Every- so- often, an opportunity is presented to you that's just too good to pass up... and then, for whatever reason, you pass it up anyway. At some point, when it's too late, you realize that you're a fool. It happens to all of us... some of more than once. We had a guy who called us a few weeks ago who expressed his regret that he passed on the chance to provide the only penis in a ménage- a- trios back in high school because in the years since, he hasn't received a similar invite. Not every regret is like that, but you get what I'm saying. The inspiration for today's question comes from www.tvweek.com, which put together a list of "11 Actors and the Big TV Roles They Turned Down". We're not sure that all of them regret not taking these roles... but we're sure that some of them do. Today's question: WHAT OPPORTUNITY DID YOU HAVE THAT YOU REGRET NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF?
Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 actors who turned down movie roles, and they are: Will Smith turned down the role of Neo in the "Matrix" movies, John Travolta passed on "Forrest Gump" (which is probably a good thing. Try to picture it), Tom Selleck turned down the role of "Indiana Jones", Mark Wahlberg recently confessed that he turned down a role in the "Star Trek" reboot and, believe it or not, OJ Simpson was denied the title character in "The Terminator" because, as a producer said, "no one would believe that such a nice man could be a killer." True.
So, what things did you turn down that you now regret? As we expected, there was plenty of sex:
Could have slept with 4 army broads at once, but turned it down. He was married at the time
Really wishes he'd slept with more girls in high school. If you'd seen the girls in MY high school, you wouldn't feel that way. Ugliest group of women in one place in the history of planet Earth
Had the chance to buy a Geo Metro for $1000, but he viewed the car as a "gutless pig"... then, the price of gas shot through the roof for no particular reason and has stayed high
Turned down a full- ride apprenticeship at an electric company because she's a she... which makes no sense to me
Ran track in high school and was offered a scholarship for college... but who wants to get up at 5am to run at 6am? Not that guy.
Turned down a full scholarship to WSU... ended up at a community college and got a "garbage" degree
Could have slept with a Playboy centerfold... don't know why he didn't. Honestly, I think I had the same opportunity with a centerfold who will remain nameless... but I was in a relationship AND I'm a f**king idiot
Dated a model for a while, after the break- up she offered him a ticket to Tokyo where she was living... with 3 other models.
Had a tryout with the Yankees, the team he always dreamed of playing for, so when they offered him a tryout, he didn't bother to show up
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, bang your head and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Most of us recognize that Drano is one of the common components in the production of meth... and if you didn't know, now you do. Most of us also recognize that the people who choose to make meth aren't always the brightest minds. Case- in- point, 6 people were arrested in Santa Rosa County for their involvement in making meth at an apartment complex. Thing is, there was a child in the home and that child drank Drano. Why? Because, in spite of a child BEING in the house, these geniuses kept Drano in SIPPY CUPS... the multi- colored, plastic children's cups that all little kids use to drink. The kid is currently in critical condition. While this is an extreme case, everyone has accidentally or unintentionally consumed something because we thought it was something else. Miles smoked crack because a guy he was partying with indicated that they were going to smoke weed. ("Wanna smoke a bowl?") My mother once at pot brownies because she thought they were regular brownies. She had a great night that night. ("Your friends are sooooo funny!") And who hasn't gotten a mouthful of cigarette butts or spit because they thought there was BEER in that beer can? And hell, if you live in Europe (thank you for listening) you only recently discovered that you've been eating as much horse as you have beef. Burger King, IKEA and a truckload of grocery stores there have had to discontinue serving their 'beef' because there's so much horse meat in it. Smoking, eating or drinking: WHAT DID YOU INGEST THAT WASN'T WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS?
Ate a cheeseburger that had acid in it... his friends were hiding it from the cops, but no one told him about it
Thought he was drinking apple juice... it was chicken grease
When she was 3- years- old, she drank an entire bottle of cold sore medication and was in the hospital for months as a result. My question is; who in the family had the cold sores?
His buddy "clean" peed into a 5 Hour Energy Bottle and left it in the car for an upcoming drug test... problem was, he didn't know that minor detail and chugged it
Was in Sunday school ignoring the lesson on fighting temptation... and THAT'S why he ate a chocolate covered Brussel Sprout
Another guy fooled by 'apple juice'... it was Everclear. To be fair, it was in an apple juice container
Thought he was gonna be eating pot brownies, but instead, they were 'shroom brownies... made for an interesting day
Buddy drank bong water because instead of being in a bong, it was in a Big Gulp cup (???)
To clear up his nasal congestion, he squirted some nasal spray... didn't work because he used his eye drops instead
Took a sip of his beer, but there was a wasp in it... stung him under his tongue SEVERAL times before he was able to spit it out
Smoked pot, but didn't know it was laced with PCP
Brushed his teeth with Ben Gay... on the bright side, his gums weren't inflamed
Brushed his teeth with diaper cream... nit very minty
Accidentally popped one of her kid's Ritalin pills... terrible night of sleep, great night of sex
Worst story of the day: at age 6, he drank his grandmother's MENSTRUAL BLOOD!!! This crazy broad was an 'earth first' type and believed that the blood from her monthly visits would help her plants grow in the garden... which may or may not be true... but that's no reason to store it in a GLASS PITCHER IN THE REFRIDGERATOR! Like any 6- year- old, he thought it was Kool- Aid
I'll leave you with that. You're welcome.
