Jones and the very creepy Woody Allen is 35 years older than his current wife AND former step- daughter (WTF, Woody???) Soon- Yi Previn. Today we wanted to know the largest number of years you traversed in your own sexual time machine: HOW MANY YEARS APART WAS YOUR BIGGEST SEX BRIDGE... AND HOW DID YOU PULL IT OFF?
When he was 21, he got with a 41- year- old woman... when they got to her house, he saw a picture of her and her kid; he'd gone to school with the kid. Still had sex with the kid's mom though
She was 22 years older than the Marine she had sex with in Vegas. Aw, it's Vegas, no worries.
He's 32 and currently dating a 19- year- old
When he was 23, he found himself a 40- year- old broad
He's 36 and his (current) wife is 24
When he was 36 he shacked up with a 52- year- old lady
His biggest age gap was 10 years... he was older and the woman had a crush on him so he took advantage. We call that "doing the Tom Cruise"
At age 18, she hooked up with a 71 year old... not sure how it happened, but if I make it to 71, I hope I can find a way to recreate this guy's magic
He was 35, she was 18... it was just sex, no relationship.
As a young, 24- year- old man fresh outta the closet, a 54 year old man schooled in the ways of gay sex
Sure, he was 15 and, yea, she was 42, which, you know, made the whole thing illegal, but he consented because he's not a fool
At age 37, he's currently getting smooth up in a 50- year- old woman... met her after getting out of jail. Went to jail after running a guy over with his pick- up truck. The guy he ran over is now in a wheelchair and is paralyzed from the waist down
He was 42, she was 18... age difference, 24 years
He was 18, and after some smooth talk, he shacked up with a 50- year- old co- worker of his mother
He's 22 and his current girlfriend is 41... they met at a costume party... while he was tripping on molly
Hooked up with a woman 31 years older
Now that you know about everyone else's sexual conquests, I'll leave you to think about how lame you are! You're welcome.
Until tomorrow, I'm not you're rolling wheel, but STAY BEAUTIFUL!!
Manuel Trevino, of TV's "Top Chef", Chef Michael Lomanaco and celebrity chef Bobby Flay have all joined forces with a 13- year- old girl in petitioning the toy company Hasbro to create a gender- neutral Easy- Bake Oven. Yea, I know what you're thinking; 'how did I miss this very important news?'. Well, I dunno, but understand that Easy- Bake Ovens come in only 2 colors; pink and purple... and that's just not manly enough for your average 6- year- old boy. At any rate, Hasbro hasn't responded yet, but the chefs are hoping that their "star power" will be enough to bring the company's attention to this remarkably stupid situation. Some little boys like to wear girl's clothes, but RuPaul is demanding that Mattel make Barbie more Tom-boyish. Just sayin'. Hell, I've seen men reading '50 Shades of Gray', women who like power tools, I've met gay Republicans, etc. Today we wanted you to fill in the blank: ALTHOUGH IT PROBABLY WASN'T MADE FOR ME, I SURE LOVE ME SOME ____________.
He's a rural white guy originally from Silverdale, currently in Montana... and like an old black lady from the south, he loves himself some Collard greens
She wears men's underwear under her sundresses in the summer... we'll assume she's talking boxer- briefs and not tighy- whiteys, but who knows?
College student who enjoys single malt scotch... as opposed to red Bull and Vodka or other amateur drinks. Drink like a man.
Penis... he's gay
She's a woman who loves sports
Uses lady razors on his face. I've used my wife's razors in a pinch and they suck
Women's "Secret" deodorant... he's 34 and has been using it as long as he remembers, which makes me think that 'secret' is only a secret if guys use it
Eats Gerber banana baby food on his peanut butter sandwiches. In the last 2 years I've had the "privilege" of sampling many- a- different baby foods, and I'd have to say that the banana is the best... or, it sucks the least
Bull riding... she's a she
Alright bitches, I'm out.
Until tomorrow, why have you forsaken me... but STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The Australian radio station behind the hoax phone call to the London hospital where the pregnant Kate Middleton was being treated could face CRIMINAL charges for airing the conversation. If you don't know, last week, two Aussie DJ's posed as members of the Royal Family and convinced a nurse (who died a few days later... hmmmm?) to share confidential information about Kate. Since then, there's been all manner of fallout, including the firing of the DJ's. From our perspective, they should have been fired for making a prank phone call in general. That's bush- league radio at its worst. Is it 1986 again? Come on. Meanwhile, MTV is planning a reality show based on and based in West Virginia. We don't know anything about it and none of us have seen any clips, but we feel very, very, very confident that, like Jersey Shore, the show will emphasize the stereotypes that already exist. Miles is already preparing for the onslaught of jokes and ridicule. That's how it goes sometimes; you become guilty by loose association. If you're a priest who's NOT pedophile, these last few years have been most unkind; if you're a politician with a clue or a genuine desire to move the country forward, no one believes you; if you're a used car salesman, a lawyer or a Star Wars fan, you know all too well that there a lot of people out there who make you look bad. WHO HAS GIVEN YOUR PROFESSION OR YOUR 'KIND' A BAD NAME?
