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SHOW # 2134 APRIL 8 2015
"Hola amigos,   "Two and a Half Men" star Jon Cryer revealed that when Ashton Kutcher was signed as his co-star, he and Kutcher met to test their chemistry.  Why?  Well, when Ashton was seven years old, Jon was dating (f**king) his future wife.  From the outside looking in, that's funny and creepy... but mostly funny, but also, it makes them "Eskimo brothers".  Anyway, they figured it out... although Kutcher and Demi separated during his time on the show.  Aw well.  WHO WERE YOU SURPRIED TO FIND OUT WAS YOUR ESKIMO BROTHER OR SISTER?   Current girlfriend used to date Joba Chamberlain... a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers.  He's ugly as sin... all apologies to sin     He and his sister's boyfriend both slept with the same woman.  Not sure how that came up or went down, exactly.   Hooked up with a girl at a party.  Came downstairs and three dudes yelled "ESKIMO BROTHER!"   His cousin made 'first contact' with his girlfriend   With a former professional hockey player   Was having relations (such a stupid term for it) with his friend's sister.  Found at that he was Eskimo brothers with James Franco, who would fly her to various movie sets for sex   He's Eskimo brothers with Thomas Lennon, a.k.a. Lt. Dangle on "Reno 911".   Met a guy who was his Eskimo brother via two different women.  We asked him if he'd slept with anyone his Eskimo brother hadn't and he admitted that he just stopped asking.    Slept with the mother of his brother's fiancé  Jiggity.     STONE TEMPLE PILOTS Chester Bennington (formerly of Linkin Park) and Robert DeLeo of Stone Temple pilots dropped by the studio today as they kick off their North American tour tonight in Seattle.  And what better way to get them amped up than to talk to us?  We've interviewed them both before, but separately.  Chester was a part of a different project (not Linkin Park) and Robert was in Army of Anyone.  Here's a link (probably) to the interview.   MIKE HAWK For the first time in 10 years, the Men's Room has added a member of the show.  He goes my the name Mike Hawk (say it three- times- fast) and he works mostly in the background, doing a lot of our dirty work.  Anyway, last Friday and this past Monday, Thee Ted Smith took some time off and Mike Hawk filled in in the phone-screening room and for 'Ted vs The FCC' duties.  He lost, by the way.  Ah, so people have been asking who Mike Hawk is, and we addressed that today on the air.  That being said, if you have any questions about Mike Hawk, send us an email with subject, 'questions about Mike Hawk'.    On that note, I'm outta here, bitches.   Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"  
SHOW # 2133 APRIL 7 2015
Hola amigos,   We do a little segment everyday on this show called "Go Fund Yourself" where we try to spread the word for people who find themselves in an unfortunate situation and are reaching out for support.  Case- in- point, on Monday, March 30, we shared the story of a baby (Aria) being born four months premature because her parents were in a car accident.   A 'friend' of theirs (aptly named Casey FAKER) stole the money from their go fund meaccount... money that was originally raised to help with medical bills...  before becoming a fund for baby Aria's funeral.  It's a messed up story, but it inspired today's question:  WHEN DID SOMEONE DO YOU DIRTY?   Someone backed into his car while it was parked at school and didn't leave a note.  That's an annoying thing, but ask yourself honestly if you would have left a note if you knew you could get away with it.  Would you keep a duffle bag full of cash if you found it?  Would you turn it in?  If you're curious, you bet your sweet ASS I'm keeping the cash!   Stayed at a friend's place for a week while he was in between places.  Woke up early every morning to clean the cat's litter box.  On the last day, he took a sh*t IN the litter box.  It was a prank, you see.  He'd convinced his friend that the cat wasn't pooping, so on that last day, his friend thought the giant turd was the cat's.  And like any good friend, he captured it on video.    I applaud that.   Trained a new guy at work to replace another co-worker.  Turns out he trained his own replacement.  You were done dirty, my man.  No doubt about it.     His longtime friend tried to get with his ex wife.  They're not friends anymore.  Gotta wonder how many times his 'friend' waxed the carrot to his wife while they were married.    Helped a woman pay for gas at a gas station.  Felt good about himself until he returned to his car and realized that the woman had stolen the contents of his glove box.  Karma owes you a little something. OR you owed karma.   His mother stole his tax return when he was 18.  She "helped" him do them and then kept the return... which she'd wired to her account.  Reminds me, Mother's Day is coming up.    Her husband cheated on her with four different women.  All four women were related in some way to his own best friend, including his best friend's two mistresses, daughter's friend and wife.  I don't even know where to begin.    SIT AND SPIN Jolene joins us every Tuesday for Sit and Spin... and because she can't keep her hands off of us.  We're that sexy.   Today we reviewed the top 10 shows coming to town that AREN'T Pain in the Grass.  And by the 'top' shows, well, we didn't really mean that either.  Here's a link to the list: The other thing Sit and Spin accomplished today was the unexpected arrival of Refer Man. If you heard him, you understand.     My balls itch.   Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!