Until tomorrow, check your brain and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A bipartisan group of 13 House members introduced, what they're calling, the Medical Marijuana Patients Protection Act. Basically, it would allow medical marijuana patients and businesses, in the 18 states that allow medical marijuana, to access and distribute weed without worrying about the Fed getting involved. See, the feds still classify weed as a 'Substance 1 substance' (???) with "no accepted medical use" (???????). Granted, these people don't consult DOCTORS, they obey lobbyists from big Pharma, so as outdated and as inaccurate as there assertions are, they stand by it, and with that, they can still mess with state rights... so this bill is asking that the clowns and lap dogs on the federal level stay OUT of STATE business. That's really not asking too much. Anyone who has ever gotten involved in someone else's business, or had the annoying misfortune of unsolicited input into YOUR business, knows the wisdom of minding one's own business. Typically, dipping into someone else's personal stuff is bad news, and that is the meat of today's question: WHEN DO YOU WISH PEOPLE WOULD HAVE MINDED THEIR OWN BUSINESS?
Had to retrieve some hidden weed in a crowd of people... he and his friends had hidden it the night before, when they went back to get it, it was located in the middle of a flea market. They pulled it off
His friend's wife would never mind her own business and started commenting on the nature of his relationship with his girlfriend (taking it too fast, etc) and it ended up causing trouble
His step- mother... he'd finally landed some chick he'd been working on, and his step- mom asked the girl if she knew that he was only separated from his wife and not divorced. Things ended abruptly
His wife, who has all manner of manic issues, had a freak-out in public... he did what he could to calm her down and get her home, but it was in front of 'witnesses' who didn't know the whole story. spent the night in jail for domestic. Eventually the charges were dropped, but still
He was on probation for DUI, but went out drinking anyway... a guy who he used to pick on in high school was also a probation officer and overheard him... in retaliation for years of getting picked on, the guy ratted him out for violating probation
His then- girlfriend's 21- year- old son would always end up "hanging out" at the house when he wanted to have sex with the kid's mother. He'd have to bribe the kid to go away, but says it was worth it
Bought a pregnancy test at 19... cashier knew the family and told the family that she was pregnant. She wasn't pregnant, but it caused the expected the drama
Had to take her 6- year- old son into the women's locker room at the YMCA... some woman got all igdignant and made a scene
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene came in today and did what we rarely do on Sit and Spin and brought in actual NEW music. There was some Rob Zombie, David Bowie, Rush, Pucifer and more. Check out Jolene's blog for the full list and info. (When she's damn well ready to post it)
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Tomorrow I'll be telling yo about the Blue Dart. No, you probably don't know what it is, and that's why I will be telling you about it!
Until tomorrow, just do what needs to be done and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Sometimes, the problem with work isn't the actual job, it's your co- workers. Maybe they're noisy, or they talk too much... or too close. or maybe they smell like bad cheese; we have a list of the SEVEN bad habits that drive your co- workers crazy. Then again, we all work so that we can have money to do the things we enjoy doing... like COCAINE. Hell, Steven Tyler, front man for Aerosmith and doppelganger of the average white grandmother, admits that he's spent at LEAST five MILLION DOLLARS on cocaine over his lifetime. The thing about cocaine (or so I've been told... *wink * wink *) is that it makes you horny, but sometimes it keeps you limp, no matter how aroused you might be. But then, isn't that the inherent beauty of porn? You don't always get laid when you want, but porn lets you pretend that you are... depending what it is that you like. All these loosely connected points are based on some of the stories we read this weekend and all of them contributed to THE MONDAY RANDOM QUESTION:
As always, the Monday question doesn't translate very well to the blog, so apologies to Big Ben and everyone else. No worries though, tomorrow is Tuesday, so all will be right with the world.
The Academy Awards are this Sunday, and like every year, they will honor those movies released between October and December that aren't exciting, but don't suck. I think that's a pretty fair assessment. If you happen to be an actor or deirector or any of the other cogs in the cinematic machine, winning an Oscar is affirmation that you, for a year anyway, were the best at what you did. On that note, according to a recent survey, 89% of all men believe they are "excellent" at cunnilingus. I'd admit it, I'm one of those guys, but I'll continue to believe it until I'm told different, so ladies, line up! Anyway, we find it unlikely that THAT many guys are as good at it as they (we) think, but who knows? I do know that I'm good at farting. Not just my opinion. Many of you offer up my name when it comes to farting competitions... and I thank you. If there were an Olympics for drinking games, Thee Ted Smith would be the Michael Phelps of it. We're all good at SOMETHING, even if the something is nothing. WHAT DO YOU DO WELL ENOUGH THAT YOU DESERVE AN AWARD FOR IT?
