Posts from October 2013

SHOW # 1820 OCTOBER 2013
Parents can do some things that just make us, their children, cringe.  Maybe it's suffering through a sex scene in a movie... and they comment on the action, or they hit a midlife crisis and normally bald father starts rocking the dreaded toupee.  The Daily Mail came up with a list of the 10 most cringe- worthy moments with your parents and the above represents two of them.  Then there's a story out of Belgium that you'll probably find disturbing.  First, you should know that in Belgium, euthanasia is legal for people 18 and older.  If you're an adult and feel the need for an assist in your wish, Belgium's got you covered.  Here's where it gets f**ked up; the Belgium government is now considering extending the right to children... as long as they have the consent of their parents.  Think about that.  Sure, as a parent, there are times I wanna "kill" the kids, but figuratively.  The idea of signing off on their literal death is just messed way the f**k up.  Just me?  Nevertheless, in Belgium, I suppose there are just enough parents out there willing to have their kids killed to justify the consideration of the bill.  I'm all for parents supporting their kids decisions, but Goddamn.  Look, maybe your parents were the cool ones who let you and your knuckle- head friends underage drink in the basement or they encouraged you to beat the sh*t out of the assh*le neighbor kid, but today we wanted to know:  WHAT WERE YOU SHOCKED YOUR PARENTS WERE COOL WITH?
At age 14, he stole weed from his mother... when he got busted, they started smoking weed together
When he was 17, his mother forged a doctor's note so he could skip school and see Metallica
Was "astonished" when his 62- year- old father was busted at a motel in Eugene, Oregon... for dealing 10 pounds of meth
Was surprised when his "super- Christian" parents let him listen to metal
Black chicks!
Parents bought him a keg for senior skip day
Found out that his 'conservative' dad used to do copious amounts of drugs back in 'the day'
Got out of jail for assault, let out of prison, returns home and started smoking weed... with his mom
Mom would buy him beer if he promised not to do drugs... held to the promise... until he moved out of the house
There you go, bitches.
Until tomorrow, I'm coming to get ya... so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: EugeneOregon

SHOW # 1819 OCTOBER 30 2013
There are just some things you should know.  In particular, if it's something that you claim bothers you.  For example, the media is having a field day pretending that the website glitches at are on par with a national tragedy.  There was even a Congressional hearing about it.  Not to rain on the media's parade, but, if you're having trouble with the website, call 1 800 318 2596.  You can sign up and get coverage that way too.  How no one has mentioned that with their pathetic 24- hour news cycles is beyond me... but it tells you all you need to know about your "news" organizations.  Furthermore, there is no difference between 'Obamacare' and the Affordable Healthcare Act; they're one in the same.  Doesn't matter your political affiliation, they're the same thing.  Here in Washington State there's a major battle brewing over genetically modified foods.  Whether or not they're labeled is at the heart of it, but some folks have their dander up because the very thought of genetically modifying food is a bit of an apocalyptic nightmare to them.  Sounds a little too 'sci- fi' for their comfort... and on some level it does sound sci- fi. It's also a former and current reality... and you've been eating GMF's for most of your life.  Seedless grapes, seedless watermelon, bananas, broccoli, papayas, most sugars, wheat and soy products are genetically modified... and have been for decades.  Then there's more trivial and abundantly more obvious things you should know.  Back in 2007, current Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch was drafted by the Buffalo Bills.  Since Buffalo is in New York (state) Lynch believed (in his own words) that he'd be hanging out with Jay- Z... who lives in New York CITY.  Buffalo is almost twice as far away from NYC as Seattle is from Portland.  And 'actress' Julianne Hough issued an apology last weekend after attending a muckety- muck Halloween party in Beverly Hills.  She showed up in black- face.  Guess she never got the 135 year- old memo.  Nobody is perfect and no one knows everything, but:  WHAT DID YOU JUST RECENTLY FIND OUT THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN?
Found out that a woman he used to date used to be a MAN, BABY.  In case you're wondering, he ran outside and puked when he found out
Thought 'fromage' was a type of cheese, but 'fromage' is French for 'cheese', so no matter what type of cheese you're eating, it's fromage.  In his case, a girl ate a piece of brie and commented that it was really good fromage; he said, "no, this is brie".  And then she laughed at him.
Her boyfriend only realized that Seatac and Sea- Tac are combinations of Seattle and Tacoma
Only recently discovered that canned tuna is not raw tuna... it's cooked tuna in a can
Thought that reindeer were just regular deer that were dolled up at the holidays... didn't know they were an actual animal
This is, by far, the best answer of the day:  found out 2 years ago (at the age of 21) that July 4th is actually celebrated on the 4th day of July.  Thought it was like Labor Day or Thanksgiving, where the date floats... in spite of the fact that the date is in the name
I can't stop farting today.  Now you know.
Until tomorrow, make sure the sausage is cooked all the way and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: BuffaloNew YorkPortlandSeattleTacoma
People: Jay- ZJulianne HoughMarshawn Lynch

