Posts from January 2013

SHOW # 1651 JANUARY 31 2013
So there's a guy named Zack, and his fiancé mentioned that she was up for a three- way with him and her best friend.  Thing is, he'd never met her best friend, but that didn't stop him from wanting to get in on some 3- way action, so he decided to record a video of himself as an introduction to the best friend.  As you'd expect, he repeatedly mentioned the three- way idea and wanted to let her know that he was game.  Unfortunately for him, he accidentally uploaded his personal video to YouTube... making it a very PUBLIC video.  It is awesome, but very embarrassing.  Then there's Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'O who, as you probably know by now, carried on a relationship with a virtual girlfriend he'd never met... only to discover that he was being pranked by a gay guy who, in his own words, "fell in love with Mante".  That's bad enough, but the fact that it was made public (and continues to circulate) only made the whole situation worse... for him, anyway.  We're loving it.  Anyway, thses things happen to the best of us; you have that moment (usually following an awkward silence) when all you can say is "oops", and that is today's question:      WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST "OOPS" MOMENT?
Tried to send a text about buying weed to his girlfriend... sent it to his boss instead
When her husband proposed, he used his mother's old ring and she said it was ugly... they're still married 6 years later
Was busting his woman's chops during a card game... she called him out for f**king the babysitter
When he said, "I do"
When he woke up and walked into the living room where his family was sitting... he didn't realize that his d*ck was at full attention and poking out of his boxers.  It happened when he was 12 and his family won't let him forget it
Was making fun of a fat chick at a party; well, she wasn't 'fat', but she had a massive muffin- top and was showing it off.  Anyway, he was poking fun at her among a group of guys and had to offer up an "oops" when one of the guys pointed out that muffin- top was his girlfriend
Same customer has been coming in for 6 months and she always called him 'sir'... 'he' is a woman
Sent 4 naked pictures to her boyfriend, including one with semen on her back (seriously)... she actually sent them to her sister's boyfriend by mistake.  Happened a year ago and her sister still won't talk to her
Was playing "Mad Libs" at a party when someone asked him for a noun.  He just kind of absently said, "uh, I dunno, 'gimp'".  That's when he noticed the guy in the wheelchair angrily staring at him
OK, that's a wrap.  Tomorrow is Friday, bitches!
So, until tomorrow, doo- da- dippity and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Topics: Human Interest
People: Manti Te

SHOW # 1650 JANUARY 30 2013
According to a new study from the University of Tennessee, your first several experience determines how much you'll enjoy sex for the rest of your life.  The long and short of it is this; people who had a positve experience their first time, reported more physical and emotional satisfaction from sex in the future than people who had a negative experience.  Without conducting our own survey, we're pretty sure this theory holds true with many, many things.  Look, I hate vegetables and I'm (very, very) often asked one of the most idiotic questions that can be asked; "why don't you like vegetables?"  The simple answer is; 'because I can taste them'.  Then there is the inevitable follow- up stupidity; "have you ever even tried _____?"  Yes, dumb- ass, that's how I know that I don't like them.  See how that works?  We're willing to bet that's how MOST people discover that they like or dislike something, and with that truth in mind, today we wanted to know:  AFTER TRYING _____, I KNOW FOR SURE THAT IT'S NOT FOR ME.
"Fat chicks"... not chubby or big boned or 'of larger carriage', but  F A T.  He gave it a go (I think we all have) but it wasn't for him
Smoking weed... follow along; he got stoned with friends (after 12/6/12, when it was legal) and went to the store and stole a bottle of Mountain Dew and Funyons... got caught and went to jail for shoplifting.  Blames the weed. 
Acid... tried it once and the trip lasted WAAAAYYYY too long.  Incidentally, that's why I like acid; you get your money's worth
IPA's... Miles' favorite type of beer
Not being his own boss... as a result, he opened his own business
Rugby... she tried virtually every other sport under the Sun and enjoyed them enough, but rugby was not her cup of tea... it was, however, responsible for her bruised ribs
The "office environment"... didn't like dressing up and all that silliness
Sushi... unlike most people, he doesn't have a problem with the raw fish, it's the unique taste of dried seaweed that makes him wanna puke
The "Devil's 3- Way" (which is a ménage trois involving 2 men and 1 woman) and no longer chooses to hold a fart until he gets to a bathroom
Cheap booze... like most of us, cheap booze equals bad, bad, bad times
Meth... tried it a few times in the 80's, but saw how powerful it was
Surfing... I loved it, but I really didn't think I would
Sobriety... I have nothing against sobriety, I just happen to find it much less interesting
Celibacy... yea
OK bitches, I'm outtie, as they say.
Until tomorrow, I am the smoke in your eyes, so STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Topics: Human Interest
Locations: Tennessee

