Jerome Corsi, a Tea Party activist, was speaking earlier this morning at an event in Oregon. Among a bunch of other stuff he was talking about, Jerome offered this personal nugget of 'wisdom'; "sex is not about fun. You want to have fun, read a book." I don't know that anyone could offer a statement any farther from the truth and, obviously, I'm not alone in that assessment. Contraception, Viagra, Cialis, prostitution, polygamy... all of these things indicate that sex is primarily about fun... but then, you already knew that. Jerome might be a misguided fool with unrealistic advice, but he's hardly alone. Generally speaking, our parents are the first people to tell us questionable information... if information can really be questionable... and thanks to the folks at www.Reddit.com, we have the "10 Most B.S. Pieces of Advice Adults Give Kids"... and all of them are spot- on. Subsequently, we also had the "Top 8 Things Your Parents Did That You Swear You'll Never Do". Today's question: EVEN THOUGH I WAS TOLD ____, I DISCOVERED SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
His wife doesn't mean it when she says, "sure, go out with your friends."
Masturbation will make you go blind. It won't... and I should know
Took a bunch of crap from his cousin for not going to college; fast forward and he now makes more money AND has benefits... his cousin doesn't
"If you try your hardest and fail, it's OK"
Dated a black chick in high school... his hillbilly dad had a severe problem with this, but instead of forbidding him to date her, he told him that black women put their menstrual blood in their spaghetti sauce
"You'll live happily ever after"... no you won't
OK bitches, New Original practice. Playing a gig this Friday (tomorrow... uh oh) at Slim's Last Chance in Georgetown. Bring your ugly ass there.
Until tomorrow, Park Avenue leads to skid row, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
It was 50 years ago today that Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous "I Have a Dream" (two weeks after giving his original "I Have a Dream Speech") speech in front of 250,000 people at the National Mall in Washington DC. His speech and his dream have been well- documented, and in some cases, the 'dream' has been recognized, but, sadly, in many ways we're not even close. But then, that's the nature of having a dream... it's something you hope comes to pass, but there's no guarantees. On that note, in response to the oft- asked question, "how are you?", seems like more and more people are answering, "living the dream"... which really makes us wonder just what the hell it is you're dreaming about. MLK had a dream and told us, very clearly, what that dream was, so today we wanted to know what YOUR personal dream was. Maybe you wanna go on safari, meet Mick Jagger or be able to burp the alphabet. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM AND HOW ARE YOU LIVING IT?
Seattle had a strange week last week. On Wednesday, two guys got into an argument about TV volume. After exchanging a few choice words and colorful metaphors, one of the men was assaulted... with a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Seriously. a few days later, in the International District, a crazy lady walked into the Dim Sum King restaurant and started yelling at everyone to "go back to China". To emphasize her position, she sprayed several employees and patrons with soy sauce AND chocolate milk. She's brought the chocolate milk with her. She was arrested. And in England, a guy by the name of Leon Smith was in bed sleeping when his girlfriend climbed into bed with him and started cuddling. Nah... it wasn't his girlfriend, it was a wild fox that had crept in through the cat door. Upon discovering the animal in his bed, they continued to cuddle for another 10 minutes before the fox got bored and wandered off. true. Sometimes these things happen... albeit, not very often. Maybe you've unexpectedly been covered in imitation butter, soy sauce, chocolate milk, or maybe you, too, have nuzzled with a wild animal... if so, you can answer today's question: WHAT'S BEEN ON YOU... AND HOW DID IT GET THERE?
His "friend" put a scorpion on his head while he slept... the scorpion stung him
At age 14, he leaned in for a kiss with a girl, but was sh*t on by a bird before he got the chance
Some guy sneezed and inadvertently launched a BLOODY booger onto his arm... and he's a germophobe
On a carnival ride, someone sitting in front of him puked... it landed all over him and his buddy
A skunk came into his house through a cat door and snuggled up to him in bed
He works as a prison guard (still... for some reason) and in addition to being hit with a cup of poop, pee andsemen, he was also once hit in the back of the head by a penis AND a pair of b*lls that the prisoner had ripped off of his own body. Yes, you read that right... a prisoner (who was mad at the guard) tore of his twig and berries and threw them at him. I've been really, really, REALLY angry before, but never THAT angry
SIT AND SPIN
We had a list of songs from bands that you might be surprised were written as an insult to other people. Anyway, here's the link:
OK bitches, I'm outtie... as the 'cool' kids say.