SHOW # 1818 OCTOBER 29 2013
One thing we know to be true of celebrities and the meg- rich are their penchants for lavish non- necessities.  Michael Jackson had an amusement park built in his yard, Paul Allen owns, among other things, a submarine, Jay Leno collects classic cars, Johnny Depp, Sir Richard Branson and creepy David Copperfield each own their own islands, Mike Tyson bought a two million dollar bathtub, Kim Bassinger bought an entire f**king town in Georgia for $20,000,000, Victoria Beckham spent $36,000 on a gold- plated cell phone, and on and on and on and on it goes.  Well, Kanye West, who's determined to follow- through on his ill- advised marriage to Kim Kardashian, just announced that they will have two fighter jets fly over the wedding.  Of course they will.  Why wouldn't they?  Most of us don't have that kind of cash to blow on absolute nonsense, but that hasn't necessarily stopped you from blowing the cash you do have on absolute nonsense.  Today we asked you to share:  WHEN DID YOU SAY "TO HELL WITH COST!" AND GO FOR THE EXTRAVAGANCE? 
With a few exceptions, today's answers revolved predominantly around sports and cars.  Seems that if we're gonna blow a lot of cash on something, it's a sporting event or transportation.  That tells me that these two things are, generally, overpriced. 
That being said, most people wouldn't spend $80 to eat a hot dog... but then, most people aren't us.  We've been talking about it for the last few weeks, and as of today, we finally fired up our hot dog roller... like the ones you see at 7-11 and other fine establishments.  It's been rolling all day and, frankly, (no pun intended) the studio smells awesome.  The dogs themselves?  Delicious.  Might be our best investment yet.
On that note, Jolene joined us for Sit and Spin and brought us the Top 10 Hot Dog songs.  Here's the link:
Until tomorrow, slip, slide and STAY BEAUTIFUL!!

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SHOW # 1816 OCTOBER 25 2013
In Norway, a man was moose hunting.  He spotted a moose, aimed his rifle, pulled the trigger and... missed.  He did, however, manage to shoot a 70- year- old man in the stomach.  See, the old man was sitting an outhouse trying to take a crap when the bullet intended for the moose blew through the wall and hit him in the abdomen.  He's expected to make a full recovery, but no one needs to be shot while taking a dump.  That's even an unwritten rule here in the Men's Room.  It's just wrong.  Meanwhile, yesterday in Massachusetts, an elementary school was put on lockdown after a woman started "frantically" trying to get inside.  She tried opening several locked doors before police showed up.  Turns out that she just really needed to go to the bathroom.  No one is saying if it was a #1 or a #2, but in my experience, when it gets to 'that' point, it's a #2... but who knows?  These two stories bring us to today's question:  WHAT WAS YOUR MOST UNFORTUNATE MOMENT WHEN NATURE CALLED?
Sorry bitches, got very distracted today... by poop, it seems. 
Have yourselves a fantastic weekend.  I'll be having a pre- Thanksgiving dinner with the members of the New Originals on Saturday and then off for a new tattoo on Sunday. 
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: Massachusetts

