SHOW # 1720 MAY 21 2013
"Hola,
105 years ago today, in 1908, the first horror movie EVER premiered in Chicago. It was a 16 minute silent movie with a familiar name; "Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hide". The same story has been recreated over and over (think "The Incredible Hulk"), but as the FIRST horror movie, it scared the living bejesus out of people and a new genre was born... and we've been spending money to scare ourselves to death ever since. Most of us, however, would NOT spend money to face our REAL fears. If you're scared of heights, you probably don't visit the Space Needle, if you're scared of clowns, it's unlikely you wanna go to the circus and if you're scared of snakes, well, the reptile house at the zoo is probably not for you. Everyone has a fear or a phobia and today we didn't just wanna know WHAT you were scared of, we also wanted to know how and when you figured out that you were scared of it: WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST AND WHEN DID YOU DISCOVER YOU'RE A SISSY- BITCH?
Spiders... grew up in So Cal where there are tarantulas... his grandfather put one on his shoulder when he was a kid and he hasn't been OK since
Clowns... like a lot of kids, she saw "It" and was ruined... a few months later she was at a parade and a clown charged at her. That didn't help
Being choked... his MMA buddy choked him out once and it freaked him out
Tornadoes... generally, being scared of a tornado wouldn't take any explanation because, you know, it's a f**king tornado, but in this case, he had to hide under an overpass at age 13 while a tornado whirled overhead. Said it was him and a bunch rats and mice hiding together
Like me, he has a healthy respect (absolute fear) of chimpanzees. They're furry murderers
Solitary confinement
Eels... he was snorkeling in Hawaii when an eel popped out and scared the sh*t out of him
In spite of (a) being a lifelong fan of horror movies and (b) 24- years- old, 'Paranormal Activity' scared him to the point that couldn't sleep until he drove to his parents house and crashed on their sofa
Terrified of being trapped in a falling elevator... one trip to Disney Land's Tower of Terror did the trick
Bugs in general, but centipedes in particular
Honey Buckets...his cousin once locked him in one and tipped it over. He went down a 100 foot embankment, covered in blue stuff and poop. Got all manner of infections, etc, spent a few weeks in the hospital
His own blood... not the sight of blood itself, but his own blood
Scared of feet... human feet. It's weird because we're assuming she has 2 of them
SIT AND SPIN
In honor of Doors' keyboardist Ray Manzarek passing from cancer, we decided to pay homage to the top 10 rock ORGAN songs. Top THAT!
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, slap and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
SHOW # 1719 MAY 20 2013
"Hola,
It's Monday, so we asked the Monday Random Question, so, as always, I won't cover them all. Instead, here's a few things we learned today:
Sex toys aren't weird unless it takes more than 4 batteries or is more than 12 inches long.
Streaking through a supermarket ends about as well as you'd think.
If Ted is willing to enter the "Smallest Penis Competition" in Brooklyn, New York, I will buy his plane ticket to go. It's real competition and my offer is true. Will he?
If Miles were a polygamist, he'd have 3 wives, named Tammy, Donna and Dawn.
What you call your taint, is actually called a 'perineum'. FCC forbids the word 'taint' on-air, but it occurred to us that we had no idea what that weird little ridge was actually called. Now we know... and will be saying it at every opportunity. PERINEUM!
Would you drink beer if you had to drink it out of a penis- shaped squeeze bottle?
Jeetz has not gotten a tan in Alaska.
OK bitches, I'm outta here.
Until tomorrow, jiggle it just a little and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
SHOW #1718 05-17-13
Hola,
So here's a new term for something that anyone in a relationship is already aware of; it's called "Netflix adultry"... which is the act of watching an episode of a TV show without our significant other... even though they'd wanted to watch it with you. It's not limited to TV shows, of course. Ever watch a movie on on- demand or whatever, only to hear, "I wanted to watch that!", followed by a reprimand for being insensitive? Or maybe you decided that you wanted to eat something different than your partner for dinner and it becomes a "thing". There are certain things that, for, whatever reason, your partner thinks you MUST do together, and that's what we wanna know today: WHAT DOES YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER INSIST YOU DO TOGETHER... OR INSIST YOU DO APART?
Oddly, his insists on going with him to strip clubs... doesn't think he'll cheat (it's a strip club, after all, not a brothel) but she loves strip clubs. He doesn't want her to go because SHE spends too much money
In addition to EVERYTHING ELSE he does, she ALSO wants to accompany he and a friend to the gym. That's the one he hates most
His girl insists on going to his favorite bar with him... which removes it as his 'favorite' bar
Her boyfriend likes to watch tv togehter, however, he talks through all of the shows and it drives her crazy
Her husband insists that SHE hang out with him and his friends (???) but she hates his friends.
