I don't normally do a blog on Monday's, but today is different... for one reason; we had a discussion about what children would look like if we, the Men's Room, reproduced with each other. Here's a peek:
Until tomorrow, don't procreate and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Yesterday in Mexico, a lone or group of opportunistic thieves stole a truck with expensive cargo. The problem is, the truck's experience cargo was Cobalt- 60, a HIGHLY radioactive element used for medical procedures... AND dirty bombs. The Cobalt- 60 was stored in a secure container... but by the time authorities found the truck, the containers had been opened. The good news: the thieves didn't steal the Cobalt- 60. They probably didn't know what it was, thus, saw no value in it. The bad news: whoever opened the container has approximately 1 to 3 days left to live. Yep. Authorities went so far as to tell the thieves (where ever they might be) not to even bother turning themselves in... because they're gonna be dead in short order. Bet they wish they'd known what they were getting into. Today's question: WHAT DID YOU DO THAT ALMOST KILLED YOU... AND WAS IT FUN?
Let his friend drive his S-2000... flipped the car, but everyone got out alive
Getting towed in a sled behind a quad... flew off of a 30- foot cliff and broke his collar bone. Should have been a lot worse
Just got his license and decided to go speeding the highway... did a 360, swerved off the road and into a ditch
Walking across a train bridge when a train arrived. They managed to run fast enough to get off of the bridge, but just barely
In the Marines he worked in ordinance disposal... picked up what he thought was a dirt clod and tossed it off to the side... then it exploded. Turns out it was a grenade encased in mud
Wrecked his motorcycle going about 45 mph... lacerated his spleen but didn't know it until he went to the hospital... the next day
Got bucked off of a bull... and then gored by the bull... then head- butted in the face... then stomped on
Had cancer... got the tumor removed but Od'd on morphine in recovery
Fell down a mine shaft when she was 20... said it was only a 15- foot drop, but scary as hell anyway
OK bitches, the boss is taking us out for drinks.
Until tomorrow, I ain't whistlin' Dixie, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Scientists, being all sciency, got the bright idea to teach a group of mice to fear the smell of cherry blossoms. (???) The next two generations of offspring were ALSO scared of cherry blossoms... even though they had no reason to be. What the scientists concluded was that parents may pass memories to their kids. Probably not, but it sounds cool... or terrifying, depending on your point of view. Either way, it got us thinking; if you could have one of their memories, what would it be? If you're a disturbingly kinky freak, you might want the memory of your conception... but that's really f**ked up. Maybe they were at Woodstock or they won big at a casino. Whatever the case, today we wanted to know: IF YOU COULD STEAL THE MEMORY OF A FAMILY MEMBER AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
His father was a test pilot in the air Force and was one of the first 500 people to break the sound barrier. He also trained astronaut Michael Collins how to fly a specific jet. Oh yea, and he was drafted by the Brooklyn Dodgers
Would like the memory of his father on the day he was born. See, his father is white, his mother is white, and yet, he's half black. Mama was a ho!
His aunt... she played Plinko on 'The Price is Right' when Bob Barker was host
Would like the memory of his father the time he smoked weed with Carlos Santana
His grandfather was a Marshall in Sedro Wooley and had a gun fight with bank robbers back in the day. Sounds cool, but I, for one, don't dig the idea of someone actively trying to kill me
His uncle was a swimmer in 1984 Olympics
Would like his mother's memory of seeing the Beatle's in there only Seattle appearance
His father is a super Green Bay Packers fan was at the "Ice Bowl" back in 1967. Seems cool until you realize that it was 5 f**king degrees
His grandfather stormed Normandy Beach during WWII... again, sounds cool, but the idea of Nazi's shooting at me is not appealing
When it comes to getting high or drunk, most of us take advantage of the plethora of drugs and alcohol offerings already in rotation... whether they're legal or not. Thanks to Big Pharma, you can get stoned on perfectly LEGAL drugs that simply mimic their illegal counterparts. It's low and shady, but it's genius. And hell, when it comes to booze, pick your poison; beer, wine, whiskey, tequila, vodka, gin, rum... it's your choice. However, in spite of the cornucopia of narcotics available, people, namely teenagers, are (seemingly) always looking for alternatives. Some huff paint, sniff glue, smoke tea and/ or banana peels, guzzle cough medicine or mouthwash, or, more recently, get all hopped up on bath salts. Earlier this year we read about the "epidemic" of teens guzzling HAND SANITIZER in an effort to distort their personal reality, and now, it seems they've turned their attention to COOKING wine. One bottle of cooking wine is equivalent to about 4 beers... and about 500% of your daily sodium requirement. See, in spite of cooking wine being, well, wine, almost nowhere will card anyone who buys it. Kids got hip to this truth and it's been game- on. The thing is, nothing these kids are doing is anything new, so today we wanted to know: WHAT DUMB WAY DID YOU TRY TO CATCH A BUZZ?
Drank vanilla extract
Took a bunch of Dramamine (motion sickness pills)... 45 of them to be (almost) exact. He did trip, like he was told he would, but he also spent two days in the hospital
Tried to smoke ferns... actually, he DID smoke ferns successfully... and got a severe headache as a result. Don't smoke ferns
Tried smoking over- the- counter pills after smoking pain pills for years
Would stand straight up and hold his breath as long as possible... kinda like walking into a room after I've farted
Ate a few tablespoons of nutmeg... described it as smoking cheap Mexican weed while having a theatre
Tried smoking chewing tobacco... the effect is similar to chewing smoking tobacco; bad
Smoked a newspaper when he was 12- years- old. Might be the worst kind of smoke to breathe in
Took X and then drank a BOTTLE of Robatusin... definitely got high
Tried to smoke BEER from a bong... ended up sucking all of the foam directly into his lungs
Attempted to brew plum wine while serving in Afghanistan... tried
After learning that the scrotum is porous and absorbent, he decided to soak his privates in a cup full of 151 to see fi he could get drunk that way. It didn't work
After running out of weed, he and his friends decided to smoke catnip. Wish I could say that I never did the same thing
Mixed poppy seeds with water and lemon juice in the hope of having an opiate high... managed to get a little buzz
ESPN's own, and Kent's own, Kenny Mayne stopped by today to chat. He is a funny, funny man. Truly.
OK bitches, I'm outta here, bitches. It's been real.
Until tomorrow, eat your meat and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"