SHOW # 1815 OCTOBER 24 2013
A 19- year- old kid in New York City saved his money so he could buy a $349 Ferragamo belt.  Apparently, some of his favorite celebrities wear Ferragamo belts, so he wanted one too.  Anyway, he saved his money, went to Barney's and bought the belt.  As soon as he stepped out of the store, police hauled him away for fraud.  Why?  Quite simply, because he's black.  The cops even said so, wondering how "a young black man could afford such an item".  The worst part is, it was the cashier at Barney's who called the cops... even though his debit card and ID were legit.  He's suing now.  Turns out that young, black men can have jobs and spend their money as they see fit.  Who knew?  Meanwhile in Ireland, authorities were looking for the parents of a blonde, gypsy (Roma) boy.  They took him away from his two adult caregivers, saying that they wanted to find the kid's BIOLOGICAL parents... and, frankly, they had black hair and dark skin, so...  Irish authorities returned the boy to them earlier today after DNA tests proved that they are his parents... much the way they said they were.  Yep.  Today's question:  WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME THAT YOU'RE THE BAD GUY?
He's not 21 yet, so he can't get the job he wants... he never told us what that job is, so I'm just gonna assume it's an exotic dancer
His driving record sucks
White dude with dreads and, therefore, must be homeless or on drugs or both
He's a guy, so when he got a divorce, he was automatically the bad guy
Used to be a meth- head and a pretty bad guy... he's changed his ways but people only remember his past
Licensed gun carrier... everyone assumes he's up to no good
He's the ex- husband and the weekend father, so everyone (teachers, daycare workers, etc) assume he's the bad guy. 
Used to sell drugs in his younger days... in spite of this, the Mexican drug dealers always thought he was an undercover cop
Girlfriend fell at the doctor's office and got a black eye... when she went back to work, the assumption was that he'd punched her.  This made us ask; why is it that if a woman accuses a guy of hitting her EVERYONE believes her, but if she say he DIDN'T hit her, NO ONE believes them?
He's a cop, so everyone hates him
Bitches, I'm outta this joint.
Until tomorrow, don't eat veggie dogs and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: New York City