Until tomorrow, lick it, stick it, and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
The news world is all aflutter today after the CIA finally acknowledged the existence of Area 51. Obviously, there's no word on what goes on there, but they finally admitted that, yes, area 51 is a real place. Not sure anyone didn't already know that, but the CIA finally confessed. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? As far as confessions go, telling people what they already know isn't so tough, but sometimes, sharing something they DON'T know can be a little troubling. Take the guy who just sent a letter to 'Dear Prudence' for advice. He's a widower of five years (after his wife was killed by a drunk driver) but he's met a 'new' woman and they're preparing to move in together. They haven't told her parents about their relationship yet... because the 'new' woman in his life is the younger sister of his dead wife; i.e., they're OTHER daughter and his former sister- in- law. Awkward. And this past Wednesday, WWE star Darren Young came out of the closet during an impromptu interview at LAX. Yes, some people were shocked that a man who oils his body and wears spandex briefs is gay. So, today's question: WHAT DID YOU ADMIT, OR WHAT DID SOMEONE ADMIT TO YOU?
Former Army buddy confessed that he's gay... then added that he wanted to open a flower shop
Came out of the closet after finding out that two of his close friends had gotten together and had sex. Turns out that all three of them are gay but none of them knew about each other
Came back from basic training and ran into an old friend... few days later he gets a bunch of dirty texts, flirts back, sets up a future booty call and THEN discovers that he'd been flirting with his gay buddy... who he didn't know was gay.
His debate teacher came out of the closet to a bunch of students
Not every answer involved homosexuality...
Just last week he got a promotion at work. His new title; electrical administrator... then he proceeded to severely shock himself
Years after the fact, he admitted to his friend that he not only f**ked his mom, he got her pregnant! She had an abortion... but only because her husband (his friend's father) had had a vasectomy so there was no way to 'pass it off'. The aristocrats
During his high school days, a friend of his turned around with his pants down and announced that he was uncircumcised. He wasn't trying to be funny, he was really upset about it... which makes the whole situation sad and pathetic
His girlfriend admitted using her dad's (a sheriff) gun to threaten her PREVIOUS boyfriend. He ended things immediately
Dated a guy for awhile and after they broke up he set his dog on fire hoping to win her back... because he's f**king crazy
His friend very recently informed him that the moon glows because of it's "special" soil, not from the reflection of the giant ball of nuclear fire known as the Sun. He said this because he's a f**king idiot
OK, bitches, that's a wrap for the week.
Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
On our show today, Jolene joined us for Sit and Spin, where we covered the "15 Most Hated Bands of the Last 30 Years". These aren't necessarily the worst bands of the last 30 years, but they're those bands that you just couldn't get away from... try as you might. That's just how things work. I've never been a fan of listening to the radio (weird, I know) but that doesn't mean I didn't hear "Don't Worry, Be Happy" or "Smooth" 10 million f**king times anyway. On that note, I don't watch 'Entertainment tonight' or 'Access Hollywood' or any of that crap, but I cannot escape the vapid reach of Kim Kardashian. If the woman farts, we hear about it. Again, she's not the most annoying woman in the world, but the constant barrage of 'info' regarding her makes me hate her. Meanwhile, Forbes Magazine rated Seattle the "most miserable sports city". Keep in mind, it's not a lack of passion that earned the number one spot, it's the fact that in 115 cumulative seasons, Seattle's major professional sports teams have earned exactly one championship... and that was in 1979... by a team that is no longer in existence. Plenty to hate if you're a Seattle sports fan. We all have to endure something (Facebook) that everyone else seems to enjoy and that's today's question: IN YOUR LIFETIME, WHAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING THAT YOU'VE HAD TO ENDURE?
Dated a girl for 6 years... she loved Hanson... for all 6 years
Macklemore... she knows he's local, but she just doesn't like his music but everyone gives her crap BECAUSE he's local
She delivers pizza and has to put up with people who don't tip. Tip the f**king delivery driver. They brought the food to your door so your lazy ass doesn't have to do anything. Besides, when you tip well, you get better service in the (near) future. Believe me
Auto- tune... thankfully, the auto tune fad (as we know it) didn't last very long. The REAL evil that auto- tune has bestowed upon us is that "singers" like Brittney Spears and J- Lo have had careers built around the fact that their out- of- tune singing is corrected, thus; we have to endure their existence. They can't sing.
The Army... he spent years in the service, did a few tours and didn't leave impressed
His wife; he didn't have the regular complaints, it's that she likes to talk about sex, but never actually wants to HAVE sex
'Reality' TV. My beef with 'reality' tv isn't the piss- poor programming, per se, it's that America ends up flooded with 'celebrities' that have no viable talent other than to be an assh*le. Honey- Boo- Boo? Kim Kardashian? Paris Hilton? The 'Real' Housewives? Snooki? Gordon Ramsey? Nene Leakes?