Frankly, most of today's answers involved cooking. Not very exciting, but we asked the question and those were the answers. Being that today's question was inspired by the Academy Awards, we did get our hands on a list of Hollywood's best lovers... those people who are 'sexual dynamite'. The list included folks like Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lopez and a few others, but there were two people who were ranked the worst lovers in entertainment... and I'm happy to say that BOTH of these women were women who we've repeatedly insisted over the years are lame in bed. They would be Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift. We have nothing against these ladies, but everything about their personalities suggests that they are unadventurous and boring in the sack. It explains so much about them.
That's all I've got today, bitches. Happy Friday and have a swell weekend!
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
If you ever need a good laugh, or, if you're desperately hoping that a total stranger found you attractive, the "missed connections" section of Craig’s List is just what the doctor ordered. There's no end to the ridiculousness and the desperation of the posts, but that's what makes it so entertaining. Well, the folks at "Psychology Today" decided to map out where people are attempting to find love by looking at the top spots for missed connections by state. For example, here in Washington and to our south in Oregon, the most frequent place for a near miss is the bus, while, not- so- shockingly, in Texas, Florida, Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana (ah- ah- ah!), Mississippi, West Virginia, Ohio, south Dakota and North Carolina, the most likely place to spot the person of your dreams is the paragon of sexiness, Wal- Mart. Meanwhile, in Oklahoma, the state fair is the place to spot a sweet young thing. In California it's the gym. Seems that this country lives up to its stereotypes. The thing is, you can't always predict where and how you'll meet the person you end up in a relationship with but everyone has a story and today we wanted to hear yours: WHAT WAS THE STRANGEST PLACE YOU MET SOMEONE THAT YOU ASKED OUT?
Met his woman at a mental institution... yep
Got pulled over by the same cop twice... first time he got a ticket, the second time he got her number. He actually TRIED to get pulled over the second time
Was talking to a chick at a fair when someone puked on her... I believe he asked her out anyway. SEX- SAY!!!
Met her boyfriend at a "hook up" sight... supposed to be a one- night stand... been together for 2 years
Got rear- ended by a hot red- head... asked her out and hooked up for 8 months
Worked as a firefighter, was digging trenches during a forest fire... she was digging trenches too so he asked her out and she said yes
Met a guy playing "words with friends"... he moved here all the way from Florida. Turned out to be a "loser". What did she expect? The guy is from Florida!
Like the first answer today, he met his woman at a mental hospital... unlike the first answer, they worked there
Met on a chat line and although she was supposed to hook up with a certain dude, she hooked up with the guy's friend... they're still together after 8 years
Met his woman in rehab... they were both there for smoking weed (??? there's rehab for f**king weed? Really?!?) She taught him how to smoke weed better than before
Met a woman while in line at a Ron Jeremy book signing. Note: if you meet a woman who's in line for a porn signing, she's cool
Asked a plumber who installed a toilet in her home out for a date... he said no, but they're still in contact. She really, really, REALLY wants to sleep with this dude. I'm not guessing, she told us
Met his ex- girlfriend (they dated for 4 and a half years) at the funeral for a co- worker... you should know that she was the girlfriend of the dead guy. I don't know what kind of game he kicked, but damn!
Whether you're a parent now or you're an adult looking back on your childhood, you probably recognize that while parents have an incomparable love for their kids, it doesn't stop parents from lying to their kids whenever it's convenient... and it's convenient a lot. Admittedly, most of these lies are harmless little things like how we'll inevitably 'pull this car over and turn around' if you don't shut up, or how 'you'll be left behind if you don't come with us right now'. Then there's the lies that gave you a false sense of ability that you, in no way, deserve, like 'that's a beautiful drawing' (if you're blind AND drunk AND have no hands) or 'you can be anything you want to be' (assuming you have no aspirations beyond being a greeter at Wal- Mart). Oh, and Fluffy never went to the farm, Fluffy died. And then there are those lies that come back to make your head spin: "your grandfather died in the war" (he spent his adult life in prison for killing a hooker) or "me and your uncle are very close" (he's your real father). Some lies are bigger than others, but all parents lie, and today we wanted to know: WHAT LIE WERE YOU TOLD AS A KID OR WHAT LIE DO YOU TELL YOUR KIDS?
His cat never went to a farm to help with the extreme mouse problem, the cat died. On the bright side, that lie was minimized when he found out that his 'cousin' was really his sister
As a child, he was told that the sharks swimming around the house would 'get him' if he didn't behave at bedtime. "Jaws' helped many parents with discipline
Never told him his great uncle was a famous soldier in WWII soldier... a famous NAZI soldier
was tols that rocks grew in the rain... believed it until 8th grade
Wasn't until later in life that they realized that it was NOT tobacco in her uncle's pipe
His girlfriend's 6- year- old son asked why they had handcuffs in the bedroom... "er, um... I used to be a police officer. Yea... that's it."