SHOW # 1814 OCTOBER 23 2013
Bishop Franz- Peter Tebatz- van Elst is better known in the Catholic community as the "Bishop of Bling".  Let's just say that 'piety' and 'humility' aren't this guy's strong suits and earlier this week he was suspended by Pope Francis for his extravagances.  Namely, the Pope is a little pissed off because the 'Bishop of Bling' recently spent $55 MILLION dollars on renovations to his official residence.  He'd been approved to spend $7.5 million, but he overspend by a mere $47.5 million.  But then, who among us doesn't need a $20,000 bathtub, or a $35,000 conference table or a $1,000,000 garden?  Those are just a few of the things the Bishop "had" to have.  On that note, our very own Miles Montgomery just spent $80 earlier today on a hot dog roller for the office... because we need it.  We've been talking about it for weeks and Miles made it a reality.  We had to have it.... just like our disco ball, theremin, fog machine, suit of armor, and fuzzy Uncle Sam hat.  Yep.  leads to today's question:  WHAT DUMB THING DID YOU ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY HAVE TO BUY?
Bought a milk dispenser for a baby's crib... it's like the water dispenser for a hamster cage, only you fill this one with milk  $8
A Nike Fuelband... wore it 3 times and is now under his sofa, where it's been for the last 9 months  $150
Every year at the fair she "has" to get the biggest stuffed animal available
2 fully automatic Nerf guns $120
Because Fred Durst had one (???) he HAD to have a red Yankees cap... his mother had to drive him to 3 different malls before he found one
Bought a pair of 12 inch stiletto heels... realized that they were 'impossible' to wear and now has no idea where they are
A pair of "rave" pants (picture your average Juggalo with all the zippers, chains and pockets) for $218
Bought "strength shoes" so he could finally dunk a basketball... they looked so ridiculous that after wearing them to the gym once (and being laughed at by everyone there) he never wore them again
Got the "One Click Butter Cutter"
Bought himself a titanium spork
OK bitches, time for me to say adios, so adios.
Until tomorrow, one finger at a time and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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SHOW # 1813 OCTOBER 22 2013
There are food snobs, beer snobs, wine snobs, grammar Nazis, hipsters, 'purists', and whole bunch of others who confuse subjectivity for knowledge and, frankly, they're really annoying.  That being said, whether you want to admit it or not, something about you is snobbish.  There's something out there that you feel that you, and you alone, understand and know how it's 'supposed' to be.  There's no limit to what that might be.  In fact, the BBC (BBC 2) is preparing to launch a series about FROZEN FOOD SNOBS!  That's right... frozen food snobs.  There is, seemingly, a snob for everything, so today we wanted to know:  WHAT KIND OF SNOB DO YOU HATE AND WHAT KIND OF SNOB ARE YOU?
He's a tool snob... prefers hand tools, old ones in particular
He's a weed snob, but hates shoe snobs
Hates 'brand name' snobs... is a grammar snob
Hates the snobby barista at his local coffee joint, but he's a huge home- brewed coffee snob
Hates Apple product snobs, but is a food snob himself
He is a 'keep your dog on a leash' snob... says that your dog may be nice, but that doesn't mean that his is.  In other news, he needs to train his dog better
Hates video game snobs, the ones who will only play X- Box or Playstation
Works as a waiter and hates food snobs... but he's a wine snob
He's a water snob; won't drink tap, must be bottled... but not Arrowhead
Hates dog snobs, as in the people who have 'designer' breeds; puggles, golden- doodles, etc.  They're not 'designer breeds', they're mutts... that's the joke
Ranch dressing snob
Chili snob... grew up in Texas and Louisiana
Hates cigar and scotch snobs
Hates fair weather fans.  Amen!  Take the good with the bad!
Ever wonder what the 20 worst bands of all time are?  Oh wait, you already have an opinion about that?  Well, you're opinion is crap and LA Weekly' put together a list because they know better than you.  Here's a link:
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, rock on, rock out and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: LouisianaTexas

SHOW # 1811 OCTOBER 18 2013
If you ever want to make someone uncomfortable (and why wouldn't you?), convince them that they're being watched.  Everyone acts differently when they think they're being observed.  It's why public bathroom have walls around the stalls (at least in the men's bathrooms), and it's why, assuming you're not driving a car, you pick your nose in private.  It's also why most of your 'questionable' dance moves are performed in the privacy of your home bathroom mirror and it's why you pull the shades down before you have sex.  All of that being said, sometimes you're not quite as 'alone' as you think you are and unfortunately, you were doing something better suited in private.  WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE ALONE?
Chasing strange noises through the woods terrified... his friends all had night vision goggles and were watching him the whole time
Someone saw him take a hit of weed in his work van and called his boss
Nude sunbathing
Worked at a hotel and strolled into the continental breakfast as an old man (who thought he was alone) unleashed a monster fart.  She ran away laughing
Got busy with a woman in the bed of his pickup truck... cop rolled up on them
Was having sex WITH  a couch when a woman walked in.  And that, my friends, is why you don't have sex with the sofas in the college student union
Snuck off for a quickie with his woman in the loft of a cabin... his friend's wife was hiding in the corner and watched the whole thing
Naked jump- roping (???) in his backyard
Took a job as a phone sex operator in college... thought she was alone when she began practicing her orgasm sounds... there were a bunch of guys listening in the room next door
OK bitches, I'm outta here like Vladimir!
Have a good weekend and do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Topics: Human Interest

