Actress Julianne Hough caused an uproar last year when she went to a Halloween party in blackface. She was actually dressed as a character from the Netflix show "Orange is the New Black", but that brought her no reprieve. Robert Downey Junior donned blackface for his character in the movie 'Tropic Thunder' and no one cared. No one cared when Billy Crystal routinely donned blackface during his SNL days when he parodied Sammy Davis Junior. Shawn and Marlon Wayans wore whiteface for their stunningly terrible movie "White Chicks". Well now, Nick Cannon, whipped husband of Mariah Carey, has a new album coming out called "White People Party Music", and to promote it, he's created a character named Connor Smallnut... which is just Nick in whiteface. As you might imagine, some people have a problem with this. And then there's former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. It's no secret that he's no fan of our current President... just part of the typical partisan whining sh*t, but in a diatribe last night about Obama's mishandling of Afghanistan, Rummy stated that "a trained ape" could have done a better job. He had no racial intent, but you know it unfolded anyway. It's easy to offend people these days. Hell, people, as best I can tell, LOVE to be offended. It's the new thing. Anyway, we're sure you've offended someone, but we're wondering if you meant to. LAST TIME YOU OFFENDED SOMEONE, WAS IT INTENTIONAL OR NOT?
Works in pest control; a client asked how he managed to situate himself in a certain part of the house. He responded with, "because I'm skinny." The homeowner was fat and took it wrong.
Told his girlfriend she had National Geographic boobs. That's never a compliment
Asked a dude with one leg what his handicap was... he was talking about golf
Told a Jewish joke to a woman who'd just married a Jewish guy
Waiting for a car to back out of a parking space. Accidentally hit his horn, the other driver thought he was being a d*ck and things got wee bit dicey
Bought a Chihuahua but hadn't registered the dog yet, so he made the joke that the dog was an illegal alien... the Hispanic woman he was talking to didn't think it was funny
A woman asked if he would get something for him; he said, "you have legs". She didn't. She leg. Just one.
Some old dude wanted to fight him because his ears are gauged
SIT AND SPIN
As we do every Tuesday, we invited Jolene in for another episode of Sit and Spin. On today's episode we covered the seven surprising musicians who sang in commercials. I was particularly surprised by Paul Stanley, but that's just me. Here's a link:
OK bitches, sh*t to do so I'm outtie.
Until tomorrow, snuff the rooster and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
A guy in England lost his mother and attempted to mourn her death... which is par for the course... but he just couldn't do it. It's not because he didn't love his mother, it's because his (bitch) wife wouldn't stop singing "Ding- Dong, the Witch is Dead" . Seriously. As you might imagine, things didn't end well between that couple. In a nutshell, he freaked out and locked her in a shed, she escaped and confronted him, he grabbed her boobs and started twisting them (???) and he was arrested. Initially it seems hard to imagine that someone (the wife) could be so insensitive... and then I read that Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church died this morning and I broke into song... to the tune of the Curtis Mayfield classic, "Freddie's Dead". It happens sometimes; you celebrate someone else's misfortune. And that is today's question: WHEN DID YOU TAKE JOY SOMEONE ELSE'S MISFORTUNE?
Broke up with an abusive boyfriend after 4 years... the day she broke it off, he also found out that he's lost his job, all three of his snowmobiles 'broke', his car stopped working AND his truck broke down
Dated a guy for three years, he cheated on her but they worked it out... three years later he left her and married the woman he'd cheated with... they just got into a bad car accident
Ex- wife got herpes from the guy she'd left him for. I think that would make anyone happy
He's happy every time UFC fighter Josh Koshcheck gets his ass kicked
When the "jerk" he worked for in the army got court- marshaled
Was delighted to find out that his ex just had a really ugly baby
Saw a blind guy run into a stop sign and fall over
Loves watching his friends deal with their kids' temper tantrums, unexpected bodily functions, etc.
Recommended a friend to a jog... that friend stole from the company, then had sex with someone else's girlfriend. The pleasure came when he rolled his truck 10 times
Her ex got "fat, ugly and old looking"
Her rude and obnoxious neighbor just got evicted
Took joy in the fact that her sister got too fat to fit into her wedding dress... before the wedding
Anyone who has a job or has EVER had a job... whether you loved or hated it... knows that customers/ clients, have a way of ruining your day. Maybe they mean to, maybe they don't, but it happens... and it happens frequently. If you're lucky, you're job doesn't require you to deal with the public directly, but if you're not- so- lucky, there is, inevitably, a list of things you can count on day- to- day that will drive you nuts. With that in mind, we have a list of '8 Things We Do That Servers Hate' and a list of '7 Ways to Annoy a Flight Attendant'. We picked these because these jobs are all about dealing with the public. Whatever your job is, we wanted to know: WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR JOB, WHAT CAN YOU GUARENTEE CUSTOMERS WILL DO TO PISS YOU OFF?
Cook: When people don't stick to the menu
Pharmacist: when people wait until the last minute to call in a prescription
Cop: people who put their hands up instantly and say "I didn't do it!" I would think as a cop you'd just kinda hate everyone.
Works at a call center: can't stand people who ask "why is there a late charge?"
Mailman: every day he's asked, "what's in the package?" If they know, they're a criminal.
Barista: being asked, "how big is the 16 ounce?" WTF?!? 16 fluid ounces is 16 fluid ounces. Always. You can tell when they call it '16 ounces'.
Hockey ref: people complain about every call he makes. Comes with the territory. No one ever believes that their team could possibly be guilty of an infraction. Must be a conspiracy! Come on.
Drives a recycling truck: hates people who won't just put their recycling IN the can provided
Lots more answers, but it really turned into a bitch- fest... which is fine, but I'm looking for some levity here.