Ate 'ranch chicken'... a furry, 4- legged chicken. It was actually rabbit, and the only reason they didn't tell them is because they had a per rabbit at the time
"Work hard, get good grades and you can do anything"... not so true
Was told that those little white lines you occasionally get on your fingernails are the result of lying
If you eat carrots you'll get night vision
"We treat all of you kids the same"... anyone with siblings knows that's a crock
Was told masturbation is unhealthy
"this is going to hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you"... I was never told that because it it not true, and my father was very clear about that.
Was told that if you play with your bellybutton too much, all of your guts will spill out and you'll die.
As a parent, I have to admit that some of the lies I tell the youngins are just to make my life easier, but really, it's too easy and fun not to! The real question is; when do parents STOP lying to kids? I mean, we all kind of get it when they're young; either you wanna spare their feelings or spare our patience, but are our parents still running the occasional con on us? Hard to say.
OK, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, if you're happy and you know it drink a beer and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A marine biologist by the self- fulfilling name of OCEAN Ramsey wanted to prove that humans misunderstand the nature of great white sharks. So what did she do? She jumped in the ocean and swam with great white sharks. Seriously... she grabbed a fin and went for a ride. They're calling her the 'shark whisperer'. I call her 'f**king crazy'. Meanwhile, in Australia, a guy was, seemingly, out to prove that humans COMPLETELY understand cacti when he pulled off his shirt and body- slammed a giant cactus. Just like you thought, it hurts like a motherf**ker. In his minute- long video, about 45 seconds of it are of him screaming in pain. We're still not entirely sure why he chose to do it. We DO know why a guy in Estonia made a rope out of bed sheets and tried to climb down 8 stories from his apartment. You see, his wife locked him IN because she was worried that if he got out, he'd cheat on her. Ah, just so you know, he made it about a full 4 feet before his "rope" snapped and he dropped 70 feet. Lucky for him, he landed in a pile of snow... but he still needed to go to the hospital. Sometimes we have a good reason, sometimes we have a bad reason and sometimes we have no reason at all, but we decide to do something dangerous and stupid... and sometimes we're successful, but most of the time we're not. WHAT WAS YOUR DAREDEVIL MOMENT AND WAS IT WORTH IT IN THE END?
Jumped off of a tree that was on a cliff and hanging over water... the river was shallow AND rocky. Did it to impress a chick. Didn't impress her
Hung off the side of a semi truck to pee... while going 60 mph
Tried to jump across an alley to see Aerosmith... broke his leg instead
When he was a teen, he was shacking up with some broad... parents came home and had to climb out of the window before dad found him
Swam with sharks in Belize when he was young... to make things worse, his buddies hopped on a boat and left him to tread water in the middle of the ocean
Rode his bike off of a 10- foot cliff... unintentionally
Tried to 'go faster than the speed of light' on his snowboard... didn't break the light barrier, but he did break his neck and was 'paraplegic for a minute'
Went skydiving... with diarrhea
Got drunk, and on a dare, stood in a fire
Climbed a water tower with his friends... and put a sofa on top of it... brilliant!
SIT AND SPIN
Yea, admit it, when you were little, you thought Jethro Tull and Molly Hatchet were people, not bands. We all did. Jolene brought us the 11 bands we all thought were people. Here's the link:
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, suck on it slowly and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
So, the cruise ship Carnival Triumph, as you've probably heard (on this very show 2 days ago), lost primary power, leaving over 3000 passengers and over 1000 crew members adrift at sea for 5 days with no running water or working sewage. They also ran out of most food, reducing everyone to eating onion sandwiches... or not eating at all. Well, they finally made it back to land late last night... unfortunately, the 'land' in question was Mobile, Alabama, where conditions aren't much different than those on the ship. That's insulting enough. Well, to get passengers back to Galveston, Texas, the ship's point of origin, Carnival Cruise Lines provided passengers with buses. That's where the final insult happened. One of the busses broke down on the way back. Yep. Sometimes, something bad happens and you make the mistake of asking, "what else can go wrong?"... and then life provides you with an answer. It's happened to all of us; those times you paid 8 years worth of bad karma in about 2 hours and you wonder when your bad luck will finally come to an end: WHEN DID EVERYTHING GO WRONG?
Lost his truck keys, his friends had all their stuff in the truck, so he bused it home and grabbed his extra keys... he grabbed the wrong keys
Jumped a snowmobile into a snowdrift... took a stick straight in the blow hole
Her friend's father- in- law dies yesterday morning... her best friend's father died last night... her other friend's father- in- law died last night... tomorrow is her father's birthday... who died 18 years ago. Bottoms- up, baby.