SHOW # 1809 OCTOBER 16 2013
With the government shutdown, the economy and now a possible government restart, money has been a major topic of conversation.  Frankly, everyone wants it (or more of it) and God knows you need it.  If you own a car, you need to buy gas... and people always (rightly) bitch about the cost per gallon.  After some calculations, we found that a gallon of printer ink would cost you $800.  A gallon of Fiji (or Dasani or whoever else) bottled water would cost you over $17!  It's f**king water.  It falls out of the sky!  Anyway, even celebrities, those who make plenty of money to cover their personal costs, haven't always had money and we had a list of 17 rappers and the surprising jobs they had before we knew who they were.  For example, Nicki Manaj used to Red Lobster.  I don't know why, but she looks like someone who works at Red Lobster.  She needed the money.  Everyone needs money; sometimes it's through a job, sometimes it's not, sometimes it's legal and sometimes it's not.  Today we wanted to know:  WHAT MIGHT PEOPLE BE SURPRISED YOU DID FOR MONEY?
HE was an exotic dancer
Was a rooster "hit man".  Someone hired him to kill their neighbor's "annoying" rooster... so he did
Snorted a line of sawdust for a dollar.  It's not that sawdust is particularly disgusting or toxic, but I'd want more than a dollar
Didn't ask for it, but was given money to keep a secret, a.k.a., hush money
Currently doing door- to- door sales.  It's not that anyone would be surprised by this, it's that we were commenting on the fact that we think it's a sh*tty job
Drank a bottle of dip spit for $250 years.  As you may have guessed, he says it wasn't worth the money
Used to sell encyclopedias door- to- door... back when there were encyclopedias
Turned in someone he knew for reward money
Friend gave him a $40 bag of weed to sleep with a "fat chick"
Grew up a military brat... grew up in Japan for a while and just robbed kids at the train station
OK, I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, be slick, stand tall and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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People: Nicki Manaj

SHOW # 1807 OCTOBER 9 2013
A few weeks ago in Ohio, a woman went to Foot Locker.  As happens from time to time, she forgot her purse at the store.  The problem was, she'd left her COCAINE in the purse that she left at the store.  An employee discovered the coke and (unlike me, who would have thrown an impromptu party) called the police, the po- po, the fuzz, the heat, the 5-0.  Anyway, when she returned to the store to get her purse, she was arrested.  Shouldn't have left her purse at the store.  However, when it comes to putting things in the wrong place, a guy in London didn't commit a crime, but we're guessing he would have preferred getting busted for coke.  See, in his case, he got his penis stuck in a toaster and had to call the local fire department for help removing his junk.  Shouldn't have put his penis in a toaster.  And now that weed is legal in Washington State, edibles have become all the rage.  If you're like me and have a child in the house, you don't bring edibles home; no gold fish, no rice crispy treats, cake pops, brownies, candies, cookies, etc.  Kids love that stuff... and that's not good.  All of these stories brought us today's fill- in- the- blank question:  ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT MY _______ THERE.
Left a picture of his penis on his phone... forgot his phone at a party... went to get it the next day and discovered that the host of the party had texted the picture to many, many others
Shouldn't have put his hand in the garbage disposal... or, at the very least, he should have let the person who flipped it on know that his hand was IN the garbage disposal
When he was 4- years- old, he got his head stuck in the Dumbo ride... they had to shut the ride down for two hours to get his head out
Took a trip see his buddy graduate from the Marines.  Left his bong stem under the passenger seat, but there are drug dogs at the gate to the base.  He got arrested
His dog ate his Oxy's.  Dog got STONED... and then went to the vet
Got his tongue stuck to the side of a freezer when he tried to lick the frozen Coke out of it
Shouldn't have left his driver's license home... got pulled over twice in one day
OK, I'm outta here.
Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: LondonOhio