Moved from Alaska just when Sarah Palin hit the scene... everyone assumed he was as stupid as she is
He's a repo gy and he says that all the repo "reality" shows make his job look violent... to be fair, he pointed out that he's been shot in the chest, stabbed in the ass and spit on a few times, so, you know
Grew up in Enumclaw... the 'death by sex with a horse' story has haunted him for years and shows no signs of going away
Works as a guard at a prison and claims that "fat, lazy" security guards make him look bad
He's a talent scout for singing, acting and modeling... everyone assumes he's a sex- crazed scumbag
Works for Fed- Ex and has gotten grief since LAST Christmas when the ONE Fed- Ex driver was caught on video throwing a flat screen TV over a fence
Kevin James made him look bad in the movie "Mall Cop" because he, himself, is a mall cop who is not stupid or incompetent
He's on the paperwork side of doing mortgages... loan officers make him look bad. Really, really bad
Bellevue women make her look bad because she, too, is a Bellevue woman, but is not a gold- digger and doesn't bleach her hair or augment her breasts, etc
SIT AND SPIN
Just in time for the holidays, Jolene brought us this year's crop of gift- ready box sets, collector's editions, etc.
Until tomorrow, I'll wait for you there, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
I think it's safe to say that no one wants bed bugs. In the last few years we've been hearing about the inexplicable infestation in New York City hotel rooms, but now the problem is more wide- spread. Seems that bed bugs are now showing up in LIBRARY BOOKS... including at the University of Washington. The head of preservation services at the library admits to the problem... but she assures us that placing the books in an 18 degree freezer solves the problem. Either way, now people are getting bed bugs from books. Not that anyone wants an STD either, but at least you get to enjoy some sexy- time to earn one. Know what else no one wants; death threats... and most of us avoid such things, but a Baltimore sportscaster has received THOUSANDS of death threats... not for anything HE did, but it just happens that his name is Gerry Sanduski, same as Jerry Sanduski... the Penn State assistant coach who molested and raped numerous young men over the last few decades. And speaking of things that nobody wants, we also have 2 lists, just in time for the holidays; "The 10 Worst Gifts Men Buy for Women" and "The 10 Worst Gifts Women Buy for Men". Bed bugs, STD's, death threats and crappy gifts, today we wanted to know: HOW DID YOU GET THAT THING YOU DIDN'T WANT?
Got crabs from a hot tub rental place OR the woman he was with at the time, but, scarily enough, he thinks it's from the hot tub
Heroically helped fight a wild fire... got poison oak for his efforts
Had to pay someone $20 to haul away a giant painting of a vagina that was left in his living room when his swinger roommates moved out. It was too big to fit in the trash and the roommates refused to take it with him. Didn't expect that answer today
HPV... a "casual" friend from back in the day passed it onto him and he, subsequently, passed it on to two other women
Decided not to wear a condom, and for the added sensation, he got the clap
He got herpes from a stripper... and the only person who's surprised by this is him
For Christmas last year, his mother bought him a back- hair trimmer... that he never asked for. Subtle
His girlfriend once bought him a penis pump... very telling
Chronic gout, sleep apnea, cancer, diabetes, and allergies... all the result of bad genetics
Guess what? The weekend is here, amigos. Make it a good one. If you're at the 'Hawks/ Cardinals game this Sunday, I'll look for you. I won't look hard, but I'll look a little.
Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
First there was the impending closure of Hostess... which led to a run on Twinkies, Ding- Dongs and Ho- Ho's, in spite of the fact that no one had bought these things in years. But like anything, we tend to want things just because we're told we can't have them anymore. We found out yesterday that longtime KOMO tv and radio personality Ken Schram, the man behind the Schrammies, will be leaving his position on Monday... after more 3 decades. Seems his position has been eliminated. Like the guy or not, we bet you'll miss his skewed commentary... even if it's just because you enjoyed disagreeing with him. And everyone in the Seattle metropolitan area seems to love the guys behind "Almost Live!". Doesn't matter how long it's been off the air. Well, John Keister and company will be returning with a new sketch- comedy show in January with a show called "The 206". Sometimes you don't realize that you liked or appreciated something until that thing isn't there anymore, be it your mother doing the laundry, a dishwasher or Wonder Bread. Today we wanted to know: WHAT DO YOU MISS NOW THAT IT'S GONE?
Misses his driver's license... got a DUI and has had it suspended for the last 5 years
Original McDonald's original fries, when they were cooked in good, old fashioned animal fat
Misses aggressive defenses in the NFL... it's not that the players have gone soft, but thanks to Commissioner Roger Goodell and his phony 'concern' for players, many of the league's new rules effectively eliminate defense
Altoid's gum... they discontinued the gum in 2008. I've never even heard of it but they described the gum as being like having 10 altoid mints at once with a mouthful of Listerine. Sounds like it hurts
Misses his money and dignity... lost both in a divorce. That is the real beauty of gay marriage; the court system can't do what they do now and simply reward women for being in a relationship, they'll actually weigh the merits of the two people involved and act accordingly. Seriously, men will benefit from gay marriage based on the fact that courts can't just play the gender game. About time.