Cigarette smoke... grew up with both parents smoking multiple packs a day. Hated the smell then, hates it now
Traffic... Seattle traffic in particular. Traffic here truly sucks, but as much as people like to blame the drivers, a case could be made that our traffic engineers finished at the bottom of their class
SIT AND SPIN
Oh yea, we went through the "15 Most Hated Bands of the Last 30 Years" and what we discovered is that Thee Ted Smith pretty much likes or liked all of them. Here's a link:
There's a story making the rounds right now that has the internet all abuzz. In a nutshell; a rich South African couple and their trust Jack Russell terrier were on a three- month sailing trip up the coast of Madagascar on their yacht... like so many of us before them. The yacht hit a reef and sank and all three of them went into the water. As the husband swam to shore he made the decision to rescue the dog first and get it safely to dry land. THEN he swam back to get his wife. Obviously, the rub here is that he rescued the dog before his wife. I have a wife and a dog... I don't get the controversy. When I go out drinking and come home all f**ked up, guess which one is HAPPY to see me. Go ahead, guess. A few years ago, a guy in China found himself in a similar predicament; his boat overturned and he chose to save his wife before he served his mother. Both women survived, but the dude got a wrath of sh*t from his father for his decision making. Today, we asked you the hypothetical 'who would save' question: WHO ARE YOU OBLIGATED TO RESCUE, WHO WOULD YOU REALLY WANT TO RESCUE, AND WHAT POSSESSION WOULD YOU SAVE?
As far as the answers went today, let's just sum it up this way; possessions are all over the place; guys would (generally) save something technological while women were more likely to save something sentimental. No surprise there. Male or female, most people felt obligated to save their spouse, but no one sounded very happy about it. Who they WANT to save was their dog. Seemed that anyone who owned a dog would prefer the company of their pet over the company of their spouse. There were a few exceptions... a FEW... but overwhelmingly, it seems that dogs really are man's (and woman's) best friend.
Otherwise, today was fairly uneventful, other than my gas. Sure, I fart a lot, but today, the sounds were monumental. Had one that sounded like someone was opening the door to a haunted house. That one was special.
OK, that's all I've got.
Until tomorrow, Vaseline is your friend so STAY BEAUTIFUL!
Everyone I know loves to tell you that their family is 'crazy'. It's just one of those things that everyone says... however, some people mean it and have a story to back it up. Take the daughter of 45- year- old Christopher Dillingham of Stevenson, Washington. Her father, angry that their yellow lab was possessed by the Big S (that would be Satan) so he strapped explosives to the dog and blew it to pieces. At that moment, she knew her father was nuttier than a squirrel turd. He also believed that the Big D (the Devil) was busy possessing all of the metal objects in his house... and THAT'S why he was throwing all of those items out of his home when authorities arrived. This guy, he's crazy. Nevertheless, he inspired today's fill-in-the- blank: I THOUGHT MY FAMILY MIGHT BE CRAZY WHEN ________ HAPPENED.
When his father started dating his (the son's) longtime girlfriend
His grandmother and aunt broke into his house to rid it of demons
Grandmother asked him if he wanted a Hot Pocket... like any young man, he said yes, so she went to her SOCK DRAWER and was puzzled why she couldn't find one
At 11 years old, his mother kicked him out because she accused him of stealing cheese and selling it by the slice to his friends (???)
When his uncle killed his grandmother... she was 93
When his mother married her sister's ex- husband
His father, who was 70 at the time, punched a youth pastor in the face... on Christmas Eve
His female cousin married his step-brother. His step- brother has an identical twin. Legally, his one step- brother is now his cousin, while the twin brother is still his brother
SIT AND SPIN
So on Thursday, we're celebrating the 80's, so today, we decided to start early. Jolene had each of us pick the two rock songs from the 80's we liked most. Here's a link:
www.askmen.com has put together a list of the "11 Most Annoying Things About Being a Man". The list is kinda funny, but mostly true. We're sure the ladies could easily come up with a list of their own... but you don't need to because you already tell us all the time. Anyway, we weren't in the mood to hear about gender struggles because whichever side you belong to, we're willing to bet that your biggest day- to- day struggle is just being you. Maybe you look funny, or smell funny or you're under incredible stress or maybe you're a deviant trying desperately to hide the fact. Or maybe you're just too damn good looking... like me. Today we wanted to know: WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT BEING YOU?
He's 6 feet 7 inches tall, and while clothes and shoes are hard to find and he hits his head on pretty much everything, the thing that annoys him most is people pointing out that he's tall. He knows. Why is being tall the only physical attribute we're allowed to point out? You can't tell people that they're fat, a midget, smell like poop, short, ugly, weird looking... only tall.
His flatulence... which I find to be a ridiculous statement
He's been working he graveyard shift for waaaayy too long
He's a drummer and is always tapping his hands and feet on everything... but he never realizes it
He's left- handed (like me) so he smears everything he writes
Hates being short... she's 4 feet 11 inches tall
He's a sociopath... has no feelings for other people. After talking to him, I believe him
He's 35- years- old but looks 19. Guys hate that kind of thing, women love it
She's clumsy and she stutters, but it's the clumsiness that b-b-b- bugs her. Was that mean?
He's an identical twin... and his brother is ugly. I made that last part up
OK bitches, we're not here tomorrow as Miles and myself will be headed to Whale's Vagina, .a.k.a., San Diego for the weekend.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"