Thrill's Big Brown Blog Gets Historical

January 20, 2017

Hola,

Earlier today the 45th President of the United States of America was sworn in. Within an hour, on the White House website, all references to 'climate change' were removed, but you CAN order merch from Melania's fashion and jewelry line. Already we're focused on the important things. Be proud.

Today marks an important and critical moment in American and world history. I don't think anyone would debate that, but what direction things go? Who knows? But this is a historical moment, and, as it happens, History (Channel) recently conducted a survey of the "ten most important historical events that happened in your lifetime". All of the usual suspects were there: 9/11, fall of the Berlin Wall, the moon landing, etc. But this inspired us to ask: "WHAT MOMENT FROM YOUR HISTORY REFUSES TO DIE?"

We didn't wanna hear about the day you got married...don't care. At all. Not being mean, being honest. Seriously, do you even look at your OWN wedding pictures?  We know you have the 'one' that's framed somewhere, but other than that one, do you bother to look? No, of course not because it's just not that interesting. And it's too obvious of an answer.

Same thing with kids! No 'we had kids' answers today because, again, we don't care. We like kids, but not yours. Besides, having sex and then having kids is akin to eating chili and then pooping. I stole that quote, but I like it. And I'm kind of a d*ck. Annnnd, I have kids. Human poop. But cute enough.

My favorite story of the day, however, involved a woman getting her lip bitten by a snapping turtle. She found one on its back, thought it might be dead and decided to try to save it. She took it home and, to her credit, got some life back into it. Unfortunately, it had enough 'life' back in it that it managed to SNAP HER LIP! It wouldn't let go for a long enough time that (1) her kids thought she was kissing it, and (2) she had to get 14 stitches. To this day she looks like she has a cleft palate. Go ahead and Google an image for that. Yeah. No. 

 OK, time for the weekend, bitches! Go enjoy the sh*t out of it!

Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!

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