SHOW # 2119 MARCH 18 2015
"Hola,   To the delight of and at the request of no one on this Earth, Randy Quaid and his equally insane wife Evi, recorded and released a sex tape.  The inherent flaw in their sex video is that it features THEM.  And worse, they do a little bit of everything for your viewing (dis)pleasure, including a particularly disturbing scene where Randy wraps a belt around his wife's neck while she pleasures herself with a vibrator... while he explains that this is how David Carradine died.  If that's not distracting enough (and it's not) it should be noted that their dog is in the room and is barking the ENTIRE time.  It's frankly, the worse sex tape ever and should NOT be seen.  I'm not even offering a link to it because I don't hate you.   The video did inspire today's question:  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, 'I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT?'   I think I agreed with each and every answer given.  Here are a few examples:   His drunk buddy dropped his pants at a party to show everyone the golf ball- sized cyst on his back just above his butt crack.  Cysts, by the way, are NEVER awesome to see   Big woman at Wal- Mart wearing her sweatpants inside- out... there was a poop stain on the butt   Discovered mom's "big purple dildo" on her bed.  Parents, PLEASE put your sex toys away.  I do!   Walked in on his female roommate masturbating to 'Sons of Anarchy'... on HIS leather chair   The 'movie' "2 Girls, One Cup"   Wandered into the locker room at the gym and the first thing he saw was an old man's testicles   Walked into the COMPANY bathroom to discover his co-worker FULLY naked, washing his junk in the sink.  If that wasn't bad enough, he also had a silver c*ck ring   A woman got on the bus TODAY with a FRESH poop stain on the back of her skirt.  Everyone on the bus opened their windows because the poop was THAT fresh   Caught her cousin pooping in the front yard.  He was gonna leave it, but she made him dig a hole and dispose of it.  WTF?!?   Works at a mental hospital and walked in on a guy masturbating in the common area... to the movie 'Frozen'... I've seen the movie about 1000 times and there is NOTHING that should lead one to masturbate.  Nothing... not a single thing   Yea, it was that kind of day... full of visuals that, in retrospect, aren't that awesome to entertain.  Today's question was one that reminds us here on the show to remember that sometimes you'll regret what you ask.  Sure, we laughed a lot, but that was always followed with a gag reflex that threatened to call our guts out of our mouths.  OK, now that I'm thoroughly disgusted, it's time to say adios... adios.   Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
SHOW # 2114 MARCH 10 2015
"Hola,   Certainly you've heard by now that Harrison Ford crash- landed his plane on a golf course after suffering engine failure.  He suffered a fractured pelvis, a broken ankle and cuts to his forehead, but he's expected to make a full recovery.  Well, his wife, Calista Flockhart, has, according to 'sources', forbidden him from flying anymore.  Again, it was engine trouble, not anything he did, but when you're dealing with a significant other, logic, rationale, and common sense are usually the last things to come into play.  So now, like so many of us before him, Harrison will either give up his years- long hobby to keep his wife quiet OR he'll continue to enjoy his hobby and have to put up with the nagging.  It's how it goes.  So with that in mind, we wanted to know:  WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING OR WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK?   Here are some of the answers to that question:   After 2 years of dating, she stopped shaving her arms... not her arm pits, mind you, just her arms.  I don't know that I've dated anyone who has NEEDED to shave their arms.  The image in my head is horrible.  How hairy were this woman's arms?!?    