Lost his job, was knocked unconscious by his roommate, went to jail AND got kicked out of his band
Got dumped, laid off and his dog died all in the same month
He's a tree trimmer, was up in a tree when the tree UPROOTED... he's OK
Witnessed a suicide and a fatal car crash, was attacked by a 'chemical smelling' dude, lost his wallet AND walked into a convenience store WHILE it was being robbed... all on the way to work
Backpacking through the Cascades when his friend dislocated his shoulder, so they had to carry all of his stuff back to the car... the car broke down on the way back to civilization
In 2011, she was hit by a car as a pedestrian, hit by another car as a driver, got throat surgery and then got another throat surgery to correct the original throat surgery AND lost her job. On the bright side, she only lost her job once
Got a divorce (which was good), but his wages started getting garnished, lost his kids, racked up $25,000 in legal fees and lost his house. All of this because, essentially, he broke up with someone
Wife left him, lost his job, crashed his car and got a DUI
Got blamed for shooting a building with paintballs, broke his hand, got fired, had a gun to his head (in his mouth), got into an argument with Vanilla Ice (seriously) was thrown out of a casino, had two bullets in his pocket at the airport and was temporarily detained... all in 24 hours
Threw a huge aprty, got arrested, wife made out with the neighbor and his keg was stolen
OK bitches, a three- day weekend is staring us in the face and I'm ready to get it started.
Until Tuesday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
You spend THOUSANDS of $$$ for ONE day... your wedding... and yet, you have to justify the $60 you spent at the bar wioth your buddies. You missed a playoff game and sat through a 'Twilight' marathon. You went to a Justin Bieber concert. You picked a fight with a man twice your size... and it ended exactly the way you thought it would. You replaced your back- issues of 'Sports Illustrated' in your bathroom with a candle that smells like a fruit you've never heard of. You went on vacation somewhere you never wanted to go. You've seen 'The Notebook'. Love... grand as it is, makes you undeniably stupid. Today is, of course, Valentine's Day, the day that men are obligated to come up with something midly clever to let their partner know that they love them... because TELLING them that you love them is, apparently, not enough. That's the inspiration behind today's question: WHAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE... IN THE NAME OF 'LOVE'?
Sold his '67 Camaro when he was 19... thought he was gonna get married and 'needed' the money
Tried to ask his girlfriend to move in... MOVE IN... she thought he was PROPOSING, so she said 'yes'... sooooooo, he MARRIED HER! They divorced 6 weeks later
Let his partner get him $2300 in debt
She gave her boyfriend a bl*wj*b while he got a tattoo to keep him calm... naturally, he proposed, but she said no... and started dating the tattoo artist
Turned down a three- way in high school because he'd just started dating some chick he liked. He's no longer with the girl and has never been asked to participate in a three- way again.
Let his wife talk him into getting a cat... the cat loves him, hates her. She's terrified of the cat
Saw a cute girl in another car... deciding that he definitely wanted to meet her, he rear- ended her ON PURPOSE so that he could get her number. They actually dated for a few months
What dumb thing did he do for love? He dressed up like Mickey Mouse because she dressed up like Minnie Mouse
Moved to Arizona with her boyfriend while he went to college... she co- signed all the loans and he dropped out after 3 months, leaving her $70,000 in debt. She had to file for bankruptcy
The REAL question we should have asked is; have you ever done anything that WASN'T stupid when you were in love? Short answer; no.
OK bitches, I'm outta here. Even though this is a stupid holiday (sorry, but it's true) I hope it's a good one for you.
Until tomorrow, buy her a card and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Maybe you've heard about the disabled cruise ship adrift in the Gulf of Mexico? The Carnival Triumph left Galveston, Texas for a four day cruise last Thursday with 3,143 passengers and 1,086 crew members. On Sunday, a fire in the engine room knocked out its primary power source, crippling the water supply and plumbing system. Instead of pooping or peeing INTO THE OCEAN... passengers are using bags... or the floor... and to hear it from them, they're suffering in deplorable conditions. One passenger said, "It's the worst thing ever". Oddly enough, that's about the way I described my morning... because my bus was 15 minutes late. Ah, and Miles, poor Miles... his i-Pad keeps crashing. And who doesn't shed a tear for the NRA? Can you believe that there's even a suggestion that maybe you should pass a background check before buying a firearm? Next thing you know, we'll be required to pass a test before getting a license to drive! And then there's STP, producer of the BJ Shea Morning Experience... he had to face the atrocity of not being able to find a plastic spoon here at work and had to use a fork... A FORK... to eat his yogurt! Are we animals?!? America is a whiny country and yet we don't have any real problems. We're all guilty of pissing and moaning about our 'problems', and today we asked you to stare down your inner pu**y and tell us: WHAT IS YOUR FIRST- WORLD PROBLEM?
Be prepared to read some of the most heinous, heart- wrenching and sad stories you're likely to encounter. And now, cue the violins, grab a tissue and empathize with the problems some of us have to face:
The remote start on his SUV doesn't turn on his heated leather seats
When he goes to Best Buy, he's reminded that he already owns all of the electronics he wants
Has to use 6 different remotes at home
Has to stream our show on his Samsung S III because his work security folks have blocked our show
Tim's Chips used to make Steak and Onion flavored chips... now they don't
Immigrants who bring their problems to his country... he lives in Canada
His new computer monitor doesn't have built- in speakers
New car doesn't have cruise control
The 32" flat screen in his bedroom is too 'old' to stream Netflix, so he has to watch it in his living room
New dishwasher in his new home doesn't fit as many dishes as he'd like
His buddy's wife can't find bras that fit properly because after getting her boob- job, her breasts are too round, instead of tear- drop shaped
What should he do with his OTHER X- Box 360? Should he buy a new TV or give it away?