Pay phones... ah yes, back in the days when people had PRIVATE conversations on the phone
Video game arcades
Lived with 2 hookers before he got married... misses those days and we all know why
Misses the days of smoking in bars
In spite of 7 years having gone by, he still misses, desperately, his wife's boobs. She used to have 36 GG's, but she had a breast reduction and now sports 36 C's. He misses her huge boobs so, so very much
You know, I'm gonna leave with you with boobs. You're welcome! I love boobs. (.)(.)'s
Until tomorrow, hit it, quit it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
79 years ago today, the 21st amendment to the Constitution was ratified... officially repealing the 18th Amendment. In other words, 79 years ago today, Prohibition ended and booze was made legal once again, after 14 years of being a federal no- no. As of tomorrow, at least here in Washington, weed will be legal for you to enjoy. You can't smoke it in public (think of it like the open container law) but who cares; you can have to an ounce for personal use. Women; they spend their lives dreaming of and planning for their wedding day... the moment they walk down the aisle and all eyes are on them. That's why the latest fad, "trash the dress", takes us by surprise. I mean, the ladies diet for months, spend thousands of dollars on a dress (that they will wear ONCE) and then get photographed ruing the thing. Why spend the money? Ah, and we have a black President. There's a connection here: WHAT DID YOU SEE IN YOUR LIFETIME THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER SEE?
Never thought he'd see Danny Bonaduci survive into adulthood... but there he is
Never thought he'd agree with anything Bill O'Reilly would ever say... but there was a moment where they shared the same sentiment
Saw an Asian woman with "big, bumpin' booty"
Didn't think he'd ever see the Seahawks in a Super Bowl. On the other hand, he's now waiting to see the 'Hawks WIN a Super Bowl
He's from Montana and moved here recently... can't believe that chewing tobacco is as expensive as it is
Saw a huge fireball in the sky years ago with his mom... there's some debate about whether it was a meteor or a satellite
Was in Iraq for 15 months and actually saw snow... first snow in Baghdad in 82 years
Saw a guy commit suicide in Hawaii when they jumped off of a building... he didn't WANNA see it, but he did and never thought he would
A different person in Hawaii saw a dead body in the water. This should be great for tourism
Saw his grandfather burst into flames while working on a car... the good news is, 'stop- drop- and- role' works
You know, today was actually a downer of a show. well, not entirely, but most of the answers were kinda distressing. Seriously. Oy. Oh well, we asked the question and we got answers.
Alright bitches, time to head into the evening.
Until tomorrow, spark it up at midnight and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, comedian Katt Williams has had quite the eventful few days here in Seattle. He missed one of three scheduled performances at the Paramount Theatre, got arrested in connection with a fight at a bar (which included pool cues and cigarette butts) and he's been kicked out of 4 different area hotels since he's been in town. He's been here about 6 days. It's at the point that he's offered to pay over 300 thousand dollars so that he and his family can stay on a Washington State ferry... the Rhododendron, if you care. He'll probably be kicked off of the ferry too. Katt, being out of his mind as of late, partially blames his troubles on being black. That, however, wouldn't explain why Nick Lachey, a Cincinnati native and Bengal's fan, was kicked out of the Bengal's/ Charger's game this past Sunday. Nick was "asked" to leave for 'trash talking'. Every sporting event is rife with trash talk, so we're just assuming that Nick's version was profanity- laced and carried on breath that reeked of booze. Just an assumption... but a solid one, I'm sure. Anyway, there's a big difference between being told to leave and actually being 'escorted' out, and that is today's question: WHY WERE YOU ESCORTED OFF THE PREMISES?
Thrown out of Bumbershoot because she was caught selling weed... not smoking, but SELLING weed
23rd birthday, he got to sing on stage with Dee Snyder, stage dove, hit the floor and got thrown out
Playing Texas Hold 'Em at a local casino, lost about $1200 in one hand... he was OK with that, but it was the winner who started talking sh*t that made him angry enough to, basically, jump over a table and try to kick the guy's ass. He was immediately escorted out
Thrown out of a bar on Halloween after getting caught having sex with some chick in the ladies room. I've always argued that that's the BEST reason to be thrown out of anywhere
Made it backstage at a Van Halen concert in 1987... problem was, he wasn't invited back stage, so when the band finished playing and discovered him making sandwiches and drinking beer, he was quickly 'removed' from the premises
Got thrown out of a Kenny Chesney concert after a woman falsely accused him of grabbing her boob. As he was being escorted out, his wife confronted the wo0man and said something to the effect of, "You wanna be touched inappropriately?" and then punched her in the face. Brilliant.
Got drunk at a bar (not- so- shocking) but with his drunkenness came impatience, so after waiting too long for a refill, he poured his own beer... and was quickly removed
Thrown out of a strip club for turning down a lap dance. Same thing happened to me in Alaska. WTF?!?
Climbed on top of a stuffed grizzly bear at a local establishment and yelled "onward to victory"... didn't go over as planned
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene decided to reach out to our hearts and share with us High Times magazine's top 25 songs about getting high. We only played 10 of them, but the point was made. Here's a link:
OK bitches. It's been real, my amigos, but I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, pass it to the left and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