SIT AND SPIN
Yea, I'm getting (have gotten?) old, but when Jolene told us that she was bringing is Baby metal, I assumed she meant that Rock-a-by-Baby stuff that's all the rage; songs from Metallica, Tool, Megadeth, etc. played on a xylophone or whatever. I was wrong. Turns out that Baby Metal is an actual f**king band. It's a three- piece chic band from Japan. Had no idea. Here's a link:
A lot of adopted kids go on a search for their biological parents, but for Katherine Deprill, it's a little different. See, she was abandoned in the bathroom of a Burger King as a newborn back in 1986. Now she's attempting to track down her mother. Shouldn't be too hard as most women don't leave their children in the toilets of fast food establishments. Then there's the drug addict who went on a two week burglary spree to support his habit. He eventually made the cops job easier when he left his passport behind at one the houses he'd robbed. And then there’s the guy in England who didn't lose a mother or a passport, but kicked it up a notch and LOST HIS PENIS! Seriously. The cops found him bleeding from his groin, minus his junk. The police actually shut down a busy street to execute a lengthy search for it. No word on whether or not they found it. All of these questions contributed to today's question: WHAT IS THE MOST INCONVEINIANT THING YOU'VE EVER LOST OR FOUND?
In the army, he lost the keys to the Armory
Was born without a left hand, nevertheless, he believes that he's supposed to be left- handed... which begs the question; how much evidence to the contrary does he need
Found a small bag of weed in a new pair of pants. I recently bought a few new pairs of jeans and I found nothing!
Lost his mother... she didn't die, she had dementia. He took her to Albertson's and lost her. Found her a quarter mile away riding an electric cart headed toward Sam's Club
Lost her birth control the same weekend that her boyfriend came to visit her in college... then she got pregnant
Went on a cigarette run and found a dead body in the road. Had been the victim of a hit- and- run
Found an I-Pod in his car... it had been left behind by the person who'd broken into his car
Found a bunch of sex toys in the house he was selling for a woman
Worked at a theme park... saw a crying child kid on her break... his parents had 'forgotten' him. Sure
OK bitches, the weekend is here. Lets get it started. See you at the Sounders tomorrow?
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Most of us recognize that the 'Nigerian prince' who routinely emails us all and offers untold riches in exchange for our help is a fraud. So is the 'hot' Russian woman who will be your sex slave in exchange for her hand in marriage. Admittedly, the latter is a real bummer. Well, it turns out that hockey fans in Boise, Idaho have ALSO been getting scammed. See, if you go to the Century Link Arena there to see the Steelheads hockey team, you can buy a $4 'small' beer or a $7 'large' beer. Turns out that the small and large beers are the exact same amount of beer. Now a group of fans are suing. We've all gotten duped, tricked, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flim- flamed and straight- up conned. Today we wanted to know: WHEN DID SOMEONE TRY TO PULL THE WOOL OVER YOUR EYES?
Yea, I know, I got distracted again.
I'm out of here.
Until tomorrow, protect your house and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
Just because you wear Ed Hardy or Affliction gear doesn't mean you're a douche- bag, but everyone assumes you are. Ladies, just because you have a tiny dog in your purse doesn't mean you're a pretentious, high maintenance bitch, but everyone assumes you are. Fellas, just because your pants sag off of your ass doesn't mean you're a wanna- be thug, but everyone assumes you are. Ladies, just because you wear Ugg boots doesn't mean you're a vapid idiot, but everyone assumes you are. As much as we're told 'not to judge a book by it's cover', that's exactly what we do. We all do. With that in mind, today we wanted to channel your inner nit- picker: WHAT'S THE ONE POSSESSION THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES YOU DISLIKE SOMONE?
Guys who wear flip- flops
A Prius... a LOT of people submitted the Prius as the thing that makes them instantly dislike someone
Men in bedazzled jeans
"Exotic" pets, as in tigers or chimps or cobras, etc.
Pet strollers... amen. If you want to take your god for a walk, let the dog walk!
Drawn- on eyebrows. Why are they always drawn on in such a way that the person looks surprised
Religious bumper stickers
Loud bass in the car
Any guy that wears white- rimmed sunglasses
Those were most of the answers we heard today.
I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, check yourself and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
If you need a car, you need a car, even though you know it's a lousy investment. The value of it plummets quickly, you have to over pay for insurance, overpay for gas and overpay for parking... but if you need a car, bad as an investment as it is, is worth it in it's own, money- draining way... so it makes sense. About a decade ago, the promise of satellite radio was all the rage and when it launched, shares went for about $60 each. Well, reality is that about 2% of radio listeners bother with satellite and now the stocks are worth about $3 a share. Like any stock, satellite radio was a gamble. As far as cars go, they are, in this country in particular, a necessity, so while they suck as an investment, they have a benefit. But then, there are those things that are so incredibly stupid as an investment that it defies logic... so leave it to our federal government to be the tip of the spear of unchecked idiocy. There are many examples of this, however, for today's purposes we'll focus on the production of currency. It's well documented that a penny is valued at exactly one cent... but it costs 1.9 cents to produce. The nickel is valued at 5 cents, but cost about 9.8 cents to produce. Long and short of it, we lose about $105 MILLION dollars a year producing this stuff. Today's question: WHAT DID YOU PAY FOR IT AND WHAT IS IT WORTH NOW?
OK, I got just wee bit distracted today. Hey, it happens. Cut me some slack.
However, here's a link to Jolene's blog: On today's episode of Sit and Spin, we covered the songs that you probably shouldn't have been singing in the back of your car with your parents up front. Let's face it, most popular songs seem to have something to do with sex and drugs... it was the same way when you were a kid.
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, touch it with your tongue and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"