SHOW # 1649 JANUARY 29 2013
So we got an email from a Boeing employee who works at the Renton plant.  He pointed out that he and the 5000 people he works with enjoy our show and listen everyday.  However, as of today, they will be listening no more.  Why, you ask?  According to the emailer, a certain someone complained to the 'ethics' office, saying that our show is "offensive", and now we're banned from the ENTIRE company.  We don't know what we said or what we did (you know how that goes) to earn this distinction, but now we know.  On the other hand, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell knows EXACTLY what he did to earn the ire of the city of New Orleans... and while he spends the week in the Big Easy in advance of Sunday's Super Bowl, he'll be lucky to get served food or a drink at any local establishment.  Bars and restaurants across the city have posted pictures of Goodell with the message "Do not serve this man."  Gotta love that.  Anyway, today we wanted to know:  WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DID TO BE NO LONGER WELCOME?
Thrown out of a restaurant for smoking... a joint... at the table.  Haters
Dated a sherrif's daughter (which seems like a really bad idea to me) and after breaking up with her, he was thrown out of the town.  The TOWN
Trashed several golf carts and, believe it or not, that got him thrown off of the golf course
Kicked out of a comedy club for Long Island Ice- T fueled heckling
Banned from Papa John's... he was delivery driver who caused too much trouble
Filled in as a DJ for his buddy at a bar.  Big fight broke out and had to testify in court against his buddy's boss and the bouncers.  No longer welcome at the bar
Banned from Caesar’s Palace AND Treasure Island in Vegas after being accused of counting cards.  He wasn't counting cards, he was just winning
Intentionally burned down a Nativity scene outside of a church in Canada... was kicked out of Canada
Flashed a camera... at an amusement park and is, inexplicably, banned from the park.  I'd ban any good looking woman who DIDN'T flash... but that's just me
Dropped the "N- bomb" at Ezelle's and got banned.  That is the WRONG place to drop the N- bomb
Alright bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, tug it in private and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: New Orleans
People: Roger Goodell

SHOW # 1648 JANUARY 28 2013
It's all fun and games at an S&M photo shoot until someone gets there head bashed in with a baseball bat.  It happens more than you'd think because it happened at all... earlier this month in Illinois.  One of the two women being photographed was told that she could not play the role of dominatrix... so she dominated with a bat.  Are you the jealous type?  Are you so jealous that you'd crash your ex's wedding just to prevent them from getting married?  A guy in Utah tried to do exactly that.  Not only did he fail, but he failed in spectacular fashion.  If you own a yellow (yes, yellow) 1994 Acura Integra, you probably don't worry about people wanting to steal your car... but a guy in Chicago feels differently and that's why he puts a boot on his car each night.  He doesn't want anyone to steal that thing that no one wants to steal in the first place.  These are some of the stories that caught our eye over the weekend and were used for the MONDAY RANDOM QUESTION.
What we discovered today is that there's a guy who lives in (Norman) Oklahoma who loves musicals (???) but, oddly enough, doesn't like the musical "Oklahoma".
We also discovered that February is 'Suicide Prevention Month'.  We learned that from a guy who works maintenance on the I-90 bridge and he's seen several jumpers... most of them in the month of February.  Just sayin'.
Yea, that's about it.  Well, that, and Miles enjoyed the movie "An Affair to Remember".
OK, I'm outta here, bitches.
Until tomorrow, welcome to where time stands still, and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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Locations: ChicagoIllinoisOklahomaUtah

SHOW # 1647 JANUARY 25 2013
So, Matt Damon finally appeared on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night and it was tremendous.  If you didn't see the show, essentially, Damon hosted the entire show while Jimmy was tied to a chair.  It was a funny show and, frankly, Damon could probably host a late- night TV show.  Hell, Leno can do it, so how hard can it be?  Same could be said about a radio talk show.  We do it everyday, proving that yes, any idiot could do this!  There are a lot of jobs out there that we not only would LIKE to do, but believe we COULD do... and do it well.  We're probably wrong, but we all have those thoughts and that's what today's question was all about; whether it's a celebrity, an athlete, a mogul, a mascot or your neighbor, we wanted to know:  IF YOU COULD TAKE OVER ONE PERSON'S JOB FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD IT BE?
As we predicted, the first answer of the day was none other than Hugh Hefner
Michael Moore... he doesn't like Michael Moore, so he wanted to be Michael Moore so that he could quit the documentary business
As a medical marijuana delivery driver, he believes that he has the job everyone wants.  I wouldn't want to deliver weed all day, I'd like to smoke it everyday... so I do
Dennis Hoff... owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch
Joe Buck... wants to call a baseball game but wants to do it with something Joe Buck has no concept of; emotion
Would like to be a commentator for the WWE
Wants Barack Obama's job... I think being the President would be the LAST job I'd ever want.  Just think about all the actual crap you'd have to deal with; special interests, a childish Congress, an ill- informed public, and all the crap that we don't know about.  Honestly, it seems like the worst job in the world. 
Who's job would he like for a day?  Guy Fieri... he can eat tons of crap too, but would like to get paid for it
He's currently a teacher but wants to be the principal... mostly because he believes that principals do very little
Much like me, he'd like to be any of the astronauts on the International Space Station.  It's how you can "get away from it all"
OK bitches, that's a wrap... or is it a rap?  Whatever.  Either way, I'm outta here for the weekend.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"

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