Wanted him to stop smoking weed and cigarettes and to stop driving fast cars.  In return, she gave up nothing.  Sounds about right   Can't get his fiancé into WWE... not sure how it's a problem but he really wants her to enjoy it   Sex... woman called in and she would like to have sex twice a day, everyday.  As much as we'd all like to think we could hang, we probably couldn't, HOWEVER, we could probably (happily) give it once a day at least.  The guy she's with, according to her, has sex with her once a week at BEST... and that's if she "begs"   He's given up online porn to "save" his marriage.  It's f**king porn, man.  She shouldn't be THAT insecure.  There's a reason that porn is and continues to be the biggest money making entertainment industry   I have a hard time believing this, but he says he had to give up masturbating.  Yea, f**k that.  Masturbation is your right, bitches!  You want someone to stop masturbating, f**k them as often as they self satisfy.  Otherwise, what's the problem?  Clearly, I'm a fan of porn and masturbation!  I really am.   SIT AND SPIN   Jolene joined us today and shared with us what the top 10 artists at Woodstock were paid to play, well, Woodstock.  To give you an idea of how much less money artists used to make, just know that the top paid act, Jimi Hendrix, made $18,000.  That's it.  Consider that some hack like Kanye West charges about $100,000 just to show up anywhere.  Paris Hilton makes more than that to DJ at a party.  Paris Hilton.  WTF has happened?   Ah, so if you're interested in the full list, here's a link to Jolene's blog:   OK, I'm off!  Until tomorrow, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"  
Show # 2113 The Big Brown Blog Returns
"Hola,   Man, oh man it's been a looooooong time since I've posted the Big Brown Blog.  I've gotten many- an- email over the last year or so asking me why the Big Brown Blog wasn't being done anymore and I've finally decided to answer that question; I've been lazy.  Seriously.  That's it.  No reason beyond me just being the worthless piece of sh*t that I am.    Well, the blog is back, but don't think that I'm no longer a worthless piece of sh*t.    So, since we last spoke, plenty of interesting things have happened here, but I probably won't share most of that.  However, there is this one thing you might find interesting:  on January 26th of this year, the Men's Room officially became a syndicated radio show.  Yep.  Our ridiculousness has expanded to WCMF in Rochester, New York.  Not sure how or why it happened, but it did, and we're pretty stoked.  Here's the thing, when I was a youngster (ages 4 to 13) I lived in Rochester and WCMF was the station I listened to AND it was the station that piqued my interest in radio in the FIRST place.  So, for me personally, expanding the show to Rochester on that particular station is pretty f**king cool.    Are there any downsides to this expansion?  Not really.  I just have to make sure I stop using the names of the people there who I grew to hate.   It's like anything else; when you know someone WON'T hear what you're saying about them, it's game on, but now I have to make sure not to use their names.  Or make sure that I DO!    As a result of the syndication, we've hired another member to the Men's Room.  It's a guy named Mike, who interned with us a while back, but did a bang up job, so when our work load increased, we knew damn well that none of US wanted to do it (back to the lazy thing), so we hired Mike, and he does all the leg work that allows us to sound good in Rochester... as well as putting together questions for 'Big Dummy' and a few other things.    It's been a busy and crazy year for the show, but all of it very positive.      Anyway, the Big Brown Blog is back.  Yes, dreams really do come true... and this is not an example of that.   Alright bitches, I'll be back tomorrow.  Until then, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"