She hadn't given it much thought until we asked the question today, but it occured to her that she and her husband do absolutely nothing together. We're sure HE was aware of that and we hope we didn't ruin it for him
Both he and his wife reace cars, however, they never race together
His wife wants to do EVERYTHING together, to a "maddening degree". What's up with that?
OK bitches, the weekend is here. Let's it get cracka- lackin'. Shout out to Kevin from Metal Shop, who has filled in dutifully for Ben all week while Ben spent time in Spain for his honeymoon. Anyway, check out Metal Shop, bitches and give Kevin some love. Say whatever you want to Ian.
Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!
SHOW #1717 05-16-13
Hola,
A woman in Edmonds was arrested earlier this week and is facing animal cruelty charges. Yea, she had 14 dogs, but was only legally allowed to own 5, but that's not why her neighbor tipped off police. See, she was FIGHTING dogs on her property and after years of hearing the abuse, a neighbor made a vidoe and told the police. Earlier this week in Port Angeles, a guy named Barry Swengle was in a longstanding dispute with neighbors over property lines and a fence. His response was to hop in a bulldozer and completely demolish his neighbors' house and cars. And yesterday in Georgia burned down his neighbor's house because he believed that that neighbor wasn't taking good enough care of his "unkempt" lawn. With these stories in mind: WHAT WOULD YOU STEAL OR DESTROY OF YOUR NEIGHBORS?
His neighbors are (Gypsy) hoarders and he would like to knock down their home and completely clear the lot
Wants to steal his neighbor's wife for one, passionate, hot, sexy, sweaty, smelly night of monkey sex
Wants to specifically destroy his neighbor... not his property, but the man himself
Would like to destroy his neighbor's "ugly" car. It's a classic car that hasn't been and, seeminly, will never be, restored
As a result of his neighbor's love for country and western music played at a high volume, he'd really like to steal their stereo and speakers and destroy them
Wants to destroy his neighbor's yappy little terrier because, frankly, it acts like a yippy little terrier. My neighbor has a yippie little f*king terrier and, seriously, I hate that thing
Wants his neighbor's "big- ass" flat screen TV. He feels like his neighbor is tempting him since he always watches the tv with the curtains open
Would very much like to steal his neighbor's karaoke machine... not because HE sings karaoke, but because he hates listening to his neighbors sing karaoke
Likes his neighbors just fine, but she hates their trees
Windchimes... doesn't mind or two, but his neighbors have a yard FULL of them and he would like to destroy them all
OK bitches, frankly, I have to sh*t, so I'm gonna go ahead and say 'peace'. Peace!
Until tomorrow, slap yo pappy and STAY BEAUTIFUL!"
SHOW #1716 5-15-13
Hola,
If you're planning a trip to Disney World, you know you're gonna spend a lot of money and you know you're gonna stand in line for hours for a crack at riding the rides. Well a company called Dream Tours Florida can help reduce how long you're stuck in line. See, for $180 an hour or $1040 for 8 hours, Dream Tours Florida will give you a HANDICAPPED tour guide. Under Disney policy, a guest in a wheelchair can take up to six other people with them into special access lines... which take only minutes instead of hours.
Before you get outraged at their 'new' service, you should know it's an OLD service, and Manhattan elites have been taking advantage of it for years. Now you know. We all recognize that celebrities have a different set of laws that apply (or do not apply) to them, but every- once- in- a- while they ARE subject(ed) to the same justice as the rest of us, and on those rare occurences, the celebrities try to play their status card. Think of America's "sweetheart", Reese Witherspoon's encounter in Georgia. Based on her status she didn't believe that aithority applied to her. Ridiculous. Anyway, it leads to today's question: IF NEED BE, WHAT CARD CAN YOU WHIP OUT AND WHAT ADVANTAGE DO YOU GET FROM IT?
His father was a Seattle City cop and he would drop his name everytime he got into trouble... and he got into trouble a lot. He was even busted for drugs and weapons but avoided doing any time as a result of his paternal hook- up. However, his father eventually forbade him from using his name anymore.
He's a disabled veteran and can visit any National park for free. I'm not sure that's the greatest payback for his service, but he likes it
Uses his military status to get out of DUI's... or, in other words, he drives drunk too much
Works in the world of deliveries, and as a result, he can pretty much park anywhere, anytime... whether he's delivering anything or not
He's actually disabled and waits in line for nothing
She has boobs... big, lovely ones... and she uses them to her advantage as much as possible.
He's from Michigan, and his family runs one of the wealthiest businesses in the state... they make seats, but they make seats for planes, trains, cars, stadiums, arenas, etc. Gets special treatment at lots of different events
As a result of being a Native American, she gets free medical and dental
OK bitches, I'm outta here! I shall return.
Until tomorrow, hit it and quit it and STAY BEAUTIFUL!