Has to maintain 6 different classic cars for entry into local car shows
Sometimes he wants to get drunk but he cant... because he's too full from all the food he's eaten
Owns 5 cars, but none of them are 'cool'
His roommate keeps buying single- ply toilet paper
Couldn't find his headset to play PS3, which made it hard to coordinate his actions with friends
The Safeway closest to his house doesn't have the arugula leaves he needs for his steak wraps
Instead of going to Hawaii, his boss will be taking him to Mexico
Can't drive his Porsche with the top down all the time because of the weather
The new 2012 Subaru doesn't have memory seats, so every time he drives after his wife, he has to adjust the seat himself
If you're like me, you read the list and shared in the pain that is 1st world problems.
I'm hoping that this blog met the expectations and the high standards of Big Ben.
Sometimes it pays to be the crazy cat lady. case- in- point, a Hoquiam woman discovered that her neighbor (who happens to be a registered sex offender) was spying on her through holes he'd drilled in her ceiling. See, her cats were all staring up at the ceiling in her kitchen, and when she looked up, she discovered Kevin Voss was watching her. Apparently, Kevin and his roommate would watch her while she slept... and masturbate. That's weird. You know what else is weird; there's a family in Graham who are powerless to stop a very odd woman who keeps knocking on their door. Sure, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but give the article a read: And in North Seattle, there have been 4 women assaulted since Friday and the cops are beginning to wonder if they're all connected. One woman was sexually assaulted after being dragged into some bushes near Northgate Mall, one woman was pulled into a van and another was chased down the street and tackled before escaping. All of this got us wondering: WHEN HAVE THINGS IN YOUR 'HOOD GOTTEN WEIRD?
Plenty of stories today, but the one that stands out was the call from a guy who lived on the same street Josh Powell... the guy who killed his wife in Utah and eventually killed himself and his two young sons. I'm sure you remember the story. Well, the house that he blew up with his kids in it (motherf**ker) was on the same street as our caller. Other than the obviousness of what was 'weird' about the whole thing, there was also that moment a few weeks before the fire/ murder when people in the neighborhood realized exactly who it was had rented the house at the end of the block. The caller said that it was definitely uncomfortable, but the final act wasn't something any of them thought would come to pass. Terrible story.
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene decided to ruin our day and torment us in advance of Valentine's Day with the Top 10 Worst Rock Love Songs. Just to add salt to the wound she brought bonus tracks. This leads me to wonder if Jolene is familiar with the definition of 'bonus'. If you're angry at yourself and would like to punish yourself, here's the link:
OK, I'm outta here. Tomorrow we launch 'Beat My Tweet'... I don't feel like explaining it, so just listen tomorrow!
Until tomorrow, let the good times roll (in French) and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Today is the Monday Random Question, which is difficult to translate to the blog. Actually, that's not entirely true, and by 'not entirely true', I mean it's more effort than I'm willing to put in. Instead, I'll share some limited details of my weekend, but only because you asked.
It should be noted that my weekend sucked the wrong end of donkey genitalia, however, I did manage to be mildly productive yesterday. For quite some time now, I've needed to replace my glasses. One reason is that my prescription was out of date, so it's been like wearing someone else's glasses, and the other reason is that I've needed my lenses shaded because I have cluster migraines. They're like a constant migraine but not as bad. So basically, they're a f**king headache.
Anyway, I hit the mighty Lens Crafters at Northgate and went through the eye exam (required by law every two years) and I'm pretty sure the exam does more damage to your eyes than staring at the Sun. There's this new thing called a retinal scan (or something) which, apparently is all the rage. Its optional, but I'm for new things, so I figured what the hell? I'm not saying DON'T do it, but... I'm not entirely sure what the hell happened, but it's like a rave is thrown in your eye balls. Multi- colored lasers shoot across your vision and then you have those annoying purple blotches 'conveniently' located in the center of your vision for about 2 or 3 minutes.
Step two includes the line, "you're going to feel a little puff of air in your eyes". 'A little puff' is purely subjective. It's kinda like someone sneezing in your eye from about an inch and a half away... but without the wetness. I appreciated the lack of moisture, but still.
Anyway, got that done and then waited 'about an hour' for my new glasses... after figuring out which frames I wanted. Turns out that the frames I wanted are almost identical to the frames I already have. so much for being for 'new things'. At any rate, got the shaded lenses and they work miracles for the headaches. I explained this to the nice young woman who was helping me and she offered this profound insight: "you might be light sensitive." Thank you, amigo, you've enlightened me.