SHOW # 1805 OCTOBER 8 2013
A couple in England is kicking around the idea of making the ultimate mistake and getting married.  No big deal, couples do that.  However, in this case, the guy agreed to get engaged IF his fiancé- to- be will make him 300 sandwiches.  Now understand that he didn't want 300 sandwiches all at one for some bitchin' party, but one new sandwich each day.  She agreed, and as of today, she's 185 sandwiches deep. These aren't bologna sandwiches on Wonder Bread either; these are snooty- restaurant quality creations.  It helps that she's a sandwich and food blogger, so he's getting treated to some serious breaded treats in return for getting hitched.  weird?  Sure, but whatever works.  In most cases, we get to know our significant others more and more as the years go by and you kinda wish you'd known certain things in advance.  And that's our question:  IF YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW, WHAT DEAL WOULD YOU HAVE MADE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Married 1 year, been together for 5... the deal would be that he MUST have a 6- pack of Ice House Tall Boys after work.  All he asks for
The deal WAS 2 kids and then she gets a boob job (???)... they had trouble having kids, managed to have one, but no boob job
If he'd known that his wife was only horny when she was drunk, he would have never supported her decision to get sober. 
During the NFL season, never assume that he wants to anything on a Sunday OTHER than watch football
She could no longer get upset when she has to work weekends.  Essentially, she gets angry because he goes out without her
Every conversation would be recorded so that when it becomes 'he said/ she said', they could verify which one of them is in the wrong.  To be fair, he admitted that he's probably equally responsible
She would have to lose the baby weight... 6 years later and still tubby
Today, Jolene brought us some actual new music.  some was good, some was bad, some made me wanna vomit.  

OK bitches, I'm out.
Until tomorrow, hit me with your... don't hit me at all actually, but STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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SHOW # 1804 OCTOBER 7 2013
Honest mistakes... they happen a lot... you just hope the consequences aren't too bad.  For example, Oktoberfest is in full- swing in Germany and, as you'd imagine, people are getting very, very drunk, and very drunk people often puke.  Earlier this week, someone got very, very drunk and started projectile vomiting.  A stream of vomit hit a tiny bird that happened to be flying by and knocked it to the ground.  Then the puke dried on its wings and the bird couldn't fly.  Honest mistake.  The bird was eventually rescued and washed clean of the revelers "gently used" stomach contents.  On the other end of the spectrum, this past Tuesday in Arizona, a woman died after her boyfriend accidentally (???) shot off a handgun that he had tucked into the waistband of his pants.  They were hugging at the time and then he blew her away.  Honest mistake, albeit tragic.  Like I said, we all make honest mistakes (well, I didn't SAY that, but I alluded to it) and the 21st century version of apologizing for such things is to declare "aw, man, my bad".  Today we wanted to know:  WHEN WAS IT YOUR BAD?
Sorry bitches, got sidetracked. 
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: Arizona

SHOW # 1803 OCTOBER 3 2013
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer retired from the company last Thursday.  We're not quite sure how many people may have been in attendance at his retirement speech, but it's safe to say that there were a LOT of folks pretending to care.  Anyway, when he wrapped up his speech, he started crying and doling out extremely energetic high fives... you know; the kind of high fives you give out when you don't normally give out high fives.  Frankly, it was pathetic, but it was dramatic.  And then there's a video making the rounds that features a woman dancing through her office to celebrate quitting her job.  It's not that the video itself is a big deal, it's just one of those things where everyone who's ever had a job they hate can relate.  There's always talk of making a dramatic entrance, but there's something to be said about making a dramatic exit.  It can be a break- up, leaving a job, getting out of jail or just graduating high school, today we wanted to know:  HOW DID YOU MAKE YOUR DRAMATIC EXIT?
Threw his shirt and hat and shoes into a deep fryer in front of customers when quitting his fast food job
Got thrown out of a bar in Korea... went back in to start a fight, but his sense of self- preservation prevailed and he chose to MOONWALK out of the bar and exit with a pivot.  Got a standing ovation for his efforts
At his high school graduation, he dropped his pants and danced... on stage
Attempted to break out of rehab in Spokane... got arrested for assault in the end.  She started shooting heroin when she was 14, a year after she lost her virginity... went to rehab at 15... currently 17, but is clean and a senior in high school
Bit the head off of a live chicken for $500... was later charged with animal cruelty
His friends chained his bumper to a tree at a bon fire party... when he drove away, the tree fell on his other friend's car
Miles (not our Miles, but another Miles) and Bill joined us today.  Who are Miles and Bill?  They're two of the men who represent the Snohomish County Helicopter Rescue Team, and they came by to share stories of rescue (which are much cooler than any of the stories we have to tell) and the fact that next year they'll be doing a major fundraiser.  See, in spite of the fact that the only thing they do is good, their funding has dried up and without the funding, if you get lost or injured on your hike, well, you're f**ked.  I'll have more info to share with you in the next few months.
OK, time to bid you ado.  Ado. 
Until tomorrow, take me to funky town and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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People: BillMilesSteve Ballmer