All in all, a fine experience. You wouldn't know it from this blog, but they did a good job and, frankly, I can see now... and my head isn't killing me.
Yea, that was pretty much my weekend. Sad, yes?
That's what I've got.
Until tomorrow, fight for your right and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Walt Disney, the man, not the company, was a notorious racist back in the day. No big deal, plenty of people were and continue to be racists... just one of those inescapable stupidities of life. These days, of course, Disney is the shining beacon of all- inclusiveness... or are they? Last August, a black family from San Diego... the Black family... seriously, the black family's last name is Black... went to Disneyland and, according to them, the guy in the White Rabbit costume (from 'Alice in Wonderland') refused to hug their kids. He'd hug white kids (he IS the WHITE Rabbit, after all) but not the Black's black kids. Who knows? Whatever the case. the Blacks, as in the family, not all black people, are suing Disney, asking for an apology and for the employee to be fired. We'll see what happens. All of us have been on the receiving end of judgment, whether it's based on race, gender, sexuality, clothing, sports affiliation or whatever, so today is about the 'haters' drinking 'hatorade': we wanted to know: WHEN DID YOU GET "HATED" ON AND WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE SINGLED OUT?
Once again, a little distracted today with all kinds of stuff. However, after fielding answers to today's question, we had the chance to interview Soundgarden bassist Ben Sheppard. This is a man who says precious little and does NOT bullsh*t... and for that, I loved him. Seriously. We couldn't tell if he was bored, if he hated us or if he was enjoying himself, but his complete lack of pretense is awesome. Maybe you heard the interview, maybe you didn't... but I love talking to the guy specifically because he is the way he is. He's one of those unintentionally funny people. Hard to explain, but I love the guy. He might hate me.
OK bitches, I'm off to see Soundgarden!
Have a great weekend. Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A 9- year- old Mexican girl is making headlines after she gave birth to a bay girl of her own last week. Apparently, she didn't know she was pregnant until her 7th month... and that happens to coincide with the time the biological father split town. The father, by the way, is 17- years- old. She's not alone... unfortunately... as another 9- year- old, this one in China, gave birth in 2010 and just last year, a 10- year- old Columbian girl had a baby. Ahhhh kids! Earlier this month in Pittsburgh, a 6- year- old girl who's not very fond of her mother, stole mom's car and attempted to drive across town to see her father. I say she 'attempted' this feat because, well, she drives like a 6- year- old girl... and she crashed on the way. And this past July in Centralia, you might remember the 13- year- old boy who got a dragon tattoo on his chest. His mother was less than enthusiastic about it. We've all made, or continue to make our parents angry, but disappointing them is even worse, and that's today's question: WHAT WOULD YOUR PARENTS SAY WAS THE TIME YOU DISAPPOINTED THEM MOST?
Sorry bitches, got very distracted today. Just so you know, I'm on f**king twitter now. If you care, hit me at @thrillkisw. Currently soliciting help for my erotic novel.
We've been saying for YEARS on this program that if you want to make a routine traffic stop expensive or jail able, just run your mouth. If you ever want your ass kicked by a bouncer instead of simply being asked to leave, just run your mouth. If you ever want a cook's DNA in your meal, just run your mouth instead of politely pointing out what's wrong with your food. It may not be right, but it's a fact of life we call 'the rules of engagement'. There's a video currently making it's way around the web of an idiot in Miami who could have paid a $5,000 bond and enjoyed a slap on the wrist for possession of Xanax, but thanks to some ill- advised choice words, got 30 days in jail instead. Here in Seattle, a guy giving his 2- week notice found a way to escalate things to the point that he was held at gunpoint until the cops came to arrest him. A guy named Dick Morris lost his job at FOX News for the same reason Karl Rove did... they ran their mouths without the benefit of being right about anything they were saying. That kind of thing is fine in the sports world, but not so much for a news organization... even FOX's version of 'news'. And then there's Chris Brown. He has a beef with pretty much anyone who's not as pathetic as he is and runs his mouth entirely too much... but then, so have we all. That's today's question: WHAT PRICE DID YOU PAY AS A DIRECT RESULT OF YOUR MOUTH?
In court for a red light camera violation... would have been a $75 fine, but thanks to his mouth running, he got contempt of court
Stood up to a bunch of bullies at a party and got his ass kicked
Made a gynecologist joke to a woman on her way to see a gynecologist... she got him fired. Remember, men and women, in general, have very different senses of humor
Asked, a little too loudly at a bar, if the waitress he was hitting on "puts out"... the bouncer overheard him and, as it happens, the bouncer was the waitress' brother... and he was a large man
Called his dispatcher a bitch... she got him fired... which, oddly enough, proved him right
Made a joke about a fellow student's dead parents. Apparently, the kid's parents died when he was a toddler and he inherited millions. He came in one day and bragged about being rich; our caller said, "I'd rather have my parents". A fight ensued and he got expelled
In NAVY Seal training, got smart with the drill sergeant (bad, bad, BAD idea) and he discovered that getting lippy with a Seal drill sergeant is really a bad, bad, BAD idea
Finally... about two months after his wife gave birth, he commented that she still looked pregnant. She didn't talk to him for 4 months... 4, blissfully quiet months.