SHOW # 1802 OCTOBER 2 2013
Bill Gates... you may have heard of him... is co- founder of Microsoft and it's current Chairman of the Board (like Frank Sinatra before him).  Well, three of Microsoft's top twenty investors want to force Bill out of the company?  Why?  They think his presence blocks the "adoption of new strategies".  In other words, Microsoft isn't the trailblazing innovator it once was, and they think it's because Bill is stuck in his old ways.  Some people just don't change.  I get ridiculed for actually mailing my bill payments and, when it comes to music, I prefer it on vinyl.  In fact, if your latest release isn't on vinyl, there's very little chance I'll own it.  To be fair, I never even liked CD's... always been a vinyl guy.  Don't know why.  Not EVERYTHING about me is trapped in the 20th century, but a lot of me is.  I know I'm not alone:  HOW HAVE YOU NOT CAUGHT UP WITH "THE TIMES"?
Still writes letter, but he actually seals them with wax... because he's 374 years old
Can't use a computer... his wife does all the online stuff
Doesn't own a cell phone... probably means he owns an actual camera
Only pays with cash... if it's a big ticket item, he'll withdraw the money from the bank and still pay with actual money
Plays classical music in his car... must LOVE waiting on hold
Buys (not rents) movies and TV shows on DVD
Has an antenna for his TV and no cable
Washes all of his dishes by hand
She just recently got a debit card because people (like me) complained when she wrote checks at the grocery store
Works as an apprentice to a blacksmith
Doesn't email, text, tweet or even own a computer.  I'm tempted to insult him... not because I disagree with anything he does, but because he'll never read this.
Like myself, prefers board games over video games. 
So today was mildly humbling.  See, there were a lot of people who share my views of certain "old school" things, but every person who I share the same 'values' with sounded f**king insane.  Maybe I'm insane?  I dunno.
OK bitches, I'm out.
Until tomorrow, tell me, have you seen her and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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SHOW # 1801 OCTOBER 1 2013
Home Owners' Associations are notoriously petty.  It's, more or less, the reason they exist.  In extreme cases you get Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman, but in most cases you innocuous crap like what's happening in Everett, where a guy is getting grief from his HOA for flying a "12th Man" flag on football Sundays.  It's a rule violation.  Also in Everett, two teenagers got into a fight that ended with a stabbing when they couldn't agree on which of them yelled "shotgun" first as they prepared to go to McDonald's for a late night snack.  And in Florida, an 8- year- old was suspended  for making a pretend gun with his thumb and index finger during a game of cops and robbers.  Yes, America is a first- world country with first- world problems and these are shining examples of such.  We're sure you can relate with an answer to this question:  WHAT SMALL INCIDENT BECAME A REALLY BIG DEAL?
Playing with bb guns... SWAT showed up
Picking his nose and ended up with a 10 minute nose bleed
Their designated driver was pulled over on New Year's Eve... wasn't drunk, but smoked weed and got popped for a DUI
For a senior prank, he and his friends brought a bunch of farm animals to campus... they pooped EVERYWHERE
Got arrested on the way to Mardi Gras while driving through Mississippi... had an old (legitimate) script for Oxy's
Got into an argument with his landlord... landlord (who is a little crazy) started threatening to do stuff to the planes he (the renter) works on, so he called the FAA... landlord lied and said that he (the renter, again) threatened the President (???)... Secret Service got involved
Who doesn't like sex?  When the opportunity presents itself, you go in full throttle, right?  Yea, that's great and all, but every so often, something comes along to ruin the whole thing, and in this case, Jolene presented the '8 Worst songs to Have Sex To'.  Here's the link:
OK bitches, I'm outtie.
Until tomorrow, shake it, don't break it, baby, and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: FloridaMississippi
People: George ZimmermanTrayvon Martin


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