OK, I'm outta here. I'm on twitter now and have tweeted nothing.
Until tomorrow, lick it, stick it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
To say that Miles and I had a good weekend would be an understatement. Not only did our team, the Baltimore (motherf**king) Ravens, go to AND win the Super Bowl, but we were lucky enough ... and now BROKE enough... to be there in person. That's right, section 611, row 23, seats 7 through 10 were ours for the game... and it was awesome. It was surreal and it was awesome. Miles and I agree; we can scratch this one off of the bucket list. Oddly enough, on the 10 Most Common Bucket List Items for Men, seeing your favorite team win a championship is NOT on the list... which I find amazing. We also have a list of the most common bucket list items for people in general and while I haven't done any of them, I want to do ALL of them. That's basically today's question: WHAT'S ONE THING YOU'VE SCRATCHED OFF OF YOUR BUCKET LIST AND WHAT'S NEXT?
Went salmon fishing in Alaska
Cooking for us was on his bucket list (he made us chicken fried steak burgers... which were insanely delicious)... eventually wants to take on Bobby Flay
Just went skydiving and now he wants to visit Australia
Got to tour Europe and Asia as security for a band, got to go to the San Diego ComicCon (the pre-eminent comicon)... wants to go to the Adult Video awards for the same reason we all do
Set a scooter on fire... and rode it down a hill. This was on his bucket list
Opened his own business... wants to take a cruise in Italy
Just competed in Jujitsu in Rio... got 2 bronze medals
Wants to go into space... me too. If you've got 20 million bucks, you can
Wants to make a movie... has a 130 page script written, but needs some $$$ to make it happen
Went to Africa, but what he really wants is to own a Harley
Dude bungee jumped... from a gondola... over the Swiss Alps
Actually held the Olympic torch when it went through Boston
SIT AND SPIN
Jolene, in honor of Mardi Gras, brought us 10 random songs about New Orleans. Here's a link:
I'm outta here, bitches. Cheers to the Ravens on a spectacular victory over the 40- whiners. Stop crying. You win or you lose.
Until tomorrow, rock your purple and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Earlier this week, a waitress at a restaurant in St. Louis anonymously posted a receipt to the websitewww.reddit.com. The long and short of it is; a female pastor ate with a 20- person group, and like most restaurants, an 18% gratuity was automatically added to the bill. Well, the group had the server split the check into several smaller checks. One of the checks went to the pastor who crossed out the gratuity and replace it with a ZERO. She also left the message, "I give God 10%, why do you get 18%?", and then signed it 'Pastor'. Incidentally, if the cheap bitch had left her 18%, it would have cost her a whopping $6.29. Aside from the fact that God (should you believe in the concept) doesn't exactly need money, she could have also considered that her tax- free existence gives her more flexibility than most of us TAX- PAYING folks to leave a tip... if nothing else. She has since issued an apology for her pseudo- pious position, but the waitress, who has to pay taxes, by the way, lost her job. Go figure. Anyway, the pastor is just a cheap f**k hiding behind her bullsh*t, but that was her excuse to be worthless. We've all had weak, stupid or questionable excuses, but the worst is when they're true. That's what we wanted to know today: WHAT'S THE WORST EXCUSE YOU'VE EVER HAD TO USE... THAT HAPPENED TO BE TRUE?
Her dog really did eat her homework... it was some science experiment that involved rotting cheese. Might sound gross, but remember that dogs 'toss their own salad', so it's not so bad
Was trapped on the roof of a Keispy Kream... and THAT'S why he was late for work at the video game store
His mother thought he wanted to get out of going to work that day because he was complaining about chest pains... she didn't believe him... until his lung collapsed
His mother was a neat- freak and REPEATEDLY threw away his homework. He'd do it at the dining room table and his mother would just throw away everything all the time. His teachers never believed him
His friend ate his homework... he was in a nutrition class in college and had to make a chili for his final project; his roommate did what all roommates do and ate it
Was late to school because he was in another school's lockdown... and no, he wasn't responsible for the school's lockdown
Was in jail for disorderly conduct... was fired after telling them that he was in jail for disorderly conduct
In Iraq with the Marines... got a stomach flu and sh*t himself when he was supposed to be on post
She locked herself INSIDE of her hotel room on a business trip
Got arrested for selling weed and had to call work to tell her that she'd be late... she actually kept her job
Had to skip mandatory field trip in college because he had to give his cat an enema
OK, it's the weekend... Super Bowl weekend to be exact, and as a Ravens fan, I've been waiting 12 years for this. As we always do, we're taking Monday off because, frankly, we don't really feel like talking about the commercials. we don't care about them, we never have and never will. Call us crazy, but our favorite part of the Super Bowl is the football part. we'll be back Tuesday.
Until Tuesday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!!